UltraViolet
by Wildeve of the Heath
Summary: Something about fighting Krista excited Ymir, leaving her wondering if she didn't lay on the floor that there would be more to come. Her strength was already worn down as a bead of sweat trickled down her face, she wiped it away. She glanced at Erwin for a moment, then fell to one knee to rest. "I want this one to be my co-pilot." PACIFIC RIM/SNK - RP COLLAB
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

UltraViolet

Something about fighting Krista excited Ymir, leaving her wondering if she didn't lay on the floor that there would be more to come. Her strength was already worn down as a bead of sweat trickled down her face, she wiped it away. She glanced at Erwin for a moment, then fell to one knee to rest. "I want this one to be my co-pilot."

A/N: This is a collaboration with Reservation Red, updates are based on how often we reply...go check out her stuff and yeah, enjoy this!

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Date: March 12 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2000

Ymir scuffed her boot against a step of the stairs, she nonchalantly glanced down at the more ruined edge before continuing on. Brow covered in sweat, the heat of California battered her far worse than the burn off of a flamethrower- she wished they were posted somewhere colder, like Alaska or somewhere farther north. Russia would be too much-

Her thoughts had been traveling far nowadays. At first, acceptance into the Defense Corps with Ilse was thrilling, they had the opportunity to take what they had been doing all their lives to a new level; Ilse as the theorist and Ymir as the practitioner, though both participated equally in both sides.

Sides included being Jaeger pilots, full-time Rangers.

Ymir was heavier built than Ilse, more stocky and hardened, more rougher in mind and thought. She thought less of the situation later on, only choosing to focus on the now; opposite of that, Ilse was a calculating woman, she always made sure to think ahead, she had more of the brains than Ymir when it came to strategies. Without Ilse, Ymir wouldn't have made it through their first drop on sheer power alone.

Now the brains was gone, Ymir had lost her head quite literally.

It all started six months ago.

Back in the dock below her, Ilse and several other researchers were busily calibrating the newest designed Jaeger, one that Ymir sketched out herself and had Ilse take care of the rest. She was the one who took care of the technical stuff, Ymir simply just made it look good- the Defense Corps approved their blueprints via design team.

It went through numerous changes but overall, it kept the semblance of what Ymir started with the night she had one too many shots. Now her pride and joy was sitting in its hold, still not being deployed.

Again, dragging back to six months before, Ilse had formulated an offshoot plan to create a machine to be piloted by a single individual as this particular design was smaller than most Jaegers. It sounded convincing at first, up until the woman suffered severe brain damage from attempting to Drift alone- what was that girl thinking?

Ilse died a few weeks later.

Ymir paused and gazed over the railing and past the sparks that flew off of workers trying to weld pieces together, there it was; the Titan, it was a lame name but easy to pronounce, and downright powerful too. But the stature of it was anything far from being a titan itself. She walked on, eyes still fixated on the metal plates- this was all she had left of Ilse, the last thing they had worked on together.

The Titan underwent various changes to accommodate two pilots, not one.

Today was the day Ymir would be selecting her co-pilot.

Fists clenching, she brought one to her brow to wipe away her sweat again to make her way to the bridge.

Krista felt sweat roll down her neck and back as she unzipped her work jumpsuit. She stepped away from the knee joints of the Jaeger, letting the top of her suit fall down. She never knew it got so hot down in California. Up in Seattle, days like this were rare and far between.

She was starting to miss the constant dreary rain.

She sat at the edge of her platform as the davit pulled her up and away. She watched as the Jaeger became active.

"Hydraulic evaluation commencing in twenty seconds," the intercom announced as workers moved from the Jaeger.

Steam and exhaust vented from it as she reached the designated floor with a shake. Its fumes finally hitting her as the heat became unbearable. She hid her face behind her arm, but kept her eyes downward.

The Jaeger commenced the neural handshake. Nothing was out of place.

A foot moved.

Weight shifted.

A deafening bang sent everyone reeling and cupping their ears despite the earplugs. Krista cursed as she stood up, walking over to the floor manager who was frowning.

"Goddammit! What the fuck was that now?!" He roared as the Jaeger was sent back and deactivated. The crew was upon it in swarms, looking at the joint that had caused the abnormal noise. He caught Krista's gaze.

"Lenz," he directed his question to her.

"If I had to guess, aeration, sir." She stiffened, the pit of her stomach growing cold and hard.

"The pump inlet must have some damage from the last encounter that the crew might've missed. We will re-assess the intake lines." She could see his gaze harden at her.

"We've been having the same goddamn problem for the past two days. Either you and your crew figure it the fuck out, or get the fuck out. We can't have some fucking Jaeger falling over with a goddamn bad knee! Do I make myself clear?!"

The floor manager threw his clipboard to his assistant.

"We'll continue this later!" He began to walk off as his assistant fidgeted.

"Sir, the Marshal wants this done today." The assistant cowered as the floor manager stomped back and stared at his assistant.

"I'm not telling him this. Fuck that. You, Lenz, since it's your screw up, take the blame! Go to the Marshal, now!"

Krista frowned.

"Sir?" Never once had she been told to leave the floor. Let alone go and take the heat for someone else's mistakes. It wasn't her fault he kept firing her experienced crew members over small reasons. Now it was her turn for the chopping block.

"You heard me. Go!" He waved her off. Krista frowned but nodded. She went through the hallways till she was alone.

When she first heard about the Jaeger program, she immediately set forth to signing up. She had worked herself to the core every day at the gym with a hired trainer. She was able to get tutors to help her with mechanics as she prepared herself for the testing.

She was going to be in the front lines for humanity. She would embody hope against the Kaiju.

In the end, she was disqualified due to low physical evaluation. She was given a position to be a technical mechanic instead.

She kept reminding herself that it was close enough.

Close enough.

Krista kicked a trash can nearby and kept marching towards the Marshal's office and stopped. Where was the Marshal's office?

Krista kicked the trash can again and clenched her jaw. Sweat was already back on her as she wiped it off with her hand and smeared it onto her suit.

"Goddammit," she muttered under her breath.

The people she sparred with...they were weak, lame, hardly worth even breathing the same air as her.

She whipped her pole once more at the last move.

"4-0," the referee announced as a crowd clapped softly at Ymir's final victory. "That is all."

"Get me a new set!" Ymir nearly shouted to the Marshal, hands shaking in frustration. Every one of them she clashed with increased her anger, she wished Ilse was back, they'd be fighting by now, winning, just as they always had been. None of these idiots were compatible, she glared down at the young man that was flat on his back; he scrambled to his feet and staggered away with a limp.

Only half an hour in here and she was done.

Erwin evaluated her movements, though he spoke with a calm demeanor, his voice was laced in disappointment,"At least try to form a dialogue with them, Ranger-"

"None of these people are good enough," Ymir hissed as she went to stand by him, arms folded over the pole she used to prop herself up. Next to her, at her feet, was a bundle of her own clothes, it was too hot to slap them on, too hot to bother with them. She wiped her forehead and looked on, aloof of all of the failures that feebly threw worried glances at her.

Her deployment had been delayed because of this, because of all the failures. Every one of them, no matter how far they were brought in from all over the world, were poor matches; Erwin wasn't even looking at their papers at this point, it was like he was pulling them out from a hat.

She brushed her bangs away.

"If we can't get you someone in a week, we'll have to replace your position altogether," he broke to her.

Her lips curled into a snarl- he couldn't do that, she didn't want anyone else piloting that Jaeger except her; it was all she had left, all of Ilse sat in that metal. She gripped the wood harder, nails digging into it. Slowly and bitterly, she said to him,"Then get me a street rat, someone who can fight, don't have to be certified."

"Langnar, you know that's not an option," he started. "Each of these machines..."

As he explained himself, Ymir's eyes drifted to the door to the right, one that led into the main hallway. It opened, hesitantly at first, then all the way to reveal a small blond; Ymir's head perked up at her, wondering if she were another candidate.

Krista frowned as she found herself in a room full of the Rangers. Up in front of everyone was the Marshal. She quickly made her way to him, patting down any loose hairs before stepping in front of the crowd.

"Sir," she gave a short salute.

"I have news regarding—" her eyes went over to the woman beside him. She was sweaty and looking rather angry. Krista averted her eyes back to the Marshal.

"—the Crimson Butterfly. The joint keeps having aeration problems. I am disappointed that my crew was unable to fix it the first time." Despite being sweaty and hot, she felt her cheeks flush more.

The fact she had to strip herself of her pride in front of others made her upset.

It wasn't even her job to do this.

To be disciplined in front of the Rangers no less…

Her eyes glanced back over at the woman's adamant look. She almost gave a steely one back.

"Who's this?" Ymir inquired sharply, though she was intrigued by the new prospect.

"Krista Lez, mechanic," Krista stated immediately.

"Here for a try out?"

"N...not exactly-"

Ymir could already tell by her build that she was more than a mechanic, her arms weren't lean but rather defined; regardless, she had the urge to finish up one more fight.

"I want to fight her," Ymir said.

Erwin checked his list, then back at Krista; he truly was pulling names out of a hat when he motioned for Krista, his hand going towards the rack of poles.

"Excuse me, sir?" Krista's eyes were wide as the other girl was sizing her up. She was already on the fighting pad.

"It seems you cannot keep up with the work conditions and requirements out on the floor." Erwin said, tucking his clipboard under his arm. "Prove you're worth being in the front lines for humanity instead."

Krista's jaw was clenched.

"Your name?" His ink pen clicked as he didn't even look up at her.

"Krista Lenz." She repeated as she was tearing her jumpsuit off and throwing it off to the side.

She grabbed a spare pole and went to the mat. She felt her knuckles ache at her grip as she stood.

"Alright, Lenz, entertain Miss Langnar for us." His eyes rested on the two.

Krista gave a quick flourish, remembering the weight of it. She kept her eyes locked to the woman before her. Sighing, she focused on the match. How long ago had it been since she did this? It felt ages ago.

Sweat beaded down her neck as she stood still, keeping her pole at the ready and her other hand up, palming the air.

They started off at their respected spots.

The referee voiced out,"Go."

"Don't tell me this is all you have to offer," Ymir said loudly to Erwin as the audience stopped to watch, wondering how badly Ymir could waste the blond. Ymir hefted the pole lightly, twirling it skillfully while approaching the center to intimidate the blond. Her raw power had so much control to channel it into graceful yet devastating flourishes.

She stopped and waited for no more than a second, she took the first swing, aiming for Krista's waist as the blond never moved from her position in the middle.

"1-0," came the voice, Ymir stepped back and had her pole at her side, ready to be drawn like a sword.

"It's not much fun if you just stand there," Ymir sneered, expression showing nothing but pure boredom; was this serious an easy fight?

Krista felt the sweat drip down to her jaw line. The pole swung and stopped by her side. She kept staring at the woman's eyes.

"1-0."

After seeing a sample of the woman's style, Krista stepped forward. She held her sword downward and circling to the right. She quickly slapped the sword against Ymir's until they were locked. She kept moving until they were close together.

The poles shook from the force.

Krista knew she wouldn't last in a battle of strength. Shifting her gravity, she shot her foot out to slam it against Ymir's ankle. The woman was fast and avoided it but not without retreating enough to give Krista room to work. Krista stumbled at the unexpected speed from her disrupted center of gravity.

Krista steadier herself but gasped, finding the woman already advancing on her from behind.

She was too fast.

Krista braced for the pole and saw the woman over extended slightly. Krista made use of it and quickly reached behind her and grabbed the woman's upper arm with her left hand. She dropped the pole in her right and quickly whipped her elbow toward Ymir.

The tall woman shot her head back to avoid the elbow that narrowly avoided her face. Her hands went up to grab Krista's elbow, but it was going in a full arch to her held arm.

Ymir attempted to pull away, but Krista predicted this. Following the flow of Ymir's arm pull, she twisted it and shot her elbow into the joint enough to cause an opening. In one swift motion, Krista was holding Ymir's arm against the woman's back. She was wrenching it upward with one arm and the other hand held the side of Ymir's face.

Using the weight and force of struggle, Krista threw Ymir down in the way the woman was trying to pull away.

Ymir recovered but not without Krista holding her pole at Ymir's face.

"1-1."

"Damn," Ymir hissed, surprised by the short woman having skills that were efficient.

The pole was lifted away from her and Ymir got up while shrugging away the stinging numbness in her joint. Not one person managed to score one against her throughout the entire time, she could feel the anticipated breaths of the onlookers, each of them wondering how she would deal with the girl. Ymir sighed and repositioned herself; the only other person to beat her every time was Ilse.

She tried to imagine that sister standing in front of her, tried to remember how Ilse would take her down.

Instead, she lunged forth, her pole resting gently in one palm as she swung it, aiming for Krista's head, but the blond deflected it and shot her hand out to her weakened joint; Ymir whirled about, stooping low to swipe her foot towards the back of the girl's knee. Krista immediately undid herself and hopped out of her foots range.

For that moment she was in the air, Ymir used her weight to thrust her grappled arm downwards, hefting Krista onto her back. Instantly, Ymir pressed a barefoot against her wrist, the one connected to the hand that held her pole. Ymir was able to wrench her arm away and readied to strike the end of her pole downwards as she cage her in place with her body, stopping only a hair away from Krista's nose.

"2-1."

"You're breaking my record," Ymir huffed as she got up and stepped away.

Krista felt her hold her breath when Ymir was above her. She felt her face flush as she stood up, brushing herself off. She tucked her hair behind an ear, feeling it starting to stick to her face.

It had been a long time since she did this. She felt at ease despite her job being on the line.

Krista didn't say anything to the woman about breaking her record. She felt herself swell in pride that she at least held one point.

Once they were back in their spots, Krista held her pole up in front of her with both hands. They were signaled to start. Krista knew Ymir was already catching on so she'd have to bait an initiation to counter. She could only hope her luck and skill would allow her to shift it to her advantage.

Krista shot forward, holding her pole and arms out too far to see if Ymir would take it. It would make her vulnerable—the move itself was a double edge sword with unpredicted balance.

Immediately, Ymir's hand was around her left hand—her non dominant, a good move—and shot it upward with Krista's pole and cocked her wrist, making her drop her pole. Krista used Ymir's pull as momentum for her right leg to kick upward. Her leg flew by Ymir's face. Trying to gain advantage, Ymir took Krista's left leg and tried to pull her down, but Krista hooked her right leg onto Ymir's arms, throwing her down with.

They hit the ground with Ymir on top and moving to pin, but Krista used her grapple on Ymir's left arm to roll them into another roll. Once Ymir was underneath her, she locked Ymir's right arm into a hold. She could feel Ymir's face flush against her lower abdomen and uncomfortable hot breath.

"2-2."

Krista withdrew her upper body from Ymir's arm and face. She was straddling her left arm and looking down at Ymir's freckled face.

She felt Ymir shift and Krista stood up, allowing them both to retrieve their poles.

As Krista got up, Ymir felt her abdomen throb from the girl's sudden weight. She hauled herself onto her feet; she was feeling exhausted for once, the kind of fatigue she only got from Ilse. She promised herself that if the girl manages to earn a point above her, she would stop the fight. She gathered her wits again, she was signaled to start once more.

She decided to come in aggressively, striking her pole against her all the while keeping her distance. Their clacking bangs resonated throughout the room as Ymir let out haggard grunts as she struck quickly, trying to tire Krista out. With each hit for the girl keeping up with her, she could feel the pole on the other end beginning to grow slack.

Her strikes increased tenfold in speed and strength, up until they locked against one another; by then, Krista's arms were shaking. Ymir made to withdraw and hit her once more but she backed away to swing the pole at her again, resuming her barrage to exhaust her.

Krista felt her arms weaken. The woman's relentless attacks were wearing on her. If she didn't hurry, she'd run out of strength and Ymir would win. Krista caught what little breath she could get when they were locked. She could see the resolve in the woman's gaze. Krista gulped down air when she returned to fighting with blind passion.

If Krista wanted to strike she had to now or she'd lose and not be able to go for another round.

Ymir took another strike, but Krista dropped her pole. Ymir's pole went narrowly by her right arm, almost slapping against her hand. Krista used this opportunity to hook her arm under Ymir's right arm. With the last of her strength, she jumped and used momentum to swing up and around onto Ymir's back with a newly found grapple on the woman's arm.

Ymir quickly went to defend her immobilized right arm and Krista threw her left foot around Ymir's left arm, holding it in place.

For the people around them, in the split second this position was held, it looked like an awkward piggy back ride. Ymir pulled with all her might to free her right hand. Krista grabbed and held Ymir's elbow and pushed her weight with Ymir's pull. The two fell but not without Ymir forcing the two to land on Krista's back.

A pop was heard but the two rolled again until they were still—Krista's legs hooked around Ymir's head and right arm that was held by Krista's hands.

"2-3."

Immediately, she released and let herself fall fully onto the ground. She was breathing and sweating profusely.

And her back, oh fuck!

Her back!

Krista groaned in pain.

It wasn't broken, but did she do something to it!

"Shit," she groaned, rolling onto her stomach. She couldn't go for another round which meant she lost by default.

She'd lose her job. Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to steady her breathing.

Ymir panted and stood above her, watching her, she didn't bother going back to her spot.

Krista's eyes still held tears as some fell, but she quieted her groaning. As she tried to stand, it only hurt more. She stayed on the ground as she tried to listen.

"I've had enough," she huffed, a sly grin danced upon her lips. Something about fighting the girl excited her, leaving her wondering if she didn't lay on the floor that there would be more to come. Her strength was already worn down as a bead of sweat trickled down her face, she wiped it away. She glanced at Erwin for a moment, then fell to one knee to rest. "I want this one to be my co-pilot."

"She's just a mechanic," Erwin started,"but I remember her face, she didn't qualify to be a Ranger-"

"She's qualified for me," Ymir pressed on.

Krista stiffened when Ymir said she made her decision. Krista's head shot up to stare at Erwin with her mouth open.

He didn't argue against her. They were pressed on time and, with Ymir's need for a compatible partner adding to the mix, he couldn't refuse her demand. He quickly wrote down her name to the list and circled it.

Krista regurgitated her regrets as she bit back more tears, but she held her gaze. When Ymir forced Erwin's hand, Krista felt her eyes finally release the torrents. A great sense of pride and relief left her falling back onto the ground, shaking.

Ymir sighed heavily and looked back at Krista.

She couldn't place her tongue on it as the medics rushed in to lift Krista onto a cot.

Krista didn't fight the medics that brought her on a cot, even if it was excessive. She kept her hands covering her face until she felt like she'd suffocate and die of a heat stroke.

Once she was laying there groaning once more, Ymir brought herself to stand up to lock eyes with her again.

"Not bad," Ymir praised her as she followed her, she quickly picked up her belongings, left her pole, and continued on with her. When she removed her hands, Ymir was staring at her.

She choked back tears and steadied her breathing.

"Thank you," Krista hiccuped with a big grin.

She was now a Ranger.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

A/N: So...this thing has been going on for weeks, I was just...lazy about editing the posts and compiling it for everyone to read- I currently have to wade through 12 pages worth of this at the moment, and then more in the future...I have entered a personal hell, and even as I write this, I'm notified in the top right of my screen that Reservation Red has replied.

*faceplants*

The accumulation...the struggle is real

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Date: March 12 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdom, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2100

"I need someone in my head," Ymir stated as she smiled just slightly.

The walk to the infirmary was a short one.

Once Krista was checked in to reveal she pulled a muscle, she was forced to be given two weeks of rest to recuperate and also familiarize herself with Ymir. As they sat there, Krista in bed as Ymir was on a chair nearby, the heat of the summer nipped at their skin.

Ymir brushed away at her neck with a towel as she started off,"Well...where'd you come from?"

Krista sipped on water as she sat on the bed, refusing to even think of getting under the covers. She was glad her back would recover soon enough. She grimaced at remembering it popping during their training.

When Ymir began to talk to her, she didn't seem as bad as she was before. She was actually almost smiling instead of glaring.

"I'm from Seattle, but grew up in Spokane. It's another place in Washington." She thought back to the Riverfront park there, but it was blurry. It had been a long time since she left home. She was staring at the floor and looked up to Ymir. She had strange eyes. They were like a refracting amber—dark then brown and then a gold.

"Where are you from?" Krista returned the question.

Ymir sat back deeper in her chair as she reached over to her pants to fetch a pack of cigarettes to wind herself down. She took one, lit it, and inhaled. Once the question came, she exhaled as a nurse glared at her for smoking.

Ymir ignored her as she recalled,"This shit hole called Acton, just an hour and half from here near Palmdale. I'm your genuine trailer trash." She laughed at her own joke. "Overall, it ain't a pretty place, surprised I even got here with Ilse."

She paused for a moment.

The thought of Ilse snagged a part of her mind, she grew crestfallen but hid it well behind the smoke. Yes, she was shocked they made it here, she was downtrodden that only one of them stayed. She sighed once more and took another long drag.

"You know Ilse, right?"

When Ymir mentioned a name Krista nodded.

"Yeah, she made the Titan." She knew that from the things the crew spoke of. She was apparently a Ranger too. Krista was glanced away from Ymir and the smoke. She cleared her throat.

"I know who she was to you, too." She said. She didn't apologize to Ymir about the loss, because pity was the world's worst gift given to the fallen.

"The Titan has a beautiful structure. She is unique from head to toe and hydraulics to ventilation. She was fun to work on." Krista mentioned. She recalled seeing the towering Jaeger with awe. It was styled so differently from the humanoid ones. It was an eccentric piece that went beyond function—it was a piece of artwork.

Mentioning Titan brought a new light for Ymir to look at, she lightened up.

Krista gave a small smile that they both were passionate about the Jaegers.

"I made that thing myself, drew her out and stuff, Ilse just added it and brought it to life- damn, she was brilliant," Ymir added. "Brilliant for her own good though."

Krista drew her knees up to her chest and felt her back tug in protest but stopped once she stayed in the position. She turned her head to keep looking at Ymir, watching how her eyes spoke instead of her mouth."You guys did wonderful. She's beautiful."

Ymir decided to go past the subject.

"We both studied at MIT, nearly got our agrees there but then K-Day came slamming into our faces so we dropped out to work on our own; turns out we roused enough attention back home and so we were chosen to get into the Jaeger Program two years later and then here we are, at least here I am," Ymir said conversationally.

It seemed that all the gifted and lucky made it into the Ranger system.

Krista moved her head to stare at the wall in front of her. She recalled barely getting into the program, but never made it past the training. She wasn't suited, but now…she was. Krista buried her head into her knees with a bubbly smile.

"You guys must've been quite the sight. To attract the attention of the Jaeger program in such an isolated area, so you've said it is? It must've been surprising to hear from them, too!" Krista complimented. She was lightly jealous, too, that they had the program come to them than gruelingly climb to it.

"It must have been amazing." She pulled her head from her knees with that smile still intact.

"We weren't surprised," Ymir admitted, going on,"more of relieved, y'see, we were in prison. Just at the hearing to see if we qualified for good behavior, the Marshal came in saying we were potential prospects, next thing we knew, we were busy building our Jaeger."

She seemed to have gotten a whiff of that contagious smile.

"Shit," Ymir huffed.

Krista shot her head towards Ymir.

"Prison? What did you guys do?" She blurted before she could school her expression and curiosity. She shut her mouth and stared down at her feet.

"You don't have to answer that. Sorry," she was embarrassed when she glanced back at Ymir and saw her smiling. Krista felt her lips tug as she covered her mouth with a hand.

She gave a soft giggle. She could feel the conversations pull and give.

Ymir shrugged. "It's not important, really."

Moving on.

"Why're you a mechanic? You could hold yourself against a fight pretty well, Erwin's gotta be stupid for dropping you."

Krista nodded. She wasn't surprised Ymir didn't want to explain, but she did feel a bit sad that she refused.

"Oh," Krista shifted in the bed, drawing her knees closer.

"It wasn't my first choice, but my scores showed I excelled in mechanics." She explained. She didn't want to talk much on how hard she trained and barely even surpassed the physical evaluations.

"I was the last pick and all the Jaegers were filled out by the time I could've been selected. By then, I was working with the Jaegers." She didn't go further than that. She recalled waiting for the next training to come along. She'd watch the partners go off into battle and not come back at all sometimes.

She remembered going to the training room to speak with Erwin but he was too busy to listen to her request to try again. In the end, she knew that they wiped her from the trainees and choices as a Ranger and she went back to being a part of the floor crew, nursing her pride. They said that they'd send new if an opening came, she never received one.

"I was so into the Jaegers that I forgot about training until now." She laughed.

"Hm...I nearly didn't get into the Ranger system at first, my psyche was too much for anyone to handle and Ilse wasn't geared to be a pilot in the first place (she wanted mechanics); fortunately, Ilse was actually the only one I could successfully Drift with so she was enlisted with me as a Ranger in the end since there was a shortage of hands at the time." She shrugged. "Hard to find people that are compatible for me, real hard. Six months, up until now that Erwin was ready to rip my position and Jaeger from me."

She grinned and took a longer drag at her cigarette.

"Glad you came into the wrong room, eh? Good for both of us, you got what you want and I keep what I have."

Krista nodded in agreement. She wondered what it meant that she had a hard Drift match.

"I've only heard how drifts are. I never was able to drift with anyone. I only got as far as combat compatibility."

She remembered seeing the trainees and their partners going into the room, talking, and then they'd leave but staring at each other as if they could speak through their minds.

"Is it true…you can talk in your heads to each other?" Krista played with the straps of her tank top.

Nobody knew what it was like and because of how different the pilots were to their partners, people expected that was what happened. She thought it was just talk, but the rumors made her wonder.

Krista's mind wandered as she blushed.

Did that mean they could read each other's minds and see what they were imagining? She tried to keep a straight place as her mind went to dirtier thoughts.

"Eh, something like that. It's hard to explain because once you get into someone's head, you just...know who they are, you see everything that makes them; you know how their minds work, you can read them more than anything else even when you're outside of the Jaeger," Ymir explained, recalling what she had been through before. "At times, you can feel if they're in danger..."

She remembered.

She remembered when she saw Ilse's experiment go wrong. She was in the control room for a majority of them time, she watched as Ilse sat there, apprehensive but enthusiastic to see if her theory worked.

Ymir's locked onto no particular point ahead of her. As her cigarette burned on, she ignored it while Ilse's screams began to echo through her ears. Watching those electric pulses go through her body, her eyes going bloodshot red, her entire form convulsing violently as she keened for everything to stop, it was all worse when she could practically feel her pain.

She dropped her cigarette and shook her head to rub her eyes, she could still see Ilse.

"...yeah, even outside the Jaeger, you just know."

Krista didn't know what was going through Ymir's mind. Those amber orbs weren't talking anymore.

"Oh," she said for the lack of anything else. She was sure Ymir was thinking of something bad. Krista felt herself feel anxious at the idea that Ymir would be able to truly know her. It scared her. She'd see things Krista didn't want people to question or talk about.

"Isn't it scary?" She asked.

"They'd know everything about you." Just because someone knows doesn't mean they will accept. She bit her lip and started playing with the bed's blanket between her fingers.

"Oh," she quickly turned red. She gave a shy glance at Ymir.

"If you can feel they're in danger…does that mean…you know…you can sense…if they love someone? Or…something like that?" Krista wouldn't say she was curious if the other felt sexual pleasures or not.

Her mind was still reeling on the idea of Ymir knowing how she felt, where she came from, and what she went through. She felt her hand grip the sheets.

Ymir would see Krista for all her worth and would realize what she was now wasn't her true self.

The question knocked Ymir's train of thought off of its rails, at least she was snapped back into the present. She raised a brow, wondering herself if love was a possibility to feel in the Drift.

"It's not scary, it's just another life...and about love, if hatred exists, so can love. If pain does, so does pleasure, I wouldn't be surprised if anything could be felt, again, just knowing it all can overwhelm someone. But you got to keep in mind that they're just another person, it's no different if they see anything you've done."

Ymir's words were calming. Krista released her hold on the bed and nodded.

"Right," she said with a sigh. Ymir had things she didn't say, too. They both would know each other more than anyone el—No. Ilse knew.

She smiled at Ymir.

"I hope we can drift an—"

And then it hit her.

"I will be helping to pilot the Titan." She stated with eyes wide. Out of all the Jaegers, it was her favorite. The idea of it was so farfetched that she didn't even dream of it earlier, but now…

"I will co-pilot the Titan." She shot a hand to her mouth and stared at Ymir in surprise. "Oh God."

"What are you spluttering about?" Ymir asked of her.

"I-I didn't think of it till now! I'm a ranger and your co-pilot! So, that means… I get to co-pilot Titan! It's all hitting me! I-I can't believe it!" She gave a nervous giggle. She was so wrapped up in the fact she held her ground and that her back was messed up.

"I never thought I'd get this far." She glanced away to the door way. She wanted to go start training immediately.

"When can I enter it? How soon?" Her questions shout out followed by a wide smile. She had only been on the outside of the Jaeger, never the inside.

"She must be beautiful." She tried to imagine the interior.

"You need to recuperate, after that, physical training for you; you'll be hefting tons and your body needs to withstand it," Ymir said,"but...we can test the Drift first to make sure we're compatible at all."

Krista winced at the mention of Drifting.

She wondered if Ymir would think the same about her after the drift and saw her from inside out. If she would still be considered beautiful.

Ymir glanced at the clock.

"Damn, we've been up late. You and me, we had a rough day, am I right? I'm going to head to bed, I'll be back in the morning."

-...-

Days rolled by just like Ymir as she came to visit every other day, making sure Krista was recovering properly. Though her stays weren't as lengthy as her first time there, Ymir just picked up certain things about Krista; things like how she would dance around certain subjects. She knew at the first hour that the girl was hiding something inside, then again, she had to lower her curiosity as Drifting would reveal everything.

Watching her, observing her, made Ymir realize that she hated that she could trace bullshit faster than their technology can read Kaiju signatures.

There was something else in her that Ymir couldn't help but notice throughout the conversations.

Ymir didn't exactly know why she kept visiting her, but she was compelled to see her. It was at the end of one week that Ymir decided to prod into Krista once again; she brought most of Ilse's blueprints with her this time, laying them across Krista's bed.

After two hours of this, they only went through half of them, Ymir had to ask her,"Why are you here? I mean, fighting here?"

Krista was caught off guard when Ymir asked. She had been reading a blueprint carefully and almost crinkled it in her clenching hands.

"Why else? Humanity needs people to protect it." She said. It was a vague answer, she knew, but she didn't want to venture to that topic. The scheduled date for drifting was coming closer and closer like a pendulum. Ymir would know everything soon enough. Even knowing that, she couldn't bring herself to say it.

Krista knew Ymir understood there was more. She was smart and perceptive. Putting the blue print back to its respective spot on the bed, Krista sighed. She took Ymir's hand into her own and held them. She forgot what human contact was like. She was also flattered that Ymir would come to see her most days during her recovery.

"You'll know soon enough, ok?" Her voice was somber. She glanced over at Ymir, releasing her hand.

"I'm a coward, aren't I?" She smiled but her voice betrayed the sight.

"No one's a coward in the Drift, you can't hide yourself in there," Ymir said, sighing at another failed attempt to dig a little deeper. "Personally, I'm not here to protect humanity, those animals can go fuck themselves for all I care."

"I'm sure I'll see your reasons," she spoke but took Ymir's hand again. She fanned it out to look at the pianist fingers. They were much larger than hers but still held some softness here and there.

"You have nice hands," she took the other hand and examined it. She looked at the lines on each one.

"Have you ever noticed that both your hands have different lines? Everyone's left and right is different from each other." Krista took back Ymir's right hand and traced the lines.

"Ever get your palms read?" She questioned.

Ymir tilted her head, wondering at where the blond was going with this. She didn't wrench her hand away, she let her run her fingertips over the skin; she started growing curious about what she was doing.

"Never, you do that sorta stuff?"

"I know enough to give you a small reading." Krista put Ymir's hand into her lap, tracing the long line.

"You think fast and come to conclusions without much thought. This is good, but can be bad."

Krista's thumb on her spare hand began to unconsciously rub Ymir's forearm.

"Your heart line says you put your freedom above everything else."

Krista stopped her hands with a laugh.

"You show your love through actions than words."

She glanced up at Ymir with a warm smile then back down at her palm. The room felt more comfortable to Krista. She went back to tracing and her thumb continued, too.

"It shows you're a dependable person when things are going wrong. You have a good head on your shoulders."

Krista traced the life line over and over, feeling the breaks in the otherwise strong line.

Both the heart and life line had numerous breaks in it. How many times had Ymir been hurt and betrayed?

Krista glanced up at Ymir to see she was watching.

A feeling of gentleness came through Krista as she lifted the hand to kiss the broken heart and life line.

"You have a lot of breaks in the life and heart line." She said, pulling away with a soft smile.

"It means you've had many traumatic experiences and betrayals."

She put the hand down, not sure why she had to kiss the woman's hand. It seemed appropriate to her. Maybe it wasn't.

Krista glanced away from Ymir, blushing.

Seriously, why did she do that? She fidgeted with the bed covers.

Krista had Ymir's undivided attention for the first few statements; they were flattering, she had to admit that.

But then when she reached the last one, it struck something in her, something she didn't want anyone to prod.

And when she kissed her palm, Ymir withdrew her hand instantly, her warm expression going sour as she glared at her, harshly.

It wasn't that she was mad her in particular, but she was pissed that she couldn't bring herself to accept the terms. She got up and walked away from her usual spot, her urge to smoke increased by tenfold, what the hell was that girl doing? All that voodoo shit...the fuck did they smoke up in Seattle? Ymir gritted her teeth, her thoughts lost in the past; she furiously smoked, breathing it in and out deeply to try to collect herself.

"As if it's any different from the next," Ymir murmured to herself. "The fuck."

Krista flinched when she felt Ymir shot away. She felt something catch in her throat as she held tightly to the bed. It took all her strength to look where Ymir went when she smelled smoke. The woman was off in the corner of the room, puffing and muttering something.

Krista averted her gaze.

She suddenly didn't want to be in the same room as Ymir. The familiar feeling of guilt wracked her frame as she took deep and soft breaths. She wanted to say sorry but the atmosphere suffocated her.

Krista swung her legs off the side of the bed in the opposite direction of Ymir. She sat there, wondering if she should run to the bathroom or take a walk by herself.

Krista stood, feeling her back ache but not hurt as bad as the first few days.

"I-I'm sorry… for making you uncomfortable." She licked her lips.

"I d-don't know why I…um…ki-kissed your hand." Her stuttering was coming back. It always happened when she got anxious. She took quick but quiet steps towards the door. She was afraid the girl would call her something horrible.

Ymir ignored her, she was far too deep in her thoughts to notice the girl even said anything. She sauntered here and there, then stopped to look out the window, her stress levels suddenly rising. She was getting pissed, pissed over herself. Fuck.

She had been holding it all in, just having a mere reading was enough to set her off. She already had to deal with coping over Ilse's death, but now she had to deal, once again, with things she had pushed away; she didn't like being read by anyone, she was usually the one who did the reading after all.

"Uncomfortable, uncomfortable, I fucking beyond that," Ymir muttered when she heard that word surface. Within seconds she finished that cigarette, she tossed it to the floor to snuff it out and she finally turned around to see Krista trying to get out of the room. She tried her best to control her voice, she managed to let out,"Where the hell are you going?" but with a softer voice.

Krista had tears in her eyes when Ymir caught her trying to flee.

She turned around, wringing her shirt over and over, looking at the ground.

"You're really angry." She uttered, biting her lip and kicking the ground.

"I feel bad that I caused it." She glanced up at Ymir and saw she had those angry eyes on her.

"I didn't mean to make you mad with what I did. I-I was just…I don't know." This time Krista felt her tears fall down as she angrily brushed them away.

"I thought you'd smile more if I did that." Krista shivered and was able to hold back her tears. She defiantly held her gaze with Ymir. She remembered seeing the softer look Ymir had when she was reading her palm.

When it came to the breaks in her life and heart line, Krista thought it'd be sad to just say it without doing anything. So she kissed her palm as if to acknowledge it and say things will get better. Perhaps she shouldn't have at all.

Ymir stared at her, hard, judging her, asking herself who the girl thinks she is. She spoke, tone low,"I'm not mad about you kissing my hand if that's what you're upset about-"

She paused midway, then headed for the door herself, gently brushing shoulders with her. She didn't want to talk anymore, she couldn't bring herself to do so.

She lacked the patience to do anything, to say anything about such a thing.

She stormed out of the room, madder than she had ever been, more than usual.

-...-

Ymir never visited her again, not even when it was the day she was discharged- she didn't want to speak about that incident. Outbursts like these happened more often now, as a result, fellow Rangers often gave her space. Crews learned to fetch her what she needed over the past few weeks; the excuse slapped on her by everyone was the loss of Ilse.

Come to think of it, losing Ilse really did make Ymir lose her own mind. She had no one to control her anger, no one to talk her down from whenever her moments rose to where she would lash out. Either she was brooding, working on Titan, or she was off picking fights in the streets of Los Angeles; the first option was the most preferred by everyone, the rest increased with aggression.

In truth, such behavior was what led her to prison. She pushed that thought away as the following day of Krista's discharge was meant to be the day when they tested their first Drift.

Ymir was at the bridge to where she was waiting for Krista- all thoughts of anger had lessened at this point, now she was no longer threatening, it was enough for the crew to calmly work with her.

Krista recalled her palm reading over and over about how Ymir's actions proved her affection. Krista could only conclude that Ymir was mad at her.

She spent the time in between on crash courses and training till it was the day. Crew members, a pair called Connie and Sasha, helped her into the new suit, explaining functions she already went over. Her floor manager caught a glance at her and was left huffing.

Krista took a few experimental steps in the suit. It was lightweight and stuck to her like a second skin.

Krista sighed and felt a frown tug at her lips. This would be the first time in two weeks since she saw Ymir.

_ 'And we're supposed to be partners.'_ She glanced down at the floor and watching the busy staff work like ants.

Krista looked back up and saw Ymir waiting for her. She didn't look angry but that didn't mean it was ok. Krista was only able to talk with her for a week and then was isolated from her for two weeks because of some reason.

Krista eyed Ymir's suit and then the Jaeger.

Ymir, who left her for two weeks, who didn't even see her when she was discharged, was about to see the skeletons in her closet.

Krista felt like she should've been angry, upset, and anxious, but instead felt calm. Ymir had this strange effect that made Krista feel like her problems were ok. That she didn't have to be what others saw her as—a sweet, innocent and small woman who was submissive and didn't know what was best for her.

"Hey," Krista finally said and looked into Ymir's amber. Krista still didn't know how to decipher what she saw, but it wasn't disgust or contempt at least.

Ymir finally looked up, herself suited accordingly with the familiar outfit. She didn't glare as usual, but her eyes were cold and passive. Once the crew finished some last minute adjustments, she finally spoke to her,"When we enter that thing, what you see stays there. No discussion is needed since we'll both know how we feel about it."

Krista nodded.

"It's a promise then." Krista frowned, hoping Ymir held her end of it. She kept glancing over at Ymir until finally she sighed and just stared at her.

"You have really long legs," she muttered, eying the length of them. The skintight suit didn't help, either. It made her legs slim and long.

Krista pulled her gaze away, looking at the Titan and feeling hot. She lightly fanned her face.

_"Rangers, report to the helm,"_ the intercom instructed.

Side by side they walked with one another, Ymir kept her eyes trained on the bridge, not even bothering to notice Krista.

Krista stuck with Ymir until they were inside. She stopped and glanced around. The interior was a lot more spacious than she expected. It was strange but fascinating to see the interior.

Once inside the helm, Ymir immediately took over to the right, stating,"I'm piloting this since it's your first Drift. Whatever you do, just let the thoughts flow, don't latch onto one moment or else we lose our connections."

She hooked herself up to the system and as rearing to go, wanting to get this over with as soon as she could.

Ymir was already telling her how things would work. Krista quickly went to her side and followed Ymir's lead. Anxiety was rushing through her but she calmed it down.

Ymir was going to be in her head.

She looked over at Ymir, wondering how the woman was feeling right now. She bit her lip and looked forward.

"I'm ready," she said more to herself than anyone.

_"Connecting pilots through neural bridge,"_ the intercom announced.

Ymir stiffly stood there as it had been months she had done this; she waited for the familiar kick to hit her and send her mind reeling through a torrent of blue and white images. Slowly, she closed her eyes and felt the shock pulse through her body, her door opening wide enough to allow Krista to walk through.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

_ 'Initiating Neural Handshake._'

Ymir began to relive her own life from as far as she could remember, then as she grew older, the more obscure it had gotten. Ilse was born a year ahead of her, she was always the more accomplished of the two despite both of them excelling in their field. They were flashes, going on and on, showing only glimpses of what Ymir had gone through- mere glimpses meant thoughts were flowing through the mind.

At this point, she wasn't thinking of herself, she was just letting them go like they were nothing.

Krista felt her body grow distant as new but familiar emotions hit her. She saw Ymir's life pass by in flashes. She could only glimpse through as she didn't try to hold onto anything. Their memories were mingling together. She was losing track which memories were hers.

A picture of a blond little girl and her mother—two of the same images, being throw into the fire.

Several students filing in and out of class, Krista staying at her desk, working and laughing, and telling the teacher she'd like to stay in the home room after school to finish homework.

A child crying at a funeral.

Krista being thrown out of a car and into the mud, screams from a woman, and mud splattering all over her as it peeled out of a drive way.

_"No! I don't want to—"_ words rang out from the blue and a knife was thrown. A loud scream. Ambulance. Staff send child abuse reports. Stitches on Krista's rear.

Krista along a rainy beach that is barely lit by street lamps. She falls into the ocean.

Krista crying in a bathroom, throwing away the letter saying she didn't score high enough to be an enlisted Ranger.

A child was looking up at her mom, pointing at a princess doll.

_"I want to be a princess."_

_ "You won't be. Princesses are pretty." _

Krista felt her eyes open as the memories were slowing down. The pit of her stomach gnawed with emptiness and her throat felt hoarse.

"Don't latch onto it!" Ymir warned her. "We hadn't even moved the arms yet!"

At the same time, another memory emerged, one of her being back in that pathetic little town while holding a knife, a bloodstained knife- she pushed that thought easily away, not letting it overwhelm her.

"Do it just like that!" Ymir said, knowing she had purposely showed her a specific memory and then shoved it away.

Krista could barely hear Ymir's voice as something acidic was making its way up to her mouth. She swallowed whatever it was and breathed slowly.

She nodded and closed her eyes again. She let the memories leave. She knew they'd be back another time. The rest of her memories went by. Some that she had forgotten and a few which should've remained gone.

Krista opened her eyes when she felt the memories stabilize and all she felt was Ymir's breathing. She felt the other woman in her mind. The space between them in the Jaeger was an overstatement.

Krista licked her lips as her eyes were focusing on the atmosphere.

Ymir knew everything.

Krista knew everything.

And they kept their word.

Ymir breathed deeply knowing that what she saw was no different than the next person; at least, that was what she told herself repeatedly.

There were moments that made her contemplate over what she had just seen, but she let them go so that they could stabilize. Once they had shared what felt like an entire lifetime with one another, Ymir was the first to initiate movement.

She raised her right her right hand, causing Titan to move its own right hand as well. She tested her fingers, moving them to see if the Titan's own fingers moved; she could practically feel the joints moving outside.

She gave a genuine smile, a short laugh, and then glanced at Krista.

"Holy fuck, it works!" Ymir exclaimed happily.

"You two are at 100%," Hanji told them over the intercom,"you're lining up nicely."

Krista's stomach was sloshing around but she was able to regain control. She took deep breaths, feeling sweat go down her face. She could hear two heartbeats instead of one. Then, she felt happiness.

She looked over to see Ymir laughing and with a smile.

Whoa.

Krista couldn't help but smile and giggle, too. She watched Titan's arm move about. Nervously, she outstretched a hand and the arm moved.

Krista's eyes widened.

"It works," she repeated Ymir's statement. She glanced back over to Ymir.

They brought their left hand up, then used the right to punch it into the palm.

The thundering of metal resonated outside, along with the claps of many that were looking. It felt so right to be inside the Jaeger, just so right, Ymir couldn't even describe her euphoria in which she reveled in. They positioned their arms back at their sides to show that there was complete control. Once more, she glanced at Krista, but then saw something else, something out of her thoughts.

Her mind backtracked to a run down home in the middle of a desert, at night. She remembered seeing the frightened man's face, how she drove her knife deeply into him how much of a rush she got that was incomparable to the Jaeger. She tried to brush it off, but the more she done so, the more she was stuck in that memory; it went from vague blurs to clear memories.

The echoes that came became solid sounds, she started recalling it, she tried hiding it.

"Shitshitshitshit**shit**."

Krista didn't have time to revel in the happiness and pride the was swelling within her. Something hit her like a brick wall.

A memory appeared and it was consuming her.

It was Ymir's memory. Both were dressed in their civilian clothes- they had quickly been pulled too far into the Drift.

"Ymir," Krista's voice sounded far away as she was brought to a desert. She saw Ymir and what she had done, but she knew that they were supposed to be in the Jaeger, not here.

"Ymir," Krista was calling out to her. What could she do to make her jolt her back?

"Don't dwell on it," Krista yelled but wasn't sure if she said it at all. Her voice was gone in this memory and she didn't know if she said it in real life.

The memory was becoming too realistic.

Krista was took deep and slow breaths as she ran to Ymir's memory self. She went by her, trying to tug her away, but she was frozen. Her hands were bloody and holding a knife. A man was shivering on the ground, blood flowing.

Krista took hold of Ymir's messy hands and kissed the palms of it. Last time she did that, the woman didn't see her for two weeks.

Maybe she'd think of that and would be able to pull away. Even if Ymir got angry at her, it would at least help her stop chasing her memories.

Instead of seeing Krista, Ymir saw Ilse pulling her away.

She yanked her arm away and started running. She knew she was in a Jaeger, she knew she was supposed to be elsewhere. Slowly, the memory faded away and she was back in the Jaeger, shaking her head and thoughts out. She regained control, telling her,"I'm good, I'm good."

Why did it have to happen now?

She felt a burning sensation. All the anger diluted into sick and twisted pleasure, she had to let it course through her head before calming down. Soon, she was back on track, still feeling that ghosting feeling of her hands being kissed- she looked at them, then at Krista.

"You're done," Hanji said over the intercom, confirming their reality.

They were back in the Jaeger as if it never happened.

Ymir huffed out a sigh and immediately detached herself from her spot, she fell to her knees and slowly got up, breathing deeply. "Damn, what a trip."

Krista fell forward with a sigh as Hanji announced the end of the trial. She sloppily undid herself until she wobbled out of the co-pilot seat. She rubbed her face with a groan.

Even though they were only there for a few minutes, Krista could feel Ymir. She was like air on her skin.

"That was…hectic," Krista felt her stomach still swirling in uneasiness. Her anxiety was getting the best of her.

Krista leaned against one of the walls of the Jaeger, pressing her forehead against the cold steel. She took more deep breaths, counting to ten before standing up right and walking towards the Jaeger door.

"I need to use the bathroom." She excused herself, staggering out.

Ymir hadn't moved from her spot, she was still collecting her thoughts, along with Krista's.

"It's all good," she distantly said.

There was more to the girl, more than she could have even imagined. She shook her head once more and uneasily eased herself up onto her feet.

* * *

Date: April 3 2016  
Location: Ymir's Apartment, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1900

Ymir was sitting in her spacious penthouse, absently watching television and sipping on beer. She was allowed to be given leave for a week to prepare herself for deployment. Days had gone by, she hadn't seen Krista since the trial- she wasn't planning to, after all, she had to go visit Ilse soon.

In an hour or two she would leave, she was just waiting for traffic to lessen so she could drive up the 14 to get back to her small town. As much as she hated going there, she had to anyway to say her last words. A back of a pair of clothes sat at the door.

Her leg shook against the coffee table, a sign that she needed to smoke soon.

Sighing, she got up and headed for the bar in the kitchen to get her pack. Just as she was about to light it, there was a knock on her door. She glared at it, disturbed, but decided to answer it. She opened it and looked down, cigarette hanging from her mouth.

It was Krista.

"Hm?"

Krista felt her face flush when Ymir answered. She immediately glanced down.

"H-hey," she felt like a creeper. She didn't ask anyone for Ymir's address. She knew it by heart from Ymir's memories.

"I-I hadn't heard from you in awhile…like a week or so…so I was checking on you." Krista bit her tongue as she glanced back up to familiar amber.

"How's your vacation?" Krista asked, trying to lessen her fear that Ymir was mad, again, for her kissing her hand.

"I'm going up to Acton to visit Ilse," Ymir stated, looking at the bag on the floor. "...wanna come with? There's nothing better to do."

Krista was caught off guard at the sudden invitation.

"Oh, yeah, I'll go." Krista mulled it over while fidgeting.

"Do I need…anything?" She asked. Krista wasn't sure if she needed to bring formal clothes. Her mind told her no, but it didn't hurt to ask.

Krista peeked behind Ymir to see a nice floor plan.

"Luxurious," she smiled at Ymir, though the woman ignored her.

"I'll be staying for a week, you can borrow some of Ilse's clothes when we get there," Ymir said as she pushed by her with the bag; she then locked the door. She led her down to the parking lot to where a beaten up pick-up was parked alone, she tossed her things into the bed and took the driver's side, turning the ignition and waiting for her to get in.

Within minutes they were cruising down Sunset, heading for the 14 Freeway to where the godawful traffic occupied them for a while- the radio was on but only soft.

Ymir leaned her head against the glass and absently followed the convertible in front of her. "This place is a shit show, I tell you, I'd've love to take the Hong Kong or Tokyo Shatterdome."

Krista hadn't wandered far from the Shatterdome when she moved here for the program. The few times she did leave were work-related.

"I never really got out and looked around. My mind was always on work," she replied. She was working tooth and nail to show she deserved a second chance.

"Though, I could do without the heat. I miss the Seattle rain," she smiled at the memories of walking in the downpour without an umbrella. Sometimes, she'd go to the ocean and wade in the shallow. It was always warmer when it was raining.

However, there were dark memories of that, too.

"Sure miss it." She said under her breath.

It was easy to not be seen at the beach with the waves rolling and the thick sheets of rain. Nobody would be able to hear anything, either.

Krista's eyes closed, thinking of the night where she let herself drop into the deep end of the docks during a bad storm.

Ymir focused on the road when the cars thinned out, she immediately took to bursting her speed down, ignoring and swerving by the other drivers. Within half an hour she was making her way in the last city before her town, she drove on, uncaring.

"Whenever it rains back in Acton, it smells like a wet horse...that's the only thing I enjoyed really, hopefully rain season starts, I wanna smell that again," Ymir sighed as she followed a turn on the freeway. Soon enough, the urban houses and buildings bled into the desert mountain sides, great highs covered both of them as they went on, Ymir reveled at going her speed, it felt too damn right.

She let one hand go to get a cigarette to light, she lit it and huffed, slowly while rolling down the window.

Krista eyed the speedometer on the truck but didn't question Ymir (the woman was going at 80 for Christ's sake). She rolled down her window to feel the fresh air. It was refreshing compared the stuffy air in the Shatterdome.

"That doesn't sound like a pleasant smell." She tried to imagine wanting to smell that odor but couldn't relate to it. "When it rained in Seattle, it smelled like sea salt, pines, and of lilac." She missed that smell. "Well, that's how the beach smelled like."

Krista smiled and rested her arm on the door, letting her hand hang outside against the truck.

"Desert rain's heavenly, really."

They broke from the mountains and were greeted by plains dotted with ranch houses, their water tanks and fences, the horses that roamed here and there. Ymir kept her eyes trained ahead, flying by one exit and then heading out onto another to come onto a black road, she followed it into a turn and then used her momentum to push her way down a straight one.

"The beach is nice, much nicer than this sore sight- I swear this place is more dead than death," Ymir huffed as she threw out her cigarette.

Eventually, she pulled into a dirt road that led up a mountain side, her truck's engine roared as it worked on, going by the spaced out houses that had long fences.

The juniper trees offered little shade, the dried brush lined uncleared lots, vacant and forgotten. Here and there, abandoned cars rusted under the sun, it truly looked like trash on the landscape.

Soon enough, they came across a vast property that was lined with a black vinyl fence that stood at six feet; a gate that opened with two doors slowly gave way to them, Ymir drove onto the land and the gates closed behind her. All around them were goats, just a dozen or two, incessantly calling for feed, though they made way for Ymir to drive through.

They drove by a red barn that had pens outside individual stalls for horses to bask out; a man with blond hair and a black undercut stood outside, throwing hay at the ground for the goats. He waved to Ymir, his red sleeves pulled up for work.

"That's Jean, he takes care of the animals when I'm not home. Got him a year ago," Ymir explained.

They arrived at a one=story house, though it stretched for a while and was wider than most; she pulled up at the drive way and parked, getting out and then stretching.

The sky was a black pitch, endless with numerous stars in the untainted country air. Ymir looked up to admire them for a moment, then headed for the front door.

Krista stepped out of the truck and glanced around up at the sky. It had been years since she was able to see the starry sky like this.

"Makes me almost wish I wasn't in the city," Krista murmured, searching and spotting constellations. She went around the truck and went to Ymir's side, waiting to be escorted inside.

The environment was new to her. The drier parts of Washington weren't like this at all.

Ymir was right. It was rather lonely out here.

She glanced up at the house. It was like how she remembered it—well, how Ymir did. Krista felt like she knew it all of her life even if this was the first time.

"It's strange," she said, looking up at Ymir, "that it feels like I've been here so many times, but I never once set foot within miles of this place."

A small smile came over her as she recalled some of Ymir's memories of the place. Not all were good but there was still some that were pleasant with her and Ilse.

"The Drift gives you another life," Ymir reasoned as she entered and ushered her in.

She turned the lights on to reveal a rather bleak home.

While it was furnished, it wasn't so much that it was starkly noticeable. Walls that once were lined with decor were void of them, leaving only vestiges of lighter outlines to where paintings and various paraphernalia. Ymir never bothered with refurnishing the place, not after when she sold most of their things- she just never saw the need to do so.

An empty home reflected so much about a person, Ymir was fine with that. She dragged her luggage around and stopped it at her door, she went to the kitchen and looked into the nearly empty fridge, pulled out a bottle of beer, and went to the couch in the living room to do as she had done back in her apartment.

She slipped back to absently drinking, there was no television to keep her entertained.

She had a second bottle at hand, she placed it on the table to offer for Krista.

"You can relax with me, not much happens here."

Krista ran a hand on a table, collecting dust on her fingertips. She smeared it onto her jeans and went to the living room when she heard the fridge open.

She sat on the same couch as Ymir with a generous amount of space. Krista saw the extra bottle.

"I don't drink." She grimaced as memories resurfaced. While Ymir drank, she absently looked around, trying to find where pictures and personals used to be. It seemed like a shell of its former self.

The place was eerily quiet except for the noise they made.

Outside was a level above desert. Inside was even more barren to Krista; the home was sparse with remnants of what used to be.

"There wasn't much to do here, was there?" Krista frowned. She already knew the answer. Krista could recall the memories of quietness and not a thing in the world to do. The hollow sound of a coyote crying in the distance amplified the isolation.

The only comfort she could find was her and Ymir's breathing.

"Welcome to my shit hole," Ymir gently laughed, though she was frowning, She reclined deeply and placed her booted feet against the table, pushing away the dust with her heels. "You're free to look in the rooms, not much entertainment there but it's got more stuff than here."

She glanced down at the hallway, suddenly remembering how her mother used to drag her by her hair or when her father used to stumble around in there drunk and pissed. Oh, the good times, she fondly found herself smiling at the dysfunction in her life.

She remembered where most of the portraits were kept.

"If you wanna see stuff, they're in my parents' room, pics and all."

She reached around and found herself smoking again, the only comfort she had in this place, that familiar burn she grew accustomed to.

Krista could feel the unhappiness when she glanced down the hallway Ymir had mentioned.

"I'm fine." She replied. She closed her eyes, trying to calm her stomach. The quietness was becoming too much.

"Do you have any music?" Krista questioned when she smelled smoke. She didn't want to be left to her own devices just yet. Her mind was beginning to wander as the familiar feeling of something gnawing on her stomach began.

"I get anxiety in new places." She murmured even though they both knew she was as familiar with it as Ymir. She knew what had went on in this house. It was overwhelming to feel what Ymir had felt on top of her own.

There was an old radio sitting by the fireplace, it still worked as Ymir repaired it herself. She got up, turned the dials, and gave sound into the room; some shitty country station was playing, it was the only music she could get her hands on. She grimaced at the baritone drawl and sighed, then settled down at her spot again, smoking calmly.

Whatever she had been through before, it wasn't getting to her now; she considered it normal and she was fine with it.

"If you want toys, there garage is full of them. It's our- my workshop," Ymir found correcting herself, trying to suggest things to do in this limited home. She had to admit, she was slightly embarrassed at the lack of activities.

The lack of people brought less action in the home, less things to yell at or kick around; by now, Ymir was itching for a fight, to do something other than drinking and smoking. That aggression she always held was what was added into her plague of boredom; people do stupid shit when they were bored, she wanted to go back to her apartment but she would be doing the same shit there.

Krista felt her mind focusing on the song as she began to try and relax. The idea of toys in the garage interested her.

"I'd like to see it tomorrow." It was too late to try and get into anything. She kept listening to the unfamiliar song as it ended.

Then, a new and familiar song came up.

Krista laughed.

"Ymir, do you know how to dance?" She stood up and went to the radio to turn it up a bit. The song brought back memories of her and her grandparents at a wedding. She recalled her grandfather teaching her how to line dance.

It was some woman singing this time, it was much more bearable than the men; Ymir stared at her as though she were crazy, but she shrugged it off.

"Ah, not much really," Ymir admitted,"no one here to dance with."

Damn, it was really embarrassing to not have much to do to entertain herself with. She pulled herself up and placed her beer down, she snuffed her cigarette onto a used ashtray and walked to her to the clear spot in the vast living room; may as well do something.

Krista glanced at Ymir.

"Really? I thought you would've with those dancer legs you have," she smiled at her. She went to Ymir and quickly put her right arm on the woman's shoulder. Her left hand slid into Ymir's right.

"Do you know enough to lead?" Krista gave a teasing squeeze on the woman's shoulder, looking up. She never realized how tall she was until she was almost flush against her.

_'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.'_

Krista glanced down at their feet, making sure nobody was going to be stepped on.

Oh.

Those legs.

"I guess I could lead," Ymir said slowly as she took her hand, only now she realized how much smaller she was in comparison with her. That small hand clasping against her much larger one amazed her, she stared for a moment before looking down at Krista, eyes slightly widening in pleasant surprise.

She moved her feet, finding Krista moving along with her. It was slow, not going so fast- strangely, it felt right to do it. That feeling of being together, it was like being back in the Drift. The only time she felt synchronization was when she worked with Ilse, steadily building machines with her- now she was dancing with someone, someone she had been connected to a week ago.

There was something there, tugging in the back of her mind, she felt it before when she was sparring with her.

Krista went with Ymir, feeling her glide her across the living room. Her hand was cold from the beer but slowly began to warm up. The small space between their bodies lessened as the song went.

"I think it'd be a bit too funny to lead you," Krista admitted with a laugh. "Having tiny me leading a tower like you."

Krista almost snorted at the idea. She was sure if someone saw Ymir's back, they wouldn't even see Krista in front.

Krista squeezed Ymir's hand in thought.

"I used to take a lot of dance lessons in Seattle," she said, hoping Ymir would recall that memory.

Despite what Ymir said about not dancing often, she was doing well. Krista didn't budge to look down at their footwork. She knew she'd blush all over again.

"Another student would often be my partner in duets."

Krista vaguely thought that it had been that long since she had danced. Even then, when she did, it wasn't as comfortable as now. Krista could predict Ymir's movements and how she'd lead. She felt her heartbeat and could almost taste the thoughts that ran through her mind.

Krista glanced up at amber wondering if Ymir felt comfortable. Krista bit her lip and averted her gaze.

What was she doing? Nothing would scream _'I think you're attractive'_ more than making the excuse of making Ymir dance with her.

Ymir found Krista pressing against her, that closeness made her shift about but she didn't move away from her. Being so close to someone was too foreign, she had no control over what she was doing, no idea on what to do. When Krista looked up at her for a moment, Ymir was nearly taken aback but kept a cool face on, focusing on enjoying herself.

She was confused over this, but it was the good kind of confusion, the kind you wanted to go on as there was an answer later on.

"I never danced with anyone, clubs don't count much for anything like this," Ymir let out, having no idea how to converse about the subject.

Leading her on killed the time, the softness of the singer mixed with another was too soothing, Ymir slipped into a state of being more comfortable with Krista being so close to her, though thoughts lingered in the back of her head; thoughts she had to push away to have a grasp on herself.

Krista was almost leaning into Ymir, having her head rest on her. Whether her fondness for Ymir was platonic or not, she was happy she had someone who saw what she had been through and accepted it. The freckled woman kept her promise of not saying anything and she didn't do anything to prove she liked Krista any less.

It was an unconditional friendship.

Krista thought about the clubs when Ymir mentioned it. She had went to a few with classmates to show off but it ended with drinking and drama.

"Oh, yeah, they definitely don't." Krista pulled her head away from Ymir's chest—when did she do that? She frowned.

"It's all about grinding and twerking, right?" She laughed at the memories of her classmates doing it. "God, that's awful."

She giggled, pressing her face into Ymir to quiet her laughter.

"Oh," Krista pulled away with a serious face, "do you actually like it when people do that?"

Krista's eyebrows twitched. Her firm, judgmental frown was cracking. Blue eyes were swimming in mirth. Then another laugh came.

"Please say you don't," Krista said as she stopped dancing as the song ended and held onto Ymir, giggling.

"You kidding me? I hate it, very unnatural, the body...isn't meant to move like that," Ymir let out, trying too hard not to laugh, she was smiling to hold it back. She found herself further embracing Krista and letting her rest her head against her chest; it felt too right, though something was holding her back, something.

That one thing.

Ymir stared blankly at the wall, her smile fading away. She didn't frown but the traces of that happiness she felt ebbed away, she unknowingly held her a bit tighter, she was getting anxious over it.

That one thing.

In truth, she had danced before, she had, and she used to be decent with it, but that all faded away into distant memories she cast out. When she found resolve, she looked down at Krista, silently telling her to help but she shook it away and pulled away from her to return to her spot on the couch. She was back to drinking and smoking again, though this time she held a crestfallen look.

"...sorry."

Krista felt Ymir's happiness radiate in her. It was warm and exciting. Krista's body felt like it had a furnace within her, kindling her and Ymir's smiles. Krista was able to calm her laughter and felt Ymir was tense.

Only her happiness was in the dying fire now.

Krista glanced up to see Ymir staring down at her. Those amber were searching for something. Krista brought her hand up to Ymir's face to try and get back her back to now, but she had already strode across the room and onto the couch.

Krista was left in the middle of the living room as Ymir went back to before.

The only evidence that Ymir had danced with her was her warm hand and the ghost of the arm that held her side.

"It's fine," she softly replied.

There were things not press. They also came up with an agreement to not talk about it, too.

The look on Ymir's face.

Krista felt herself frown and go to the couch to sit with her. Instead of being at the other end, she sat a cushion away.

Krista's eyes were on Ymir but she withdrew her gaze, not knowing what to do. She couldn't outright ask what was wrong or tell her she was there for her because Ymir already knew. Ymir's hands were nursing a beer and cigarette so holding her hand to reassure her wasn't an option.

Krista slid her hand onto Ymir's thigh, trying her best not to startle her. She only rested it there to show she was beside Ymir.

The house was almost returning to its blaring silence.

Krista tried to drown herself in a hum—the song they danced to.

Her eyes fell to the hand resting upon her thigh; she was confused once again. She followed the hand up her arm, then stared at Krista quizzically.

"...why do you keep touching me?" She asked slowly, suspicious; this was something she hardly seen in the Drift.

"I can't question what's going on," Krista said with a small smile.

She had ideas on what could've caused Ymir to withdraw, but couldn't ask.

"We promised we wouldn't speak of things. We already know the things that're in each other's heads. The only comfort left to give is to know I am physically here."

She removed her hand from Ymir's thigh. She leaned back in the couch, trying her best to remain calm.

"I like it when you smile. It's a bit contagious." She admitted.

Krista 's smile became sincere.

"Is it wrong to want to see you smile a lot?" She asked, looking Ymir in the eyes. The question was something Krista couldn't answer for herself. She never had a close friend before.

Krista never felt the urge to make another laugh and smile so often.

"I just don't know what to do."

_'I never had a friend before'_ were the words that hung in the air.

"Smiling is the last thing on my mind," she said with a shrug,"I don't really know what to do myself- say, in the Drift, you see memories but the now, do you know what goes through my head? Now? Not in there, just now?"

It was a given rule that the Drift enables both pilots to see memories and experiences, but it was limited so far as to the current mentality of either of them. The now was an inconsistent thing, always building and changing too fast for the Drift to keep up with; memories were seen but reflections upon memories were never there.

One can only speculate from a single image.

Krista sat still, trying to peer more into Ymir's memories. Her mind shot through from the past to present. She didn't know how she could possibly know or access them, but every now and then her train of thought would falter from a random image.

Was that Ymir's thought process or just her brain picking up and dropping strange memories?

"I don't know." She brought her knees up to her chest and held herself.

"Are you able to see mine?" Krista asked. She fixated her mind on the image of her home. Not Seattle but the one she left in Spokane. Though, she had lied earlier about it being there. It was actually a long drive from there, but she was used to saying Spokane so she didn't have to explain.

It was a large wooden cabin in the middle of a large yellow field surrounded by pines and birch. The mountains rose behind. The sound of creek water associated with the memory whispered in Krista's ear. The scent of wild roses, dry fields, and fresh water—summer.

Ymir shook her head. "No."

She lied yet told the truth. She could read her just by those moments but she only knew what she had seen; the person in front of her, she only understood her reasons behind her motives but not her initial thoughts of the present, her personality was a thing Ymir would have to figure out just by interacting with her in person.

"Pretty huge shit show, our lives," Ymir stated as she started dozing off, alcohol always made her sleepy. "Whoever wrote them must be a sadistic author or something, I'd punch them in the face if I ever had the chance."

She stretched and yawned, then got up.

"I'm not letting you sleep in Ilse's room, you can take mine- I have a bad back so either sleep with me or stay on the floor," Ymir said as she started heading for her room.

"A-Ah ok."

Krista quickly chased after Ymir.

"I don't want t-to sleep by you if it makes you uncomfortable," Krista quickly chimed.

Krista doubted she'd be able to sleep comfortably next to Ymir. Just dancing with her was close enough to set her face on fire.

"I-I can sleep on the floor. It's your house a-and all."

Ymir caught onto her stammering, she had an inkling about why she kept doing it but she held it back.

She opened the door to her room, it was spacious and just as empty as the house. A single bed was situated in the corner, next to it was a desk and a lamp. Other than that, there was nothing else but a closet; this was where Ymir kept her things. Imprints of furniture were on the carpet, a broken ceiling fan hung dangerously from its nails, and there was hardly any indication that Ymir had ever been here recently.

She stooped low when she settled her bag in the corner, she then remembered Krista had nothing to wear to sleep; she went into Ilse's room and fetched a shirt and a pair of loose shorts, she tossed them to Krista and started to undress herself to replace her usual clothes for sleepwear, a tank top and boxers- too plain.

As she removed her bra with her back to Krista, she started explaining,"We don't have sheets or enough pillows for you to sleep on the floor...and honestly, I don't know what crawls on the ground."

Krista patiently waited for Ymir to return. She was thrown clothes that were bigger than her but she didn't complain. She quickly went to changing. Half way through tossing on the shirt, Krista heard a familiar undo of a clasp.

Nervously, she shot a glance behind her.

A slim neck went down to sharp shoulders, resting on a toned freckled back that curved down to dimples above— Krista quickly turned away with renewed passion to put on the shorts.

"O-oh." She replied, unsure now how she'd be able to handle this. The bed didn't look too big to sleep on either. She stiffened and waited for Ymir to indicate she was done changing.

Krista put a hand to her cheek, feeling the burning sensation of a blush.

The image of the dimples, Ymir's long legs, and underwear were burning Krista's mind. She rubbed her eyes, doubting she'd sleep much knowing that much of Ymir would be sleeping next to her. It left the apex of her thighs desiring.

Ymir shoved the hem down and immediately went to bed, she immediately pulled the covers over herself and was already passed out.

Krista went towards the bed.

Right hand to the covers.

Left on the mattress.

Lift.

Slide in.

Now get the furthest away from Ymir possible.

Krista squeezed her eyes closed and held herself, ensuring she wouldn't accidentally touch Ymir.

There was no way she'd ever sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: April 4 2016  
Location: Ymir's Apartment, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 0900

Ymir awoke to find Krista on the floor, she stared at her groggily, then reached down to her, poking her cheek. "Hey, wake up."

Krista felt stiff as she tried to roll over towards the voice and poking. The ground gave little to no comfort as her back protested at the abuse.

Krista groaned and with eyes still shut, she rolled onto her stomach.

"Good morning." She squinted and looked around. It seems she found a place she could finally sleep. Krista didn't recall ever getting up and laying on the floor, but she grumbled either way.

Ymir got up and went over to her bag to produce her usual clothes.

"We're going to visit Ilse in an hour," Ymir said as she headed to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. She never bothered with it because there was no door there; she turned on the shower and immediately hopped in, uncaring about the curtain as it had been burned away.

Krista was groggy as she sat up, stretching and hearing popping sounds from her joints.

"Oh," Krista rubbed her eyes again and ran a hand through her tangled hair. She glanced to where Ymir was.

"Where's your bathro—"

Ymir's clothes hit the floor as Krista scrambled up.

"YMIR!" She cried out and quickly exited the room, covering her eyes.

The nerve of that woman! As if last night wasn't enough to fry her brain!

"God," she went to the kitchen and to its sink, turning it on and splashing her face with cold water. She held her hands to her face.

The image of the woman's flank and legs entering the shower.

Krista shivered from the cold water and kept washing till she felt she was cleansed from the image. The fire in her body subsiding enough for her to wander to the living room, waiting for her turn in the shower.

"Huh?"

Why did she call out her name?

Ymir then realized...there was no fucking door.

She choked down a laugh as she finished up, then went to fetch a towel. She dried herself off in minutes and, leaving her hair wet, she stepped out to put on some clothes. She went out to the living room to see Krista's face wet, Ymir pointed a thumb to her room, saying,"Shower's ready, no hot water though," as she paused, then asked,"Why'd you scream my name?"

Too hard not to laugh.

Too hard.

Krista glared at Ymir.

"You know why!" The image was infecting her mind again.

She glanced at Ymir, her eyes traveling downward and then shooting back up.

"I swear," she stood up and walked past Ymir, "warn me next time!"

Krista went through the room and into the bathroom.

"You're such a jerk!"

Krista began stripping and glanced at the mirror above the sink. She stared at her red face and huffed. Her eyes stared back in soft aquamarine. She held her hand to her face and pulled away. She closed her eyes, picturing the natural dark skin and freckles. Ymir's hair was down before she got in. Her legs were toned and her rear was—

A jolt of electricity sparked through her body as she shuddered.

Shaking her head, Krista got into the shower, hoping that Ymir wouldn't barge in. She kept her back to the doorway as best as she could as she vigorously scrubbed herself.

Ymir chuckled to herself as she fetched a beer, then decided against it as she remembered Ilse always trying to wean her off of it. She placed it back and waited on the couch, amusing herself with cigarettes. Looking up and down, left and right, she was growing agitated just sitting there and doing nothing. Damn, she got bored easily, she waited longer, wondering how long it took women to clean themselves.

She had an interest to peek, and so she got up from her couch and went to her room. She stopped at the corner and waited for her to get out.

Pissing people off was just one of her hobbies.

Krista turned the shower off and took a glance around the room.

Where were the towels?

"Dammit," she cursed as she got out, trying her best to not track too much water everywhere. She had to get to something dry.

"Ymir?" She called out, hoping she'd grab her a towel.

No response.

Krista quickly tiptoed into the room and turned to get to the hallway to shout more, but she was met with devious amber eyes.

Krista's whole face went red.

"YMIR!"

Krista screamed, grabbing the nearest thing on the ground—clothes—and began to throw it at her.

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET **OUT**!"

She kept assaulting the dark skinned woman with everything in reach.

Ymir didn't budge, only burst into laughter while holding her sides.

Damn, the blond did have a nice body though...

Ymir slowly retreated into the living room after several hits. She lied, laughing even more,"I was gonna give you a towel!"

"I doubt it!" Krista's voice was shrill as she held her body.

"Where's the towel you said you were getting me?!" Krista fled back into the bathroom, only poking her head out to ensure Ymir didn't get another glance at her. "You are such a jerk!"

Tears of embarrassment were swelling up in her eyes.

Ymir saw everything.

Krista glared at the hallway.

She didn't get to see all of Ymir. That was unfair.

"I...I tossed it to the bed!" Ymir wheezed out, she had to wait for her. Man, her going red was the best thing ever. Ilse never gave her this much entertainment because she always diverted her tricks and, when lucky, often had them backfire. This one was too easy, too simple, yet she was laughing harder than she had ever been in her entire life.

She hitched her breath, once, twice, then calmed down, waiting patiently for Krista all the while smiling madly. Doing this...it made visiting Ilse seem less of a pain to deal with.

Her smile faded and she grew quiet.

She got up and headed for the door that led to the garage.

She called out,"I'll be waiting at the truck."

Krista found the towel where it was promised and dried herself off and changed into the clothes she wore from yesterday. Ymir had forgotten to give her a fresh pair. Krista went out the door after fixing her hair into a low ponytail.

Like expected, it was hot outside. She was glad to have her hair off her neck.

She hopped into the truck with Ymir and couldn't bring herself to look at the woman. She huffed and pouted, staring out her own window.

Ymir started the engine and drove silently out. Soon, when they were on the road and going through the town, Ymir finally said to her,"If you keep crossing your arms that way, the Jaeger's gonna end up doing that."

No response. Ymir had to think.

How did feeling compassion for another person go again? Hm...

"Hey, I play jokes when I'm bored, and I suppose this one went pretty far," Ymir admitted, though she had to bite her cheek to prevent herself from smiling.

"You suppose?" Krista clicked her tongue, crossing her arms even tighter to spite Ymir. She was embarrassed that Ymir saw her like that. To be honest, she didn't feel betrayed at the action, but…felt disappointed?

Krista frowned. Out of all the emotions disappointment was the prominent one. The only explanation she had was that Ymir ruined the surprise, or that she was robbed of possibly showing herself to Ymir in a more…agreeable situation.

"That was a really bad joke," she sighed, laying her head on the seat belt. She was feeling drowsy. The night on the floor made for a lousy sleeping experience.

"You sound disappointed, what's up with that?" Ymir asked as she pulled into the right of a fork in the road.

Krista wasn't surprised that Ymir caught on to her emotions.

"I'm not sure," she honestly said.

She sat still, playing with the wrinkles in her pants.

"I feel like you ruined a surprise," Krista murmured as she gave an almost mocking laugh to herself.

She rolled down the window and let the wind blow in her face.

"What surprise, I'm not sure."

Krista closed her eyes, returning to lay against the seat belt.

"Surprise?" Ymir murmured dumbly.

She kept her eyes trained on the road.

Surprise.

Ymir was never a fan of those. She had too many unpleasant ones to even bother to show enthusiasm to good ones.

She shrugged it off and eventually pulled into a cemetery.

Krista was still sleeping when she parked, so when she got out, she left her door open. She traveled down the rows and before stopping at one in particular.

Ymir stared blankly at Ilse.

It may be the last time she saw her. The last time.

The one tether that kept her in check, the one person who she depended on. She clenched her fists. She couldn't bring herself to utter a word, no witty remark, nothing. She simply stared at the earth.

Krista woke up to an unbearable amount of heat on her face. The lack of air to cool her off made her open her eyes. She glanced around and saw they were at the cemetery.

Krista got out of the rig when she saw Ymir had already left without her. She straightened her hair out from the wind as best as she could. Down the rows of tombstones stood Ymir, not moving or making a sound. Krista quietly went to the woman's side, staring at the tombstone.

From blueprints to memories, it all amounted to this person who was gone. The memories that were Ymir's began to flood her mind. A sense of longing ached in her heart. Something lost.

Krista bit the inside of her lip. She felt that it wasn't her right to cry, but the memories that Ymir had was now hers.

The loss of a sister was one.

"I never had any siblings." Her voice was firm, trying not to show Ymir she was upset. It wasn't her place to show emotions if Ymir didn't.

If she never had any siblings, why was this pain so keen? It was like Isle was her sister, too, even though she never met or spoke to the woman.

Ymir didn't even have to glance at her, just hearing her wavering voice was enough to tell her what she needed to know. Just staring down at the darker mound, watching over the same spot, unmoving, was her only comfort. They stood like that for a while before Ymir decided to finally move, her willingness to move on overtaking her.

"Let's get out of here," Ymir stated, not even suggesting it.

Krista cleared her throat.

"Ok." She followed after her friend and glanced back at the grave, finding a disturbing notion to try and become as great of a partner as Ilse was to Ymir.

Her stomach was crawling with strange and contradicting emotions—hope and despair and selfishness and selflessness.

Ymir lazily got herself back in the driver's seat, she started the truck and waited for Krista to get in. She rested her head against the wheel, thinking about what had led up to where she was now. She smirked, then softly laughed while gripping tightly to the leather.

Krista got in the rig after Ymir and buckled up. She turned towards Ymir, seeing that she was leaning against the wheel. She couldn't see if she was crying or not.

A small laugh came from the woman. Krista frowned but said nothing. She was sure her voice would break with how she felt.

"I always thought I'd be the one to go first, Ilse was always the smarter one," Ymir started, she didn't look up. "But it was her strong point that killed her, damn...at least she died in a Jaeger."

Ymir didn't say anything more about her, she had to close her off, and she tried to never bring up Ilse again, at least not when they're out of the Drift. She started driving, slowly, and headed down the road; they were back at home once more with Ymir going back into the living room to brood, just as she normally done.

Krista listened to Ymir's words and felt a tug of fear and guilt hit her. She bit her tongue and kept quiet.

Why did it have to be like this?

Krista held onto the small reserves of resolve she had left to keep from feeling obligated to Ymir, but no matter what she did, she couldn't help but get drowned in guilt.

What was she doing, being a ranger and trying to get in a Jaeger to save humanity? Wasn't it all an escape from herself, to take on bigger responsibilities and become an image she could die with?

They soon left the cemetery, but Krista's mind was held fast to the ideas of death, responsibility, and obligation.

What did Ilse think when she was a ranger?

Did she actually want to save humanity, or was it for other reasons like Krista?

They went into the house without a word and wound up on the couch, quiet and contemplating. Krista didn't ask for the radio to be turned on. She didn't feel like leaving her thoughts. Question kept plaguing her, begging her to reassess the situation. She wasn't alone anymore. She was connected deeply with another person and had no way of pushing them away.

Her original plans were no longer an option, but she couldn't let them go. All her life she dedicated for others. She never got a single thing in return. Her plans were for herself.

She couldn't allow her life to be taken from her again.

It was her choice, not Ymir's.

Yet, over and over, her mind looped.

Krista wanted to see Ymir smile and be happy. To be close friends and see another day as pilots.

She couldn't go through with her intentions if she wanted Ymir, too.

Krista glanced over to Ymir and saw her smoking again.

"Does smoking calm your nerves?" She asked after finally tiring herself out.

Ymir took a long drag and let out a long plume that slowly descended and folded onto the coffee table. Ymir nodded,"It does, it's a bad habit but what can I do about it?" She took another. "Best pleasures always kill you later on. Why you ask?"

Krista brought her knees up to her chest and kept staring at the cigarette. There were reasons why people liked them.

"I feel like I need to calm down." Krista muttered. Ymir's words ringing familiar to her ears.

"Can I try?" She asked, looking up into amber. People smoked and others knew of the deadly effects of it but it was socially acceptable. The only difference between self-harm and smoking in Krista's eyes was that one was found at a convenience store.

Ymir tucked her own cigarette between her index and middle finger, then went off to light a new one, she huffed once or twice against the lighter, readying it. She then handed it to her and watched her, intrigued that someone like Krista had even a single thought to try such a thing.

"It'll burn your throat at first, then you get used to it," Ymir warned her.

Krista took the cig, mimicking Ymir's hand posture. She put it to her lips, feeling the foreign texture against wet lips.

Inhale.

Krista coughed as she went to quickly cover her mouth. The cigarette fell as she continued to hack with watery eyes.

"Jeez," she licked her lips, wiping tears away. Her throat, like Ymir said, did burn. The taste was strange, too. Krista glanced around, trying to find where the cigarette went.

She spotted it on the floor, extinguished, and picked it back up.

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking at it with wonder at how such a small thing caused such a violent reaction. "Can I relight it?"

She put it back to her lips, looking at Ymir.

Ymir rolled her eyes, continued to watch her, and then handed her a lighter.

"Hold the flame up against the end, then breathe in to let the thing light up," Ymir explained, she had the cigarette back in her lips, too lazy to hold it.

Krista frowned at the instructions given to her.

Memories of movies came to Krista's mind as she put the cigarette on the coffee table. She leaned over, putting the end of her cigarette up to Ymir's, and slowly breathed. The end of her cigarette glowed red as renewed plumes of smoke drifted between them. Krista's eyes were focused on Ymir's as she slowly pulled away.

A careful inhale as she sat back on her side of the couch.

Ymir knew of her pain. She shared hers with Krista, too. They were closer than two people could ever get. They could light each other's self-harm on top of it all.

Pulling the cigarette out of her mouth she gave a shaky exhale as smoke left her mouth.

Ymir just...stared at her.

A kiss via cigarette?

That was definitely something new.

Just like that small flame they shared, Ymir felt a part of her that burned more than her throat- her heart skipped a beat. Those blue eyes were still staring at hers, she was entranced by them, then a message hit her, a message that only she could understand and let it process. She took her cigarette out of her mouth, holding it by her fingers once more.

"Why did you do that?"

Krista gave silent puffs as she tried to find a comfortable way to smoke. It was burning her throat still. Her thoughts were slowing down as she was leaning back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling where the smoke disappeared.

"I felt like it," she gave a small shrug. Warmth was growing inside of her as she closed her eyes. Krista didn't worry about Ymir not liking it, because in the end Ymir always made her feel like doing stupid things. It wasn't worth pining over.

Krista peered over at Ymir with a soft smile.

"It felt right."

"It felt too damn right," Ymir murmured. She was nearly done with hers. "If you wanted a kiss, you should've just said something."

Her thoughts flowed out too easily, but in truth, she just had to say it.

Krista blinked at Ymir.

She exhaled and took her cigarette out of her mouth. She crawled over to Ymir till she was sitting on her knees by Ymir. She made Ymir look at her as she carefully plucked the cigarette from between her lips and replaced it with her own.

A fire ignited in the pit of her stomach as she felt her lips quiver. Her hands shook with the cigarettes, wanting to hold Ymir's face close to her. Ymir's lips were chapped but Krista swore it was soft.

She pulled away from the chaste kiss and put the cigarette back. Krista sat back, staring at Ymir, and licked her lips. She could taste Ymir and cigarettes.

Krista's hand went to trace her own lips.

That felt right, too.

"That was interesting," Ymir commented, she couldn't shrug this one off. They were both staring at one another, Ymir couldn't stand eye contact for long; it made her squirm at her legs, shifting them here and there. This girl she couldn't look at her like one of those girls at the clubs. No, not at all.

For one, she was a Ranger. For another, she was her co-pilot.

She had seen some shit that day that she didn't need to see or know, she didn't have to but she did. Most people, she didn't know them, hence, could care less about them but for Krista, she knew nearly everything about her. It scared her because the girl knew about Ymir herself. This was all to foreign, too new, Ymir had no control over it and had very few ideas on what to do.

"Interesting," she repeated,"I liked it."

Yes, she did decide to like it.

Krista flinched when Ymir broke the silence. Her eyes widened when Ymir said she liked it. Her fingers froze on her lips as she stared at Ymir's eyes, wondering if she was telling the truth, but knew she had no reason to lie.

Krista felt her stomach bubble until she laughed. She fell back onto the couch, giggling. Her feet went into Ymir's lap as she covered her mouth.

"I liked it, too." She smiled, rubbing her eyes.

This just made everything even harder yet she felt so happy. It didn't matter right now. Her stomach was on fire and she couldn't help but wish Ymir would kiss her more.

Ymir lifted both her legs up to rest her feet against the table, her habit only came when she felt comfortable around people. She was more than relaxed, she was a bit buzzed off of...something. It couldn't be beer, she hadn't drank today. It couldn't be the cigarette, it would take a lot to get to her. It had to be the girl next to her.

She continued to watch her, that smile was infectious as she found herself give half of one to her.

Krista finished off the cigarette and laid there on the couch, smiling and thinking of the kiss over and over. Her hands returned to her bottom lift, stroking where she had tasted Ymir. The freckled woman's lips were rough but soft. Her taste was of cigarettes and something dry, but it was sweet. It made her feel excited.

Krista sat up, staring at Ymir with a blush.

"Can…can I do it again?" She bit her lip but kept her gaze. No matter how many times she spoke with Ymir, her amber eyes never revealed anything to her. They were always warm for her, though, and that was all she needed.

"I don't see why not," Ymir let out, hands open in offering. She gave a slight shrug in anticipation, wanting to see how far Krista was willing to drag this. She wanted Krista to do something, she was far beyond curious at this point.

Krista suddenly was self-conscious now that Ymir was expecting it. Honestly, it was her first kiss earlier. Realizing she didn't have much to go off of made her nervous. She crawled over to Ymir until she was leaning against her. She tilted her head to give a soft kiss on Ymir's cheek—it was softer and warmer than her lips. Krista gave more kisses around there, liking the feeling of the warmth.

Krista peeked up at Ymir's eyes, finding she was being watched now. Krista shied her gaze away. She hesitantly placed a gentle kiss on the side of Ymir's mouth. She felt the roughness and softness again. It made her stomach spark. Her hands fidgeted and accidentally brushed against Ymir's thigh. She quickly put them to her sides.

She pulled away, feeling very unsure.

"I—I don't know much beyond that." She admitted, pressing her face embarrassingly into Ymir's shoulder. She saw people kiss with their tongues in movies and sometimes in real life, but she didn't know how they did it.

Relationships were never a top priority to Krista. She was suddenly regretting her lack of experience.

"I-I'm sorry."

Krista buried her face deeper into Ymir. She inhaled, smelling smoke and Ymir's natural scent. She liked it. She softly breathed in her essence, trying to memorize it.

Ymir's hands were still outstretched, and when Krista decided against kissing her again, she softly laughed and hugged her, letting her know that she didn't have to do anything. Her hand patted her back reassuringly; she used to rush into these things but for now, she didn't feel the need to try and push her. She was too cautious to let someone get close to her nowadays, she felt she could trust Krista but at the same time, her guarded instincts and usual precautions barred her from getting any further.

She heard her breathing against her shoulder, she felt right having her right there.

Krista felt Ymir's arms around her and it felt like she belonged there. Ymir could hold all of her. She felt safe. Krista slid into Ymir's lap and kept her head on her shoulder, liking the feeling of being surrounded by her. She wrapped her arms around Ymir, holding her.

Ymir's hands were soft and gentle on her back. Krista hummed in appreciation. Ymir's scent was stronger now that she was fully in the girl's embrace.

Krista closed her eyes.

"I like how you feel and smell." Krista murmured, sniffing. Cigarettes and Ymir. She nuzzled deeper into her, gripping the back of Ymir's shirt like a child to their blanket. She smiled. "You make me feel safe."

Krista knew Ymir had others before her from the fleeting memories, but she didn't want to think Ymir saw others. Krista traced patterns against Ymir's back.

"I'm glad," Ymir felt a little smug that she was able to be a first for something, but felt stupid for suddenly being a tiny bit jealous.

Her throat still held a burn as she licked her lips again. Her mind was a little hazy.

Krista turned her head in towards Ymir's neck and put her nose against it. She was able to also peek up at Ymir's cheeks where her freckles laid. Krista tasked herself to counting them and trying to remember their various shapes and sizes.

At first she thought Krista was back to staring at her, but when her eyes shifted left and right, she realized she was counting those little fuckers splayed on her face. She let out a laugh and watched her back.

"It'll take you all day to do that."

Krista flicked her eyes up and then smiled.

"We aren't doing anything else today, are we?" Her fingers went up to connect the larger freckles into imaginary shapes.

She pulled away from Ymir's neck to get a better look at her freckles.

"Did you know some people believe freckles are angel kisses?" Krista grinned at the thought. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to the bridge of Ymir's nose. She gently went to her right and tried to kiss every freckle she had counted.

Ymir scoffed.

Angels? That was stupid. She rolled her eyes at the obscure belief as she told her,"I'm done with business here, nothing more than seeing Ilse is all. Unless you wanna check on what we worked on in the garage- hey, why aren't you kissing my lips?"

Krista pulled away. She licked her lips as her eyes looked appreciatively at Ymir's mouth. She caressed Ymir's face in her hands, pushing back any stray hairs.

Krista closed her eyes, gliding her fingertips on Ymir's jaw line. She leaned forward, kissing her softly on the lips. She held there, uncertain what Ymir would like.

Ymir surprisingly found her kissing her back, she nipped at her lip and then ran her tongue against it, hand wandering to her hair to tangle her fingers in her locks. She smiled against her, letting her do whatever she wanted.

Krista felt Ymir's lips move against hers and she felt teeth scrape on her bottom lip. Her mind went blank. It sent a thorough shiver through her body as her hands froze on Ymir's face. She didn't have time to overcome the pleasant shock either. Ymir's tongue was against her bottom lip, forgiving in the playful nip, and her hands were going through her hair.

Krista let out a muffled squeak as her senses were being overwhelmed.

Cautiously, she parted her lips and her tongue met Ymir's. She flinched on contact. Her hands stroked Ymir's face. She was so soft.

Ymir's tongue slid against hers, she softly sighed when she felt her hands stroke her cheeks, it was comforting, all too comforting. As her other hand roved lower, the front door opened to reveal Jean, dirty and sweaty for whatever the fuck he was working on. His intrusion didn't bother Ymir much, but he was overall shocked at seeing the blond straddling her.

"Um," he let out, watching them.

Ymir flipped him off, a signal to fuck off.

Jean nodded and backed out, going back outside to head back to work.

Krista felt her cheeks warming up. Feeling Ymir was satisfying and made her eager to kiss her more.

Krista heard something but Ymir didn't move away. Not happy that she had stopped kissing her, Krista pulled her closer, pressing her tongue in Ymir. Whatever it was it could wait.

Krista's hands slid down until they were on Ymir's shoulders. She wrapped them around till she was in another close hug.

Reluctantly, Ymir pulled her lips away from her, she gave her a chaste one then stopped altogether.

"Hey, Krista," Ymir started as she gently pressed her forehead against hers,"I'd rather do this elsewhere, I don't...exactly prefer to do it here."

Krista went forward to try to recapture Ymir's retreat, but was stopped with a gentle kiss. Her eyes fluttered open, feeling dazed.

Ymir was close to her. She could feel her breath on her wet lips. The taste of Ymir still lingered at the entrance of her mouth. Krista swiped her tongue over her bottom lip. Ymir.

"O-oh," was the best response she could muster as she stared into the amber. They were a lot closer than she got to experience from before. Her eyes searched into them, finding warmth and flecks of brown.

"Where's elsewhere?" Krista asked with a frown. She brushed her nose against Ymir's, closing her eyes again, huffing, and trying to recollect her scattered mind.

"My flat," Ymir answered, she kissed her quickly again and then slid her off of her lap,"we can go right now, we have nothing more to do here. I'm done with this place anyway."

She got up and went to her room to collect her bag.

Krista felt the frown tug more as she was brought off of Ymir. The ride would be long. Krista fidgeted on the couch, brushing down her hair and straightening her clothes again. Her lips were warm. Krista put her fingers back to her lips, trying to imagine Ymir's mouth and tongue there.

Krista stood up when Ymir came back with her stuff. She glanced around the house one last time and followed after.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: April 4 2016  
Location: Ymir's Apartment, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1400

They returned to her place, and despite the long drive, Ymir didn't laze about in her couch as she normally would; Krista had gotten her attention once again. As she settled her luggage at the door, her mind backtracked to thoughts- automatically she reverted back into her usual self, going to the fridge to get a beer and then sitting back at her couch.

She was back to where she was, she knew she could trust Krista but some things are difficult to repair.

Krista rubbed her eyes as she went to the couch of Ymir's apartment. She fell asleep on the ride back. No matter what, she always fell asleep during car rides.

Ymir was sipping on her beer and smoking. Krista didn't feel like she could handle another cigarette. Her throat protested at the thought. She was snuggled up in the corner of the couch, trying to fight off the sleep. Her mind wandered to their kissing. Her heart was a little louder in her ears as she sat up straight.

She glanced over to Ymir but she could practically feel the woman's brooding aura.

Ymir drank and turned on the tv, watching the news once more. She watched with a blank face until there was a beautiful shot of the Santa Monica Pier.

_"Weather is nice today-"_

Then a Kaiju came on screen. It was a Category 1, shaped almost like a salamander of sorts. It was swiftly swimming up the coast line until it met the ground to where it unleashed a blue flame from its orifice, the Kaiju Blue; Ymir ended up spitting up her beer as her phone exploded by her right. She picked it up, saying,"Yeah, I'm watching the news. Yeah, I see it. Yeah, she's with me. Yeah, we're going-" She slapped it on the receiver. "Krista, get up, this one's ours, we'll be riding with Colossal."

Krista shot up with Ymir at the news. A dread fell into her stomach, watching the Kaiju fall upon the coast. Her stomach was reeling. Before she could even take a step, she was hunched over and running to the bathroom and releasing the little food she had this morning.

She would be fighting it. She could die.

Death.

Krista wiped her mouth off and quickly went back to Ymir. She wondered if Ymir was this scared on her first drop.

"L-Let's go." Krista went to the door and put her shoes on and was off with Ymir.

They were speeding down Sunset, cars jamming the area but Ymir decided to take the back alleys.

"Apparently Rouge was deployed a while back in Anchorage, so that left Titan and Colossal here for the most part- poor timing really," Ymir complained over as she leaned forward, going around a corner. Within half an hour, they arrived at the Shatterdome, no one questioned their authorization as they sped down the dock, parking neat the loading bay so that they could easily sprint to their station.

Ymir ducked and dove over the chaos, making sure Krista was sprinting right by her.

"Can you keep up?" Ymir asked her over the yelling.

Krista was running as fast as she could to keep up.

"Yeah!" She yelled over the roar. Anxiety was hitting her again as the thoughts she was fighting off came back.

Krista had to make her decision.

Ymir hurdled over a cement boundary and ended up at the Titan's dock, it was already prepped and only awaiting its pilots. Ymir looked around, then a familiar voice shouted to her,"Ymir!" It was Sasha. "Ya took forever, get yer ass up in that thing!"

Connie was trailing behind her, these two were the ones who normally suited them; today they were in, unlike last week. Ymir nodded and beckoned Krista to follow, they immediately hurled into a lift that took them up high where the prep room was for their suits. Ymir calmly lit a cigarette as Sasha chided her.

"Where the hell were ya two?"

"Acton."

"Acton?" Ymir nodded, then Sasha quickly understood. "How is Ilse?"

"Sleeping well."

Krista stood close by Ymir. Her stomach was reeling despite emptying it. She kept her breathing in check, trying to remain calm, but her mind couldn't stop racing. It was thinking of Ymir's kisses and crying when her mom screamed she was useless and how she was better off dead. Its battle brought Krista's eyes to a glaze.

Ymir or her life?

Krista saw the two unfamiliar people that Ymir seemed to know. She only gave them a brief glance before returning to her brooding.

"And Jean?"

"Could be better," Ymir said. "Marco's still fighting, yeah?"

"In Tokyo," Connie said.

The lift halted at their appropriate floor, they readied their suits, implementing each piece to their bodies carefully and swiftly. As Sasha worked on Ymir's abdomen, she glanced at Krista and asked,"Ya chose her for your co-pilot?"

"She's not bad," Ymir stated out loud,"could use some experience but we never know how she is until we see her fight."

Krista's mind was slowing down as she was suited up. Having heard Sasha's comment, she inwardly flinched. She glanced over at the woman with a frown.

Was she already being doubted in her capabilities?

However, Ymir responded to show she had confidence in her to be strong. Krista bit her tongue as she stared in the direction of Titan.

To die in a Jaeger was her hopes and dreams. Nobody would question her or say her death was in vain. It was the most glorious death man could achieve and she wanted it for her suicide, but the incessant guilt and warmth for Ymir held her from mindlessly jumping off that edge. The will to fight for Ymir and to protect her was overwhelming her desire to lose everything.

Krista closed her eyes and gave a long, shaky sigh.

Connie fixed the last plate onto Krista's back, patting her down for one last moment before sending her off. Sasha, meanwhile, stared at Krista as though judging her, though Ymir flicked her by the ear, telling her,"You'll owe me $100 if we come back alive."

Sasha grimaced and her companion left the dock, letting Ymir go off on their way to the helm. Ymir checked the panels and various screens to make sure they were all in order, that no flaw was to stop them at any given time. Once she approved of them, she hooked herself up to the controls and readied herself.

"Ignore what those people think," Ymir advised her,"when we get out there, it's just you, me, and that fucker that's tearing up the Pier. Got it?"

Krista went through the normal procedures with Ymir till she was hooked up. Ymir seemed to pick up her mood at her reassurance.

"I don't like it when people do that to me." Krista voiced as she adjusted herself until she was comfortable. Everyone had always looked down on her, assuming because she wasn't fit for this work due to her stature and petite appearance. It only fed her drive to win.

Clearing her throat, Krista closed her eyes, readying for the handshake to commence.

"Understood."

The usual voice, clear as day, rang throughout the hull,_"Commencing drop,"_ before their world shifted and plummeted downwards, only ending to a brief halt before connecting to Titan. The gears clanked and locked into place as steam emanated from the exhaust pipes, soon, the voice came back once Ymir's stomach stopped lurching,"Commencing neural handshake."

Ymir mentally prepped herself for this, every time she entered the Drift, it was a huge wave that engulfed her, blinding her for a moment. She skimmed through her memories, her own and Krista's; only for a moment she lingered on when they were back at the couch a few hours ago in the morning. It was still too fresh in her mind, she found herself reveling in it.

But then other thoughts pervaded her, and oh so easily she slipped into an old thought, one she pushed out years ago. She ended up freezing in place, her body falling numb and cold as she stared into nothing in particular within the Jaeger.

-...-

Instead of being in that machine, strapped to everything and wearing the usual uniform, she was back at that house.

The furniture was there, along with the decoration and frames, Ymir was sitting on her couch once again though she looked cleaner and had no trace of alcohol or cigarettes. Perhaps she was a teenager? She looked too...nice, very nice- but there was a problem as the scene shifted, she was being yelled at by someone, another girl just a year above her.

Like hot wax melting, Ymir's appearance had changed, she looked haggard, she changed, it wasn't the good kind- she was drastically older, perhaps in her college years.

It was over summer break that this happened.

_"You...you never spent a second caring about me!"_ That person yelled at her, it stung Ymir the worst because at that point, she thought she did care, she really did. _"It was always about you, you and your fucking problems!"_

_"I gave more shits about you than anyone could ever bother to do!"_ Ymir shouted back at her furiously, oh, there's the Ymir everyone never heard before. "How can you fucking say that to me, huh?! I know you go fuck that asshole all the time when I'm not here, you don't see me complaining about shit!" It was like there was a jolt in her timeline, Ymir couldn't fully remember how she got there, all she knew was that she was there. _"Fuck!"_

_"Ymir, you are-ah!"_

Ymir turned when the woman dropped dead on the floor, Ymir looked up to see Ilse standing behind the body, knife at hand, silent.

_"...why?"_

_"She...wouldn't stop her bullshit,"_ Ilse told her as she wiped the blood against a dirty rag; the woman had slit the girl's throat, ear to ear.

She stepped over the body as though it were trash, Ymir backed away for a moment, she wasn't able to process this.

_"I know where the guy lives,"_ Ilse began as she handed Ymir her knife.

Ymir stared at it, she held it in her hand, the weight familiar and heavy, she knew what she had to do.

-...-

"Sir," Hanji called out as she watched the charts.

Erwin glanced over her shoulder to see the brightly flashing purple over the usual blue lights of the pilot's outlines; it was over Ymir's. "What's going on here?"

Levi stepped by them, eyes gazing over their screens.

"They were at 100% synchronization but then it suddenly dropped down to 90% on Ymir's end, and it's dropping steadily," Levi said, frowning, brows creasing,"I told you to get a new set of pilots- Ymir isn't fit for service, come to think of it, she was never..."

"If we did that, Ymir would be stupid enough to pilot that thing on her own before she let anyone else touch it." He spoke into the intercom. "Titan, what's going on in there? You're not in synch, Krista, what is going on with Ymir?"

-...-

Krista's memories left her like running water through her fingers. She didn't stray or try to keep certain ones at bay from Ymir. She'd see all of her and everything that amounted to now. Krista's and Ymir's memories were falling into one pool that they'd share.

Stop.

The water stopped.

Krista's mouth went dry as one memory overtook her vision.

The imagery of blood, knives, a woman screaming, and two sisters kept replaying in her head. She blinked back the obsessive memory at the sound of her name.

"S-Sir, s-she's not letting go!"

Krista glanced over at Ymir, seeing her between the states of thought and reality.

"Ymir!" Krista felt her stomach drop at the memory. So long she had to keep it to herself, wondering what the woman really was.

It put a doubt in the spark she felt for Ymir, knowing she killed someone

"Ymir," Krista plunged back forth into the drift, seeing the memory on replay.

"Stay with me!"

Krista went forward to Ymir as she was in mid-scream at the stranger.

"I need you to be here with me! We need to fight!"

Krista took her head in the Drift, holding it up to her mouth and kissing all the breaks she knew were in the lines of her hands and fate.

The sound of something guttural and loud was shaking their memories from reality.

"Ymir!" Krista begged. "Don't be unfair!"

She tugged at her hand.

"Let it go!"

Krista felt the tremors of the Kaiju nearing.

"Don't do this, not now! I-I can't do this without you!" Krista bit back her tears as she could almost feel the breath of the Kaiju. Her vision was splitting in and out of the real world and the memories. "I don't want to die anymore!"

Krista squeezed her eyes shut as a thunderous roar ripped through her body and mind.

"Pilot's at 60%, right hemisphere compromised," Hanji warned, she switched over to another intercom. "Colossal, I need you to stand guard over Titan- don't let it get damaged!"

Reiner's voice broke in. "On our way, ma'am."

A league away was Colossal, one that made the Titan dwarfed compared to it- the Kaiju, codenamed Drakos, advanced upon the Titan, getting closer by the second until a mechanical hand dropped in to grab it by its tail and haul it back. The Colossal had managed to get there on time to prevent it from getting any closer.

-...-

Ymir could hear Hanji's voice off of the intercom, and as she held the knife, she saw the feint outlining of another pair hands, one smaller and whiter than hers. Ghosting over her skin, she felt a pair of lips touch her palms, but she ignored them as she was back at night at a run-down house in the middle of the desert. She found the bastard, she pounced him at a corner, and she proceeded to bury her knife into the flesh, repeatedly, she found the drive to kill senselessly.

And she enjoyed destroying him.

She barked out a laughter as her hesitant jabs became purposeful, she found a sick, twisted thrill in doing this to the man, but it wasn't until Ilse took her wrist- Ymir wrenched it away, shouting at Ilse,_"He's just like any other fucking animal in this world!"_

_"But you don't have to keep going at him!"_ Ilse protested. _"We need to get out of here!"_

_"No, I'm not done with him!"_ Ymir snapped, she had truly lost her head at that point, of all the times she couldn't pull herself together, now was one of them. _"Let me have my chance!"_

_"Goddamn it, Ymir!"_ Ilse cried as the sirens sounded off in the distance; neighbors had heard the yelling from earlier that day, people grew concerned. Everyone knew things happened in the town, Ymir's family was always the center for gossip- for violence to erupt in actual death, well, someone had to call the authorities to control the family, or what was left of it.

The next thing Ymir knew, she was in handcuffs, along with Ilse.

-...-

"Krista, this is getting critical, if Ymir gets below 40%, we'll end up losing you as well!" Hanji suddenly shouted, she was shaking.

Erwin sighed, shaking his head. "Give her a minute..."

"That's not enough!"

-...-

Ymir was out of her mind. She was losing the track of time and Krista could feel it.

"Ymir!" Her voice hoarse as fear was beginning to seep. The memories were fresh and painted in wild emotions that mirrored a threatened animal as the stabbing continued."Ymir!"

Her clothes had suddenly changed in the Drift, she was a civilian, not a Ranger

Krista was brought to the handcuffs. She heard someone's voice, saying she was going to be lost. Krista couldn't tell whether or not it was hers or someone else's. It was the voice of reason to abandon and try to survive.

"No!"

Krista's eyes were blinded with the barrage of memories. Her voice was snapping into a snarl of fear and stubbornness.

"I won't leave her!"

Ymir had seen her and all of her suicidal attempts at drowning at sea, trying to run away from home, being abused, and sexually assaulted.

She saw everything but not once had she saw pity or disgust!

"Ymir, stay with me! This is a memory!"

Krista held tightly to Ymir's waist.

"Remember us dancing! Remember when we kissed!"

There was nothing. Krista slammed against Ymir's back, forcing a hug as she was being led through the prison. Krista was pulling Ymir back to the open doors, away from the cage Ymir was crawling to.

"I won't let you hole up anymore! Don't you dare leave me!"

Krista was using all her strength to pull Ymir back.

"Don't you fucking dare!"

Her voice was raspy and unbridled in determination. She kept yanking at Ymir.

"Ymir! Let this go!" She screamed as her fingertips were going raw from her grasping of the rough, orange material.

Her heels dug in but the memory kept going. The darkness of the cells were growing like shadowy apparitions of the end.

"The past is gone!"

Krista stood before Ymir, trying to see into her eyes. Krista cupped Ymir's face, trying to get her attention.

"YMIR!"

Krista forced her head down into a kiss that left her lips bruised and eyes wet.

"Live with me now!"

Her face went back up, kissing her.

-...-

Ymir laughed, or she felt herself laugh.

Nothing ever goes away.

Not in the Drift.

It was like being slammed in the face with a book-ah, no, a truck.

Ymir couldn't place her tongue on what snapped her back into reality, but all she suddenly knew was that she was back inside Titan, her mind reeling back into place. She clenched her fist several times to test her reality, and once she confirmed she was where she was supposed to be- she remained connected to Krista through the Drift, though her emotions were in check.

She breathed slowly, hearing Hanji say,"Pilot is beginning to stabilize, at 80% again- Ymir, are you alright?"

Ymir reached out to flip a switch. "I'm...I'm good."

"Good, now, start moving in on Drakos," Hanji instructed,"Colossal is distracting him, there's an opening for you."

Ymir nodded and took a moment to catch her breath. She glanced over at Krista, sadly, and then returned to looking out.

Memories went by and Krista was back into reality. Her breathing was heavy as stray tears went down her face. She gulped down the lump in her throat and licked her lips. She glanced over at Ymir to see amber staring back. She looked away.

"Let's go." Krista breathed and brought her emotions back into check. She had no time to think or try to make sense of what happened.

Titan's form was fluid as the water that glided past it. The black plating shone like obsidian. Colossal was neck to neck with the Kaiju. The bloodcurdling screams and shock waves of impact from the beast sent Krista's stomach churning. Its tail was whipping around, trying to cleave Colossal as it fought off its ravenous, snapping mouth.

Pieces of metal went whizzing past Titan as sparks and the shrieking machinery from Colossal's knee joint cut above the Kaiju's sound. Liquid and oil went flowing into the ocean. The troubled joint from weeks ago went out again!

Titan's small frame took a step back. Armor plating slid past as Krista flicked switches until large thrusters came out of the Jaeger's back and legs.

Water sprayed everywhere as glints of obsidian and blue flames dashed across until metal collided with flesh. The tail whipped back and forth within Titan's grip. Colossal was on one knee, heaving the beast's razor-lined jaws away from its helm.

"We need to sever the tail!" Krista yelled.

Ymir's hands stretched out to grasp at one joint and then another of the Salamander's tail. Within minutes, they had managed to tear away at the flesh, though a foot had to be brought down at the joint to break it off completely; the Titan then got onto Drakos's head to where it mechanical hands grasped at the neck.

"Taken damage to the knee!" Bertolt's trembling voice rang.

"We got it, we got it!" Ymir assured him as the Titan's fingers of one hand took a hold of the head. Metal was pushed to the limit as she began to haul the head back, turning it, she kept doing it. "C'mon, gotta snap the neck!"

Krista held her grip on Drakos, but the salamander's body was coated with slick oil. Titan's hands kept slipping.

"Activating Titan's Claws!" Krista quickly dialed and selected the options.

Jabbing a button, Titan's hands twisted as small plates slid in unison until the fingers were talons. Titan's hand clenched and dug the barbed spears into the beast's flesh. Drakos let out a hiss as it began to writhe in Colossal's grasp. Without anything to combat against the slickness of Drakos, Colossal lost its grip almost immediately. The creature went splashing into the ocean with Titan following.

The creature dragged Titan away enough to be out of Colossal's reach. Drakos spun around and began a death roll. Its skin shredded with Titan's talons but was ripped free as Kaiju blue went spilling across the ocean. The beast reemerged torn and bleeding with wrath in its eyes. It screamed at Titan and launched itself at the Jaeger.

"THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT!?" Ymir challenged madly at it as she switched on the jets under Titan's feet, boosting it from the ocean and up to the air to where it grasped at its body again. Ymir nearly lost it at that moment when machinery collided into fresh, mouth directly contacting its throat. Ymir flipped on several switches and shouted once more,"Activating Titan's Jaw, Unlock!"

The mandible under Titan's skull unlocked itself from its place, falling out to grasp its metal plated teeth against its throat, aiming for the windpipe and jugular.

"Lock the Jaw!" Ymir ordered as she was about to hit the last switch as Drakos decided to take them down into the blue. "Lock it, fucking lock it, Krista!"

Her anger, her rage, it was pouring into the battle, she was out of control and yet she was channeling it perfectly.

This was what Erwin wanted out of her as Ranger.

Krista couldn't see anything as bubbles and sediment from the bottom of the ocean blew up in front of Titan's view. The world was spinning fast and hard, sending Krista's stomach into a fit. The insides of Titan were clanking and the plating screeching against rocky outcrops. Buttons were turning red and alarms were going off as several cautions popped up left and right on the piloting screen. Her hand went to and fro from the force of the roll and slammed against the lock.

Their view was suddenly engulfed in fluorescent blue and the rumble and thunder of Drakos's screams made the ocean itself quake. Krista grimaced as the sound pierced her ears like a siren.

The rolling stopped and they resurfaced. The blue went down the glass to reveal a large piece of flesh in Titan's jaws.

"Where is it?!" Bertolrt spluttered.

Titan kept guard as it stepped around in a circle until a trail of Kaiju Blue led back to Colossal.

"Colossal, stay sharp!" Hanji yelled as the trail kept making its way to the downed Jaeger, but it didn't stop at it.

"Where is it going?!" Krista barked into the microphone.

"It's leaving the bay! It's going back—"

Drakos came up. Its left cheek all the way up to its forehead was an open, oozing wound. Its blood poured over it as it found its dismembered tail.

"What the fuck is it doing?" Reiner's voice was in frenzy over the microphone as Colossal was staggering into defensive.

Drakos set upon its tail like a starved dog. Hardly bothering with chewing it was forcing the tail down until it was gone in seconds.

Opening its mouth a gaseous cloud came forth.

"That thin—"

Noxious fumes ignited into flames that coiled around Colossal's outstretched arm, defending itself from the blast.

The Jaeger fell into the water.

"FUCK! WE'VE TAKEN SEVERE DAMAGE TO OUR ARM!" The reply heavy with static- they couldn't tell who was screaming on the other end.

Drakos towered with blue and white smoldering flames engulfing its body.

"Oh Jesus!" Ymir murmured as she turned the thrusters on to full. They were back to the surface, emerging a bit too late as Colossal came plummeting to the depths, though it was still operating, just unmoving; she pushed back thoughts if those guys were alive- she knew she couldn't defend the coast on her own.

Without thinking, Titan's arms were outstretched, it was back to latching on to Drako's body, once more holding it by the neck.

"Titan's only good for close-range," Ymir exclaimed,"tear off the head, just fucking tear it off! Activate TItan's Jaws, Unlock!"

The head was aimed for what was left of its head (they had taken it by the crook of its neck), and this time, they poised themselves against the ocean floor, bracing for the impact of a struggle. Ymir could feel Titan's limit being pushed, it had taken enough damage for the day, the one downside to using this Jaeger, but Ymir, as always, pushed beyond boundaries.

Krista quickly braced for impact as she shredded through the monster's side with Titan's claws. She'd wreck the muscle there in hopes it'd lessen the deadly roll it was keen to do. Once she had a lock on its arm, she felt Titan's jaw ready itself.

"Lock the Jaw!" Ymir keened.

The loud roar of Drakos and Titan's body creaking and groaning was deafening, but she knew what to do. She slapped the button for the jaw to lock.

The beast was thrashing but the weakened muscles had little to go off of. Its neck was buried in razor-teeth backed by tons of pressure in the bite. The fire consuming Drako's body was melting the outer-layer of metal. The helm was becoming a furnace.

"Activating Jaw Lock," Krista yelled above the chaos and went over, flicking up switches. Her face was red and sweat was pouring from her. "Releasing High Pressured Steam!"

The view was immediately blocked with spraying blue and white clouds of steam. Screams and struggling against the clamped jaws kept the Jaeger pilots on their toes until everything was quiet and still.

The jaw was released and the body slid into the water, extinguishing itself in the ocean. Clouds of steam set the harbor in a haze, veiling Titan and her Rangers from the world.

"Good job, Titan," the voice over the intercom was static.

Krista felt relief come over her as she sighed, feeling the helm begin to cool off. She hit the microphone button nearby.

"You too, Colossal."

As the clouds dispersed, Colossal was seen miraculously holding itself up by one arm and one leg and a half.


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: April 4 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2200

Once they were back, it was like the whole place was a party ground. Everyone was cheering and patting Ymir's back.

Today marked Titan's first kill.

It was something to pop a cork of vodka over as the mechanics team cheered out at a victory, even the Marshal and his second in command got into the party in the loading bay. As Titan was put on hold for repairs, some citizens (not permitted entry so they mailed their gifts) had bouquets of flowers laid out at Titan's feet. At the foot of it were tables for bars, something Ymir relished.

Reiner and Bertolt were exempted from the party as they sustained heavy injuries, though they were having drinks brought to them.

Ymir wandered here and there until she was swept off of her feet by some technicians, they were crying out to her, laughing and chanting her name. In the midst of the crowd, she finally found Krista; she offered up her hand while yelling,"That's my co-pilot! Get her up here!"

A few knew Krista and congratulated her on the victory, but most of the spoils went to Ymir. Krista didn't mind this as much as long as not a lot of attention was given to her. Her mind was finally able to process what had happened in the Jaeger.

So many in times in her life she had chased after death and failed to grasp it. The feeling in the Jaeger…that was different. Hearing its thunderous screams and tremors left her wrecked with fear for the first time ever.

She thought she would accept that Ymir would bring them to their death, but it made her angry and scared. Ymir, the woman who held her like she was normal, and the one with so many freckles that begged to be kissed, with long legs that brought Krista's mind to a halt, was willing to give up for a split moment. The idea of Ymir leaving her left her body numb and sick.

Krista was almost too far in thought to see Ymir holding her hand out. She glanced up to amber with a soft look. Ymir was crowned in lights and cheers like the sunlight itself. Her eyes were the ray that shone warmth on Krista's darkness.

Hesitantly, Krista took her hand.

Ymir immediately hauled Krista up into the mass, letting her be carried and paraded alongside her. The group cheered, laughing even harder when Ymir linked her hand with hers and lifted them up high. They cheered once more and handed Ymir a bottle of wine, she hadn't been this happy.

Another reason for the celebration was the usual expectation of Ymir. For years she had proved herself troublesome, an expected failure for what she had done in the past. By now, as a saint alongside Krista, she was deemed a hero, she earned the respect and fame she demanded for years.

Despite the hollowness in the back of her head, Krista couldn't help but laugh and smile with Ymir. Her hands were warm and comforting among the mass of people, anchoring her from being overwhelmed. Members of her mechanic crew were the ones who spent the celebration with her.

Hours went down and soon the crowd dwindled, Ymir engrossed in a drinking game with Sasha.

Time went by slower than usual. The possibility of the next deployment being riddled with problems plagued Krista's mind. She stood a generous distance from Ymir, contemplating how she could approach Ymir about it. No matter how much she wanted to uphold her part of the promise, the close call on Colossal weighed heavy on her heart.

Levi, one of the higher ups, wordlessly brought her away from her trance.

With Krita off to the side, an easy target that Levi, the only one of authority who didn't celebrate, could approach.

Other than Hanji, he was Erwin's direct right hand.

He strode over to her, pulled her away from the group, and took her behind storage containers.

She felt herself stiffen when they were away from Ymir.

At first, he praised her,"Congratulations on your first kill...doomed to be failures such as yourselves have surprised me." His glare penetrated to her soul, he wasn't the soft side Erwin displayed. "However, I observed your battle- while Ymir is difficult to Drift with, you managed to do it. I, myself, was about to be her co-pilot until you came up."

"Thank you, sir." She nodded, taking the compliment as it was.

He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Ymir is a hardy person, stubborn, reckless, but she needs direction in life. She only had Ranger Ilse Langnar to keep her in control- I order of you to do the same on your next Drop. I'm positioning you as the lead pilot whether Ymir likes it or not. If she refuses, I will be her pilot. Is that understood, Ranger?"

Hearing Levi promote her to pilot and Ymir to co-pilot made her skin crawl. Her eyes felt watery but dry. She bit her lip.

"I—I don't think—It means a lot to her! I—"

Krista glanced up to see his stern glare and cast her resistance away.

"Understood, sir." Her hands were gripping her pants, trying to contain whatever rebellion was building in her. The fear of seeing Ymir's reaction and what she'd say made Krista uneasy.

Krista's eyes made their way back to Ymir who was laughing and drinking with Sasha.

"Will I be the one to report the news to Ymir?" She asked.

"If I did it, she would run off with Titan and try to pilot the damn thing for herself- she's nearly done it before. I'd prefer to keep the Shatterdome in one piece."

He slipped back into the shadows, silent and gone, leaving her to Ymir.

Ymir had out-drank Sasha, her years of building tolerance had proved useful to her as Sasha collapsed onto the table; they cheered once more but as the last competitor had been eliminated, the party began to lessen.

Krista was left with the task at hand. The edge of happiness from the party and success had left her sober. She went back to where the last of the party remained to find Ymir staggering to her. Sasha was laid against the table, defeated.

Ymir got up and, once she saw Krista, she staggered over to her, wiping the foam from her mouth as she smiled broadly to her.

"There you are!" Ymir sang to her, arms spread open, she embraced her. "C'mon, let's get up to my cabin!"

Krista gave an amused smile, seeing Ymir knocked off her ass for the lack of better terms.

"Alright," she gave Ymir a quick squeeze. She kept an arm around the taller woman's shoulder in an attempt to keep her steady.

Ymir was in no condition to be told the news. Krista would have to wait till tomorrow. No use in raining on her parade, especially if she wouldn't remember it.

They steadily made it to her private quarters, it was much more messier than her apartment as it was more often lived in. Ymir closed the door and turned the wheel to lock it close, she then shook her head to rid herself, for a moment, of the alcohol while going to the fridge- she had to sober up herself. She took a bottle of water and drank it in an attempt to dilute her blood.

She sat herself down at the table for one and gestured for Krista to sit on her bed.

"You did a very good job," Ymir praised Krista. "Very good..."

She trailed off.

She knew what happened back in Titan nearly cost them their lives, only now did she decide to latch on the events.

Ymir was regaining control faster than Krista was hoping. She sat at the edge of the bed where her partner motioned and crossed her legs. The place was messy but it had Ymir's signature on it, Krista's eyes finally settled on the woman.

"Thank you," she replied.

Krista frowned, sensing there was something more than that.

"Is there something wrong, Ymir?" She licked her lips. Krista was unsure how to proceed without being forceful or cowardly. She could only believe that Ymir would be merciful enough to tell her what it was.

"You'd have to be more specific on what's wrong," Ymir slurred,"there's too many things wrong in this world. For one, Kaiju..."

Krista sighed.

"Come over here, at least sit by me." She patted for the spot next to her. Krista didn't want Ymir to leave if Krista went prying too deep. She'd at least have a better change at grabbing her if she tried.

Ymir shifted about, then haggardly brought herself to the bed to where she leaned against the wall, one leg tucked in and up so that she could prop her hand on her knee. She looked relaxed, it was natural for her to sit like that- she stared at Krista.

"...what?" She softly asked.

Krista turned towards Ymir better and saw she was comfortable. She closed her eyes, searching the right way to say things, but nothing came.

"Wh-what happened back there?" Krista asked.

She found herself bringing her knees up to her chest to guard her heart from whatever was to come.

"I…I about lost you back there." She kept her eyes towards Ymir, refraining from burying herself away in her self-made fortress.

"I...don't know, Krista," Ymir slowly admitted. "I don't know why I held on to those memories, I don't know why. I've always had them in control, they hardly bother me, even now. But now...that I think about it, I just-" She broke her words, that rush of sadness came to her- when she was alone, drinking always brought that wave. "-I...don't want a repeat of what happened too many times."

She held her head in her free hand, she ruffled her hair.

"Half the time, I'm scared, half the time, the fear drives me to disregard everything."

Krista lowered her gaze from Ymir when she began to trail. She listened and flinched at the idea of a repeat.

"What are you afraid will happen?" Krista's mind was trying to piece together the memory in her head.

"...getting close, what, you think I'd kill you?" Ymir nearly laughed.

Nearly.

Krista only gave a shrug at the morbid joke.

"It wouldn't exactly matter." Her voice was soft but somber. Her eyes flicked back up to Ymir's.

"I'm scared, too," she tilted her head to rest her cheek against her knee.

"Learning things I never knew before and not knowing what to do. That's scary. I thought I knew what I wanted the most in the world, but it turned out I didn't want it at all." She closed her eyes. Her voice sounded foreign to her. As if it had a mind of its own.

"In fact, it turned out to be the exact opposite of what I wanted."

"What did you want? And what's the opposite?" Ymir dumbly asked.

Krista felt her mouth dry. Her tongue moved, but nothing came out.

Krista huffed. There was nothing to lose or gain from this situation. If Ymir didn't want her after this then Levi would step in.

"I didn't become a Ranger for glory or because humanity needed me."

Her eyes were focusing on the wall beside Ymir.

Her hands gripped tightly at her knees.

"I just wanted to die." It finally came out of her mouth. The words were so easy. They came out like they were poetry to Krista's ears.

"What better way to than to say I died for a good cause." This time, she couldn't help but bury her face into her own embrace.

"If you wanted to die so badly...why didn't you do it earlier? Rangers who die, it's a war, there's no glory in it- you're just another number added to the list," Ymir reasoned with her. "That's like...telling me I joined for a good cause- I didn't, I did it to get my ass out of prison. What changed your thought now?"

"Rangers are humanity's last hope. They're everything that every single person on the Earth hopes to prevail. I thought enough people would say I gave to the best cause known to man. I'd be seen in a better light…than someone who just gave up." Krista's reasoning was falling apart in front of her eyes.

It made her irritated. Her eyes watered as she bit her tongue.

"I-I wanted to. I really did." Her voice was cracking as she shook in anger.

Tears spilled over her face as she mopped them away with her sleeve.

"B-but I felt bad! I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to see you sad or die. I wanted you happy."

Her voice was hoarse as she shook and angrily swiped further tears from her face.

"I didn't want to feel this way. I thought I knew what I wanted, but then I met you and it's all a mess now."

The darkness had claws and hands in her stomach, gripping every organ and strength she had in its thorny grasp. She bent over on herself, sobbing. She didn't want to live if living meant feeling horrible every day and being tormented by anxiety every time a party came or if she had to go to a new place she had never been to.

It wasn't worth it.

Then, Ymir came.

She brought her to new places and made her feel new things that didn't haunt her in the night. When they drifted, Krista was scared.

She saw her life and a life similar break many times over like twigs under footstep. Not once did Ymir look at her like scum. Her gaze was the same except when she held Krista close—it was warm sunlight that shone gold on wheat fields. It was her heart's summer.

Krista covered her face with her hands, clawing tightly into her skin.

Ymir watched her break.

If it were anyone else, she'd laugh, call them pathetic, kick them, and tell them to get their shit together, regardless of who they were. She dropped her water to the bed, cap closed, as she leaned over to grasp at her, hold her- it was something Ilse did to her whenever she had an episode of god knows what psychological mishap came.

She dragged her back so that she would lay back between her legs, her arms wrapped around her waist as she felt her convulsing. The girl was still clawing at her face, it was something that struck Ymir. She did another thing Ilse showed her- she clutched to both her hands and held them down and away, she laid her face against the back of Krista's.

"I'd never admit this to you...but you're the first person I treated decently as a human being. Not once had I ever thought of just wanting to see you fall and suffer, it's...a fucked up thing coming from someone who wanted the watch the world burn so badly that a fucking apocalypse came in.

"I just wanted to die." Krista's voice was broken in sobs as she repeated the words over and over.

She felt Ymir's hands pull hers down. Her stress and fear from earlier was being washed away.

"I didn't ask for much else." Was her chant, wondering why it didn't come sooner.

Ymir's words were soft to her even if they might've been harsh. Krista's hands took Ymir's hands and squeezed them, trying to calm down. Krista could feel Ymir's breath against the back of her neck. It made her skin catch fire.

"Ymir," she breathed through sobs.

She repositioned her hands until Ymir's head resting against her shoulder.

"Your breath was tickling me." She shakily murmured. Her tears were slowing with her breathing.

Ymir pressed her lips against her skin, she only did what was natural to her. She suddenly ran her tongue along that juncture before stopping at one spot below her ear to graze her teeth against the soft skin.

Ilse never taught her this, she just knew it.

Krista felt the kisses against her shoulder. She felt her body relax against the affection.

"Y-Ymir," Krista sharply inhaled, feeling her tongue trail along her shoulder to her neck and stopping below her ear. She shivered as teeth brushed against her. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip to stop from vocalizing her surprise. She hadn't felt that pleasant shock before.

Krista turned her head, rubbing her thumbs against Ymir's hands, and brought Ymir's lips into a kiss. The taste of alcohol was strong, but the kiss itself made Krista dizzy with warmth and excitement.

Ymir lazily pushed her lips against hers, just barely deepening that kiss.

Now that she thought it, Ymir never thought much before, she found herself enjoying the person she was holding. Her fingers laced with Krista's, assuring herself that Krista was real, that she really was there and not a figment she came up with in her drunk state. She sighed against her, relieved, and unlaced one of her hands to press her palm against Krista' stomach, pulling her closer while undoing a button to her shirt.

It wasn't an appropriate time to advance upon her like this, then again, Ymir never gave a fuck about perfect timing.

Krista parted her lips to let Ymir in. She shyly met her with her tongue.

She felt herself flush against Ymir as she pressed into her and finding haven in her arms and body. The hand that was there was now unbuttoning her shirt.

She paused in her kiss. She brought her hand up and guided Ymir's hand up to the other button. Her face felt on fire as she released Ymir's hand and went to gently trace circles on Ymir's thigh.

Krista pulled away with a soft gasp and stared in Ymir's eyes. Her hand went from her leg to her cheek to caress her.

"Your eyes are so pretty," she said, kissing her lips repeatedly.

Ymir snorted.

She hated her eyes, they were so plain but whenever she looked into the mirror, all she saw was an image of herself. Those uncaring eyes...they scared her sometimes.

She unbuttoned a third one up and reached inside to grasp at her breast, gently squeezing one to see how firm they were. She smirked against Krista's lips as she used her other hand to trace circles aimlessly atop Krista's own. It never occurred to her that she was still holding hands with her, and just doing so assured her that Krista was very much real.

Krista shuddered as a low whimper went against Ymir's lips. She deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue into Ymir. Her body felt on fire as she felt hands cupping her.

"Ah," she bit Ymir's lower lip when the hands brushed against sensitive flesh. She quickly sucked and licked Ymir's bottom lip in forgiveness. Her hands were tingling from Ymir's.

Feeling bold with desire, she arched her back to allow her chest to fill Ymir's hands.

Ymir cupped her harder and tore her lips away from hers, she was back at her neck, biting harshly.

Krista cried out at the merciless teeth on her neck, but she never said stop. She held her whimpers and tears as Ymir softened and began to soothe the reddening skin.

"I won't do this if you don't want to," Ymir huffed against her skin, blood rising to her cheeks as she licked that spot.

Krista was a panting mess. Her core was on fire and the apex of her thighs was growing wet and hot.

"I-I-I don't want to go…too far."

Krista was melting against Ymir despite her words.

"B-but, I don't want to stop, p-please." Her hands held Ymir's hands to her chest. Dull aches were pulsating inside of her.

Krista went up to kiss her temple, then lowered her lips to her ear.

"You...don't want to go on but you don't want to stop...if we keep going, we may as well go there," Ymir hotly whispered.

Krista writhed at the hot breath on her ear, but brought Ymir's hands down and away from her chest.

"I-I don't want to." Krista turned towards Ymir, hugging her close to her body. "Not yet." She shakily sighed. Her neck was beginning to bruise where Ymir laid her onslaught. She brought her fingers to her neck with a wince. "You get rough."

She kissed Ymir's neck and contemplated whether she should return the favor.

Ymir nodded, she let it slide as she held her closer.

The alcohol was creeping up on her now, it hit her harder than a Kaiju and she found herself dozing off. She ended up slumping to the side and landed her head against her rough pillow, taking Krista down with her and holding her tighter, legs tangling themselves with her. Her eyes grew heavy and immediately closed, though she was still awake.

"Good...idea," she let out.

Krista went down with Ymir. She felt her body everywhere on her. She slid out of her shirt and put it off to the side of the bed. She felt cooler than before.

Ymir was nearly asleep with Krista chasing after.

Krista brought her mouth to Ymir's neck, gently nursing the skin with sucks, soft nibbles, and ending with licks till Ymir had a mark to match Krista's. When she was satisfied, Krista fell to sleep in the nook of Ymir's neck with not a dream to disturb.


	7. Chapter 7

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

A/N: This fic is moving slower than it looks fast, check the date and time at the start of every chapter or in between breaks. Every chapter is spaced out by a large margin of time.

* * *

Date: April 5 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1100

She woke up groaning, her head pounding her neck sore.

"Nngh," she let out as she shifted about, her eyes opened to see Krista's bare skin. She widened them, thinking about how far she went. Ymir's clothes were still on, but Krista was half naked. The room spun and she was forced to close her eyes and unwrap herself from Krista to face the other way.

For some reason, she expected Ilse to come bursting in to wake her up as usual, but it was silent in her quarter.

Not long after, Krista woke to the shifting of limbs, Ymir was untangled from her. She yawned and sat up, rubbing her face, and almost forgetting where she was. She found her shirt almost immediately and put it back on.

"Hey," she was uncertain whether Ymir was awake or not, "do you want something to drink? Water or coffee?"

"Both, and there's a bottle of Advil on the counter, go get it," Ymir groaned out, holding her head. "Fuck me..."

Krista caught sight of last night's endeavors on her neck and blushed.

"Ok," she went and left the room and quickly came back with water and coffee. She had only received a few surprised glances at the marks on the side of her neck. Once back, she gave Ymir a bottle of water and the Advil.

What Levi had said to her last night was coming back.

"Ymir," she sat back on the bed, sipping on her water, "I have something to talk to you about."

She gulped it down fast, along with the pills, and glanced at her when she faced her. "What is it?"

Krista wrung the hem of her shirt in her hands as she felt Ymir's expectant gaze on her.

"L-Levi told me about new orders that I was to relay to you."

She picked her voice back up, trying to think of it as information and not a dagger to Ymir's pride.

"He said…that I was to be the pilot of Titan…and you to be the co-pilot."

She held her breath as her hands stopped on her shirt. She wasn't sure if she was breathing as she waited for Ymir's reply.

Ymir immediately shot up in disbelief.

"What?" She asked softly, brows scrunching at the idea. She gathered her wits as though her hangover was thrown out the window. "...do you think you can handle being pilot?"

Krista jerked away in fear at Ymir's reaction. Her uncanny calmness made Krista's fear deepen.

"I-I don't know."

Krista pulled her legs up to her chest and buried her face back into them.

"I had my first deployment yesterday…and now I'm told to do more."

Krista didn't know if she was doing the right thing or if she'd ever know. Titan had been Ymir's and Ilse's Jaeger since its creation. She had no part of it until yesterday. She sighed and pulled away from her knees, putting her chin on her knees.

"I…I just have to try. I can't do anything about it…Levi said I had to do it, or he'd be the pilot."

She grimaced, remembering his hollow words and piercing glare.

"He threatened you with that?" Ymir said, anger rising, she didn't like how the man attacked her indirectly. Ever since day one she always thought of him always going after her. He always distributed orders to Ilse, never Ymir- she had no fucking idea why he did that, why he still did that. With Ilse, the woman had a strong ground, half of his orders were ignored given that he couldn't sway her.

Krista was weaker than Ilse, of course she would bend to his rule all too quickly.

Ymir rubbed her eyes in exasperation. "Orders are orders...that fucking shit- we'll try testing you as pilot tomorrow. Titan's damaged but the controls are still good for testing. If you can handle it, I'll let you be the pilot."

Krista could hear the anger in Ymir's voice as she glanced away from her partner.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't stick up for you." She felt the words bitter in her mouth. She knew that had let the moment slip in her fear of being removed from the program. "I will try my best." T

he words hung like a promise that was meant to be broken, but she couldn't see why. She hadn't even tried yet she felt like she failed.

-...-

The next day came around, Ymir explained to a groggy Sasha that only the Drift had to be tested, and so Sasha set them up with their usual suits. Ymir hesitated in the hull, she was used to having someone lead her, Ilse of course, but she never fancied the idea of another person doing it. She glanced at Krista for a moment, then stood in place after hooking herself into the main system.

-...-

In the control room in the building to the left of Titan, Levi and Erwin stood there, watching them.

"Her performance was poor," Levi stated.

"So you've said." Erwin nodded, slowly, after all, he provided the idea, Levi was merely his mouthpiece.

"It's better to have it this way."

"Ymir is in," Hanji stated,"now waiting on Krista."

Krista strapped herself in and felt herself being put into place. The drift would hit again. The memories of last night kept going through her head. When Sasha and Connie were helping them into their suits, they both took note of the bruises on their necks.

"Are we ready?" Krista asked as she began the initial system diagnostics before activating the drift.

Ymir huffed out,"Yeah, I'm ready-"

_ 'Initiating Neural Handshake._

Ymir scoffed and waited patiently for the hit, but then Levi's voice rang through the intercom,"Rangers, keep yourselves in control."

"Tch."

She braced herself for the rush, and soon, she was entering Krista's head and letting her into her own. She let the memories flow by, they had numbed themselves since the last Drift, all were passive and she didn't latch herself, she relaxed and waited for Krista.

-...-

A woman enters Krista's bedroom. Grubby hands wave at her mom until she sees tears streaming down her face. The mom rushes over, shoving Krista out of the way, and kicks her toy box and all of its contents across the floor.

_"Fucking CLEAN THIS MESS!"_ She screams as Krista frantically does as she's told.

Her mom doesn't leave until its done.

Another jolt and Krista's fingers twitch. The drift was stronger in her head, she could almost feel the current and electricity of its pull.

Krista at the ocean, wearing clothing meant for summer in the autumn storm. She drags herself down the pier as a man with an umbrella is following her. She throws herself off the pier. The man gasps and quickly calls for help.

White sheets. White floors. White walls. White curtains. Doctors in white.

_"Can you tell us how long you've been feeling this way?"_ A man with kind eyes and an empathetic smile encourages her to speak. Krista's eyes are a faint yellow than white around blue irises. Beside her bed is last night's vomit-black from activated charcoal.

_"As long as I can remember."_ Her voice is monotone and her eyes keep to one spot on the wall. The man writes it down and keeps his smile.

_"I see...From what records say, this isn't your first time. How many times have you attempted suicide?"_

_ "Six times."_

Another jolt of shock went through Krista's body as she kept her mind from dwelling.

_"No! I said no!" _

_ "But you said you'd like to try!"_ A man's grasp on her shoulders kept her from moving further.

_ "I-I said I'd let you t-take me on a date! I-I don't want this!"_ The sleeve of her shirt rips and the man's hold is now on her waist. Her shirt is now unbuttoning.

_ "But you said we could try!"_

The rest fades into a blur of skin and soft crying until another man jumps in, punching the guy away.

Krista runs away before her savior could make sure she's ok.

White bed sheets meet her vision again. Everything is blinding.

In this hospital, nothing has changed. Just like her.

_"Miss Lenz,"_ the familiar man sits down with a smile.

_ "In the past...I've known you to have said you've attempted six times."_

He flips his clipboard.

_"What number is this?"_ He questions.

_"My thirteenth."_ His clipboard almost falls as his face falls.

_"It's been four months."_ His voice is trying to cover the shock, but she doesn't show she had noticed. She keeps her eyes forward, dead set on seeing past reality, past the help, and hoping she could keep track of her own death in hopes it'd chase after her, too.

_ "I don't end up here every time."_ She gives him enough information to send him out of the room, but he didn't get far as loud wails erupt from the ocean. The building goes crumbling and Krista is able to make her escape before the therapist could tell the doctor. In fact, he died when the Kaiju hit the hospital. Many did except for a handful.

Once again, death had left Krista alone no matter how many times she tried to reach him.

Krista broke back into reality with a shaky breath. It was in the past now and she accepted that. She glanced over to Ymir.

Ymir only watched, she was a spectator who took no part in Krista's life, only letting them slip- she had to let the girl accept it, else being entangled in it all would never let her go on. She watched from the shadows, never speaking up, and when it was all over, she saw Krista staring at her, she only nodded, saying she understood and that she respected her for what she had done and what she will do in the field.

"Listen...I'm not too keen on dying in a Jaeger, as honorable as it sound. I'd very much like to live until I die old, I'm not done with this life and I was given a second chance, this is my time," Ymir told her firmly,"I want to live the way I want to, and I'm not going to hand my life to you knowing my next Drop will be suicide. You do what you will, I'll follow you regardless, but keep in mind that I want to live long enough to know the world had its fill of what it deserves."

Levi and the others were listening in on the intercom, she had purposely hit the mic so that they would at least have an inkling of how their orders would backfire on the field- at this moment, Ymir was only thinking for herself.

It was sensible.

"Can I trust you not to kill me when you take the lead?"

In truth, Ymir was letting it be known by the higher-ups that she was, disagreeing with an order- she had the proof.

Krista felt her face turn red and the blood drain from her face. It had been three years since all of this had happened. If she had wanted to die she would've let them while Ymir had her meltdown. Krista felt a burn in the back of her throat as her eyes narrowed.

"I wouldn't let that happen."

Had she not listened before? She said she didn't want Ymir to die. Her suicide would be without Ymir. Krista saw the microphone button was recording what was said. Krista tore her gaze away as she went back to the test drive.

"Is there anything else you'd like to question?" Her words left little to no warmth.

She steeled herself over, realizing that maybe Ymir didn't care about Krista and only for the sake of Titan, she trying to exploit her weakness.

"Can we start the test yet?" She hit her microphone and her voice came out more like a bark than a question.

"Ranger," Levi warned, his direct address was too vague.

Ymir drew her hand away from her mic, she was too cautious but who would blame her?

Inside the control room, Erwin swiped the mic for himself,"You two are at 100%, commence the trial."

And so the Titan moved its arms, its hands, showing perfect coordination, and when they were done, they were dismissed. Once undressed, Ymir immediately left for the loading dock, ignoring the announcement on the intercom. She commenced her usual ritual of smoking, trying to calm herself over what she had seen.

"Marshal," Hanji started after the Rangers had parted ways- they were taking a break at the bridge, drinking coffee and plotting their next course of action.

"They need to work this out," Erwin explained,"I can't have Ymir losing he-"

"Both have been proven themselves to be a liability, what Ymir said...she's not agreeing with your order, and she's already shown why."

"It does not change things. If there's anyone that could put her in place, it's that girl." He flipped the switch. "Ranger Lenz, report to the bridge at once."

-...-

Krista didn't say a word to Ymir after the trial. She didn't even show up to her room. Krista was on the floor with the her old team, assessing Colossal's joints until they found the reason why the fuel inlets kept allowing air into the hydraulic.

By the time she was done and going to take on another task the intercom spoke for her name. She waved to her old team and left immediately to report. She climbed her way until she was to the bridge. She stood stern and tall.

"Sir," she saluted.

He turned away from Levi to greet her, he stood in front of her, relieved her of her salute, and started off,"As you know by now, Ymir was formally criminal, along with Langnar. She is lead to believe that she was cleared of all charges but she is, in fact, property of the United States and that she was merely being borrowed like a tool for the Program. Now, given that she is in the Program, she still needs to give her status of her whereabouts, what she has been doing and so on."

He walked about, letting her follow him, they were at the observation deck to where Ymir, herself, was clearly seen smoking her hours away in front of Titan on the second level. She had been there that morning after the test and hadn't moved since.

"Ilse was under watch as well, though her punishment was less severe; the woman was charged with assisted murder- what really happened is not my business now. As a result, she was given charge to report on a monthly basis of what Ymir's activities were for the next five years, if Ymir had shown good behavior and service along with Ilse, she would be relieved of this and the Jaeger Program.

"Naturally, the usual misdemeanors of fights and public drinking were overlooked by us, but now she is under your jurisdiction. You, for the government, must report on her in case she does commit a crime outside the Jaeger Program- as in, kill a civilian. Over the years, she had proven herself passive but for the most part, it is a precaution."

Krista wasn't surprised at what she heard. The murder of two people wasn't going to be wiped clean even if the world could end. She kept quietly following him as he gave her more and more information until it was given to her responsibility.

"This is not an order, Ranger, failure to commit to this will result in Ymir returning to Death Row and you finding yourself a new pilot. It's better to not let her know of this, after all, Ilse gave her status without sounding a single alarm. Her knowing...may have unpleasant consequences for all of us. Out of everyone, you are the only one who could go near her- I expect a file at the end of the month. You are dismissed."

Krista stopped following him as he dismissed her. Her head turned towards Titan and Ymir.

"Yes, sir," she gave a final salute and left. She went down the halls to her own old quarters and locked it. She fell onto the cot and breathed.

Despite giving up her opportunity to die without suspicion, she suddenly wished she hadn't.

Krista had been fine with the idea of living when Ymir was her accepting, rough-around-the-edge more-than-friend-but-less-than-lover Jaeger pilot. However, her 'friend' had went and decided to rat her out to the world and show that she didn't trust her at all. Her actions had told Ymir otherwise when the time came down to it but she still gave her a judging glance.

Krista threw her pillow at the wall with a huff.

Now, she had to watch over Ymir and ensure that she didn't decide to kill someone, but that didn't seem at all likely. She had yet to show anything towards that urge except for the time she said she didn't want it to happen again. Krista rolled her eyes. If that were the case, Krista might as well open her arms wide for that loving embrace.

"Why did it have to get so hard," she covered her eyes with her hands.

Just when she wanted to live, everything decided to throw responsibility, secrets, and bitterness towards her.

* * *

Date: April 15 2016  
Location: Some Shady Bar, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2100

Ymir was back at the pub, drinking away.

Krista hadn't spoken to her, hadn't checked up on her for days, Ymir couldn't blame her, she couldn't. It was, entirely her fault, but her reasoning behind it was to tell the higher-ups,"Hey, she's not ready to be the lead pilot, giving her my position is gonna kill me, hey, your judgement was wrong," but it still didn't change the fact that orders were set in motion.

No doubt Krista was pissed, and Ymir only knew one way to just let it slide- get shitfaced.

She told Sasha where she was going as an invite, but the brunette declined.

She was sitting at the bar and she was on her third mug when some guy approached her.

"`ey, ain't you dat Jaeger pilot?"

Ymir glared at him. "Maybe."

"Dayum, girl, you got dem moves, huh?"

Ymir wasn't in the mood to show off, but her adrenaline kicked in.

"Heard you like fightin'. Got summa my boys here, they want a piece of you," he said, obviously drunk.

Without thinking, without reasoning, she smirked. "Sure thing. Back alley."

She led them out, out into the street to where they were out of sight. She stripped herself of her jacket and cracked her knuckles, it was at these times that she felt alive, just truly alive. There were four men, she got herself into position as one man that was stupid enough stepped out to throw the first punch; she retaliated and began to fight.

-...-

Sasha looked at her watch, then found Krista, she ran to her.

"Uh, Krista, there you are. Look, had you seen Ymir? I was gonna send Connie or Hanji to her to go out drinking because I was busy, but by the time I got to any of them, Ymir already left. C...can ya help me get her back? I don't want to deal with her on my own- last time I got caught up in a fight and well, kinda broke a wrist there."

Krista looked up at girl from before who doubted her. She quickly made a bee-line to her when her attention was called. At first, Krista was annoyed she only wanted to talk because she had to find Ymir, but became angry when she was being put to responsibility, again.

"Sure," she sighed, sliding off her dirty jumpsuit. "Where did you let her go?"

She took out her cellphone to punch in GPS coordinates.

Within thirty minutes she was given a ride to a seedy part of the city and dropped in front of a bar. Immediately a roar began in the alley nearby. Krista already knew Ymir was most likely a part of that.

Krista ran to the alleyway to see four men and Ymir brawling like drunkards.

"What the hell!?" She yelled out, stomping to the brunette.

When the men tried to interfere, she quickly countered every sloppy punch and kick until they were on the ground without steering from her direction towards Ymir.

"Seriously, what the hell are you doing?" Krista's nerves felt like they were going to explode.

She had little to no time to herself because she had to familiarize herself with new procedures as the main pilot, on top of that was having to snoop into Ymir's personal life.

"Did you really just come out here to fight civilians? You know for hell they can't compare to you." Krista's anger was blooming like the maddening flush on her cheeks.

Why did she have to act like a babysitter to Ymir?

Ymir shrugged, her fun was over as all the men were on their stomachs, groaning. She spit on one of them, a grin on her face,"Of course they can't compare to me, that's what makes this fun."

Everyone in the whole Shatterdome probably heard Ymir's speech of not trusting her because of her suicidal tendencies. Now Krista had to live knowing that practically everyone knew her mental state. No longer could she hide behind the mask that preserved a decent image of herself. She was now forced to face the true discrimination of people wondering why they had to put their trust in the mentally unstable.

Krista stared into Ymir's amber.

"Whats got you so pent up anyway?" Her voice softened only an increment.

Ymir shrugged, her fun was over as all the men were on their stomachs, groaning. She pointed at them. "Don't you know how it feels to have power over these things? Knowing you can beat them to the ground, it's just refreshing."

Her blood was pumping, it was one of the few joys she had in life.

But the look Krista was giving her, it didn't suit her well. She felt the waves die down, she grew heated as she grimaced while telling her,"This isn't a new thing, you know that by now." She waved her off and wiped away at the blood trickling down her bruised lip. She had also taken a hit to her cheek. "Tch, besides, you stopped coming to me, I'm surprised you even went over here to check up on me."

Ymir spit on one of them, a grin on her face.

"Don't you spit on them!"

Krista's voice was in a growl as she glared up at her.

"Why do you need to do that!? Just break people to watch them squirm!?" She hissed as she made sure the men quickly made it to their feet and left. She brought her undivided attention back to Ymir.

"That's the fucking point!" Ymir barked at her. "The fuck is fear for, huh-"

Krista felt her anger burst harder than a Kaiju going through a Jaeger. "Seriously?! After what you did to me you expect me to go to you?! I never once told anyone else what I saw! I never said anything! And when you finally see enough of me, you decide to go and tell! What happened to that promise, huh!? Of whatever happens in the drift, stays in the drift!?"

Krista was close to pushing Ymir but restrained herself. She crossed her arms tightly.

"You act like you were the one fucking hurt here!" Krista seethed as she put distance between her and Ymir.

Some man peeked in the alleyway to see what was going on. Krista locked her gaze onto him.

"WHAT THE F*** DO YOU WANT?!" She screeched.

The man quickly fled.

When she caught her opening, Ymir took it to lash out, harshly. "I did it to keep you fucking safe- that goddamn intercom is connected to the superiors only, not the entire fucking Shatterdome. To think of them, having someone fresh, someone like you, be the pilot of a Jaeger- you're not ready for it, I know you're not ready for it- you know you aren't either. They don't, and everything about being the pilot, it's a shit show in that position- what I said still stands until our lives are in danger.

"I felt that if I showed one flaw of you, they would reconsider what the fuck they were thinking because I don't want to lose someone I actually give a damn for!"

Her own yelling had gotten to her, she wiped away at her mouth once more as she sniffled, she softened her look, her expression was that of a pleading soul but she was still filled with rage.

"Sorry for making sure we live," she bitterly told Krista.

Krista was standing still, eyes wide with anger and astonishment that Ymir would even dare yell back. Her eyes were tearing up as she kept her stare on her. She held her tongue until Ymir was done. The last words clinging to her heavy heart as she held her breath.

"Y-you have a shit way of showing it!"

"I know I do!" Ymir shot to her.

Krista's words were choked as she dug her fingers into her ribcage, jolting herself with pain to not lock up.

"Why'd you have to throw me under them and show them how I truly felt? Wasn't there another way, one that didn't involve me feeling like you j-j-just didn't care on how personal those feelings were?"

"I would have done it another way, but there couldn't be. Me protesting, it's ignored all the time, you think they'd listen to a killer?"

Regardless, Krista stomped forward up to Ymir, eying her closely with blurry eyes.

"If you care so much about me, why do I feel like worthless trash now?"

She hiccuped but held to her angry face, but it crumbled in front of Ymir till it was a mess of tears.

"I already know there's something wrong with me, but…but if I see it in other people's eyes—"

She sputtered into a quiet whimper.

"I—Why can't—I—I just wanted to think that you thought I was ok. Th-that you'd see past all of this—this—BULLSHIT and just see that I am trying. And th-that I need s-someone to care, because I, for fuck's sake, can't seem t-to care about myself."

Krista went back to Ymir, putting her head into Ymir's chest and crying.

"If the whole world was ok, we wouldn't be in this place to begin with," Ymir told her, she no longer yelled at her as there wasn't a need to. "What you saw in my head, what I saw in yours, you'd have to be a complete idiot to think either of us are ok- they know it, no one's that dense of a fuck to not see it." She ran her hand through her hair as she buried her face against the blond locks, a bit of blood seeping into it.

"I-I thought you didn't accept me," Krista brokenly let out, her voice was muffled through tears and cloth.

Ymir steadied herself as Krista sobbed against her. "Not accepting you would mean we wouldn't be able to Drift in the first place."

Krista held to Ymir, trying to find a grip on her emotions. Every time she was near Ymir, it was a floodgate of the good and the bad. One day she could be kissing her and wishing that she could stay like that forever, and the next day she could be crying in anger or sadness over something Ymir had said.

Krista heard footsteps by the alleyway to see another group of men glancing their way, unsure whether to venture forth and make sure if they were ok or to keep walking.

"C-Can we please leave here?" She pulled away but her hand went into Ymir's.

She didn't want to leave her side.

"Anywhere but here, please." Krista covered her face with her sleeve, wiping away the snot and tears.

Ymir slowly nodded, softly she agreed,"Yeah, let's get the fuck out of here."


	8. Chapter 8

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

A/N: Not going to lie, this is just pure and utter smut, just...purely smut, from start to bottom, it's just not meant for the eyes of children. Skip this chapter entirely if you wish, though mannerisms and changes in character development are pinpointed here- I didn't feel like dividing this chapter up since I wanted it done in one go.

* * *

Date: April 15 2016  
Location: Ymir's Apartment, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2300

The taxi dropped them off at Ymir's place. Once again, the pair were given another week off to cool down and gather their wits. Ymir went inside and, once again, went to go get a bottle of...no, she lost her appetite for drinking given that Krista was with her.

She walked on into her bedroom to where she started stripping down to her garments, then replaced her usual clothes with a tank top alone. She fetched a shirt that was too big for Krista but would suffice for a makeshift dress, she came back out and silently offered it to her.

It wasn't her choice whether Krista wanted to stay or not.

Krista took the shirt with a quiet thank you. She didn't bother with going to another room and stripped down to her bra and underwear and put on the shirt. It was large and might as well have been a dress. She threw her clothes at the end of Ymir's couch.

"Come here," she motioned for Ymir to get next to her on the couch. After all the emotional outbursts and burdens of the week, Krista only wanted to be next to Ymir and relax.

One minute the girl was yelling at her, the next she was stripping down in front of her.

Ymir nearly questioned her, truly questioned if there was something wrong with her, but then relaxed as she merely went to sit at the couch. Ymir did so, only reclining at her usual spot on the right as her pack of cigarettes was sitting there. She got one and lit it, feeling calmer now than earlier.

She took deep, long breaths, savoring the flavor and usual burn as she closed her eyes.

Krista laid her head into Ymir's lap. She grabbed the remote and began to switch channels until something light came on to make some noise in the apartment. She sighed and rolled over to look up at Ymir and the smoke plumes.

Krista took Ymir's spare hand and began to trace the lines on it like she did months ago.

"You know," a smile tugged on her lips, "your hands don't lie. You do show your love through your actions rather than your words"

Her mind was recalling all the horrible things the woman could say, but despite it she was always gentle when needed to be with Krista. Her hands or lips never bruised. Unless asked.

Ymir opened her eyes and glanced down at her, she merely shrugged, saying,"I did real poor in literature."

She let out some more smoke before extinguishing it against the ashtray, she sighed, enjoying that high she felt. She used her free hand to brush away the locks that fell over Krista's face, tucking them behind her ear and then stroking away at them, it was almost like petting her affectionately. She kept this up, it was better to not say anything.

The buzz she felt from the alcohol ebbed away, she was sober now, sober to think properly.

"If I knew how to talk, I probably wouldn't be here by now," she laughed under her breath.

Krista leaned into Ymir's touches with growing fondness. Hearing her laugh and smile even after her tantrum made Krista's heart ache. Krista sat up, sliding into Ymir's lap and staring at her eyes. Her cheeks were growing warm.

It had been a few days since they had last kissed. Too many.

"It's a good thing you don't know how to talk," Krista leaned in and gave Ymir a brief kiss. "We won't be needing it at least for tonight."

"Hm?" She was wondering what her reasoning was but then-

Krista went back to her, searching for that warmth and high she craved from Ymir. It had been in the back of her mind since Ymir had touched her chest—that indescribable yearning that urged her on whenever she thought about it.

"Oh," Ymir murmured, she caught onto it easily.

Ymir still had her hand in her hair, though she slowly untangled it and brought it to her back, she then pulled her up so that she was straddling her lap. She sighed again, this time, happy, as her free went to her thigh, caressing her there and lazily drawing circles with the pad of her thumb.

How did it go from the girl screaming her head off at her to her suddenly being in her lap?

Ymir pushed all reason out of her mind as she, for kicks, ground her pelvis up and against Krista, wanting so see her reaction. She smirked into the kiss.

Krista immediately moaned at the unexpected friction. She held tightly to Ymir and felt the woman's smirk shortly after.

"You ass," she growled but couldn't help returning a smile. She lifted her hands to Ymir's face, cradling her as she gave her butterfly kisses. The taste of Ymir was always pleasant on her tongue and lips. Her hands slowly went down until she was the hem of Ymir's shirt. Krista never got this far with Ymir before. In fact, she hadn't seen Ymir nude except for her rear and her leg—ah.

Krista whimpered as she quickly began to tug at Ymir's shirt.

"Take it off if you want," Ymir huskily told her as she shifted her hand about from Krista's hair to her front to where she was back to cupping her breast again, though this time, she went under her shirt and pushed underneath her bra to feel the soft skin. She growled softly in approval as she groped much more firmly.

The hand on her thigh traveled up to play with the band of her panties just to tease her, but then Krista began to tug at her shirt even harder, Ymir slowly drew her hands away, letting her do as she wanted.

Krista threw Ymir's shirt to the side and reveled at Ymir's bare skin. The marks from nights ago were still on her neck, but fading. Krista went back and sucked on it till it was dark like the day she made it. She licked Ymir's pulse point. Her hands hesitantly went up and cupped her through her bra. She felt extremely soft there.

"A-and this?" Krista breathed against Ymir as her hands played with the garment, rubbing her thumbs across the center point on each breast.

"What about it?" Ymir asked, genuinely curious about what the girl wondered.

She was back touching her, she groaned at feeling Krista's teeth, she went on to do her own work on her as she leaned her head forward and began to softly break away at the skin, going for her juncture and alternating between her tongue and teeth; she breathed hotly against her skin when it was slick by her saliva, leaving a bruise in her wake.

It took her a moment to put it together.

"Yeah, go ahead," Ymir murmured.

Krista made quick work of the bra till Ymir was exposed. She pulled away to marvel at Ymir's chest and how different both of theirs were. Ymir's nipples were dark and beautiful like fine velvet. Krista brought her hands to touch them, feeling how soft they were. The weight of them in her hands felt perfect. Krista rubbed her fingers over each nipples, savoring the hardness that each rub gave.

A twinge of sadistic love came as she gave one a rough pinch while staring up at Ymir's eyes.

Ymir bit back breath at that, she hitched for a moment as she wasn't expecting it. To retaliate, the hand that was at the hem of her panties roved forward and around Krista's back, diving under to grasp at her ass, giving a tight squeeze for a moment.

Her hand left her chest, that too also went around to play with the clasp of her bra, her hand rose from from underneath her panties to help undo the clasp. Once free, she let it fall to the ground.

Ymir raised a brow eyes slightly widening, she liked the view very much.

Krista groaned when Ymir's hand went behind and groped her. She pressed themselves close when her bra was off, feeling their chests together. Her face was red as she bit her lip. They were shirtless and without bras and with only underwear on. She pulled away from the passion and held Ymir's face.

"I... I want to know where this is going," she quickly sputtered, "but I don't know…if I'm ready."

She kept Ymir's eyes on her as she kissed her softly and slowly.

"I want to try, though, but," Krista glanced around them with an embarrassed smile. "Bring me to your bedroom. I don't want my first time on your couch."

She buried her face into Ymir's neck, kissing and carefully biting.

"Sure thing," Ymir murmured as she let go of her chest so that she could bring herself up, using her other hand to carry her. She staggered for a moment, then slowly made her way to her bedroom with Krista still nipping along her neck. It was hard not dropping her until they got to the bed, there, she laid herself back, allowing Krista to be on top, straddling her again.

"You're on my bed on top of me...I think you'd know where this is going."

Krista felt her core against Ymir's stomach as she glanced down at her. She felt self-conscious and laid on top of Ymir, holding her close and burying her face back into her neck.

"I-I know what comes after," Krista breathed, "but I…am uncertain exactly how."

When was she supposed to learn this? All her memories were dedicated towards either avoiding her mom or trying to find a way out her life. The only time she tried to go on a date with someone, he decided she wanted 'it'.

Krista frowned.

"What are we?" Krista asked, sobering up, but her sex was still throbbing and growing wet at the ideas of Ymir and her. She felt the desire to ball into her stomach, but she didn't have the courage to go on if it meant that she was just a person to Ymir. It meant a lot to Krista and she didn't want to give herself if Ymir didn't think of it that way, too.

"We're definitely not friends," Ymir started as she looked up at her, slightly worried. "That's one. Another, you know me, I know you, we know each other too well, so we're pilots. I know you have feelings for me, and you've seen it yourself, I do too, yeah, we're definitely not friends. We're more than that."

She propped herself up on her elbows so that she could lean up and kiss her on the lips, just once.

"I'm not good with words..."

Krista watched as Ymir struggled with words. She couldn't help but giggle and pull Ymir up for a slow and deep kiss. Her hands stroked those loving freckles across the span of dark skin.

"I see," she kept their lips closed with a smile. She could see what Ymir was trying to get at and it made the difference Krista needed. "Make me your girlfriend then."

Krista gave an encouraging kiss to her newly found lover.

"I...alright, you're my girlfriend," Ymir concluded as she leaned back down and kissed her harder, her hand traveled to her waist again to play with the band. She messed with it a few times, then sank lower to her pelvis, though she stopped just before it. "Can I?"

Krista gave shivers and soft sounds of pleasure with every kiss and caress Ymir gave her. She could feel her girlfriend's hand playing with her underwear until she finally pulled away from her lips.

Krista caught sight of amber.

"Y-yes," she shifted at the new attention between her legs. "Um…be gentle."

She knew how rough Ymir could get if the marks on her neck and bruised lips were evidence of it.

She pushed the band away, but then helped her get it off. Once she was straddling her lap again, Ymir could feel her hot, wet, even as she just rubbed herself against her skin. Ymir shifted down, under her, so that her mouth was positioned just between her legs, she didn't bother to tease her.

Tentatively, she ran her tongue up and against her sex, starting at the slit and then ending at the clit to have a taste of her. She decided she liked the way she tasted, her hands went to her waist to keep her up in case she slumped over.

Krista felt the cold air hit her as she was bare against Ymir. She could feel sex wet against Ymir' stomach and blushed. Ymir was sliding down against her until she was between her legs. Krista nervously fidgeted, feeling her breath at her entrance.

"Ymir!" Krista's sex pulsated in pleasure as she felt her tongue swipe from sensitive folds to the bundle of nerves. She quickly dug her hands into Ymir's hair, massaging her scalp. She had personal experience with her fingers, but nothing compared to this. Her hips carefully rocked against Ymir's mouth, trying to make sure she didn't suffocate her.

The position…

Krista's face was already red as she felt slightly embarrassed. Ymir could see everything up close.

Her tongue continued to roll itself up and down, swishing here and there between her folds before sucking gently at her. She decided to lick the inside of her sex, letting her firm muscle lick circles inside of her, she then started moving in and out a few times. Soon, she was back out to play with her clit, content at tasting her flavor the entire time.

Krista shivered as the warmth was consuming and building her up.

"Ah," Krista groaned loudly when she felt Ymir's tongue go inside of her. Her hips were shakily grinding against her, trying to maximize the friction. Her hands kept hold of Ymir's hair.

The jolts of pleasure were increasing in intensity. Krista's hands were twitching.

"Ymir, more," she urged. She was getting close.

Ymir dove her tongue back into her, making sure she went as far as she could possibly go. Her lips engulfed her, moved against her to keep teasing her there. She lapped up more of that liquid even faster, her scent was getting her high and she loved it.

Krista felt Ymir penetrate her again with her tongue. She groaned and would've toppled over if Ymir's hands were holding her hips in place.

"A-ah," her hips were bucking as she felt lightning strike through her body and sending liquid hot fire through her limbs.

"Ymir," she gasped and rode her high with blind passion, forgetting to be careful. Her body was shivering as goose bumps kissed her skin until exhaustion came. She panted and slid off of Ymir with a whine as she felt her girlfriend's tongue and lips leave.

Krista collapsed onto Ymir's body, clinging to her and giving soft, wet kisses on her lips, tasting herself.

Ymir smiled into the kisses, tongue tingling but radiating the good kind if pleasure. She let Krista rest atop of her, not minding her weight as it comforted her.

"You liked it?"

"Y-yeah," Krista's body was sensitive and sweaty, fresh from the high. She slowly lowered herself to Ymir's chest and kissed each nipple. Her right hand took hold of a breast and began to knead and rub her thumb over the center.

"I-it was really good," she said now that Ymir couldn't see her embarrassment. She brought the neglected nipple into her mouth, sucking and rolling it with her tongue.

Slowly, her body was recovering and growing heated again from Ymir.

Krista lacked what Ymir was accustomed to, the aggression. She was too timid in her movements but, quite astonishingly, Ymir began to adore her anyway, just doing this with her brought her back to when she done it her first time when she was a nervous mess. Regardless, she accepted Krista's hesitation but she wanted her to go on.

She rubbed her ankles together in anticipation as she murmured,"Krista...not to rush you, but I need you."

Krista let go of her in surprise and glanced up.

"O-Oh." She didn't know that Ymir felt that way. She still had her underwear on.

Krista slid down from Ymir and removed the last garment of clothing down her long legs. Krista finally saw Ymir and her beauty underneath her clothes. She sucked in air as she stared between her legs. Krista brought Ymir's leg up onto her shoulder, softly kissing her ankle and to her knee as she went until she met the inside of her thighs.

"Y-you'll have to talk to me," Krista said, hoping Ymir would guide her. It was her first time doing this sort of thing.

The feeling of arousal of having Ymir's legs over her shoulders was enough to push back her self-doubt and lean forward and drawing her tongue upward through Ymir's slit. The taste that came was strange but tolerable. Krista gave a deeper lick, pressing deep between folds and dragging it upward to her clit. She gave special attention to the throbbing nub with her tongue as her fingers explored Ymir's folds.

Ymir squirmed a bit, her bottom lip was being chewed on as she felt her tongue tease her; she shifted her and there, letting her have better access. She let out,"P...put your fingers in me, kinda curl them up and just-hn, move them in and out. Don't stop with your tongue, fuck."

Every movement set Ymir's skin ablaze, she hitched her breath when Krista managed to run her tongue over just the right spot.

"Fuck, keep licking there...!"

Krista let her fingers slide in and curve. She moved them until she heard Ymir inhale loudly for her.

She stared up at Ymir, watching her pant and squirm. She held her tongue close to the sensitive spot Ymir begged her to keep at. She quickened her pace, trying to see if she could please Ymir more that way. Seeing her hot and bothered like this made Krista's mind go blank.

She caught hold of Ymir's gaze and kept staring into her eyes, trying to see the pleasure ripple through her.

"Nngh...!"

Ymir arched her back and pressed her hips closer against her face. Damn, these were simple things to do, often these were just teasing gestures, but she found herself getting over to that edge. For a moment she wondered why, but then it dawned on her it had been months, maybe even a whole year, since she touched someone, all that pent up desire was being relieved at the moment.

She rolled her eyes back and looked away, panting as she was quickly getting over to that edge.

"Hn- go harder with your fingers," Ymir gasped.

Krista felt Ymir rubbing against her mouth. Krista watched as Ymir was unraveling before her.

"Mm," she growled, she could feel Ymir tighten around her and her clit throb against her tongue. It felt delicious against her. Her fingers were rough as she pumped into Ymir, hitting the spot she wanted the most.

"Damn," Ymir muttered breathlessly, it suddenly hit her like she was hit by the waves. It rushed over her, starting from between her legs and then assaulting her body while going up her spine. She hissed for a moment, keened deeply in her throat, and let out several huffs, letting herself be thrown higher until she edgily came down, her own body going limp on the bed.

Her stiff body relax and she merely laid there, staring up at the ceiling, absent, but her eyes were glowing with a newly found bliss.

Krista felt her climax tighten around her fingers until she was held inside. Krista moaned against Ymir and withdrew when her girlfriend's body was relaxing.

"W-was that ok?" Krista fidgeted and slowly crawled up Ymir's body and held close to her, feeling their bodies breathing and their sexes almost pressing together.

"Better than what I thought," Ymir sighed, smiling, she rolled them both onto their sides so that their heads rested on the pillows. "...damn."

Krista took compliment as it was, because she was surprised she was even able to bring Ymir to a climax. She wrapped her arms around Ymir with a blush. She still felt heat between her legs despite everything ending.

So...that was her first time.

Ymir took several breaths, she wanted a cigarette but for once she declined her craving. She kissed her on the nose, then her lips as she regained her bearings and sighed against her.

Krista glanced from Ymir as she brought her hands up to Ymir's chest and slid them across her nipple. A sole finger went across the hard nub, playing with it. Her eyes went to her chest as she explored a little more. Krista shifted her leg until it was between Ymir's and pressing firmly against her sex.

Would she be able to have second time now?

"H-Hey," Ymir let out, staring at her in surprise.

Krista wanted to go again?

"What're you doing?" She asked softly, she was still breathing deeply, she was sore from being tense for so long. She felt her thigh rubbing against her, she found herself grinding lightly back. A chill went down her spine, she was feeling the burn again. "You want more?"

Krista heard Ymir sputter at her. She felt a little dirty for startling Ymir, but she couldn't help the pit of her stomach ached for more.

Krista gave a nod as she pressed her leg harder against Ymir and went up to recapture Ymir's lips. Her body was hot and her mind was filled with only Ymir. She wanted to be taken again and again.

Ymir stifled down a groan and found her hands at her waist, holding her close against her before shifting about until she was atop of her, letting her weight bring her down against Krista's leg. That friction, something so repetitive was made anew, she enjoyed it more.

Propping herself up by her elbows, she loomed over Krista as she stooped her head low to press her mouth against her neck, teeth grazing over her skin as she sucked.

Krista sighed in pleasure at feeling Ymir's lips work against her neck. Her teeth were softer than before, but still stung in a bittersweet way.

Krista brought her hand down to ghost over Ymir's thigh, coaxing her to move. Krista desired to feel Ymir around her fingers and see her work over her. Her eyes were on the top of Ymir's head.

Despite being below Ymir, she felt in control of the situation. She could feel Ymir's legs against her thigh and it made her core beg to see it. She bit her lip as she pushed lightly on Ymir's shoulders to pull her away.

"I want to watch you get off on me." Her breath was hot against her own lips as it came in a hushed whisper.

Ymir nodded immediately, her hips riding up and down against her thigh. Getting off just by grinding against her alone? The thought was arousing in itself, she released her hold on her neck as she buried her face into the pillow, breathing hard against it. She shifted her pelvis to the left and right, finding that spot that always got her off, then rode Krista all over again.

Her muscles ached, but her need ached more, Ymir groaned and rolled her eyes back.

"Shit," she hissed as she grasped at the pillows, fists clenching.

Krista felt Ymir find a tempo as her hips went against her. She could feel her thigh become slick with Ymir. It made her hunger to see more, but she couldn't get a good view at this angle. Krista compensated and took hold of Ymir's hair, pulling it firmly and carefully until Ymir's face was before hers. She cupped Ymir's face, making Ymir stare her in the eyes as she rode her. Krista gave her short, passionate kisses, trying to steal all of her breath.

Krista gave another pull of her hair, finding a thrill in seeing pleasure and pain mix on Ymir's face.

"Fuck..._fuck!_"

Ymir's jaw clenched as she picked up the pace, aimlessly going along with her, but when Krista pulled her by her hair, she let out a low yelp. Feeling Krista's hands cupping her face, she blushed, her face slightly growing red. It was embarrassing having Krista watch her, looking at her in the eye. She tried to avert her gaze, tried to break it but she was too close to do so.

It was like Krista was looking at her raw, it scared her. Having contact with another person for too long, it made her freeze though she was still moving against her thigh.

As Krista pulled her hair, Ymir gasped out,"W...why are you staring?"

That fear was starting to come in, that feeling that drove her to be who she was. It frightened her to death, getting close; her heart pounded, loud.

Krista closed her eyes and licked Ymir's lips. She kept hers to Ymir's as she spoke,"I like seeing you like this…it's an image I want to remember."

She gave a quick, rough kiss, realizing that Ymir probably was rough because she liked it back.

"And I did say you have pretty eyes."

Good lord were they something now that she was in bed. Krista's thumbs lovingly went over soft, heated skin. Krista felt Ymir slow down and the strangeness in her voice. She made sure to keep her eyes closed for a little longer. Just in case.

"Ah," Ymir gasped, that coil of pleasure was being wound up inside of her. When Krista closed her eyes, Ymir relaxed and returned to her usual pace, though she went faster, fiercely going harder against her. She bit at her own lip in anticipation, waiting for that wave to crash over her.

Her eyes, she always hated them, at times she nearly gorged them out at a single glance of a mirror. To hear someone say they're pretty, it was foreign to her, she doubted it, highly, but it was Krista who told it to her now. Her heart melted, she was beginning to fall to her knees for this person, to lower that guard she always had, it was a slow process, but she knew it was going down.

It scared her, but she pushed that thought far back, just like those other ones.

She found her release her body going rigid as her stomach grew taut. She keened lowly, groaning, and gradually found herself going down from that high. She rested herself atop Krista, hands easing their grasps against the pillows.

She sighed, content, though she was slightly growing worried.

That need to smoke grew, she needed it. Now. But she was scared to ask.

Ymir was spent against her.

Krista could feel her breathing and her muscles move against her body. She held Ymir close to her, rubbing up and down her back and massaging tense muscles. She could feel some tightness here and there, trying to find the pressure points and relieving them of their tension. She wrapped her legs around Ymir, too, liking the feeling of their cores together.

Krista felt happy seeing Ymir like this.

It was an inexplicable sense of warmth, comfort, relief, and accomplishment. She held tightly to Ymir, soaking in the radiance of her aftermath. Krista's mouth went to the crook of Ymir's neck. She lightly bit down and sucked on her. The urge to pleasure her again made Krista smile, but she knew that she might be pushing it. She couldn't help but feel that way.

"This feels right." She kissed a freckle on Ymir's jawline.

Ymir only nodded, she needed it, now. Now.

She used whatever strength she had left pull herself off of her at the last kiss and then reach for her drawer. A pack, already opened with three left, a lighter too.

She popped one against her mouth, lit it, and found her anxiety being chased away with every breath. She could think clearly now. This felt right, smoking, Krista was right about her being right as well; her hesitation grew at the thought of what she just gained would be ripped away from her again. Slowly, achingly, she got herself to sit up to stare quietly at the wall, eyelids heavy.

She had an ashtray nearby, she disposed of her ashes there, quiet.

"Yeah, it does feel right."

Krista was left in the cold, but she wasn't surprised when she saw why. Krista rolled to her side to face Ymir's back. The longing she had for Ymir wasn't going to be fulfilled. However, Krista knew there would be more nights like this. Krista's hand went to Ymir's back and felt the muscles again. They were more lax than before. Her hand went lower, pressing against the dimples right above her rear.

Krista's desire burned.

She withdrew her hand and licked her lips.

"Can I have one?"

Ymir offered her one without question, she didn't even look at her as she also gave her the lighter.

"Don't tell me you're picking up my habit," Ymir said with a slight frown when she felt Krista withdraw her hand.

"No." Krista replied, putting the cigarette into her mouth. She held the lighter to it, fumbling till it caught. "I just…felt I needed to cool down."

The burn was back but this time in her throat. She shakily inhaled, barely able refrain from coughing, and then exhaled. The taste made her lips feel dry, but it was welcomed. Watching the smoke and having something to fixate her mouth was helping.

Ymir finally looked down at her, blinked several times, then shrugged, it was her choice after all. Ymir did the same on her own accord. She couldn't remember why she started it, maybe Krista knew. It was like a blank spot in her head but in the Drift, everything was seen, even repressed memories. She spent all this time in her life doing this act, she may have been highly stressed when she started

But now it was just a blank slate, she was curious.

"...in the Drift, do you know why I started doing this?"

Krista only glanced at Ymir and rolled onto her back, staring up at the wall. She gave another exhale, closing her eyes.

"Because you thought you'd look cool," Krista said with little to no humor. She cracked an eye open to look at Ymir before chuckling.

Ymir rolled her eyes.

"Because nobody cared what you tasted like before."

Krista withdrew the cigarette from her mouth. She didn't want to finish it. She only wanted enough to feel the burn elsewhere. She stretched over to put it in the ashtray and laid back down.

Ymir huffed, it was like that image that was smudged away had returned,"So that's what happened."

She scoffed at her joke and slowly finished it. The tray was placed back onto the table as she laid right next to her, her head propped against her hand as she laid on her side.

"I will admit...that was some mind-blowing fun we had," Ymir said, smiling at her, laughing under her breath. She glanced at the clock. "We have all the time we want, y'know, the Marshal might still be drunk off his ass to reach the intercom switch."

Krista adjusted herself until she was laying close to Ymir. A faint blush came over her face now that Ymir was back to her joking self.

"How did you want to spend that time?" Krista propped herself up a little to look at Ymir better. She searched Ymir's amber for the answer, but her eyes were wandering elsewhere.

Ymir's eyes wandered over Krista's body, taking her in. She smirked.

"Behind you is a drawer," Ymir said,"why don't you go and open it? Whatever you like, go ahead and take."

Krista raised an eyebrow and rolled over. She leaned off the bed and slowly opened the drawer-

** SLAM!**

The drawer was closed and Krista rolled back over next to Ymir with a red face and her libido revived.

"I-I-I don't know!" She cried out. She didn't have much experience yet she felt she was thrown off the deep end. Even if it was true, she wanted to try but her embarrassment held her tongue.

Ymir burst out into laughter to a point of where she rolled onto her back and held her stomach, she heaved, her roar filling the room. Her reaction was just the best, the most perfect thing she had ever seen. When she calmed down, she went back to her and wrapped her arms around her to kiss her forehead, her smile broad.

"Just try one," Ymir coaxed her, trying to keep her laughter in check. "It's just you and me in this room...or if you want, it could just be you, whatever you want."

Krista hissed and slapped Ymir's rear in response to the last bit.

"I swear, you're the worst," Krista huffed, trying to not push Ymir off the bed for laughing at her. She untangled herself from Ymir and hesitantly sat up. She sucked in breath and opened the drawer again. It was quite the...assortment of things. Krista didn't want to think if these were used on other girls or not.

She leaned closer to the drawer, trying to figure out what would be the best.

"Ymir," she sighed, trying not to give up, "I-I don't know what all of these do."

Krista knew that there was a vibrator and then a regular sex toy, but one was tangled with some sort of belt and there were other things she was uncertain about.

Ymir shifted over to her as she was looking down, her hand touched her back, then slowly traveled down between her legs. Her fingers went there, feeling around her, her guessed corrected about the girl being wet all over again. She was caged over her, her chest resting against her back.

"Hnm, the vibrator does...what the name obviously say," Ymir started, playing with her clit with her thumb. "Then there are those dildos, obviously they go inside you, kinda like this-" She pushed two fingers into her, sliding them in easily, teasing her. "-only they make you feel a bit more fuller, I'd say they're better than just a tongue though that's my taste."

She glanced at the belt.

"That one lets you wear one, almost like a dick," Ymir snickered as she pushed further in. "Which one would you want to try first?"

Krista felt herself being held by Ymir. She felt safer and a little less nervous knowing Ymir was helping her.

"O-Oh," she sighed, feeling Ymir's fingers playing with her. She could feel herself throb against Ymir's hand. "A-ah."

She was on fire now that Ymir was teasing her as she spoke every word.

Krista had felt Ymir's tongue and her fingers before, but not her using something that's supposed to fill her. She bit her lip, pressing into Ymir's chest as her hips moved against her.

"I-I-I guess...this." Her toes curled as her fingers hit the spot inside of her. Krista bit her lip as she leaned down, grabbing the belt.

Ymir had laid claim to almost all of her firsts. Krista felt almost compelled to let her have it all, because she'd like to remember Ymir as the beginning.

"Aren't you adventurous," Ymir purred, as she sat at and eased her fingers out of her.

She was handed the belt and she started putting it on, locking the latches appropriately; it was already adjusted previously. She waited for Krista to face her, she couldn't hold the smile back. There she was...with a prosthetic dick. It always made her burst into laughter no matter who she was with.

"Hey, Krista, look at me."

Krista swatted Ymir again but didn't watch her as she prepped herself.

Krista glanced back at Ymir, staring only up at her eyes.

"Oh god..."

She didn't want to look any further. She felt how large it was and knew if she saw Ymir ready she'd shy away.

"B-be gentle," Krista repeated as she leaned forward, kissing Ymir's lips.

Her shyness, it made Ymir chuckle for a moment as she pressed Krista down to her back, lips locked. That fear she felt was gone when she found herself laughing with her, she felt something new for once, happiness. Just genuine happiness.

She pulled her lips away, though she was still close enough to gently speak against them,"How do you want to do this? Do you want to face me or not? Most girls aren't keen on being watched when they use these."

Krista flinched.

"I-I want to face you." Krista's eyes closed as she tilted her head to the side. "It would feel more...special that way."

Krista felt a bitterness and dull, empty ache in her stomach at hearing those words. So Ymir did use it on other girls before. Not like she didn't expect it, but she didn't exactly want to hear it.

"If it makes you feel better, none of them wanted to see me," Ymir started off, noticing she flinched. She had forgotten Krista had seen her in the Drift- it was natural for her to warn people though. Ymir pushed away those thoughts, those empty words she was told before, now wasn't the time to smoke it away. She brought her hand to her cheek and gently kissed her lips. "It's just you and me here..."

Krista hesitantly kissed back. The memories of the drift were trying to cloud her mind, but Ymir's words drove them away for the moment.

"You and me," Krista repeated softly. She didn't want to acknowledge there were others. It made her skin feel cold and her head feel light. If Ymir was kind and gentle, Krista could believe that she was different from the others.

Krista wrapped her arms around Ymir's neck, pulling her back into a kiss. She felt vulnerable against Ymir's lips. She was giving everything to Ymir in this moment and could only wish and wish that Ymir could see how much that meant.

Krista parted from Ymir, briefly gazing into her eyes.

She wanted Ymir to watch herself take her. Let Ymir see that her heart had been swept in with her body and it was all hers now.

Things like this, things that were sentimental, they stopped clicking in her head a long while back. She found herself staring at her, Krista was very much real. She had slowly become her reality, the reality she often sought after to a point of insanity; Ymir had to admit, she wouldn't call herself sane. She was too far from that, and she was too far from letting moments like these be engraved into her mind.

She had difficulty latching on to special moments when they came around, let alone catching on to them. She usually let it slip by, not even batting at eye to them. Even when it slapped her on the face, it wouldn't process, and here it was, screeching at her.

It takes time, Ymir had to remind herself of that. She played with fire, she was throwing herself into it now, even as she grasped at that toy and slowly slipped it into Krista after she parted her legs. She felt a strong resistance, it was only how tight she was. She went in as gently as possible, careful.

"If anything is wrong, just tell me," Ymir told her.

Krista sucked in air as Ymir slowly inserted herself. She felt the girth stretch her. Her legs trembled against Ymir as she bit the knuckle on her index finger with eyes shut. She kept her hips still, afraid to shift.

She only made a sound of recognition when Ymir spoke to her. Her mind was on the presence that was slowly sliding into her. Krista knew it would be painful, but that it was temporary and she also trusted Ymir to be good to her.

Ymir kept going, up until she went to the hilt, she settled herself there, allowing Krista to adjust.

"Tell me when to move," Ymir patiently whispered as she kissed her forehead. She brushed away a loose strand to tuck it behind her ear. "How's it feel?"

Krista took her knuckle from her mouth when she felt only the toy and not the pain. Her hips slowly and cautiously moved. It was tight and uncomfortable.

"I-I will get used to it."

Her hands laced with Ymir's hair as she breathed. She pressed into Ymir and felt her slide deeper.

"A-ah," Krista sighed and wrapped her legs around Ymir's hips. "O-ok."

She shifted her hips back, then pushed in, reminding herself to be cautious.

Feeling her wrap her legs around her, it encouraged her to do it again, and again, just going slow for her and then going further out to touch every single part of her. She went back in, she set up an easy pace, she didn't rush, only waited and watched her every changing expressions.

Krista winced as Ymir went deep inside of her and slowly withdrew. Each time she came back in, Krista inhaled sharply.

She pulled Ymir down into a kiss. She kept her mouth parted against her girlfriend as the thrusts began to send jolts of pleasure inside of her. She could feel Ymir brush against a sensitive area in her. Krista gave a soft moan against Ymir's lip. Her hands clung to fistfuls of her lover's hair. Her hips lifted and met Ymir in stride.

Her eyes opened as she looked up at Ymir.

Ymir took the cues of her pleasure, increasing her pace faster and harder, going a more deeper each time to get into her better. Her hips went lower to angle herself better to brush against that area that drove any sane girl wild. She hadn't gone rough, just enough to give Krista something to think about next time they stepped into the Drift or make her flustered when she reminded her of it.

She smiled down at her, pleased with what she was doing with her.

Ymir kissed her, deeply, lazily rolling her tongue against her, then she pulled away. She watched her, amused and purely in joy of her.

Krista gasped and she pulled at Ymir's hair when her hips dipped lower.

"Ymir," her voice was barely above a whisper. She couldn't grip enough of Ymir's hair to be anchored into pleasure. She removed her hands and slid them around her, holding her close by her shoulder blades.

Krista kissed Ymir back with her toes curling. Her skin was sticking against Ymir's and it felt sensual. It felt like a furnace where they met.

"Ymir," she could only say her name. Her eyes were lidded as she stared up at her girlfriend. Ymir hit that spot a little harder, making Krista groaned and scratch down her back.

Now that was definitely interesting, feeling that burn under her nails as she clawed at her back spurred Ymir to buck her hips against her, she was relentless. She went along even more, wanting to see what else she could get out of her as her thrusts danced on the border on becoming rough.

"What is it, Krista?" Ymir whispered to her, that face, it had to be the hottest thing she had ever seen. She was getting there, the push-pull sensation she was getting was becoming harder to deal with but she pressed on, being sure to still be gentle.

Krista had to hook her ankles together to keep Ymir close to her. Her body was on fire as continuous pulses of pleasure went up her spine. She dug her nails into Ymir's back, trying to hold onto her.

"Don't stop," she panted, "please- don't..."

Her hips were aching and she could feel herself almost bouncing from Ymir's force. She felt full of passion with Ymir in her.

Krista scratched up Ymir's back, using her to lift herself up to lick against Ymir's ear. Krista felt herself grow hot at the sight of the predatory look in Ymir's eyes.

_"Ymir,"_ she growled against her girlfriend, biting down on her neck. The pleasure was building up in her like a coil begging to be released.

The bed frame was steadily pounding against the wall at this point.

She kept at it, loving to hear her saying her name over and over, but that last one, that was it. Ymir just had to, Lrista was practically begging for it, and so she started going at it, rough, though not too much.

It was starting to settle into her when Krista sank her teeth into her; she already claimed the girl under her, she was doing the same. Her chest swelled as she went on and on, that feeling that was familiar and caused her dread, it was foreign by now and was slowly being ignited with something new, something she had been wanting.

She pushed that thought away, it makes her hesitate, always.

Krista's nails were cutting skin as she groaned and writhed under Ymir. The pleasure was becoming sporadic, making her shake and recklessly move against Ymir. She felt Ymir pick up pace in reply to her need.

"Ymir," she begged, biting deep. She could only ask Ymir to take her by any means necessary. She could hear the contact of their skin and the bed hitting the wall. It was dirty in Krista's ears, but it wasn't enough.

She could feel herself tightening around the toy. Beads of sweat were trickling down her forehead as she sucked on the bite marks and licked.

"What else do you want?" Ymir hotly hissed against her ear.

"Just fuck me," Krista uttered, she couldn't find the patience to explain it any other way.

Ymir smirked, damn, that was quick.

She raised on hand to grasp at the top of the bed frame to have better leverage.

Her hips were thrusting, controlled but powerful, she went further, rutting into her, she could feel the furthest part of Krista inside of her. Her other hand went to play with her clit, teasing it and then matching her thrusts, hoping it'd make her pleasure much more intense.

"Oh!...oh god, Ymir! Ymir! Hn- 'mir, please! J-just, ah!"

Krista bit onto Ymir's shoulder as she deeply clawed down Ymir's shoulder. In a muffled scream Krista came undone. Her body shook in tremors as she bucked harshly against Ymir, trying to fill every inch of herself. She repeatedly called out to Ymir as she rode her high.

Watching her come undone, it was all too much to Ymir, again her chest burned with a feeling that was beginning to assault her, and she was letting it. She watched her ride it all out, then go limp under her.

"Well isn't that beautiful?"

"...oh..."

Krista's breathing was ragged as she let her legs fall slide down Ymir achingly. She withdrew her hands and they plopped on both sides of Ymir. Her slowly left her as her whole body was left exhausted and sensitive. She couldn't even see right because her eyes were blurry with tears. She wiped her eyes but a few tears escaped.

"Had too much fun there, hm?" Ymir asked her jokingly as she slowly eased herself out of her and sat up to undo the straps, she settled the belt off at the side as she winced; the scratches on her back were raw, she had dug down into her after all.

Ymir's body ached once more, she reached over to the single lamp that illuminated the room, she turned it off and settled herself by Krista, tucking her into her arms while getting the covers over them; they were too tired to bother with clothes. Ymir barely had the energy left to turn off the lamp next to the bed, leaving them in darkness.

She kissed her temple. "You liked it too much."

Krista only laid still until Ymir was gathering her into her embrace. Exhaustion came quick to her from the night's fun. To think, earlier, she would've liked no better than to beat Ymir to a pulp for making her worry so much.

"Or you did well."

Krista could almost feel herself petting Ymir's ego, but could care less. She was comfortable. Sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: April 30 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1200

The end of the month had rolled by.

Repairs to the Jaegers were made, no Kaiju had attacked, everything was peaceful save for the usual disgruntled managers trying to keep pace with deadlines. Reiner and Bertolt were allowed to leave their beds, Eren and Mikasa were to return from Anchorage by the end of May, and the usual buzz among workers about Titan's fight came in the form of people actually greeting Ymir.

Improvements were seen mostly in Ymir, she was brooding less nowadays, according to Sasha.

Less fights were done, less verbal and physical attacks on fellow technicians were done, and Ymir was seen with less stumbling around drunk on the work floor. It was when Ymir went off to watch sparks fly off of Titan that Erwin called Krista up to his office.

Levi stood by him, Erwin spoke to Krista when she arrived at call. "Do you have your report ready?"

Krista held out a folder with a thumb drive attached to it.

"You didn't specify in what format," she said and stood at attention again. "Overall, there's an improvement in her behavior and how she's been conducting herself."

Krista reported even though it was easy to see.

"There will be more details in the report regarding that," she could feel the back of her throat become scratchy. Her eyes were downcast and familiar pull and ache of guilt was gnawing in her.

"Thank you, Ranger," Erwin said, opening the file. He looked it over quickly. "This format is sufficient, you are free to go."

Ymir was still sitting there, watching over her Titan with her feet dangling over the edge. Footsteps from a distance, familiar ones approached her, she turned her head and softened her glare.

"There you are, what'd the Marshal want this time?"

Krista found Ymir at her usual spot. She sat by her and looked down on their Jaeger.

"Questioning if we've improved since our last drop," she sighed and leaned against the railing, looking down at Titan. "It's been quiet."

"Quiet scares me," Ymir stated as she went back to looking at the workers. "I feel like going out for drinks tonight."

Krista had only experienced one drop, but she could agree with Ymir. The silence made her anxious. It only took seconds for the Kaiju to appear and cause mass chaos. Weeks went by after the successful defend where people were still rioting. Now that everything was quieting down it made Krista wonder when it'd strike again.

"Drinks?" Krista glanced over at Ymir and back at Titan. It had been awhile since Ymir left for drinks. Krista could only associate going out to the bars for either a celebration or meeting with friends. She wondered if it was one of those for Ymir.

"Y'know...liquor, shots, shitfaced," Ymir described to her,"never really had a drinking partner, Ilse and Sasha don't really go with me. Even if I did get them to, they usually drag my ass home."

"I didn't know if there was an occasion," she shrugged. Krista covered her face as Titan's exhaust fumes came billowing upward from a test. She cleared her throat once the cloud disappeared.

"I don't really drink."

She didn't mind being around Ymir when she was drunk, but she didn't partake in it. The only few times she had alcohol are the times she'd wish to forget.

"Did you want me to come along anyways?"

The Titan's paint job was being redone. To Krista, she felt there was the possibility of something more in its design. There were open spaces for upgrades and it made Krista brainstorm late at night when she couldn't sleep. She had drawn diagrams and blueprints of possible additions, but the practicality of it all was questionable.

Ymir smiled, she looked almost to giddy like a child as she gasped,"You'll come with me- oh, can we stay there 'til dawn!?"

Krista couldn't help but grin as she playfully pushed Ymir.

"Maybe, if you behave," Krista mocked a motherly tone before snorting and chuckling. "I swear, you can be a big grump one second and then turn into a kid." She leaned over, kissing Ymir's cheek. "When did you want to leave?"

She withdrew and stretched.

"Night, 'round nine, there's this really neat bar I go with friends, hopefully they let us in for free and stuff...pilots and all," Ymir said dreamily.

Night rolled around, Ymir had decided to call a taxi to take them to the bar. She was dressed slightly better than what she usually done, if changing for a tank-top to a decent looking shirt counts. Krista made sure to change into something nicer when she saw Ymir actually caring on what shirt to wear. They went through LA, eventually getting into North Hollywood where the bar sat between a club and some restaurant. It was cleaner than what Ymir went to before considering this one had a door.

They got out of the cab and started heading in to where the guard recognized Ymir and nodded to her, she had permission to enter.

Krista raised an eyebrow at Ymir as they went inside.

"We're kinda on the A-list now considering we put Drakos down," Ymir said to her proudly as they got to the bar,"though I kinda have been last year since Ilse and I bagged a kill. Just that after her death, things went quiet on my end because I hadn't been on the field since then."

The bartender immediately recognized them, he set to work on serving them. "Ah, Ymir, and your co-pilot, Krista Lenz, I believe...what drinks would you two want?"

"Grasshopper," Ymir said in anticipation, she sat down at one of the stools. Some of the other patrons had noticed her, they only greeted her with kind faces, respectful. Ymir took out a cigarette to smoke, she felt at home here, comfortable.

"Water will be fine." Krista smiled at him. She had forgotten that their switch in pilots hadn't been released to the public, or at least got out.

He began to make Ymir's drink, she waited with her foot steadily shaking against the rest.

"Ugh, I've been waiting for this...before I used to blow off money here, great now since it's all for free."

Krista watched Ymir. Smoke around her face made her look like a character from a film noir. She received her water and sipped on it, taking in the relaxing environment. It was nice to get away from the Shatterdome and its endless yelling and banging.

He finished making her mix, she took ginger sips, slow and careful, as he set off to make another one.

"Damn, best thing ever," Ymir said with a smirk. She looked around. "There needs to be music here-" She noticed an unused set of instruments on a makeshift stage. "-hey, when's the band coming?"

"In about five."

"Perfect," Ymir happily told him.

Krista swirled her hips, making the stool twirl from left and right.

"There's a band that plays here?" Krista questioned and she sat still to drink her more of her water. Seeing Ymir like this made her smile.

"Yup," Ymir nodded to her, she was near finished drinking. "They're pretty good."

The room grew into a faint murmur as members of the band came up to the stage. Krista swiveled her seat to watch them prepare. Slowly the band went about preparing the speakers and small amps.

"Oh, they're starting," she put her hand on Ymir's thigh as she leaned her back against the counter. The room dimmed and the singer slowly began.

The bass slowly strummed, followed by the singer, then the guitarist. They played a soft and easy tune, something that tugged at Ymir- her mind drifted back a bit.

She chose particular place because of what went on in the dance floor. Coincidentally, it was the same song from a while ago, she smoked heavily now. She danced there once before, she grew stiff at her upper body, rigid even; she had forgotten about it but only now it was hitting her back. She drank more, then asked the bartender,"Just get me vodka."

He nodded and gave her a shot glass.

She downed it instantly and got a refill.

Krista glanced back at Ymir when she heard the strain in her voice. When she saw the woman's shoulders as stiff as a board, she turned around. She rubber Ymir's thigh.

Distant memories were coming to her of Ymir here with another woman. Her hand kept on Ymir in hopes she'd not dwell on it.

She averted her gaze back to the band as her body felt heavy.

Ymir tipped her head back once more, a voice shot out to her in a surprised voice,"Ymir?"

She finished her second glass and glared over her shoulder, her mood falling apart quickly.

A woman, just an inch short of Ymir stood there as one of the patrons next to her. She didn't see Krista as she was hidden behind Ymir's frame, she approached her, curious. "What're you doing here?"

"Drinking, what's it fucking look like?" Ymir snapped.

The woman merely gave a mocking smile, it made Ymir sick to her stomach. "My, my, you've changed, whatever happened to the gentlemanly way you put things for me?" Ymir's lips curled into a slight snarl. "Oh-oh, don't get feisty with me."

Krista heard someone approach them. She kept her gaze at the band, believing it was someone who wanted to congratulate Ymir. But her head snapped towards the direction when she heard the woman's words.

The voice was familiar in a way that Krista wish it was not. She turned her bar stool to face Ymir, removing her hand from her. She glanced past Ymir, eyeing the woman. She was different than from the drift memories.

Krista's mouth went dry with a bitter taste as she gripped her seat tighter. Her stomach was protesting and filling with a vile liquid that made her feel like she had to move.

"Why aren't you out fucking your way through California?" She asked of her.

"Been there, done them all," she admitted.

Ymir downed another shot, hopefully this was all just in her head, a poor imagination. "People like you, you fucking disgust me, makes me wonder why I bother to fight for the sake of you fucks."

She laughed,"Oh, you're so funny. Word on the street is that you took down Drakos, hm? Now that you killed another thing worth my while, I'd figured you'd be off celebrating, but then you're here."

"Why don't you go back to bouncing on Reiner's dick?"

"I've done that but you're the new topic around here."

The memory of earlier today of Ymir's smile was becoming distant as she kept hearing the two talk.

"Let's leave," Krista told Ymir and grabbed Ymir's hand. She kept her eyes off the woman- memories kept coming back. She felt her fingers ache and realize her grip on Ymir left her knuckles white.

The words that left the woman's mouth were shameless and it left Krista sick knowing Ymir once had relations with her.

"I want to go," Krista urged.

Ymir took one last shot, she was buzzed now. She didn't say anything, but the woman saw Krista.

"Oh, you already got someone, shame- hm, it's your co-pilot, right?"

Ymir paused, back to the woman. "What of her?"

"Hope she gives you a good fuck-"

She snapped, her temper had risen and boiled over in a matter of seconds as she turned around. "Shut the fuck up!"

The woman merely gave her a cynical smile. "What are you going to do about it? Shank me to death?"

Ymir reached into her back pocket, a switchblade that was kept there at all times was brought out. She truly did have problems managing her anger issues.

Krista quickly caught onto Ymir's movements and put her hand into Ymir's back pocket. She stilled Ymir's hand. Her eyes did lock onto the woman's. Her jaw was clenched.

"Ymir. Please, no."

She let Ymir's hand go as she stood and went to Ymir's side.

"Please, leave us alone." Krista barely could say the words.

"Oh, she's cute," the woman said, finally getting up to stare her down. "Never knew you were into kids."

Krista lunged at the woman, grabbing her throat and shoving her down onto the ground in one swoop. She pinned her there and began to pound her fist into the woman's face until she saw blood. She withdrew her hands and grabbed the woman by her hair, yanking her up till she was dragged to the counter.

Krista slammed her face against it and spilled the rest of her water on the woman.

"Don't you ever speak to Ymir like that! Ever!" She let go of the woman, seething.

Ymir stared at her, eyes wide, as though she was broken out of her trance.

Her rage ebbed away, faded into nothing, she only felt admiration towards the blond as she bashed the woman's face against the counter. Not once had she ever had someone fight for her, anyone except Ilse, who landed them both in jail. She smiled wildly as the bar dropped into dead silence and the woman was left sobbing.

Then...a cheer erupted from the crowd.

Apparently, the bitch wasn't well liked around there as she was sobbing with no one helping her.

"...Jesus," Ymir praised,"you fucking wasted her!"

Krista stared at her bruised knuckles and back at the woman. She felt a lump come into her throat as she shook. The anger draining quickly out of her as overwhelming guilt overtook her.

"Please take care of her," Krista said to the barman before walking out of the bar. Once outside, she quickly flew to the nearest alley and felt herself heaving. She couldn't get the image of the woman crying and hurting. Krista held her stomach.

Krista coughed and gasped as she vomited. It felt like everything was leaving her with the contents.

Why did she go after her throat? Why couldn't she just walk past her or just slap her? In all of her training, she was taught to use her skills only against Kaiju. The woman was a bitch, but she didn't deserve that.

Krista couldn't calm her breathing and felt tears coming to her eyes. Her feet began to beg to run. Krista began to wave her hands around at her sides, trying to calm down.

Anxiety attack. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Ymir tried so hard not to kick her, and when Krista fled, she took a minute to spit at her; she took one more shot and then left to chase after the blond, near drunk. She wandered here and there, yelling,"Krista! Where are you? Krista?" She stumbled over a trash can and fell over, she scrambled to her feet. "Krista?"

"I-I-I'm here," her voice was breathless as she held herself, shivering. "Y-Ymir! Anxiety attack, I-I-I'm having problems breathing."

She was fanning herself again, trying to her best to stay calm. Fear was overwhelming her as tears poured down her face.

Ymir staggered around the corner, her balance was fucked beyond recognition. She rushed over to her when she found her, she eventually got to her side and wrapped her arms around her, trying to comfort her. When she heard of anxiety attack, she slurred to her as evenly as possible,"D...do we have to get you something for it?"

Krista held onto Ymir but made sure she had room to breathe.

"J-just hold me," she focused on breathing long and deep, trying to stop from hyperventilating. The feeling of jealousy kept her from seeking too much comfort from Ymir.

Krista held onto her until she felt her breathing normal and the response to flee leave.

"Th-thanks," she wiped her tears away in a sigh. The guilt didn't leave her though.

"It's alright," Ymir let out, voice cracking, she had to lean against a dumpster to keep herself steady. "No...no problem. That never happened, alright? Alright? Good."

Krista nodded and wrapped an arm around Ymir's waist.

"What now?" She helped steady her girlfriend. She didn't want to think of the woman. The idea of anyone had Ymir before her made her feel uncomfortable and restless. It made her want to mark Ymir's entire body and make sure everywhere she went people knew Ymir was her girlfriend, nobody else's.

"Well, I'm on the verge of getting shitfaced, just twenty more minutes and I can't walk anymore," Ymir warned her as they started walking out of the alleyway. "My...apartment isn't too far from here."

Krista waved down a nearby taxi and made sure her girlfriend was in safely before getting in. The ride was quiet as Krista nursed her knuckles and queasy stomach.

They arrived at the apartment and soon found their way back inside. Krista sighed and slid onto the couch and brought her knees up to her legs.

Ymir went here and there, wanting to get the buzz over with so that she could pass out. She went to her liquor cabinet and poured herself a shot, then one more, and then she was gone. She slumped against the wall after putting the bottle back to the rack. She made her way over to Krista, unsteady, then plopped herself next to her, head leaned back against the couch.

"Well, there goes the night- y'know...drinking helps you forget things happen," Ymir blurted out,"calms you down too, you look like...you look like you could use one."

Krista glanced at the drink and shook her head.

"No, I will be fine." She declined and leaned against Ymir. "How're you feeling?"

"Drunk," Ymir chuckled, she muted her real thoughts under the alcohol. She was smiling at the empty bliss, she kissed Krista on top of her head.

"Ymir, you should be more careful," Krista frowned, pulling away from Ymir. "You...You can't do what you were about to do."

Krista put her face into her hands. What would she have done if Ymir stabbed her?

She would go to jail...

"Don't do that ever again, please." Krista didn't want to lose Ymir.

Ymir grimaced.

She wanted justice so badly, she wanted more of it too. That woman was just another person on the list, another name to be crossed out. Ymir looked to the ground, then stretched out a hand to the table to fetch a pack, she attempted to smoke and after fumbling around, she managed to get one lit properly.

"...what was I supposed to do?"

"You can't do that. Anything but hurting someone. Please." She opened her mouth again to say more but closed it. She rubbed her temples. She wouldn't be surprised if Erwin heard of her mishap at the bar. She'd be disciplined for certain. "You have to choose your battles. You can't get into more trouble, ok?"

Krista looked up to Ymir putting her hand back on her thigh.

"Promise me that."

She had already passed out.

-...-

"Krista Lenz, please report to the bridge," the intercom announced the following day. Krista had left Ymir's apartment that morning, with nowhere to go, she had went to the Shatterdome. Much to her displeasure, word had already gotten out on her actions from the night before. People were now staring at her as they had done to Ymir a month ago.

Krista felt the attention of her actions from the night before. It left her feeling bitter that she had acted so hasty, but she didn't know what else to say. She had hurt the woman but she had not permanently damaged her.

Krista went straight to the bridge to await the inevitable disciplinary actions. She stood tall and held her hands behind her back.

She knew deep down that she could have done better, but she was glad she didn't hesitate in her actions. If she did, Ymir might've been the one being called and taken away from her.

Erwin's eyes were trained on her, as was Levi's.

He was going through papers, these were documents reporting last night's mishap, before she entered.

He neatly kept them in front of his person, he started off,"I understand that there was an incident last night at a bar in North Hollywoord- it involved a woman who's face was bashed in. She was taken to the hospital to treat her damaged jaw, other than that, no brain damage. Witnesses report, not Ymir, but you, Lenz, who had assaulted her. I would have expected Ymir to do this, but not you- what had driven you to do this?"

Krista didn't look away from the gazes that were given to her, she reported as best she could.

"The woman repeatedly verbally assaulted Ymir and I. When asked to leave, she didn't, and was choosing to openly and knowingly aggravate Ymir. Ymir was going to initiate a fight, but I didn't allow her, and I knew if something wasn't done things would have violently escalated. I apologize that my patience wore thin and I was hasty in dispelling the situation, causing a very sloppy and unfavored outcome."

Krista felt her worth crumble as she spoke. She was caught between two points of being happy Ymir was safe and feeling regret that her reputation was tarnished. She couldn't believe she lost her temper on the woman. The only reason she clung to was that she wanted Ymir alive. The idea that some of that rage was fueled by her pride made her sick with guilt.

Erwin nodded slowly, understanding her reasoning.

"Strange enough, Ilse would have done the same thing," Levi inputted. "Unfortunately-"

"Unfortunately," Erwin went on over his voice,"that particular woman was the daughter of one of the Jaeger Program's top investors. When learned of who was involved in this, he immediately paid hush money to all the witnesses and agreed to not press charges as it involved Rangers, the source of his income. I care not what her relations were to Ymir so long as there is no one coming back in a body bag."

Levi went on. "You did well to handle that situation, though a better action would have been to lead her out-"

"On better judgement, I have been considering removing Ymir from the Program altogether but, given that she is crucial in our defense in California, I cannot do so. After all, her...trait is the reason why I recruited her- please, try to not give me another reason to dismiss Ymir. She's enough stress as it is."

Krista felt her eyes widen at the response that was given to her. She was expecting to have privileges taken away and to be put in lock-down for a week at least.

"Sir," she gave a firm salute. The surprise was still on her face as she was perplexed on how relaxed they were about it. She guessed they were relieved to hear Ymir was not the source of problems for once. "I will remember that. Any other orders, sir?"

She still couldn't believe what was going on. The guilt inside of her kept raging and did not find content in the pardon of her actions.

"Please do not beat another civilian to a pulp, you have gotten off with a warning, Ranger, you are dismissed," Erwin said.

When she left the room, Erwin reclined in his chair, Levi turned around to the window to observe progress on the next Jaeger being built- it was his own personal one. He folded his arms, staring out at the activities way below him.

"If she's so stressful, why keep her?" Levi inquired.

"Same reason why you're here, do you want to return to prison?"

"That place doesn't suit my tastes well."

"Unlike you, she was close to having the certification to be one of the top technicians in this place. She has great potential after all, and after the first Kaiju landed, do you know who was at the top of the list to request in on this? Her sister was the first to sign up, and I would have let her in until they were incarcerated- I was geared on letting only Ilse in but she convinced me well enough to add Ymir as well.

"Quite amazingly, they had one successful solo kill last year, if you remember. And that was only in another Jaeger within their first three months being here- the Langnars are gifted, it'd be a shame if Ymir were to be locked away to be a waste."

"Ah, they were the ones piloting that one, hm..."

Krista was outside, making her way back to the work floor, until Hanji spotted her.

"Ranger Lenz!" Hanji called to her from a lift, she was just about gotten to Krista's level when she saw her. "There you are!"

Krista didn't get far before she was called by another higher up. She stood where she was.

"Yes, Ma'am?"

She approached her hurriedly. "Come, I need to talk to you about the Drift."

She ushered her about until they arrived at her office.

Krista was brought in by a whirlwind until a pungent smell wafted into her nose as she came into the room. Kaiju parts were everywhere. Krista crinkled her nose but followed regardless.

It was highly cluttered with stacks of books and papers, also various machinery and a few samples of Kaiju from carcasses harvested from fights. Drakos's own sample had a place by the door as it was the most recent one. Hanji cleared away a mesh of entrails to allow Krista legroom, she then closed the door.

"Ahem, anyway, I believe we hadn't been introduced. My name is Hanji Zoe, I'm head of the Research Team for the Los Angeles Shatterdome and, also, Titan's coordinator, y'know, the person who monitors Titan's vitals and also the Ranger's Drift. Ymir knows me quite well, but I hadn't had a chance to become acquainted with you, it's like you're nowhere to be seen throughout this place- anyway!"

She went over to her desk and pulled out a bowl that had half a bag's worth of chocolate kisses, she offered them to her.

"If you have any ideas, improvements, problems, or anything at all with Titan and Ymir, you come to me. Alright- oh, have one!"

Krista perked up hearing about the talk of improvements and ideas.

Hanji was talking fast without little to no pause. Krista could only watch the woman.

"I'm often working with my old crew on the Jaegers. I can often be found on the ground floor," she offered for future reference once Hanji paused. She'd like to make sure the coordinator could contact her at any possible time. "I've been designing blueprints and diagrams for possible additions to Titan, but I have yet to show Ymir."

She smiled.

"Oh, thank you," Krista took two pieces of chocolate. One for her and one for Ymir. "Is there anything else you wish to discuss, Ma'am?"

She felt relief slowly coming over her the more her mind mulled over what had occurred.

Hanji nodded, her erratic demeanor had calmed as she relaxed and eased herself onto her desk, taking the chocolate back on its place. "Yes, about you and Ymir Drifting is what I need to discuss with you. Now...look here."

She pulled out a chart, a diagnostics of the Drift's synchronization. Two lines, symbolizing Ymir and Krista's respectably as one was red and the other was blue, went across the chart.

"This thing here shows your rates of being in synch, every time you two enter a Drift, you both start out at 100%, and usually after about five to seven minutes, one of you drops lower than the other for a good four to eight minutes to recover from Desynchronization. This chart was when you were taking down Drakos- Ymir's line went way below what it was supposed to be, even reaching critical levels."

She reached back and took out another one.

"Here is the diagnostics from the last test you ran a few weeks ago. As you can see, your line dropped as well after about four minutes and it took you only four minutes to recover- unlike Ymir, you never reached the critical state.

"What Ymir did back there, about dying in a Jaeger, I understand what she was trying to do, as does Smith. I was on the verge of taking Ymir's side rather than booting her out of the Rangers as...we all know where the second option would take us, so I took Ymir's side.

"At first, due to your lack of experience in the Drift, I voiced out that Ymir was better suited for being the lead pilot, but these numbers don't lie to me. Your control over yourself outweighs that department- Smith's judgement was right about you." She then took out another chart. "Finally, here is Ilse's Drift with Ymir- same results as your last test, Ymir was the lead, see how clean this is?

"Ymir was never suited to be the lead pilot after running a few more tests after Ilse's death. Because of these charts, you're the one who's more acceptable."

Krista listened to Hanji's data. Her eyes traced the lines, watching Ymir's plummet during Drakos, but her attention snapped upward when Hanji began to explain about her suicidal tendencies.

"I see." She frowned. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but is there more to this?"

Krista pocketed the chocolates and glanced at the chart again. She understood she was given the role for reasons after the initial shock. She respected the orders and didn't question them after the first week, but she was uncertain why Hanji was showing and telling her this now.

"I would be lying if I told you I just felt like throwing numbers at you," Hanji admitted.

She took the charts back, she finally got up and went to a steel cabinet to where she had documents stored in one of the drawers. She searched here and there, then pulled out more charts.

"At first, Ymir was a good lead pilot. Her...stalling at first when she tried out being the lead was less frequent with Ilse, she had a good grasp on herself- when Ilse died, she tried out with Levi and, oddly enough, she was at near perfect Synchronization with him. But then when it came to you, she started showing fluctuations, changes.

"She came by a week ago, only then did she demand why she's no longer the lead pilot. All that I just showed you was the same I showed it to her as she wanted proof. Of course, she didn't like the results all too well." Hanji rolled her sleeves back to reveal old bruises. "I took a beating myself, though I decided to let it slide as she was- get this, you might be interested- more concerned for your well-being."

"I-I didn't know she did that." Krista frowned. She saw the bruises along Hanji's arm and winced. Krista gave a quiet apology. Krista moved the collar of her shirt to show the freshest battle wounds of their time spent together on her neck. She flushed and put her collar back up to conceal it and glanced at the Kaiju parts. "She seems to enjoy leaving her mark on people."

Krista shook her head, sighing.

"Now...that isn't exactly Ymir-like at all. Not at the very least. Pray tell, are you two...in some sort of relationship? If so, it may explain why she's not able to hold 100% in the Drift for too long."

"To answer the question," she schooled herself, "Yes, we are, but how does that make it difficult?"

Krista understood Ymir had a lot of problems, but drifting with her shouldn't have been a concern. It only made Krista worry that it might cause problems.

Hanji tried to stifle down a laugh, she let out a small squeak and hid it behind her hand.

"Ahem. Anyway...I need some insight on Ymir, regarding what you have seen in the Drift and what you see now, she is, without a doubt, someone with a muddled background. Don't deny it, I can see it when I see it in someone. I trust that when she has her...moments, outbursts if you will, do you know what leads to them? You have been in her head, after all, does she have mood swings out of nowhere?"

Krista instantly went to find a seat by Hanji's desk after hearing her request.

"She doesn't like to be stared at too long." Krista began.

It was something she noticed in bed and off times when Krista would admire her freckles for too long. She ran her hand through her hair, trying to find the words to describe Ymir's mind.

"I've been in her head, yes, but I never know what's truly going on in there. I can only hope I know what memory she thought of and what she's trying to hide away from. It's...a murder mystery."

Krista couldn't really find how else to describe it.

"We don't talk about it, but I know when she's upset because she will smoke like a chimney and drink. She'll look off somewhere."

"The Shatterdome smells like Ymir all the time," Hanji said, she wasn't joking as she thoughtfully brought her thumb to her chin. She listened carefully.

Krista glanced up at Hanji and then at the ground.

"Sometimes..."

Her hangs wrung at her shirt.

"...when we're together somewhere, or sitting at her apartment, she will detach herself and go sit on the couch and do like what I said, smoke and drink till she finds her escape."

Krista knew that Ymir did her best, but it did leave her feeling like she wasn't trusted. She might've saw all of Ymir, but would she have let her see it if they weren't Jaeger pilots?

"Eye contact, not surprising, Ymir never looks at anyone, she's always aloof when anyone talks to her. Hm...coping, I suppose, you say she does things when she remembers something- I'd say she has a tendency to repress past issues. It may have started recently from Ilse told me about her."

Hanji sighed.

"The smoking and drinking, that's always been there. The pauses in conversation though, she's one of those people who you'd be talking to and then the next they just get up and leave, correct? She's hardly shown that when Ilse was around- ah! What's shown in real life is reflecting what is going on in the Drift. Perhaps...I may be hitting the nail here, is she afraid of getting close to you?"

Hanji sure hit the nail hard.

"Yes. It seems so." Krista frowned. "When things become...too intimate or emotional, she withdraws."

Krista could remind the times when they had sex and Ymir would busy herself with smoking afterwards to keep from talking too much. Sometimes, Ymir would hesitate in conversation, especially when Krista said it felt right.

"I figured she'd come around on her own terms, much like a cat." Krista smiled at the imagery.

"She's trying to hold back," Hanji simply stated,"but at the same time, she's letting her anxiety control her so she's attempting to fight it. As you know, memories are determined by emotions- I can see where the fluctuations come in on the charts now.

"In the Drift, she can't suppress them well enough as she had done with Ilse and Levi- she loses control over them when she does it with you. It's...hm, I'm guessing that being with someone opens up things Ymir tried to close out, things she was afraid to feel, as a result, she's more receptive to reliving memories. This leads to poor results. Maybe over time she can learn to, as you say, come to terms with them, maybe it'll disturb her less once she accepts these things, and maybe she can return to being lead pilot?"

"I-I don't know how to help her. All I do is make sure she knows I lo-" Krista shut her mouth. She sighed and began again. "Just make sure she knows I care for her and want her to be happy and safe."

She stood up, smoothing out her pants. Krista really didn't know what else she could do to encourage Ymir to open up. She hadn't felt this way before or been in a more serious relationship.

"It'll take time, as I said, for you to sink in to her."

Hanji stretched for a moment, then snapped back to attention.

"Ah! I know how we can gauge this! Plus, it will be a benefit for my studies. What if when we run trials for Titan, we test it with Ymir as the lead, of course, we don't have her lead over time. Just periodically to check on how well she can Drift. When she can uphold 100% the entire time, it'll be proof that she has overcome herself. Does that sound like a good idea? I think it is...imagine, after this war, the Drift would be implemented by therapists to aid patients later on, all these people that could be helped, quite amazing."

"I trust your decision." Krista was out of her field of expertise. She was only there to manage the technical mechanics. She never set foot into the drift technology or machinery that was in direct contact of the pilots. "Is that all, Ma'am?"

Krista stood. She knew Ymir was most likely waiting for her to hear how the higher ups handled her little stunt.

"You're free to go. Let's try in three days, see how far she's gone- and oh, don't let Ymir know of this, else it'll ruin the progress. Um, just let her know that Smith is wanting to see alternatives between you guys."

-...-

Ymir laid in bed, curled up under the sheets behind curtains that blocked out the light. She was recovering steadily, though she was getting highly agitated without Krista nearby. She shifted around, fidgeting every so often before trying to pass out, then staying awake. She finally found a comfortable position on her back, slowly her eyes drifted closed, fatigue putting herself to sleep.

Krista spent a few hours on the ground floor, helping her crew work on Titan's joints to ensure the 'colossal mistake' didn't ever happen to them. While doing so, she told of her ideas and was given positive and constructive feedback on her blueprints where the imagination grew a bit too wild to implement.

Eventually, Krista knew Ymir was home waiting for her. She left the Shatterdome and went to Ymir's apartment-Krista's newly made home. Practically all of her clothes were there along with a tooth brush.

Krista used her spare key to get in and found the apartment silent.

"Ymir?" Krista called out.

Just as her eyes were about to shut themselves for the fourth time that day, Ymir groaned,"In my room," and then rolled back onto her pillow. Damn, just as she was about to fall into undisturbed sleep, she was actually disturbed.

Last nights events came in a few flashes, slowly, she got up and went to see Krista in the hallway.

Ymir's eyelid twitched for a moment as she asked,"What happened with Smith?"

Krista went to Ymir's side, kissing her jaw.

"Go lay down. I will come in shortly," Krista felt tired from working under the hot conditions of ground floor. In between all the yelling, torches, drilling, and metal scraping, there was little to even hear yourself think.

Krista went past her, retrieving Tylenol and a cup of water in the kitchen. She brought it into the bedroom and stripped herself from all but a sports bra and shorts that she stole from Ymir. She knew she smelled a little bit of grease and a lot of smoke, but she knew Ymir wouldn't mind.

"Here," she gave the cup of water to Ymir along with the Tylenol. She gave a lopsided smile at her girlfriend. Despite putting up such a tough front, she acted like a kid that begged to be taken care of. It was endearing to see a softer and vulnerable side of Ymir that Krista could comfort.

Ymir took the glass and pills, drinking it down, she placed the glass on the bedside table and went back to her room to lay down. She yawned sleepily and glanced up at Krista for a moment. Her hangover made her disregard what happened last night. As Krista was undressing, she noticed something silver fall out of her pocket.

It was slightly melted, but it was without a doubt one of Hanji's chocolates. She picked up to stare at it.

"...you saw Hanji today?"

Krista slid up against Ymir. She brought her girlfriend's head against her chest and began to massage at her temple and slowly bringing it down to the back of her neck, trying to soothe the remainder of the headache.

"Yes, I did," Krista kissed her forehead. "If you're curious, Erwin spoke with me about what had happened last night. He said to try and not let it happen again. Afterwards, Hanji caught me and wanted to talk about our drift compatibility. She insisted on giving me these chocolates."

Krista took the chocolate from Ymir's hand and put it on the night stand.

"I got one for you but I got sidetracked on the floor," she felt tension in Ymir's neck and gently rubbed against the tender pressure points. "Are you feeling any better from this morning?"

The chocolate was left on the nightstand, she never liked anything sweet.

Ymir groaned and her muscles began to relax, her stress was going down and the events from last night were like a distant memory. She nodded slowly. "I'm feeling a hell of a lot better than earlier, not puking every five minutes too so that's a plus...damn, Erwin let us off the hook for this one? Guy's getting too generous these days."

She went quiet for a moment.

"...what did Hanji say about the Drift?"

"Not much. It was the first time Hanji and I spoke one-on-one. She talked a lot of my ear off about things, but was mostly talking about Erwin wanting to see smoother drifts."

Krista kept her fingers at their gentle pace, feeling Ymir relax.

"Have you ate anything at all, Ymir?" Krista asked.

She figured she didn't but thought she'd ask.

"If you haven't, I will cook us something soon. Anything you'd like?"

Krista felt like she could spoil Ymir a little. She was cooped up all day sick and Krista went and sneaked off to the ground floor. She should've went home right away to keep her company and care for her.

"Oh, and I moved the laundry to the dryer before I left. You should have clean clothes now." Krista hummed.

"...bacon would help," Ymir let out after a while.

Ilse never cooked for her, let alone did her laundry.

She would get her clothes later, she was too lazy to get up. She was too lazy to feet herself.

The tension in her neck was just about gone, the world felt bearable for once. She stretched a bit and laid closer to her, yawning again. Living like this, it as like Kaiju never existed, like everything she knew up until now were just muffled voices she couldn't remember. If anything, she would almost say that she was starting to adjust to a quieter life, though it probably wouldn't last too long.

The thought hit her and those muffled voices were coming back to her, she slightly found and slowly pulled away from Krista, unsure of how she could handle it.

Next thing she knew, she was back to smoking as usual.

Krista felt Ymir pull away and went back to smoking. She sat up from the bed and stood, stretching.

"I will start something then," she said, walking to the door frame, "how does breakfast sound for a late lunch? Bacon, eggs, hash browns?"

Krista went through the apartment till she made it to the dryer and began to unload it into a laundry basket. Her thoughts were touching back onto Hanji's predictions as to why Ymir was acting the way she was. She went to the living room and sat on the floor. Her hand went to the place above her heart. Ymir had expressed she cared for her. Krista knew she needed time. But seeing her reject her had hurt more than it should have.

Krista removed her hand and began to busy herself with folding and sorting laundry. Ymir deserved space to figure out what she wanted and how to handle what she felt. If she tried questioned it Ymir might pull away harder.

"Pins and needles," Krista muttered under her breath, Ymir didn't hear her.

"It'll be fine," Ymir said, her stomach growled loudly; it caused her to snuff out her cigarette. She may as well try and satiate it, she decided coffee would help and so she got up and headed for the kitchen to brew something. Once it was set, she went to the couch; her hangover was bearable at this point and so she was able to watch television.

She flipped channels absently, then stopped it at Tokyo.

Some Japanese anchor was reporting about a Kaiju attack off of the coast of Sendai. Ymir watched blankly as a crab like creature was engaged in battle with a Jaeger. Clear skies allowed Ymir to identify it, she knew that Jaeger anywhere.

"Damn, it's Salvatore!" Ymir exclaimed. "Yeah, Marco's in it with some other guy, but they'll take care of it. Y'know, Jean and Marco used to pilot, but after this one drop, Jean ended up paralyzed on his left leg and stuff. Got replaced by some guy named- oh, they'll totally take care of this in a minute-"

But then the Kaiju ripped through Salvatore's hull, instantly killing both pilots within.

Screams rose from the background, Ymir stared blankly at the television, watching more of the Kaiju destroy the Jaeger.

Krista dropped the shirt she was folding as she stared at the screen.

Her eyes were wide, watching the Kaiju relentlessly tear through the Jaeger until only shreds of its former glory was dashed across the ruined streets.

"Y-Ymir?"


	10. Chapter 10

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: May 7 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1900

Ymir was reminded that Kaiju were real, that they did exist.

News of Salvatore's fall rippled along the Pacific coasts, most particularly, American coasts mourned for the most part. The remains of the pilots were unable to be retrieved, and the Los Angeles Shatterdome fell into silence- after all, it was the birthplace of that Jaeger. Services were held for Marco, the other pilot, later revealed as Armin Arlert, and finally, Jean.

Marco's former pilot, Jean, had committed suicide; Ymir had found him first hand when she went to visit him on a day off. He had offed himself the day of learning Salvatore's fall. Ymir considered herself lucky that Krista declined to come with her. In the end, she returned with her lonesome horse to the base (no one could take care of it now- the goats themselves were self-sufficient), along with Jean's body in a hearse following close by as she drove.

Now she was in her funeral attire, she had taken to house her horse at a much quieter part of the docks, away from the ruckus. It was a makeshift place.

Services had ended, she didn't bother to change. All she did was sit on a crate as she drank beer, watching the sunset and enjoying the scent of home she had brought along with her.

The Shatterdome was almost silent save for the metal ringing and drills. People didn't bother to yell.

Krista avoided the funeral as much as possible. She only participated in what she felt obligated to. The death of three pilots immediately made the victory from before seem like a dream. Jean's suicide wasn't mentioned. He was given attention but not as much as Marco and Armin received. Krista could understand why.

When the day was over, she felt exhausted. Her mind kept reeling at each mention of Jean. It made her sick. The look on everyone's face at the news of his death only proved that there was no honor in it, but only pain.

Krista found herself walking along the docks at sunset. She knew Ymir was around this area due to her horse. Krista eventually found Ymir on a crate, quiet and drinking.

Krista didn't say much as she went near Ymir and stood.

It could've been her instead of Jean if things were different. She would've died not because of the Jaeger malfunction or an overpowering Kaiju, but because she gave up.

"...I found him in the barn," Ymir started dryly when she noticed Krista was there. "Jean, I mean, he hung himself up in the rafters. Used the pulley and hauled his neck up there, guess he couldn't handle it, losing Marco. I know those two were close, pilots and all, more than friends. When you have someone in your head for so long and then they suddenly go, it's like you lose a part of yourself; the Drift just makes it literal.

"I heard it's the worst when you lose someone while you're in the Drift yourself, though it's just a rumor because people who went through it opted out themselves."

Krista didn't look at Ymir when she spoke how she found Jean. Nobody told others how a person hanging looked like. It wasn't just the person suspended in air. Their face were left distorted with bloody eyes as if they died in the most painful way.

Krista shivered.

Part of her felt like those words weren't only for Marco and Jean. It was an echo of what was meant to be said in Titan.

"I was selfish," Krista dug in her pocket, withdrawing the lighter and pack of cigarettes she bought a week ago. It wasn't even open. She thew it over at Ymir. Lately, she had been getting cravings to smoke, but kept from it. She didn't need an addiction on top of all of her other messes. "Still am, sometimes."

She licked her lips, tasting the sea salt. Once upon a time in her life the ocean air felt like freedom and release.

Now it was the rush of fear and anxiety before the battle.

Ymir examined the pack, it was her brand, the one she enjoyed.

She undid the wraps and took one out to have a drag.

"Nothing wrong being selfish, you only live for yourself," Ymir let out. "You and me, we're in each other's heads, even if we don't want to see it all we're just a part of each other. Two hearts and two souls combined, something like that. Not surprising if one of our selves bleeds into the others too, kinda scary though."

She looked up at the sky, she exhaled as a pair of seagulls flew overhead in the reddening sky.

"Y'know...my father used to tell us stories of when he was younger. He used to hunt birds and shoot them for sport- he always told me that when he killed one bird, he'd find another dead on the ground without any harm. He never knew what killed them, only told me it was suicide. Said to us'`mir, Ils`, they fly real high up in the sky, then dive down for death,' and every time he shot one of a pair, the other would be gone the next day.

"Never believed his bullshit until I found Jean."

Krista looked over at Ymir.

"I can't live for myself anymore." Her words were careful. The words on the tip of her tongue made her stomach roll, but she didn't feel anxiety. She felt nervous, nervous like a school girl.

"I made that decision twice since I've met you." She recalled the moment she felt the will to live when Ymir was lost in her memories. It was still in her now.

The second time was when Ymir and her had sex. She could feel herself swell in something that meant more than what she knew.

Krista smiled at Ymir and held her free hand into her own. Ymir's hands that had broken lines told of regret and mistakes, but not once did Krista feel that when her girlfriend's hands held and took her. There was never regret or mistakes.

Just love.

Ymir glanced down at her hand, staring at their fingers locking together.

Was it instinct or love that those birds killed themselves? Since when did animals ever love? It never wrapped around her head that animals were capable of such emotions, people were no different than those animals, they are animals. Ymir watched her horse, that was an animal, no doubt about it. But...was she one too? She had difficulty understanding she was human, she never believed she was, all humane moralities have been torn apart and replaced with instinct.

She wasn't any different to the next creature, only looking after herself, fighting for what she wanted.

Is it human instinct to love?

Maybe.

"We're just a pair of birds then," Ymir slowly said to her as she was slowly reaching her conclusion.

"Think so?" She squeezed Ymir's hand. Despite her smile, the sadness and emptiness towards the loss of fellow pilots remained.

How did it feel when the person you drifted with left? Krista couldn't imagine it. Ymir was truly a large part of her. If she left...

"Ymir," she glanced over to her girlfriend.

She opened her mouth.

The sound of waves and seagulls lulled over the bay. The distant sound of the Shatterdome was all forgotten.

The words finally left her mouth.

She had to let Ymir know how she felt. Just in case one day they never came back from that ocean.

Ymir stared at her, eyes wide and mouth agape. Did she just...what?

Her cigarette dropped from her mouth, it rolled away and she didn't bother to pick it up.

She didn't know how to react to her, she just...stared at her, she tried to process the words and yet she couldn't, it wasn't reaching to her; she checked back to past experience, she found several references but all those were miniscule compared to Krista. The girl had emotions towards her, real, tangible emotions- no doubt she will them, feel them, in the Drift.

Krista was very much real, Ymir would see her true self in Titan every time.

For once, Ymir reconsidered doubting her.

"I'm...sorry I had doubts," Ymir admitted,"I...won't hold back anymore."

* * *

Date: May 20 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2000

Tonight was the night they would test Hanji's theory.

As Salvatore's death put a hold on the usual operations, the Shatterdome recovered itself and set to work. Hanji had pushed the date away so that Ymir and Krista would have time to recover and allow the test to go without grievance tampering the results. Ymir was set in her usual suit, she was getting ready to go into the co-pilot's side until Hanji's intercom reached them.

"Ymir, we need to run some tests, please be the lead pilot for now."

Ymir's brows scrunched. She returned,"In all due respect, weren't you the one proving why I stay co-pilot?"

Krista went to the co-pilot, finding it more comfortable than being lead pilot. After all, her first battle was on this side.

"Ymir," she set herself into the seat, "maybe they're giving you a second chance."

The conversation with Hanji was going through her head about testing a theory. Krista hoped this 'theory' was worth the avoiding she was being forced to do.

"Science calls," Hanji reasoned.

Ymir immediately went to the right side; it was a general rule that whenever Hanji uttered the word 'science', everyone would flee on the spot. Ymir was not the exception in this as she hooked herself up.

"Initiating Drift Sequence," Hanji announced.

And then the second voice came. '_Initiating Neural Handshake.'_

She waited for that wave, to be consumed and toss under that ocean of memories. She let the thoughts flow easily, going through her head without a problem. Her mind suddenly settled on that one particular night together, she was stuck on it.

"Oh shit," Ymir muttered.

Krista felt the memories come through until something came up. She saw herself underneath Ymir, climaxing.

Krista's face immediately turned red as her body went rigid until she shivered. She felt the familiar lust drive deep into her core.

"Ymir," she warned.

"Whoops," was all Ymir let out, smirking.

"Ymir, you're at 99%," Hanji said,"what gives?"

"I said whoops."

She pulled herself out of the moment and was back in the Jaeger.

_'Left Hemisphere calibrated. Right Hemisphere calibrated. Both pilots are now connected through Neural Bridge.'_

"Commence the trial," Hanji said, her tone wavering in surprise.

They were able to successfully go on, hands and arms moved flawlessly under Ymir's control.

-...-

Up in the control room, Erwin observed with Levi, eyes calculating their movements.

Out of nowhere, Levi concluded,"They definitely fucked."

Hanji didn't tear her eyes from the screens, though her lips slightly curled.

-...-

Krista instinctively lifted her hips. Krista let out a breath when she felt Ymir was able to pull out of the moment, but her mind was left in those thoughts.

Krista felt the connection stronger this time. Her movements were fluid with Ymir and Titan now. She glanced over to her girlfriend with a smile.

An hour of this, continually moving hands and fingers, testing joints and whatnot, eventually came to a close with Hanji telling them,"Beautiful, you guys are done."

Ymir managed to unhook herself to the system and she stretched, letting her limbs relax from the strain. She made her way out to Sasha, the duo began to undo their suits as Ymir was handed her pack of cigarettes and her clothes. Once done and in her usual attire, she immediately began smoking, much to her pleasure. For the most part, she kept her eyes trained on Krista.

The Drift was still fresh in her mind, she was smirking.

The testing went great without any pulls from the Drift. The only problem is she knew what Ymir was thinking about. It kept replaying in her head. The imagery kept her libido on fire well through the hour.

Once they were taken out of their suits, Krista shivered in her own clothing and glared at Ymir.

"Out of all the things to stick to," her words were heavy. She could see that ridiculous smirk on her girlfriend's face.

"I swear," she huffed.

"Something wrong?" Ymir teased her as Sasha and Connie had left, Ymir led her out to the second floor to where they usually smoked. "Something _stuck_ on your mind?"

"You know what you did," Krista playfully kicked at Ymir's shin. She didn't know why but seeing herself vulnerable under made her only want it more than usual.

Krista leaned against the railing, putting her arms against it and running a hand through her hair, trying to cool off her overworking mind. She sighed.

"What ever do you mean?" Ymir asked, playing coy as ever, she was softly laughing, smiling, even some workers that walked by took a moment to pause to see if it was truly Ymir.

Krista punched Ymir in the arm, but didn't pull back. Her hand held the back of it. Fingers stroking underneath.

"Why don't we find out?" She brought Ymir closer to her.

Hanji's voice suddenly sneaked up behind them. "Are you two planning to consummate in Titan?"

Ymir leaped out of her skin for over a mile. "How long have you been there!?"

"Long enough to know that your core temperature, particularly between your legs, has risen above average. Thinking dirty thoughts, are you?"

Krista jumped and quickly removed her hand from Ymir as her eyes went wide.

"W-what?!" Krista's face went red as she put her hands up in defense.

Krista kept sputtering. An answer was way out of her grasp now.

Hanji couldn't but burst out laughing, that woman was strange, no- Ymir decided that she was a freak. Their temperatures were being monitored, no doubt they had holographic images of their bodies going red at a certain region. Ymir rolled her eyes, Hanji backed away, holding her stomach, but in her hand she clutched a piece of paper, a chart.

Ymir leaned over to snatch it away from her. "What's this?"

"R-results from t-this test...regarding Drift Sequence and Synchronization," Hanji wheezed out. "Y-you...you stayed at near a 100%, I...I need to run a few more tests before S-Smith can reassign your position!"

"Hm?"

Krista crossed her arms and glanced away from Hanji's laughter, but looked back when she said the reassignment of Ymir's original position.

"He's actually taking it into consideration?"

Hanji nodded while wiping a tear from her eye. "Oh, best laugh in days- you two want a chocolate?"

Ymir's eyes narrowed as she gave her back the chart. "I have a feeling you lace that shit with acid."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

Krista gave a smile at Ymir's comment though she honestly would believe it.

"No thanks," Krista felt excited for Ymir. She turned towards her, taking her hand. "You heard her, you might get your spot back!"

Hanji zipped away, for she had other advances in her erratic life to attend to. Ymir smiled to her though, she was obviously changing.

"Yeah, I might," Ymir said, though that smile faltered as she thought,"I wonder what caused a change in that."

"I don't know," Krista pulled Ymir down into a hug, "but I do know I'm happy you're getting that position back."

When Ymir was close enough to her, and she saw Hanji had left, Krista put her face into the crook of Ymir's neck, nipping at her skin.

"Hanji didn't exactly have a bad idea, either."

"Bad idea about what-oh?" Ymir felt a rush of heat radiate from her neck, a feint blush came about and she went to grab Krista by her hair, fingers threading into her locks. "Wanna take this to my quarters? Not sure the works want an exhibition unless you're into that sorta thing."

Krista pulled away, looking around them.

"I'm not sure what I'm into to," when the coast was still clear, she put her head against Ymir's chest. She wrapped her arms around Ymir's waist. "Whatever you want to do, I will follow."

Krista lightly swayed against Ymir.

Ymir unwrapped herself from her grasp. "C'mon, I know a place."

She took her to the highest floor where there was the least activities and the least walls, only a single pillar spared them view of all of the workers. Ymir smirked, she suddenly pressed her lips against hers fiercely, wanting to see what reaction she could get out of her this time.

Krista quickly matched Ymir's pace, trying to feel the woman where she wanted her most. The hour in Titan was torturous when she knew where Ymir's mind was.

Krista's hand went straight down and held Ymir through her pants, roughly rubbing her hand against Ymir's core.

"Damn, you're going quite fast," Ymir growled softly against her lips as she rolled her hips against her hand, her eyes rolled back as she pressed her closer against the wall.

Krista bit Ymir's bottom lip. She kept her hold as she gave one last rough rub and removed her hand. She quickly brought her attention down to Ymir's pants, quickly unbuckling the belt and undoing the buttons and zipper. She hooked her fingers into Ymir's belt loops and pulled her close.

"Sitting for an hour while seeing what you thought was long enough," she dug her hand between the fabric and Ymir's skin till she met wetness. She slid two fingers into Ymir and began to pump into her.

"Jesus- hn, fuck," Ymir hissed, breath hitching. She slammed on hand against the wall by Krista's head to keep herself balanced, the sudden intrusion really got her by surprise, she was definitely, definitely, not expect that to come around. Without hesitation, she instantly started riding her fingers, her hand went to shuck her pants a bit lower to give Krista's hand some room.

Krista's spare hand went up to caress the back of Ymir's neck. She pulled her down into a kiss and curved her fingers upwards, finding that spot Ymir showed her long ago. By now she was able to go off without Ymir's communication.

Krista kept her eyes open, making sure nobody would see her girlfriend like this. It was for her eyes alone and she'd be damned if anyone else saw.

Her fingers wrapped around a pipe to grasp desperately at. Her nails dug into the metal, scratching it as her eyes closed. She was still stuck at that night where thoughts pushed her drive higher than what was normal.

Then it hit her.

"Damn, I fucking need you," Ymir muttered to her.

Krista brought Ymir's neck back to her mouth, biting down on the pulse point, and feeling her girlfriend's muscles tighten in a low growl.

"What do you want me to do specifically?" Krista asked, roughly pressing her fingers in and out. She quickly learned that their first night was an exception of Ymir's usual aggressiveness. Not that Krista was disappointed.

"Fuck me, the...the f-fuck you think I need?" Ymir gasped when she felt the pressure of her fingers. Goddamn, when was the last time a girl got her this hot?...nope, never, she hissed sharply and rocked her hips harder over her hand to feel the burn more. Her heart pounded in her head, continually slamming into her throat just as roughly as Krista's fingers were. "I want you to shove your fingers in me, damn it."

Krista could feel the heat from Ymir's sex warm her wet fingers.

Krista gave a mischievous grin as she slid in a third finger and began to pound them into Ymir, making sure to get every inch of her and maintain constant friction against her lover's favorite spot.

"Like this?" She smiled more, knowing she was going to get barked at.

She seethed, her nails scraping against the metal as she gripped harder. Damn, this was feeling too fucking good. The more Krista assaulted her, the more hotter her lewd words became, it was all driving Ymir into a tizzy. She was getting there, it was coming up fast and she wasn't expecting it. The friction of Krista's wrist rubbing against her clit at just the right angle made Ymir see stars when she closed her eyes.

"Just like that," Ymir panted.

Krista watched Ymir's face from the corner of her eye, seeing her eyebrows furrow and her lips twitch with each wave of pleasure. The expression was captivating and made Krista immediately wish she was on the receiving end.

"Ymir, come for me." Krista breathed against Ymir's ear.

Holy shi-

"Keep talking."

"I need to feel you get off." Krista kept her mouth close to Ymir's ear.

Her fingers were beginning to strain from Ymir's tightening muscles. She could feel she was getting close.

"Please," she licked the shell of Ymir's ear.

"D-don't stop talking to me," Ymir urged her.

Krista smirked against the space between Ymir's ear and jaw.

"I want to feel you climax around my fingers. I need to see how you look when you come." Krista bit down again. "Don't make me wait, Ymir. I want it now."

Her face contorted in ecstasy, that rush of euphoria numbed her senses to everything but pleasure itself. It went over her hard and unrelenting, just like Krista. Hearing her so demanding, having her so demanding, it was just too much. Ymir's lips parted, just barely, to let out a strained moaned, if she let everything it, the whole Shatterdome would have heard her.

She felt herself convulse around her fingers, her limbs grew weak and she held to the bar for support.

As quick as it came, it was gone, and slowly, Ymir regained her grasp on reality. She was back to where she was, a panting mess.

Krista felt her fingers still inside of Ymir as powerful muscles contracted and held her in. She kept her fingers inside of her, feeling the warmth and climax consume her hand.

Ymir's breathing halted then came back in a rush. Krista brought her lips to softly kiss her girlfriend down from her climax.

It was like being high, she didn't even realize Krista was kissing her until she was too deep into the kiss. Her hand reluctantly left its grasp on the pole and went to cup her face, then she shifted it up to tangle into her hair.

Against her lips, Ymir murmured,"Where have you been all my life?"

Krista felt herself genuinely smile towards Ymir's question.

"I'm here now, aren't I?" She gave butterfly kisses and pulled away, marveling at how pretty Ymir was in all of her freckled and amber glory.

Slowly, she regretfully withdrew her fingers from Ymir. It made her feel less like she lost a part of her when she did, but knew they'd have more time together another day.

"I'm...I'm glad you are."

Ymir rested her forehead against the wall, she was feeling the aftermath all too well.

"Damn, I won't be able to walk straight," she sighed under a laugh.

Krista frowned, cupping Ymir's cheek with her clean hand.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" She glanced up into Ymir's eyes as best as she could. While she knew Ymir preferred it rough it didn't mean she'd excuse herself for hurting her. There was a fine line between the two. She kissed Ymir's jaw, trying to soothe any possible mistakes she made in their quick affair. "I'm sorry if I did."

She stroked Ymir's face with her thumb, covering the freckles lovingly.

"No, you didn't hurt me...it's just so numbing after that, I can't really walk for a bit," Ymir chuckled, finding her concern funny. She kissed her forehead, smiling softly, tiredly. "Don't apologize for making me love what you do."

Krista gave a small nod and went to task herself on zipping and buttoning up Ymir's pants. She hooked the belt snug on Ymir.

"I only want you to be happy and to feel nice. I don't want to hurt you," Krista replied, holding Ymir close to her. She could smell Ymir's essence in the air. It made Krista relax. She mouthed words against Ymir's skin, reminding her of what was in her heart.

That musky scent lingered, she dismissed it and held to the sentiment in Krista's words. She embraced her once she regained her bearings, she buried her nose into her hair to take in her scent, she loved it, it was familiar and it made her feel safe.

For the first time, she prayed to never lose her.

Krista leaned into Ymir's arms. She felt her heart against her ears. It was a story that was meant for only her to hear.

Krista closed her eyes, imagining them back at the apartment and in their bed. Inside its sheets were no Kaiju or lies. There was only Ymir, her warmth, and her amber eyes that were golden fields on a summer day. It was home.

"We should go home." Krista didn't pull away. Not yet. Just a little bit longer.

"What'll we do at home?" Ymir asked to tease her, she was smiling, already having ideas pop up in her head.

"Well," Krista swayed them from left and right, "I was thinking I'd make us something to eat. Maybe help massage that kink out of your back that you keep complaining about. And, if you're up to returning the favor, we can continue something fun."

Krista withdrew from Ymir, taking her hands and pulling her back to the public view.

"How does that sound?" She gave a soft smile, watching Ymir's face light up. She was happy she could finally read her amber and how they shone when she was happy.

Ymir was slowly learning to tolerate being looked at in the eye, though after a moment, she immediately broke the contact and looked out to the lower floors.

"It...it sounds fantastic," Ymir said softly, quietly, as though she were shy about the plan, she gave her a modest smile and slowly started walking, though she was still feeling a bit of that numbing bliss that made her limp just a little.

"Good. Though, I don't know what I feel like eating, so, you can choose." Krista hoped Ymir had a better idea.

"I don't know what you keep doing to your back, though," Krista gave idle chatter as they went back to the lower, more populated floors.

"Riding accidents when I was a kid," Ymir shrugged,"had this one crazy horse, he fucked me up royally since I got tangled in the fence line and then hit the ground. The trauma kicks up sometimes." She stretched herself. "I gave him up and stayed with old horses in the end."

She thought for a moment of what could be cooked.

"Fuck, a steak sounds nice," she dreamily said. "Once, Ilse and I went to this steakhouse in Tennessee, closest thing to heaven."

Krista gave a soft laugh.

"I guess we will have steak. Though, I don't know if I can make it as good."

She pulled Ymir through the doors to the parking lot where Ymir kept her truck.

"Poor Ymir," Krista sighed, "saving the world from Kaiju and yet still suffers mortal pains like a bad back."

She gave another laugh.

"I will make sure to work on it, babe." Krista squeezed Ymir's hand in a promise.

"I forget I'm still human," Ymir said with a shrug, they got into her truck to where she took a cigarette to light. Once she had lit it, the ignition came on to play a random song off of the radio, it was some soft rock, she couldn't place her tongue on it as well as her lips were on that end of the cigarette. She slowly pulled out of the parking lot, then dashed down the open street.

They finished their dinner after a while, ending with Ymir being left to clean everything up. She didn't mind that she cleaned, after all, Krista cooked. They eventually found themselves at the couch drinking the last of the bottle. Ymir smiled as she laughed over a though, back when she was first arrested.

"...it was over a goddamn pack of cigs!"

Krista had her head in Ymir's lap, feeling a hot blush over her face. Even her ears felt hot and stuffy.

Krista kept her eyes closed and smiled.

"Was it worth it?" She gave a soft giggle, trying to lift her head but found the world was way too dizzying.

"Worth it," Ymir said with a smirk. Her laughter abated. "So...about returning the favor...you up to it?"

Krista opened her eyes to see Ymir staring at her. She slowly sat up, smiling.

"If you carry me to your bed, I don't want my...jeez." Krista's face went blank as she tried to think of how many times they had sex. She was going to make a joke about what she said during their first time, but she honestly couldn't put a number down. "Well, I don't want my whatever time on your couch." She slid into Ymir's lap, she raised an eyebrow. "Unless that's what you want."

"Not that many toys out here unless you want a fire poker going up you," Ymir suggested.

Krista froze before laughing.

"God! No!" She playfully gave a light slap onto Ymir's face. "Jeez! Carry me to your room!"

Krista couldn't stop laughing and cringing at the same time.

"If this is your way of dirty talking, Ymir, I have to say that...it lacks."

Krista leaned into her, shaking her head.

"I think it's good enough."

She picked her up and took her to the room, there, she gently placed her on the bed and then followed after her. She laid atop of her, pinning her down while having hands travel to her pants and then undo the zip and button.

Krista raised her hips off the bed to help discard her pants. Her body was pressed against Ymir, their chests touching together through annoying clothing.

"How do you want to be?" Ymir asked. "Rough or easy? Either way, I'll get you singing."

Ymir threw the pants off the edge, along with her panties.

She was bare in front of her, just how she liked seeing her.

Krista felt her face flush at Ymir's question. Thousands of situations popped into her head, but she knew which one she wanted. She just wasn't sure if she could ask.

Krista cupped Ymir's face, kissing her deeply.

"H-how about," Krista kept their faces close together, licking her lips, "you make love to me? It doesn't have to be soft or rough...but I want it to be...passionate."

"Passionate...? Like this?" Ymir asked as she caressed her hip, the pad of her thumb rubbing over the skin gingerly. "Or do you want the strap on?"

Krista wrapped her arms around Ymir's neck, pulling her in for another kiss.

"I want everything from you,"Krista dragged her teeth along Ymir's bottom lip, "don't make me choose."

"That doesn't answer the second question," Ymir deadpanned.

Krista huffed. Each had their own sensation, but she couldn't have both.

"Strap on," Krista mumbled. She let Ymir go, resting back against the bed. She could feel herself throb from the lack of contact between her legs. Her hand went to Ymir's thigh, rubbing it slowly.

Ymir immediately pulled away from her, she went over to her drawer and took out the belts, she shucked down her pants and stepped out to strap it on. She glanced at her every so often, then got back into the bed to where she grasp her legs. She pushed them apart and went over to her to where she prodded her entrance.

Her hand dipped down to feel her there, to make sure she was ready for it.

"You want this?"

"Yes," Krista breathed, "I want you, Ymir."

She lifted her hips to Ymir's fingers, feeling them slick across her desire.

She withdrew her hand and went up to kiss her deeply. While doing so, she slid it into her, finding resistance but not as much as the first time. She brought her hand under Krista's thigh, lifting it higher than the other to angle herself differently in a way that she knew would drive her mad. Without warning, she started thrusting her hips.

It was messy at first, given that she was drunk, but she started cleaning up her pace, going in and out of her without stopping.

She leaned back to watch her writhe in pleasure, she slid her hand down to her ankle to bring it up higher. Her other hand took her free leg to spread her wider, also lifting it but not as high.

It was such a compromising position yet it was the best sight to be seen.

Krista groaned as she tried to find a pace with Ymir, but kept going off tempo. It took a few more tries before they synchronized. The spot inside of her was being pressed against with every thrust.

Krista grabbed at the bed sheets when she could no longer hold onto Ymir. Every time she sucked in breath, the pleasure would heighten. Krista squirmed underneath Ymir's gaze.

She immediately ceased her movements.

"You know what I wanna hear? That dirty mouth of yours."

"Ymir!" Krista growled. She didn't still her hips as she kept the rhythm, but when she saw her girlfriend wasn't going to oblige right away she stopped.

Krista thought this was supposed to be passionate-full of love. Perhaps she asked for too much.

"I-I don't know what you want me to say," she felt her eyes water. Dammit. Krista rubbed her eyes.

Ymir ceased.

What nerve did she strike- oh.

She kicked herself in her mind. The alcohol was bringing out her usual vulgar self, she bit at her lip. She slowly places down her legs and then leaned back over to her. she instantly cradled her head. An overwhelming guilt washed over her, she did the exact opposite of what Krista wanted.

"Krista...sorry," Ymir let out, head dropping right next to her.

Krista bit her lip as she pushed down her emotions, trying not to ruin more of the moment. She didn't want to say it was ok, because it wasn't, but she knew that she couldn't push Ymir either.

Krista wrapped her arms around Ymir, holding her close. Krista kissed Ymir's shoulder, but a few stray tears came down even when she was able to hide her face from Ymir. The alcohol was making her feel worse than it should have been.

"It's fine," Krista mustered, "It's fine."

She immediately got her head up to look directly at her, meaning that she meant her apology. She pressed her lips against her cheeks, going up to her eyes to kiss those tears away.

"I didn't mean to," Ymir murmured.

Krista closed her eyes, feeling Ymir's warm lips against her jawline, cheeks, and eyelids, kissing every drop away. Krista opened her eyes, staring up at the amber that was boldly looking back.

Krista caressed Ymir's face in her hands.

"It's ok."

The sight before her made her regret ever feeling bitter towards Ymir.

"It really is."

She kissed her lover. She brought Ymir closer to her, kissing her face and every freckle. She finally pressed her lips against Ymir's, breathing words she so desperately wanted back. Krista's thumbs gently smoothed over Ymir's skin.

"Let's try again, ok?" She didn't want to see that look on Ymir's face again.

"Alright, we'll try again," Ymir murmured, she slowly started, though this time, she had better control over herself.

Krista felt Ymir's hips move against her. She went in stride with her.

Krista's eyes were still watery even when she said it was ok. She closed them.

"Ymir," she breathed, wrapping her legs around her girlfriend's waist. She could feel the muscles in her back move every time she made them meet.

Without asking anymore of her, she started moving, slow, careful. She didn't want to upset her, she decided to keep herself quiet, silently enjoying her pleasure.

Hearing her say her name, it should always be enough for her, and it was.


	11. Chapter 11

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: July 11 2016  
Location: Ymir's Apartment, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 0300

Ymir was disturbed by the sound of her phone ringing. She unwrapped her arm from Krista's waist and picked up the damn thing.

"What-"

"KAIJU ATTACK OFF THE COAST OF CATALINA, REPORT TO THE LOADING BAY!"

Ymir shot up from bed, still holding the phone.

"WHAT!?" She shouted.

Krista shot out of bed at the sound of Ymir screaming. She couldn't move. Her blood went from her face. Her breathing-Oh! Oh there was Ymir!

"What's going on!?" Krista got up, seeing Ymir tear across the room in search of clothes. Krista quickly began to dress.

Ymir shoved on some jeans and a shirt, she was scrambling to get herself up but as she wandered in the freshly lit rim, she tripped as her hair had covered her eyes. She groaned out,"K-kaiju, Category 1!"

They were rushing down Sunset when they got to the truck.

"Biggest one yet, said it got wings and it's fucking flying! They...they want to have Colossal and Rogue launch us up since we're the lightest."

Krista's eyes widened.

"They want to WHAT?!" Krista shook her head, running her hand through her hair. "Titan isn't made to be thrown! The hydraulics and-Oh God! Ymir! What're they thinking!?"

Krista felt fear rise into her throat.

"I don't know!" Ymir shouted to her, she was just as anxious but she was excited at the idea. "...I like it though!"

"THEY ARE GOING TO KILL US!" Krista gaped at Ymir but she felt the adrenaline rush.

Krista rubbed her eyes. "God, God, God...why can't they just shoot it out of the sky with the plasma canons? Or, gun it down? Jesus."

She knew that if they could, they would. The creature had to be agile if it was giving such a hard time.

"Must be going to fast, but Titan can go faster, I bet," Ymir said, anticipating the prospects of her prey. She grinned as they pulled into the appropriate lot and made a beeline for the Shatterdome. They were weaving by frantic workers, Ymir had to push aside one bloke who was in the way. Eventually they got to the third floor to get changed, they were met by Hanji and Levi instead.

Ymir was brought to a dead halt.

"Ymir, you're taking lead," Levi said,"I don't care how poorly you fuck this up, I want that thing dead before it reaches Vegas."

"Vegas!?" Ymir exclaimed.

Hanji nodded. "It's taken route inland, ignoring all coastal defenses. Instead of Colossal throwing you, we decided to have Titan run for it. The Titan is designed to be driven on land just as well as on water."

Ymir nodded as Hanji began to place her suit on.

"So what do you want us to do?"

"Get to it, distract it, slow it down, kill it," Levi ordered as he worked on Krista.

Krista felt a little less frightened now that they were in control. As they were debriefed, she began to collect herself. Seeing Ymir being confident made her able to swallow her fear.

The suit was being locked and strapped into place on her body. She glanced over to Ymir, seeing Hanji suit her up. The sound of steam, sirens, and metal locking into place from Titan drowned out Krista's thoughts.

Ymir lead her out into the hull to where she locked herself in place, setting off the switches to ensure that they were properly equipped for this. Once approved, Erwin's voice went through to the intercom,"We will airlift you to Burbank as that is the course, eliminate the target before it reaches Palmdale. Rouge and Colossus can travel only so far in a short amount of time. Disregard citizens."

"Copy," Ymir responded.

"Initiating neural handshake," the computer announced, Ymir readied herself for the memories but the excitement of her target made her forget her fears, her pains, her life, she wanted her time to be the now.

"Let's fucking get this bitch."

Krista felt Ymir's excitement as roller coaster rides and highs of unknown origins came through the drift. Her own body was riding on adrenaline as they neural handshake commenced.

"Yeah," Krista felt herself smile. The fear was still there, but Ymir's eagerness overshadowed it.

_'Both pilots engaged in neural handshake...'_

They were getting ready to leave for the drop, they could feel Titan being lifted up. As they were taken by air, Ymir could feel that perfect side of her, the one that wanted to see the world burn. That grin she had plastered grew wider, she had been waiting for destruction; fighting Kaiju off the coast never gave her a damn good high she sought for, that destructive lust.

"Let's make this dance to Palmdale," Ymir said to Krista.

She wanted to see her old life erased. This was the chance.

Krista felt a jolt of memories intermixing with Kaiju attacks-people running. Someone dead.

"Y-Ymir?" Krista felt her breath and blood run cold through her. She violently shivered. "W-what are you thinking?"

She saw it, but she didn't want to believe it.

Ymir's thoughts were already being relayed to Krista, her thoughts focused on a desire that drove her.

The bloodlust, it was there once before. When she killed the man, when she beat everyone senseless, when she initiated riots in prisons, when she-

Krista's voice rang to her, those thoughts were pushed out instantaneously, it wasn't out of will. She froze for a second, shook her head, and brought it back into the game. She breathed deeply, trying to gather her thoughts.

"I got it, I got it, I'm fine," Ymir tried to reassure her.

Krista felt sick in her stomach again. Seeing that crazed look on Ymir's face made her fingers shake. She kept the thoughts flowing, trying her best to not decipher them.

"O-Ok," but she kept glancing over to her.

They rushed through the city, quickly stepping through the streets and dashing over passes. The Titan was meant for waters but being on dry land made it swifter with less resistance. Ymir and Krista were both leaning forth, Titan itself was crouching low, hands ripping though the earth to propel it. The momentum threw it forward, going faster for the Kaiju.

"Target sighted!" Ymir shouted.

"Put it down as soon as possible!" Levi's voice demanded.

Krista felt the unfamiliar impact of solid earth. Titan was extremely fast on land than in water. It was as if it was made for land.

The seats had adjusted to almost a 45 degree angle as they were half-peering through the sights and below where the gears ran. Krista's arm moved in an unfamiliar movement she never had felt before, but it was natural. It was like they took to being almost bestial in their running. Each time her hand went down, she could see road and cement crumble like dirt in the wind.

Then, from above, Krista could see the large Kaiju flying straight past the town. Her heart was beating faster as they sped through the city until it was within engaging distance.

"Activating Foot and Back Thrusters," Krista's free hand went to dialing and switching on the panel. "Titan's Claws are now out."

The plates slid into sharp talons.

"Initiating the jump!"

Ymir buckled her legs, then heaved herself up, feeling Titan's force and the pull of gravity. They went up by escalating over a scale of buildings, soon they were flying, heading for the Kaiju.

This one was code-named Avion; it was like a bird that was plucked free of its feathers, its scales made it look like it armor. Around its head was a crest-like mane that was composed of blue tendrils. Titan's hand shot up to grab a fistful of it, they dropped it down quickly, hitting the ground by several hundred feet. Ymir grunted and readied the claws of the free hand to tear into its stomach.

There was an echoing screech as they were spiraling down to Earth. Krista felt her stomach flip and turn until they hit the ground heavily. Both of them were jolted in their seats but recovered quickly.

Scaly talons were scraping up against Titan's sides. A sharp beak mothered tiny sharp razors that'd like no better than to rip them out of the Jaeger. Krista went to slash the stomach but Avion snapped and yowled at that, making it near impossibly to get a good visual. Its body was flailing underneath them, causing Titan to shake and throw them about.

"Acti-" the Jaeger went flying back as Avion stood on its legs, flapping its wings. "We need to tear up those wings!"

Ymir nodded, she withdrew the hand from the abdomen and went upwards to the joint of one wing, severing the joint cleanly enough so that it couldn't take off once more.

"Avion grounded!" Ymir yelled into the intercom. "We got this bitch!"

The Kaiju screeched, attempting to flap both wings anyway but its dead limb couldn't move. It turned its head towards Titan and then used its weight to pin it down to the ground. It hammered its beak into Titan's head, Ymir cursed out as the beak withdrew, this time, aiming for the hull. They weren't fast enough as the tip crushed the metal inwards, tearing through and ending up in front of them.

The mouth opened as it let out a deafening roar, Ymir managed to bring the hand out to its throat to bring it any closer.

"H-Hull's compromised!" Ymir screamed, heartbeat pounding.

She was feeling fear as she saw the beak snapping at least six feet away. It washed over her, driving her mind to near insanity.

The screens in front of them were smashed.

"WE LOST OUR VISION, I REPEAT, WE LOST OUR VISION. WE NEED BACK-UP, RIGHT FUCKING **NOW**!"

She didn't want to die, not like this.

Sparks blinded her, she was growing deaf, she was scared.

Krista felt all blood drain from her face. Pieces of reinforced glass and metal went past her face as a few pieces sliced into skin. All she could hear was a painful ringing in her ear. Her eyes darted to Ymir, seeing her scream into the microphone. The force of the snapping beak was vibrating through Krista's body.

Then, the world became loud and everything was gaining intensity as her heart pounded in her chest. She could see Ymir. There, for once, was fear.

"No," Krista whispered as she threw Titan's leg up between Avion's thrashing, clawing legs.

"NO!" She quickly went to the manual switch beside her. Titan's gears roared as a high pitch ring got louder and louder until an explosion was heard. Titan's foot thruster was activated and placing blue flames against the Kaiju's vulnerable groin. The beak withdrew as more screams were heard and it quickly jumped off.

The smell of burnt flesh was suffocating the air.

Without the safety of the metal and glass holding the hull, the elements and deafening sounds of their battle were loud in their ears.

"Ymir!"

Krista forced her side upwards, holding out her fist in front of them.

"WE AREN'T DONE YET!"

They flashed before her, those memories. The sounds of Ymir's laughter, her smile, and those amber after a night of their love. An engine roaring in front of them with loud music as they sang together. The feeling of warm freckles against her chest. It was all clear in her mind. Things she loved. Feelings and sensations she didn't want to part with.

It was all muffled to her by now, she couldn't see, neither could Titan, she was still trying to recover from the flashes. She quickly brought Titan up to a kneeling position as though it were an animal, they lost their optical system altogether, all they had was the large gap that gave them a single view of the world. Ymir was breathing roughly.

Shakily, her hand reached the mic, or what was left of it.

"...Titan's hull compromised, optical system damaged, we're incapacitated as we are," Ymir let out as though she were admitting defeat. Her eyes, once full of fear, now held a sense of death. "We'll hold it where we are, just get someone here-"

A beak rip through the hull once more as they couldn't see it, though it struck from the side. Ymir's side.

Metal screeched once more, Ymir lifted her hand up to try to shove the beast off but it continued to ravage it, going so far as to be within reach of Ymir. She let out an agonizing scream, she was at breaking point, why wasn't she dead? She felt the arm hit something solid, she managed to get it at the throat, she was back to holding it off once more.

Krista could feel the beast against Ymir's side. It left her side completely unscathed. She quickly went to dialing the thrusters on her arm. The sound of blazing, concentrated fire hit Krista's ears as she quickly sent the arm flying towards Avion. Bright blue went flying near the broken hull as a screech came again.

"Ymir!"

Her side of the drift was going out of control and then it was quiet.

Silence.

It was the darkness of the cells in the prison with only the sound of sheets rustling.

Not a light to be found.

Hopelessness.

"Come on, Ymir...!"

Krista didn't find that enthusiasm from before. It was as if once she pulled Ymir out of that bloodlust she lost herself. There was nothing she could do but add fire to it.

"Don't give up now! Not in front of here! Do you really want them to see you give up!? Show them that you were better than all of them! Fight!"

Krista sent another blind punch towards Ymir's side and felt contact. Another screech. She couldn't see what she was hitting. Metallic screams hit the air and the flap of a giant wing and the thunderous stomps of the Jaeger and Kaiju in dance.

Ymir was no longer paying attention to herself, as her arm was held out she used her other hand to out to Krista.

Levi's voice came up. "K...Krista, Ymir's at...at 0%, she's not in the Drift, readings say she's out cold, you need to-" A screech, the break cut through even deeper, it was ripping through the support for Ymir's seat, wires were cut and sparks flew, fire; something snapped, a bone.

She let out a piercing scream, for once there were tears. She was scared. "KRISTA! H...HELP ME! I DON'T WANT TO DIE...NOT LIKE THIS-!"

The beak tore harder into the hull, Ymir was automatically detached as smoke billowed in to cover her. Through the sparks, her silhouette vanished.

She was no longer there in the Drift. No longer in Titan. No longer next to Krista.

"-you need to detach yourself, she's gone! Get out of there!" Levi went on.

Outside, Rogue and Colossal eventually got to their location, the battle dragged on as the beak was dragged out of TItan's hull. The Kaiju's screeches and the Jaegers' guns rang, it was utter hell outside though it was nothing in comparison to what was inside.

The world was shaking. Everything was spinning out of control.

Screams. But who? Metal? Ymir?

Something wet was going down her nose. She lifted her hand. Blood.

Detach.

Yes, she did feel detached. Detached... Shit!

Krista held her head as she forced herself to eject from the seat. Immediately, a migraine hit her head and Titan deactivated. Krista fell to her knees, breathing heavily as her eyes went bloodshot and blood kept pouring from her nose.

"Ymir," she crawled to the railing of Titan. She grabbed for it, pulling her wobbly legs up. Her stomach was convulsing as she began to dry heave.

The rumbling outside was barely reaching her ears. Everything was a loud ring. Krista wiped her mouth.

"Ymir?" She glanced over. All that was there was sparks, smoke, and a gaping hole where she should have been.

Krista's eyes widened as she held her stomach. She fell to her knees.

"YMIR!"

Krista screamed at the top of her lungs.

"YMIR! YMIR! YMIR!"

Tears fell as she couldn't bring herself to get up. Her body slumped into the ground, shaking.

No. This wasn't happening. Ymir was here. She was. She had to be.

-...-

Levi slapped off his earpiece and slammed his fist to the controls.

Hanji's hand was over her mouth in a gasp, the coffee she had slipped out of her hand and had shattered by her feet. she was definitely not expecting this. Not this.

"Shit!" Levi shouted. He whirled around to Hanji. "Did your test results tell you this would happen?!"

"D-desynchronization can happen under a number of reasons!" Hanji argued as she snapped into attention, but the screen for Krista's Drift vanished, she was gone as well. "Oh no..."

Erwin pushed by them, he called for the copters. "Get me a visual on Titan, what is happening!?"

The radio blared from one of the choppers. "Too much smoke, sir, no visual! Titan is down and inoperable, Rogue is taking care of Avion, Colossal is guarding Titan, we request back-up to retrieve the Rangers!"

"Request granted, get them out of that thing, make it quick!"

-...-

Krista was in a ball on the metal floor. It was rough against her body. She kept wiping her nose, but blood kept smearing all over her face.

Krista lifted her hands, seeing them violently shake.

"No, no, no," she wheezed.

Jail cells. Her mom throwing her on the kitchen floor, throwing the school therapist's note of concern in her face, kicking her. Memories kept blinking over reality.

"YMIR!" She screamed. She kept calling out as her grip on reality grew firmer. Ymir, where was Ymir?

Krista managed to stand up as she held herself tightly like she'd lose herself. She staggered to where Ymir was. Blood and grease was everywhere. Sparks. Krista quickly walked away from there, shaking. A fire could start from that. She had to go to the emergency exit.

"YMIR!?" She cried out again. She stumbled and fell. Blood was on her hands and face again. She wiped it away, crawling back up to her feet.

There was no response. Ymir wasn't here. Krista blinked and realized she had been crying. The tears and blood were making a seemingly never ending stream on her face. She ran to the emergency exit and found herself on top of Titan, watching the two Jaegers defend from the Kaiju.

**"YMIR!"**

She couldn't find her.

"No, no, _no_."

She fell back down, cradling her knees close to her.

The sound of helicopters filled Krista's ears. The gusts of wind were calming to her.

She was saved, but...

Krista held back another cry.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. She felt sobs choke behind her hands.

If anyone had to die, it should've been her. Not Ymir.

-...-

Avion was eliminated in under an hour.

A retrieval team gathered up what was left of Titan and its pilots, Krista first.

When found, she was sitting upon the top of the wreckage, alone; much to their despair. It was only a few hours later after finding Krista that the second Ranger was found among the bottom of it all. Spirits changed when a pulse was read, she was immediately rushed to the Shatterdome for treatment. As doctors painstakingly worked to keep her alive, she was slipping away at every second of it.

Hanji had taken to approach Krista in her private room in the medical bay. She didn't bother to knock as Krista was still awake.

"...Krista, I have news for you. They found Ymir."

Krista's room was bright. Too bright. She had asked, repeatedly, for the lights to all be turned off, but the doctors refused. Instead she held her face in her hands.

Jail cells. The scream of the Kaiju. Her mom screeching.

It was all in flashes. She couldn't tell the difference between each memory as it shook her frame.

Someone entered the room. She didn't pay attention, but knew it wasn't any of the doctors. This person's footsteps were different.

Krista glanced from her self-made fortress.

Krista's eyes widened, but then she went back to her fortress. She didn't want to know, but she had to.

"I-Is she alive, or-or...or...or-" she couldn't finish it. She held herself tighter, crying. "I don't- I can't handle this."

She ripped her face from her hands and knees.

"It wasn't supposed to happen! She was there and then...I couldn't save her! Hanji! I couldn't do anything!" Krista shook as sobs wrecked through her body.

"She's...alive," Hanji told her, keeping her distance,"she's hanging on by a thread. A punctured lung, a broken arm in seven places, several broken ribs, cracked skull, and...internal bleeding, they said her ovaries have been far too damage so that's being removed at the moment, but we have the best doctors in the world working on her. You...you did everything you could and-"

She paused, then brought herself to continue.

"-I'm to be blamed for this, I put her in that position and I can only apologize."

"Sh-She's not going to have kids," Krista stated.

It had occurred to her several times before when she was up late, holding Ymir close. She thought of them and if they were in a normal world, living normal lives, and if they'd have children.

"She's alive."

The words were coming in random intervals in her head. She held herself tighter. But, Hanji did say she was barely hanging on. She could lose her still.

"N-no."

Krista shook her head.

"Th-that's not your fault." Krista was there. She had heard Ymir's screams. She didn't scream for Hanji. It was for her. And she couldn't help. Her stomach felt like a festering, open wound. Her heart was in her throat and she swore she could feel it beat like it was going to fall out of her body.

"How wasn't it my fault?" Hanji asked, palms open to emphasize herself. "I...I was trying to benefit our program, to better our chances for winning, and I did it at the cost of nearly losing one of our strongest Rangers. If...when she lives, when she is back fighting, after what has happened, her Drift will be compromised. The woman has been through enough and...I feel it is my fault I had to put her through this, if she gets back in that Jaeger soon after, there's only one way she will fight and that is what we've been trying to prevent. To go through that, it's not going to fix a broken mind- I saw the recording, heard her voice, yours too...

"Do you think the Ymir you knew would come back from this herself?"

Krista stared at Hanji. She blinked and looked away to the tile.

"No, nobody is the same after they lose it," Krista replied, "but that doesn't mean she's a lost cause...I love her. I will help her get better."

Krista didn't even know if Ymir would live, or if she'd be able to function like before. It left the back of her head with a crawling sensation.

"Sh-she called for me. Not you. It's not your burden."

Krista's voice was adamant. She wouldn't let Hanji take her responsibility.

"How...how long do you think it is before we know she's ok?" Krista kept her gaze on the tile floor, afraid to see Hanji's expression.

"Give it a week at the least. If she stabilizes by tomorrow, her chances of living will increase."

Hanji went back to the door, her hand on the metal nob. Her free hand went to the lights to dim them.

"I'm...I'm sorry, Krista."

Hanji walked out, and when she closed the door, she ran her hands through her mousy hair. To lose the other sister, she couldn't bear it. She found a tear had escaped her, she wiped it away, sniffled, and then walked on, ignoring everyone around her as she sank into her thoughts.

When she arrived at her lab, she slammed the door.

To her right was a table, with her anger and frustration building up from fear, she hauled her foot to it and kicked it over, breaths ragged. She found a chair and tossed it to the wall, causing the leg to pop off; it splintered off against the impact.

Hanji cried out, all these months later and she still had that festering loss haunting her- the last she had of solace nearly escaped when she watched Ymir's screen go blank.

Her body trembled as she threw herself against the wall by the broken chair, she sank to her knees, holding them to her chest, trying to calm down.

She removed her glasses and cleaned them- she sniffled once more once they were back to sitting on the bridge of her nose.

She fished into her coat pocket, fumbling about- keys, paper, card, ah, there it was.

A single piece of chocolate.

Fingers trembling, she unraveled it and popped it into her mouth, savoring the bittersweet taste.


	12. Chapter 12

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: July 20 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1400

Ymir had managed to stabilize, she was slowly being weaned off of life support.

Every day, Hanji would relay progress to Krista, giving her as much information as possible

Soon enough, Krista was granted permission to visit Ymir.

Krista slipped past the door and quietly closed it behind her.

The room was white and almost deafening quiet except for the constant beep of machinery. There was a bundle of limbs and greasy brown hair on the bed.

Krista felt tears in her eyes but pushed them away as she heard the sound of her heartbeat on the monitor. She strode towards Ymir and sat on a nearby chair, quickly scanning her girlfriend. Tubes and wires of all sorts were plugged into her as if she was a Jaeger herself.

"Ymir..."

Krista found Ymir's hand nearby. It was warm. She held it careful and tight in her grasp.

The freckles on her face were the same, but something looked different.

Krista leaned closer, wiping stray strands of hair out of Ymir's face.

At this view, Krista saw the new Ymir for what she was, and had been-fragile and vulnerable.

Ymir was barely getting a grip of herself.

Her eyes lazily opened.

One moment she was piloting something, the next she was in a white room, her vision blurred slightly and her entire body burned, she groaned, or at least tried to. Something was obstructing her air flow, keeping her from speaking or crying out. She had no idea what she was doing, why she was there, why there was so much pain.

She recalled once, when her father kicked her too hard, she can't remember why but she knew she was beaten, hard. Hard enough that the next morning, all she pissed was blood- she remembered how Ilse was there, making sure she was alive and didn't need medical attention...haha, medical attention.

Hospital.

Hospitals were white, she was in one- wait, Krista?

Krista watched as Ymir's eyes were sliding their gaze left and right until they took focus on her.

"Oh, Ymir."

Her name was sweet to Krista's ears. It was a name of warmth and summer fields. It was cradled in a fortress of blankets, arms, and soft kisses on the side of her mouth. Of midnights spent on the couch, talking as if they had a clue of how the universe worked. It was almost true, at least to them, because they were two minds acting as one.

Krista didn't know if that was the same now.

She gently kissed Ymir's freckled cheek and stroked her hand with her thumb.

"I'm here, Ymir," she said with a soft smile. Seeing Ymir so small, Krista had to remind herself Ymir was in no shape to be wrapped in her arms, or covered in her body. She didn't want the world to see Ymir. If it didn't see then it wouldn't know it had almost broken her.

Her eyes lazily looked at a set of blues, they were pretty, she decided she liked them.

All she could do was whine.

Like a dog.

It registered that Krista was there, she was wanted to ask what was happening, why she was put there.

Ymir stared at her in wonder, then flashes returned. The sound of screeching metal, the stench of oil and sweat, the taste of bitter blood against her tongue, the feeling of the heat burning from the gases that were set aflame, the sound her own screams being drowned out, the sight the maw of a creature meant to kill men- it came in flashes but they terrified her.

Her eyes widened and she clenched her jaw.

Krista kept her eyes on Ymir's.

She heard a soft sound. She held Ymir's face with her spare hand.

"Ymir, don't try to talk...Just rela-"

Krista felt her girlfriend stiffen. Ymir's eyes were wide as if stricken by-

"Ymir..."

Krista tenderly caressed her cheek. She kept her hand in Ymir's to reassure her this was reality now. Not what she may be thinking.

"We're here now," she said, "in a hospital. Everything is safe here. I'm here. You're here. We're not going anywhere."

The words were almost hollow in Krista's own ears. Nothing was safe for long, but she knew at least right now it was.

"Remember," she tried to distract herself from her anxiety, "when we went down to the pier together? We were going to visit your horse. He was making all sorts of fuss and we couldn't figure out why, remember? So we decided to go look around and we saw that the seagulls were swooping in and trying to steal the apple a worker left! I quickly went in to rescue his apple, not hearing you say to wait for him to see we were there, and then he jumped so hard when I approached that I fell off the dock and right into the water?

"And I was wearing a white dress, you see...and you were laughing so hard, I got pretty upset. It was all funny until you saw the same worker come by and get red faced since you know...I was wearing white...and he could see that corset I was wearing for you?"

Krista urged on more memories that might help Ymir forget, or at least lull her back to sleep.

Ymir listened to her, trying to remember that.

And she did. Her mind drifted to that scene. Her horse, was he alright? Where was he? Someone should have taken care of him.

Her mind was preoccupied with that thought, like she had forgotten the trauma of that monster that haunted her dreams.

-...-

Hanji observed from another room, her screens showing what was happening in the room. It was meant to monitor Ymir's progress and test her stability. A monitor to the left indicated her heartbeat, tucked around her ears were headphones, she sipped at a cup of coffee.

Ymir's heart rate increased so suddenly...but then when Krista spoke to her of a memory, the beeping slowed down as though she were at rest.

She clucked her tongue and, in another hand, she wrote down what was happening. She tasked herself to undo what she had done.

-...-

"You got so upset at that guy. He didn't know better. He heard someone around the corner and came hauling over. Though, his facial expression was funny. After that, I didn't wear lipstick. You looked like you bit someone to death with the red smeared all over your lips."

Krista gave a genuine laugh. It had been weeks since she had one.

"You always were a bit of a jealous worrywart."

Krista was holding Ymir's hand in both of hers.

"Just like when one of my crew members gave me flowers after- after our celebration."

She avoided the mentioning of their first victory. She didn't want the Kaiju to resurface.

"Oh! Remember when I read your palms? You didn't like that very much, Ymir. I must've made you so upset because you didn't speak to me for at least a week. I just remember making the excuse to hold your hand...It was just so warm and your fingers were so long, they were pianist fingers." Krista took Ymir's hand closer to her, examining the said fingers.

"I remember thinking when I saw you a couple of times, 'She'd be so much prettier if she smiled.' Pretty shallow first thought, I know, but you smile a lot with your eyes. I see that now." Krista leaned down, kissing Ymir's fingertips. She felt like she could go on and on about their memories together. She knew she could speak for hours just about Ymir alone.

Ymir recollected those those, slowly but surely.

The broken sight in her eyes dissipated and she fondly looked up at her, those orbs going,_"Haha, you're right."_

She wanted to laugh with her, but she couldn't. She wished the tube was removed, she wondered why it was there.

Why was it there?

Oh, right, she was bedridden.

By what?

Ymir paused for a moment, screeching metal returned, she was starting to feel fear out of nowhere- she wished Krista kept talking to her. She didn't want to stop listening.

Krista saw Ymir's eyes shine like the beautiful amber they were. She gave a soft chuckle.

But then came the tension in her hand. She could feel Ymir's fingers grip down.

Not hesitating, Krista continued.

"Babe, do you remember our first night? When I said _'I don't want my first time on your couch'_, yeah, that, you kept making fun of me about it. Every time things got a little too heated, you'd say in this stupid voice,_ 'Oh no, not like this'_, and every time I'd either slap you on the arm or somewhere else. You were such a brat about it, too."

Krista laughed at the thought but the wonderful memories after that kept her cheeks warm.

"Oh, you butt! Remember when we went up to your old house? And you took a shower and walked in front of me naked That was terrible of you to do!"

Krista gave a soft, mock wail.

"You probably knew that I was crushing on you like mad yet you done and did it. And don't think I forgot when you snuck a peek on me. I was about to beat you to a pulp! Oh! I really want to just smack your arm." Krista sighed.

"Not really, though."

She leaned over and gave Ymir a kiss on the bridge of her nose.

"You could be such an ass, but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't enjoy it."

Ymir calmed down.

It was returning to her.

Her shower. The one that lacked curtains, she wanted to tell her that she accidentally played with fire as a teen. She couldn't put it out, Ilse came in and helped her douse it before things got worse. Oh, her father was mad about it.

Ilse.

She's dead, wasn't she?

She breathed slowly, thoughts circling around her. She loosened her grip on Krista, that glimmer died away and she wished Ilse was there.

Her blood ran cold.

Krista stopped.

In all of her talking, Ymir's eyes didn't turn dull until now. She felt like she couldn't keep the facade. Every time she brought memories, Ymir dug herself deeper in the void.

"I remember being mad at you for awhile when you told everyone about my suicide attempts. I felt so betrayed then."

Krista looked off towards the wall.

"You promised you wouldn't tell yet you did. I began to ignore you and wished that I didn't become a pilot. It was terrible... But I guess you knew how I felt because you started to get in nasty fights again. I was so angry with you that night that I about beat those men to get to you. I swore I was going to smack you down. Think of that, I'm barely to your shoulders and I was going to attempt to knock down the tower you are... But you know what, we made up."

Krista's hand held Ymir's hand even though it was slack.

"That night, we went to your apartment. You held me close in bed and we...we had our first night together. I know it wasn't your first time, but it was mine. And it was wonderful to me. You were patient and kind...and, again, an ass. You scared me with your drawer, you little shit."

She laughed. How the drawer turned from a scary, foreign area to an adventure.

"You had me in almost every fashion. I wanted it that way, because I knew that I was falling so much for you. Isn't that kind of stupid? That day I wanted no better than to beat you silly then the next thing I know I am in your arms and you're taking my love away from me."

Krista felt her smile dampen and familiar tears were in her face.

Would that ever happen again- those moments where everything feels right and safe?

Ymir was in a tizzy.

She took it, she had it, only now she thought of all the times she contemplated on cherishing it.

She slowly closed her eyes, the pain taking over and rendering her helpless to sleep. Her grip slackened and she was gone, her thoughts left to herself.

A moment later, Hanji entered, not bothering to knock. She had her quickly made chart at hand, she was ready to show it, her own eyes lightened up with excitement, hope. "Krista! I've figured out a way to keep her from Drifting on her own, hear me out, will you?"

When Krista looked over to her, it was a silent indication to speak, and Hanji went off.

"As you know, Ymir disconnected the wrong way from Titan. She was still locked in the Drift, as a result, she is now currently in that state of mind. Her thoughts aren't collected and assorted, it's like kicking a filing cabinet and letting all those records spill over- her mind is like an ocean and she's latching on to anything that floats.

"Look, I know this is an invasion of privacy but I tapped this room and set up cameras to monitor Ymir. Whenever her heartbeat went up, it meant that she was thinking of something traumatic, either insignificant or utterly devastating. However, when you speak to her about your little moments, she gained stability. I'm guessing she's latching onto thoughts, thus preventing her from Drifting.

"With what you're doing, it can help her regain her footing in reality and she can recover faster."

Krista opened her mouth and closed.

"You were listening the whole time," Krista stated more than questioned. She slid the chair close to the bed, taking Ymir's hand again as Hanji nodded. "Then that means I should stay here till she's better."

She felt embarrassed at the sexual encounters she told Ymir, but felt that Hanji knew more than Krista wish she did

"Can you ask if they can bring an extra blanket and pillow?" Krista figured she could task Hanji with that for violating her privacy. Though, she actually didn't want to leave Ymir's side.

It was still morning, but she knew that she'd be dozing and staying in this room for days. She might as well get comfortable.

Oh.

"Hanji, can you also please bring me blueprint paper? I have a few redesigns I must make on our Jaeger."

She glanced back at Ymir. She was back asleep and looking almost innocent. Krista never felt such a strong feeling of protectiveness until now.

Hanji nodded, smiling unabashedly now.

"Of course," she said, turning heel to the door. When the last request came, she paused for a moment, wondering why the girl would want paper. "Oh...hm, ah! Sure thing! Don't make it too flashy!"

She bounded out, her esteem returning. As she walked on, she found a nurse and instructed her on the pillow and blanket, once alone again, she slowed to a walk, smiling dropping.

Given that Ymir was incapacitated, she had to tell Krista the truth of things soon, of Levi's latest order.

* * *

Date: August 30 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1200

More than a month passed, the tube was removed promptly once Ymir gained the strength to move her hand on her own. She found herself having a harder time breathing, and once she managed to speak, the first words she blurted out to the doctor were,"Why the fuck was that shoved down my throat?!"

"You punctured a lung, Ymir, now please calm down."

Ymir glared at him and gave up, her weight returning down to the bed as though she were dead. It felt refreshing to finally breathe with her own lungs, she took in the air deeply, happy for once to actually take in oxygen. The craving for cigarettes was high.

"Now, as a smoker...you're going to need to take a break," he instructed her,"your lung is weak to handle it, just give yourself another month before doing it again- or you can take the alternative and try the electronic ones-"

"Screw those," Ymir scoffed.

The doctor sighed. He was a regular for her whenever she came back beaten up from a fight. He shook his head and sighed,"We'll give you nicotine patches before you decide to burn down the place."

"Thank you," she stiffly told him, he left, leaving Ymir alone.

Come to think of it, where did Krista go?

Krista sat outside until the doctor left and gave her the signal to return. She quickly slipped back in and saw Ymir sitting up.

"Hey," she smiled and went to the bed side.

Her chair was draped in her blanket that had a coffee stain or two on it. Nearby on the floor was a lumpy pillow and many pieces of paper with drawings on it. Some recreational to humor Ymir and others with neat, straight lines and diagrams.

"How're you feeling?"

She leaned forward, kissing Ymir's lips tenderly. She had been waiting weeks to just kiss her on the lips. She didn't linger or she'd fear her desire to keep Ymir near her would overtake her.

Ymir slowly calmed down.

"Other than being back in the Drift every two seconds and feeling like road kill, I could see better days," she softly told her. "Damn, being on my back all day, it's fucking hell."

She groaned and eased her breathing.

"Hanji's a sneaky little prick, eh? Watching us like a warden."

She frowned at the thought. The last time she spent this long in bed, she was garbed in orange and was behind bars. Just thinking of being caged up sickened her, she tried shaking it off but she felt like she was back inside the cell, idly counting the cracks in the ceiling.

"Damn, it's happening again."

"Yeah, she should've warned me before I started talking the first time," Krista gave a small grin. "I said things I should probably had not." She gave a brief mischievous look and then leaned back into her chair.

She ruffled her own hair, feeling it fluffy from her recent shower.

"Think of," well her mind was already on it, "that one time when we went to the top floor, remember?"

She had Ymir's hand in hers. With her spare, she softly glided her fingertip across Ymir's wrist and palm.

"When we...tried something a little new," her voice was barely a whisper to Ymir as her fingers pressed against sensitive skin,"I recall you liking that time," Krista then ended it with a cough and leaning away. "You can also think of sunshine, rainbows, and flowers."

She winked at Ymir at the topic change.

"Are you aiming to make me a horny mess? Last I remembered, pretty sure my senses are shot," Ymir snorted.

She thought of flowers quite literally.

"After it rains, flower beds bloom all over the countryside, even the mountains are a nice golden yellow. Then these weird trees grow and they are have the sweetest scent," Ymir said, she huffed. "Wonder if it'll rain there."

She reached out to her waist where a blue print was, her fingers fumbled at the edge before she snatched it and brought it up to her face.

"So...these are the plans?"

"No," Krista said back, "it'd be useless if we couldn't follow through."

Ymir's attention was now on the blueprints that Krista was sketching out. She looked at it in Ymir's hands.

"One of the changes," she agreed. She went back to retrieving the rest of the papers. Some were scrapped, others were not. She forgot which was which.

"Haha, looks like an angel...please tell me those things sticking out are useful," Ymir begged teasingly. She sighed. "Last time we were in the hospital, you were in bed and I was up and about, looking over blue prints with you. Funny, eh? Roles reversed."

Her hands skimmed over the rough texture of the paper, taking it in. She thought of Ilse and how she and her would spent sleepless nights drawing and designing Titan, how she would be drunk off her ass and ask for some ridiculous part to be added, like a liquor dispenser. For kicks, they actually submitted it to Erwin.

He rejected it despite how detailed the mechanism was. Ymir called it her brainchild, Ilse called it stupid. It was practical, who'd blame her for it?

"...can we have a liquor dispenser?" She asked, nearly laughing.

Krista rolled her eyes but not without a smile.

"Everything I'm adding is practical," she sniffed, hiding some purely aesthetic drawings under the bed from Ymir's judgemental eyes. "A liquor dispenser? Really? Sure. If I can add a Dance, Dance Revolution mat installed along with a voice-over on combos."

That wasn't a bad idea.

Krista laughed and began to sketch the stupid idea down.

"Anything for our child."

She shook her head, thinking how stupid and gaudy Titan would be if they could get away with anything.

"...it'll be a rave in there," Ymir chuckled, she placed the blue print down.

They went on redesigning until Ymir passed out- her medication had gotten the best of her.

An entire month of silence, no Kaiju have been reported, much to the world's belief. As they were beginning to slip into peace in normalcy, paranoia was higher than before. Avion's incursion upon land shook humanity, realizing that these monsters were capable of making landfall- no one was truly safe three hundred miles in.

Worst part, they were evolving, adapting.

Krista could feel grime in her hair, but lately Ymir had been waking up when she tried leaving to take a shower. She had it in a ponytail to keep it off her face. She felt gross.

A quick straight line on the paper and she deemed it was time for a shower. Blueprints could come later.

Hanji didn't want to impede on their quietness, but she had to. She silently entered and approached Krista as she was drawing.

"Krista...would you please come out for a moment?"

Krista glanced back to see Hanji asking to talk. She frowned and walked past Hanji.

"What is it?" She was concerned. Usually Hanji didn't have to speak to her entirely alone.

Hanji breathed deeply, readying herself to speak.

After taking a moment to put herself back into authority as their leader, she spoke to her firmly,"Ymir is...not in the right state to pilot a Jaeger, let alone step into the Drift. It'll take months, maybe a year or so. For that, we need to have a replacement for you- it will be Corporal Levi. Now, before you object, I made careful notes to ensure that he is suitable for you. By no means is he meant to replace Ymir in the Drift, but he is the closest anyone can be in regards to Ymir's...background.

Krista felt herself bristle at the idea.

"What?" She didn't hold back the anger in her voice. "No, no, how could we be compatible? How? And I don't want him in my head!"

She quickly went to press herself back into the door, holding the handle.

Hanji continued.

"He has Drifted with Ymir before, as you know, so his Drift Sequence has been bled with hers and vice versa, a twp way street; you'll have her in there with you. I've already consented to this given that we are in alert for any attacks. Once Titan's been repaired, and before we can add anything to it, you'll be testing the Drift with him at the end of October."

"Ymir is alive, and she's my pilot. My only pilot, nobody else!"

The thought of someone else in her head, a person who knew everything, and the fact it was Levi, who ultimately belittled her and made jabs at Ymir.

"They thought you would say that," Hanji sighed, she really didn't want to say this next part. "If you refuse to comply, you will also be suspended from the Jaeger Program for disobeying a direct order. Not only that, Ymir will be sent to a rehabilitation center, one that is under the jurisdiction of the government.

"Essentially, she will be detained and her contract will be void since she would be forced to take permanent leave. Agreements were that as long as she was being observed by a designated personal of the Program 24/7, she will not have to do time."

She couldn't look at her in the eye.

"Ymir is still a criminal, even when the world ends. I would tell her myself, but...you know how she is."

Hanji turned away.

"I'm sorry about this."

Krista trembled with anger and tears. She could practically feel the arm they were twisting. She didn't have a choice.

"I'm not doing this because I am forced."

She felt the words dry in her mouth. She remembered an orange suit and the sound of cuffs. The cold of cement and concrete.

Krista closed her eyes.

"I am doing this to protect Ymir," She tore a hand through her hair, trying to compose herself. She had to keep her safe from the world. Everyone was after her, trying to watch Ymir fall and crumble-to watch what little life she had left be snuffed either by the law or Kaiju.

Krista opened her eyes, glaring at the floor.

"Nothing will happen to her."

She went back into the room and closed. She knew Hanji was probably going back to monitoring them.

Someone else would be in her head.

The place only Ymir was meant to be.

Krista covered her face in her hands and slid them down and off, trying to wash herself from the anger.

-...-

Days passed since then, Ymir was slowly regaining her strength. She was beginning to sit up nowadays, enabling her to start contributing to Krista's own designs.

Drawing like this, it distracted her as best she could, and the more she and Krista spoke, the less the Drift surfaced to haunt her. However, it was still a strong demon to her, it was just being silenced ever so slowly.

Her memories were still washing her mind, her grip was loose on reality though she tried her best to maintain her composure.

However, it didn't meant she lost her sight, she had been calculating Krista's movements, her tone. It was like something changed- she didn't hesitate to blatantly ask,"What's been on your mind, Krista?"

Krista sat up from their designing, looking at Ymir.

"I won't lie and say there's been a lot on my mind." She leaned back. Her back was never the same after their match. Whenever she sat in a spot for too long it ached and ached. "I'm being forced into a position I don't like till you recover, but, that's not what I worry about the most."

She tapped the pen to her lips, staring at the window.

"I keep thinking," her eyes glazed over but they were old tears. Ones that fell too many times and now held stubbornly to her. "Of when you screamed for me. You begged me to help you. I couldn't do that. I didn't save you." Krista closed her eyes to try and dry her eyes. "I want to make sure from now on, I will protect you."

Ymir clenched her pencil, that fear was pouring in, fast.

But through this time, she had been rebuilding her skill of maintaining her composure, at least trying to. It was a slow process, she missed having that ability. Hearing Krista reassure her of protection gave her a new sense, a foreign feeling, she was perplexed by it yet she felt that she needed it.

"I see then..."

She bit at her bottom lip, this was too much of an indication for her to actually rely on the blond. Right now, she was in no state to close her off, no state to deal with herself, she need someone, she needed Krista.

"I'll accept it. But about the position you're in, what's happening?"

Krista didn't want to look at Ymir, but she also didn't want to miss knowing Ymir's reaction. She glanced over at her girlfriend and put her hand on Ymir's thigh.

"I am being forced with another pilot-ha... I can't even use that word with him. He's his own category. I am being forced to partner with Levi till you're strong again. Just in case a Kaiju attack, Ymir." She watched Ymir's facial expression. "I had no choice or I would be suspended from the program."

She blinked and withdrew her hand from Ymir's thigh. The thought of another person fully knowing her...it scared her shitless as Ymir would say.

"I only want you inside my mind."

It was like ice pumped through her veins, a pit in her stomach formed and the softness she had in her eyes dissipated, replaced with only one thing: possession.

Krista was hers and hers alone.

She closed her eyes and sighed, this must have been an entirely new level of being pissed off. If she weren't in bed, she'd go up to the bridge and strangle Erwin with her bare hands and then toss his carcass in the mouth of the next Kaiju she saw. But there must have been a reason why these arrangements were made.

Most likely the government had certain terms and agreements she overlooked, after all, when Erwin fished her out of prison with Ilse, she disregarded anything; she agreed to whatever as long as she remained free.

She knew how important the Drift was for herself and Krista, but even if she had to give it up to remain free, she would take it.

"I've Drifted with Levi before, a few times. He knows me inside and out, and he uses that to subject me to his ridicule," Ymir started calmly. "But...what differs me from him is that he's universally compatible because he's more different than what he lets on. He's more willing to Drift with people because he accepts them, respects them more than me. I'm not comfortable with him being in your head but if there was anyone they'd arrange you with, I'd rather have it be him."

Krista sighed.

"I don't want to think who'd you let be in my head. I said I only wanted you." She pushed the thoughts back, not wanting to deal with them.

"But I will do it." Krista put her head on the bed beside Ymir, closing her eyes. She had been stressing and getting so worked up over everything that she began to stay up late into the night, contemplating of what was to come. Weariness was beginning to settle in the late morning.

The more she relaxed, the more she thought of Ymir even if she was right beside her.

It was strange when she thought more and more about it.

What would she not do to protect Ymir?

Her mind was blank as she was drifting in and out of sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: September 30 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2100

The time for testing the Drift had come.

Titan had undergone extensive repairs in the hull, along with the rest of it. For the most part, new designs were not added yet as Krista's blue prints were under scrutiny by the design teams and technologists, she would know within a week or so what have been approved to be added to the Jaeger.

Levi and Krista were already prepped and at the ready inside, Levi made Krista his co-pilot for this test.

Elsewhere, Ymir was able to get out of bed and walk, though only for short periods of time. By request and approval, she was able to partake in the test. As though Hanji were trying to make up for what was happening inside the Jaeger, she allowed Ymir to use the intercom and run the test herself, at least the verbal portion.

"Last time I ran the test, I was watching my sister get her brains fried out," Ymir said in disapproval as she sat in the swivel chair.

"Ymir, she needs to hear you, it'll help her out a bit," Hanji assured her; her hand went to rest upon Ymir's shoulder as if she wanted to reassure her.

Ymir stared at those knuckles for a moment, then sighed,"...fine, at least you're lowering yourself for this." She hit the switch, she cleared her throat. "Alright, good evening, Ma'am, Pint-Sized Bastar-" Hanji flicked the back of her head. "-ah! I hope you both are comfortably strapped in for this ride."

-...-

Krista was being strapped into her seat when she heard Ymir's voice. She felt tense at first, realizing Ymir would be watching the drift.

Though, a tiny smile did flash at Ymir kicking Levi down a peg.

Krista adjusted herself then leaned back into the co-pilot seat. She closed her eyes, breathing evenly.

Count to ten. Exhale. Hold...Inhale.

"I'm ready," she announced, keeping her eyes closed.

_'Initiating Neural Handshake,'_ the intercom went off.

Levi rolled his eyes, sighing.

The wave hit both of them, hard. Inside the Drift, various images flashed before them, none of them latching on considering Levi's control was stronger than Krista's. He had seen her, all of her, everything about her; in turn, she saw all of him, and glimpses of Ymir. It was true, Ymir's own self had bled into his memories.

Altogether, it was like they were Drifting with three individuals rather than two, and it was all thanks to Ymir that their screens shinned approvingly.

Krista felt the waves, familiar and somewhat new. She saw images but was comforted when she found Ymir in Levi's mind as well. Freckles and sunshine.

_ 'Both pilots are now connected through Neural Bridge.'_

Ymir's voice rang in,"You guys...are perfect at 100%, you may begin the trial now."

Krista was surprised to hear it was perfect synchronization right from the start. Usually, there was a little alignment adjustments to be had. She glanced over at Levi and then away.

Ymir said she'd pick him first out of anyone. There had to be reason.

He was letting the thoughts flow easily, not letting any moment surface for him to latch on to. He lifted Titan's hands, as did Krista, and demonstrated that they have perfect control. There was no thrill in this for Levi, only relief and a strong sense of duty.

-...-

They ran through the list. With every check on the evaluation sheet being correct, Ymir grimaced as she announced,"You guys did well, the trial is over." She turned off the intercom. "...that man in there, not once did they drop below 100%."

"It's because he's in perfect control," Hanji said,"you'll get that in time. I'm sure of it."

Ymir rubbed her eyes, damn, she knew she was a fuck up but she never exactly touched upon the subject. She got up and slowly made her way back to the hallways, waiting for Krista.

-...-

As they were removing their suits, Levi spoke to Krista. "Do you see a difference between Drifting with her and myself? That is what perfect control is, the next time you two are in the Drift together, that is what you want; you'll stay alive longer."

Krista let Levi tell her how it was, and she didn't hate him for it.

It was the truth. Each memory was fluid and did not dictate the mood. They were aligned and kept their minds on the task ahead. It was a lot different with Ymir.

However, she didn't respond to give him the gratification. She still felt wary around him. Ymir had said Levi used the memories he saw against her.

Once she was out of her suit, she left to the hallway and found Ymir waiting.

Krista stopped walking and stood, staring at Ymir from down the hallway. She tried to see her expression as her commentary and words rang in her head about being perfectly in sync.

She sighed and kept walking to Ymir.

"Hey," she couldn't give a smile.

Ymir approached her, already knowing she was crestfallen.

She walked with her back to her quarters; the doctor deemed her able to leave and be about as long as she gone in for check-ups. She was taking an assortment of pain medications, but the one she missed most was her cigarettes. Sasha had bought her a pack when she visited one day, just in case.

"What'd the man say to you?" Ymir asked her gently, she took out a lighter and lit one, having her first one in weeks.

Krista sat and fell back on the bed, trying to relax.

"He said that the difference of the drift was because of complete control. Something we need to work on." She didn't put any emotion in the words, because there really was nothing she could do about it, but his words of living longer stuck. She was almost tempted to ask him for advice on how to ensure that, but her pride was a prickly thing.

Krista glanced at Ymir then looked away.

"Here I thought you were able to quit," some humor was in her, but it wasn't enough to lighten her mood.

It kept gnawing at the back of her mind.

Someone else was there. Someone she didn't like but he was there.

A place she thought only Ymir would ever be.

"Can't stop, won't stop," Ymir shrugged as she eased herself onto a bundle of pillows, her bad was almost like a nest. Being needed to stay for close observation disabled her from returning to her comfy apartment. She missed drinking beer there and just relaxing, it felt like home, especially with Krista there with her.

She took a long drag.

Moments of being pulled into the Drift were slowly receding, she was less on edge nowadays as the pills were easing her mind.

"I hate to admit it, but Levi knows what to do, knows more than me, and I'm the one who designs these machines."

Krista felt Ymir lay next to her.

It had been awhile since they were able to be like this, but it wasn't home.

Krista rolled over to press against her lover. She held her close to her and buried her face in her neck. "I don't care what he knows, he isn't you."

"But he's experienced, he knows his shit. I'll ask him myself then," Ymir concluded.

She had an ashtray set up by her, she flicked her ashes there and resumed smoking.

"...it annoyed me that he was able to Drift with me. Y'know, if you saw in there, I got into a fight with him afterwards...guy flipped me on my back in ten seconds, that's when I realized he knew control. He has it over himself, hence he's able to have it in any situation; I...kinda wanna be like that, not like him, just that."

While Krista disliked hearing Ymir being flipped by Levi, she did understand the admiration over his control. It was fluid and everything felt like second-nature in the Jaeger. There wasn't anything to wade through.

"I guess I could understand," she sighed.

"...in there, he used to pilot with two other Jaeger pilots. He had some woman named Isabel and some guy named Farlan, apparently they were here under the same circumstances as me- he lost them back in Manilla; man, first guy to ever Drift in a three-pilot system. Anyway, he said he lost because he didn't have control, I'm guessing that's what drives him, that fear, yet it doesn't have a hold on him himself."

She recalled the last time she Drifted with him.

"Even though he's a complete son of a bitch, he means well when he's whipping me into shape. He doesn't want any unnecessary deaths."

She finished one and moved on to another.

"I hear Eren might be his next pilot, Mikasa may get moved in with Annie, spots are changing up because of production levels. It's good that they're making more, we need more Jaegers out there."

"Oh, that must be nice," Krista thought more about the newer arrangements. She didn't want to think of Levi. "The beautiful, exotic Asian with the American, Ice Queen. I'm sure the crews are head over heels as we speak."

Krista had to admit she wanted to see it, too. They both were attractive.

"I heard there are pornos running around in the system of them together," Ymir chuckled,"they look good together. Hell, did you know fans are writing shit about us? Like, Sasha showed me this one sight, things called fan fictions and stuff, we're under the celeb category." She snickered. "Hormonal teens and their stupid laptops."

Krista shook her head.

"Even in times like this with Kaiju appearing and riots everywhere, there's some who still have time to write." She was a little envious of them.

She gave a soft smile to Ymir's neck.

"Is there smut of us?" Krista finally laughed, her hand playfully squeezed Ymir's thigh. "I wonder how accurate they are to the real thing."

Ymir coughed out a laugh. "Not doubting that one bit."

When she touched her, her mind rounded back into the Drift, immediately to that time they had together, their first. She laughed feebly and brushed her hand off.

"H-hey, last thing I need is you putting me in the Drift, alright?"

She decided to distract her. She grabbed her laptop off of the bedside table and turned it on. Once on a browser, she looked up their names and found numerous articles, her eyes fell upon a blog where someone had set up out of random. She clicked on it and was bombarded by fans who were hoping for a speedy recovery.

"Huh...well then."

Krista gave a soft laugh and pulled her hand away. She leaned over to read with Ymir.

"That's pretty cute," she replied.

She didn't realize there were people outside the Shatterdome who thought of them. The idea was foreign.

Krista easily spotted a few pictures of them taken when they were out in public. A few were from small interviews. Titan and them wasn't as known as the others, but apparently people still found a way to cheer for them.

Ymir eventually stumbled on profiles about their team. The first that came out was one of Titan, the description of it was thoroughly detailed as the Jaeger Program was not a singular government based project- it encouraged public attention to attract more recruits ranging from Rangers to technicians. It was through one of these sites that Ilse was inspired to apply, Ymir was pulled in as well.

She scrolled down, taking in the descriptions and comments

_ 'It looked like a beast when it was going to take down Avion [...] very animal-like, then again, one of the pilots is an animal herself'_

Ymir snorted, it was taken as a compliment.

She went down to her own profile. Her full name, age, birth date, and even schools she attended and the degrees she earned was on display. Not much was said about her criminal past, much to her relief, as it was labeled as a misdemeanor. There were pictures of her taken from interviews and parties, bars too.

She smirked.

Somehow, they even managed to snag a picture of the horse, of all things; he was currently in his holding pen at the docks.

A profile of Krista was newly made. It wasn't as heavy as Ymir's, hardly noteworthy considering she had just been added to the Program. Following that were comments, complimenting her on her beauty.

Finally, they reached Ilse's profile under_ "Former Pilots"_. A obituary was made for her, glorifying her efforts for the world. Pictures of Ymir and her lined the gallery, each of them participating in bike races in their teenage years or them in class back at MIT. Memories came flooding in, bringing a tear to Ymir- it reminded her that Ilse was gone.

"Pretty thorough, but not the real deal of us," Ymir said quietly, she wiped her eyes. "Goddamn, they even got our favorite drinks and smokes listed on here."

Krista frowned at her lack of description.

"I'd like to think I'm more than eye candy," she was going to pull away but Ilse came up. She stayed, her hand find Ymir's shoulder and gently rubbing it. She read with her until there wasn't anything left to read.

Krista glanced up to Ymir and laid her head down on her chest.

"People really do adore you." She mentioned. She wasn't that surprised. She was tall and bordering handsome in a sense. She had that confidence and look about her that everyone craved.

"They should adore you for more than looks," Ymir stated, she kissed her forehead and scrolled aimlessly until a link came out. "_'Ymir had a string of relationships prior and during her time in the Program- total of-_'" She scrolled away. "-damn, guess all these girls came forward. In honesty, it's less than exaggerated."

She went on, but found another link, it was Ilse's list.

"Oh, hello there."

She clicked it, wondering who it was.

It was none other than...

She stared dumbly at the page, at that one name. How did she not know of this?

"What the..."

She had to talk about it to her. Had to.

She started getting up.

"Ymir," but she was already out the door.

Krista sighed. She felt like this was something for Ymir alone to deal with.

She glanced back at the screen and scrolled up.

How many girls did she get with?

She clicked and immediately regretted it.

Krista had found herself looking at a list of perhaps a dozen girls. There wasn't a single profile on either of them, but the comments told the stories.

_'Such an asshole'_

_'Can't believe someone like her is in the Program'_

_'She used to be nice, wonder what happened'_

_'One time...'_

Most of this was slander- while Ymir was well respected and loved, she was equally hated by those that were left.

-...-

Ymir trudged around the hallways, eventually coming into the office of the notorious researcher. She stormed in, surprising Hanji as she was dissecting Avion's liver. Ymir stared at her in disbelief as Hanji asked of her,"...yes?"

"You were with Ilse, weren't you?"

Hanji's usual face fell, she frowned and tossed away the meat she was cutting through. "For a while, yes."

"Why didn't I know of this?"

"Because you guys didn't Drift for a while, from there, Ilse and I got together. I never surfaced in the memories, that's why you never knew." She let out a dejected sigh. "I was planning on keeping it a hush, but some photographer spotted us at the cafe, you must have found the blog, huh?"  
Ymir didn't answer her. "I see..."

"How long?"

"A year. Ymir...I've been trying hard to keep you in your place. I...don't want to lose what's left of her, that's why I've been rushing left and right making sure conditions stay. Given what you are here for, it's not that easy."

Ymir took it in slowly. "...I wasn't really thankful for it. Though that'd explain why you keep getting into close quarters with me all the time, you know that pisses Krista off."

"I'll lay back next time then," Hanji conceded, she walked up to her. For once, on the usually cheerful face, she saw the face, the face of someone who suffered- she had been hiding it. Without thinking, Ymir embraced her. "Secrets can't stay dead for too long, huh?"

"Yeah, they can't." Ymir pulled away from her. "...you know, if you miss her still, you can Drift with me- I'd...I'd like to see her again."

Hanji's eyes widened. "You're willing to do that for me?"

"If I knew you were with her, I would have considered you family."

The doctor suddenly had an air of relief over her, like a burden had been removed. She turned away, trying to hide away her emotions. "Ilse said that you weren't so much of a bad person, she's right. Now get out of here, I need to cry."

Ymir smiled, she found her source of closure and left just as Hanji asked of her.

She heard the crinkling of chocolate wrappers going undone.

-...-

Krista kept reading until all the comments became less and less relevant.

She slid the laptop away and shut it. She sat up, bringing her knees to her chest, and brought her hand up to her mouth. She chewed on her index finger. Her stomach felt heavy with crawling anxieties.

She felt her eyes stinging as she stood up.

The thoughts pursued her as she quickly went down to the ground floor. She collided with another body. She glanced up to see it was Reiner.

"Want to spar?" She quickly asked, crossing her arms.

If she sparred hard enough maybe she'd not question Ymir and why she never said anything back. How she shied away from the moments Krista craved.

Reiner stared down at her, he wanted to laugh. Accompanying him was Bertolt, they both towered over her easily, both of them looking down at her. Reiner scratched the back of his neck, admitting,"Well, we aren't doing much...may as well." He lead them both through the hallways. "Hard to believe someone like you is able to whip Ymir into place."

Bertolt had to agree with him. "She used to pick fights with Reiner nearly every week whenever she had the chance. Then after you got into the Program, you've saved him trips to the doc. I have to thank you for it."

"Shut up, Bert," Reiner huffed, he shook his head. "Anyway, funny you decided to pick up her habit."

They arrived at the dojo where Eren and Mikasa were practicing with one another. They stopped at the sight of Reiner and the other two, curious as to why they were here. Reiner quickly introduced them,"I take it you guys hadn't met this one yet, huh?"

Eren wiped his sweat away as they opted to take a break, he approached them and shook her hand. "Eren Yaeger, then my sister, Mikasa Ackerman. Sorry about not getting to you on time, but we're glad to see you two came out alive."

Krista nodded at Eren and his sister.

Mikasa was a lot prettier up close. And fit.

Bertolt had went off to fetch their sparring staffs, he returned with them, promptly.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Krista Lenz." She didn't linger for too long as Reiner was handed his staff. Krista quickly took hers and went to the mat.

"Having a match here?" Mikasa inquired.

"Yeah, she asked for one, may as well, I need my quota filled anyway," Reiner joked about, getting in position. "Who's refereeing?"

"I'll do it," Bertolt said.

"Don't hold back," she told Reiner. He easily towered above her in brawn and height. She wouldn't doubt it if she got beaten badly. In fact, she almost hoped. She went into defensive, her hands anxiously gripping the pole.

Bertolt signaled for them to start.

"Don't wanna, kinda scared of you considering you broke her record."

Reiner immediately took the offensive, swinging his pole low towards her calf.

Krista saw his movements and they were straight forward. The muscles in him were like armor in Krista's eyes. Hitting him without thinking wouldn't do much, but joints were always weak.

Krista jumped high enough to avoid the pole and quickly side-swept hers onto the side of his knee. She didn't even bother with letting it not hit him.

Brute strength was what he had relied on. Something she knew most people did. If she could counter just right, she'd be able to damage him.

"Damage to the knee, if I recall from our last mission together," she idly joked.

"Shut up, it was maintenance's fault," Reiner huffed as he keeled over instantly, but he picked himself up just as fast and lashed out, going for her waist.

Her pole easily deflected his and he shot back up, taking on a defensive stance. He waited for her to advance, and she did, aiming for his head. Within minutes they were deflecting strike after strike, intent on landing a hit on one another for the sake of doing so. As they fought on, forming a rough pattern, their poles clacked noisily.

That was the sound that drew Ymir from the upper floor, she traveled for the sound and stopped at the balcony above everyone. No one spotted her and so she silently perched against the railing, watching for her own amusement. She wondered why the girl decided to pick a fight out of random with the guy, she wondered.

She took out her pack of cigarettes and lit one to ease herself.

Krista felt her strength sapping away from her as Reiner kept barraging her until finally his hit deflected her pole. His went slamming down on her shoulder. Instantly, she felt herself jump in pain and tears go to her eyes.

Ymir perked up when Krista lost her pole.

Krista saw the surprised look on Reiner's face, but that's all she saw from the rest of him.

She immediately slammed down her heel on his foot.

As surprise took over, she used her elbow to slam into the joint of his arm. He was too tall and powerful to try and overpower with joints.

As he bent over to try and push her away, she slid underneath his towering form, hooking her arms around his waist and used his dive to propel them forward and onto the ground with his shoulder and side of face slamming into it, but she was caught underneath him in the end.

She could feel heat rising from her shoulder and anything that touched it was painful.

Unlike Ymir, she couldn't use his gravity to shift. He was too bulky for her. She laid suffocated underneath him, punching his side as the tears fell from her eyes.

Rage suddenly encased Ymir when she saw the result as she barked, harshly,"Reiner, get the **fuck** off of her!" She saw Krista's fist hitting him. "You're fucking choking her!"

Mikasa and Eren immediately went over to the two, hauling Reiner off of Krista as Ymir rushed for the stairs to get down there; she got to her knees in front of the girl as she snarled at Reiner, who was groaning in pain.

"What the fuck is the matter with you? She's fucking smaller than you, don't you know how to think, **dipshit**!?"

"She asked for a fight!" Reiner reasoned, groaning.

Ymir glared at him, then softened her gaze to Krista, silently asking her why. "Are you hurt?"

Krista felt herself able to breathe more and scrambled up. She saw Reiner on the mat. A nice bruise was forming near his jawline.

"Are you done?" She asked Reiner, he nodded once. She glanced over to Ymir, breathing heavily, and look away. She couldn't look Ymir in the eye. "I'm fine."

She wiped away the tears in her eyes and on her cheek. She rolled her shoulder blades to show that everything still was working. Even if her shoulder already had a nasty bruise on it.

"Good," Ymir swiftly told her, once she confirmed he wasn't going to get up any time soon, she rounded over to him.

She was too quick to move for Eren and Mikasa to stop her, she landed a firm fist into his face with her only good arm. Immediately the siblings grappled her to hold her back.

"YOU FUCKING **PRICK**, YOU COULD HAVE SNAPPED HER NECK!"

"They were just sparring!" Bertolt meekly let out. "Krista came up to Reiner and challenged him!"

Krista took Ymir from the siblings.

"This isn't your fight," she said to Ymir, then she looked back to Reiner once more to apologize for her girlfriend. "Sorry...thanks for sparring with me."

He nodded again, nose broken and bleeding.

She decided that Ymir wouldn't be letting Reiner close to her any time soon. She left from where Ymir came from, the upper floor, knowing that Ymir had things on her mind. When they were far enough away, Krista cleared her throat.

"How did your talk with Hanji go?" She asked. She could feel a large bruise on her leg forming, too. When they fell, Reiner's knee somehow drilled her. She could still smell his cologne lingering with his sweat on her.

Ymir was seething.

She shook away the stinging hardness in her fist as she followed her, when they stopped, she went back to smoking. Once her nerves calmed, she spoke evenly.

"Don't avert the subject, why did you pick a fight with Reiner? Me, it's understandable, I like making guys like him feel weak, it makes me feel good. You, it's a wonder, I don't get it, why you did that. You aren't a sadist, I know you're a downright masochist, you could have gotten real hurt there," Ymir let out firmly, wanting to get to the bottom of this as soon as she could.

Krista forgot who she was talking to, that Ymir had seen it all before.

"Maybe I did want to get hurt a little," she replied, leaning against the railing. "I bumped into him and thought that he'd easily beat me down. Thought I'd see if it was true."

She didn't mention that she knew Ymir didn't like Reiner. And wouldn't like any thought that Reiner had touched her in any way.

"It doesn't matter, though. We both got some bruising."

She knew she wasn't being smooth or very forgiving either.

"How did your talk with Hanji go," she repeated.

She didn't want to talk about her stupid reasons or-well too late now. She was thinking of the girls on Ymir's laptop again.

Ymir bit at her cigarette.

"...I don't appreciate you lying, Krista. What the fuck's gotten into your head?"

Krista sighed as she began to glare down at the floor,"I'm pissed. I feel shit. I didn't want to stay in your room so I went to go work out. And then I bumped into him and I thought might as well spar. It'd make me feel better beat up than this stupid feeling."

Krista pulled away from the railing. She walked further down the isle, keeping her eyes down at the floors below.

Ymir knew better than to leave it at that.

"I saw all those other girls," she mentioned. She stopped when she was a distance away from Ymir but came walking back.

"So that's what you're pissed off about," Ymir concluded, she took deep drags. "You know that's over, and none of those animals have nothing to do with me anymore. You're not them, you're anything but them; you know what the can never know. You know me, you know my life, and you damn well accepted me for who I am.

"None of them have the capacity to deal with me, you do. I'd be a fucking idiot if I just fucked you and left it at that to move on, I've changed, Krista, and you know that. You everything of me, they don't.

"Fuck them, I don't give a damn about them at all. I already gave my life to you, so I don't know exactly why you're concerned about them."

Some of her words made it through to Krista, but some fell short. She went back to Ymir's side, leaning once against on the same railing.

"I love you. Can you say that back?" Krista decided she'd be cruel. "I've said it many times to you before, but I was left without a response." She stared off the edge. "I love you so much it hurts my head."

She was surprised she was keeping a straight face while talking about her feelings that she had held back since a while ago.

Krista took Ymir's cigarette and took a long drag.

"I want all of you."

The usual protectiveness came back but she still felt shit

"I don't want to think I shared any aspect of you with anyone else."

She gave the cigarette back.

"You already have me," Ymir started.

She hesitated to tell her that she loved her, Lord knows how fucking scared she is when it came to that sort of thing. She took the last drag and doused it by putting it to the floor, crushing it. True, she hadn't said it back, she was scared. But then again, events like Avion would happen again, what then?

She had to think of the future.

Ymir breathed deeply. She was quiet, she brought her gaze to the arena below her.

"Krista...you know I've fallen hard for you. Too hard, literally."

She'd be a hypocrite if she let them cloud her mind, those animals. She clenched her hand on the railing. She had to face her anyway, just like her fears, and she did.

"...I love you."

"That's all I wanted," Krista hastily grabbed Ymir's face and brought their lips together. She smoothed the hair back and away from Ymir and held her closer.

She felt the worry easily slip away.

"That's all I wanted."

The feeling of Ymir's chapped lips and warm cheeks against her face. It was summer. It was home. Her face was feeling hot and then wet. Something slid between their lips-tears. She wouldn't let Ymir pull away.

"I just wanted to hear it," she said between passionate, slow kisses. She pressed her tongue between Ymir's lips.

Ymir held her back, closely.

She finally found it, the very thing she needed in life. She only took things if she accepted them herself, and she damn well accepted Krista more than anything. She felt her tongue, she let her slip in, just as she done so in the Drift. She felt the tears merge between their lips, she brought her hand up to brush them away, cleaning her.

"I love you," she managed to let it out between gasps.

For once she could relax.

Krista earned her trust, her love, her.

She felt safe with her.

"I love you, too."

Her hands went down to Ymir's neck and shoulders. She clung to Ymir.

She pulled away, panting, and rubbing her nose against Ymir's, putting their foreheads together. She glanced up to Ymir's eyes.

There were so many words to say but nothing left her lips. A soft smile came as if to say everything. She gave numerous, chaste kisses on Ymir's lips.

There was only fire in her now. She never thought those words would ever kindle such a roar in her, but they did. Her face was flushed, too, and her hands shaking.

"...y'know, since we established that..."

Ymir fumbled through her words, it even made her smile. She held her close with her good arm, making sure she wasn't pressed against her broken one. When they locked eyes, Ymir only held that gaze for a moment, catching on to the love Krista had, the real love; habits were hard to break and she immediately looked down.

"...we ought to get married."

Krista's eyes widened as she gaped up at Ymir.

"I-if you're joking," she gave Ymir a warning look.

A sly smile crept up on Ymir's face.

Krista pulled away from her and stared at her in disbelief.


	14. Chapter 14

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

"Y-you're not joking," she said loudly. It caught a few people's attention already from the floor below. Krista felt even more hot tears wash down her face.

Forgetting Ymir's physical circumstances, Krista ran up to Ymir and quickly tackled her, wrapping arms and legs around her.

"YES!"

By now the Shatterdome had to have heard the scream.

Ymir seethed in pain, it radiated throughout her body as she cried out, though she found herself laughing at the same time. She smiled and immediately brushed her off, breaths hitched due to her lungs. She nearly passed out from her tackle, she tried to hold herself up by leaning against the railing, who knew such a small suggestion could have so much of an effect?

Well, she knew, but that was long gone.

Ymir found herself being watched, it was like the entire Shatterdome had eyes set on them. Even Eren and Mikasa from below had heard them and were attending to a broke nosed Reiner. Mikasa stared up in wonder, then once she heard Krista scream out 'yes', she found herself smiling.

"What's going up in there?" Eren asked.

"...something every girl wants," Mikasa chuckled.

Ymir tried to recollect herself. She wheezed out from her smirk,"Goddamn, Krista, you forgot about the bullshit here..."

Krista couldn't help but smile, looking down at Eren below.

"WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!"

The Shatterdome was quiet but then erupts of laughter and small cheers and claps were heard. Krista didn't care if others heard. It didn't matter what they thought now if they didn't know already.

Krista glanced over at Ymir and suddenly remembered.

"Oh, Ymir!" She quickly went to her side, wiping her tears away and making sure she didn't hurt her any worse. "I'm sorry!" She looked at her arm and kissed her shoulder as if to make it better. "I totally forgot, I am sorry." She covered her eyes momentarily and sighed. "God."

She sighed, but was still happy as she could be.

"You just had to yell that out, huh?" Ymir laughed as best she could, she needed to sit down and rest, badly, at least take a shit ton of painkillers. She groaned and leaned deeply against the railing, not bothering to look down but she could already hear the cheers from everyone. She peeled herself away from the wall. "C'mon."

She led her through the hallways, along their way after some time, she heard the synthetic voice suddenly come over the intercom.

_ 'This is a public service announcement, Rangers Ymir Langnar and Krista Lenz are now engaged, I repeat, they are engaged.'_

-...-

Hanji was drinking coffee in her office, taking her break to recollect herself. As she sipped, the announcement came and she ended up spitting out her coffee against the wall, shouting,"WHAT!?"

Something festered in her, she tried to brush it away, but it was starting to build.

-...-

As they passed in the second floor through the maintenance dock, the workers were cheering out to them, workers above working on the metal lit their torches to let sparks fly, much to Ymir's amusement. While couples were common in the Program, an actual marriage was an event to cherish. Ymir waved to them with Krista by her side.

"Wonder who told the news to the command room," Ymir mused.

Krista laughed when sparks were falling around them as they went by. She felt her face turn several shades of red as she waved at familiar and unfamiliar faces.

"I don't know, though, I'm sure we'll know soon enough," she squeezed Ymir's hand. She leaned against Ymir's good arm, feeling her almost burst at the seams with the fire in her.

With all the cheers, and the sparks flying, it almost felt like a fairy tale to Krista. It'd be a stupid notion to say she felt like a princess, but it wasn't far from the truth.

They somehow made it to their room, going past the handshakes for Ymir. Once in there, Ymir sighed and went to the cabinet to get out a bottle, she took her dose and drank water to bring it down. She went over to her bed and laid there, the aching still there, she sighed and smiled at her, a genuine one.

"Where should we do it? The whole...wedding stuff?"

Krista sat at the edge of the bed. She mouthed her apologies into Ymir's jawline and neck.

"I have no home...you don't really either. The Shatterdome is our home, isn't it?" She said. "Maybe we should just have it here."

She pulled away and gently massaged Ymir's scalp.

"Here...hm, with all these people wanting to come, why not?" Ymir said, she liked the idea. "Damn...now all these girls would want in on planning, I'm not sure how to do it so I'll leave it to you." She had that spark of life in her eyes. "Never thought it would actually happen, thought it was like a rumor."

She laid back, taking Krista down with her.

"Maybe I can round up the girls who'd be interested...I'm sure they'll approach us eventually."

"We should do it when I'm better though...I'd like to have fun without worrying about something tearing on my body, and I don't mean a hymen."

Krista sputtered out a laugh and held Ymir carefully.

"Yeah. Definitely when you're better."

Krista kissed near Ymir's ear.

"You know, you never let me try any of your drawer on you," She whispered and gave a playful laugh to soothe the heat behind the words. "And that isn't quite fair. I don't know much either."

Something stirred in Ymir, she felt that heat suddenly build up. No one's tried that stuff on her either, that would be a first. Much to sting her pride, she'd be popping something on their wedding night, she barked out a laugh at the realization. Damn, Krista would get on her five seconds flat for that.

Krista ran a hand through her hair as she huffed. A thought crossed her, she raised a brow. "Oh...What will we do about names?"

"Names?" Ymir stared up at the ceiling in wonder. "Krista Langnar or Ymir Lenz...I'd say stick to the Langnar, it's who I am and if I let that go, it feels like I won't be myself. Kinda weird, but I never renounced my name, it's as good as losing to this life.

"My initials will be the same," Krista was a bit thankful for that. She wouldn't have to remember too much.

Ymir slowly broke into a fit of laughter, though it resorted to her snorting.

"What's got you laughing so much?" She prodded gently with a finger to Ymir's stomach. She gave a soft giggle,"Is it the idea of me and your strap on? I'm sure it'd look ridiculous."

Before she'd be so embarrassed at even mentioning it. Now she could say it with ease.

Ymir shuffled a bit. "Um...truth is, I never tried out that stuff on myself."

She never admitted it to anyone.

"Kinda virgin there."

Krista eyes widened for a second.

Then they took an all new glint.

"Oh," she smiled and rolled onto her back, attempting to not laugh at her realization. Ymir was going to be the virgin bride. It was ironically proper.

"I will look forward to our honeymoon then," she rolled back to kiss Ymir lovingly. She let her hand roam to her side, rubbing carefully, but she couldn't help it as giggles came out. "Such a proper, true maiden." She very lightly teased. "Though I wouldn't want it any other way."

Ymir's cheeks were slightly tinted by red, she playfully slapped her hand away. "Shut up, I mean it when I tell you I give you everything."

She relaxed deeply into the cushions.

"Damn. I need a smoke." She went to get her pack, she did so. "I know, I know."

She let Ymir escape to grab her cigarettes.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing at all. It's just funny how people's ideas of how it'd be. People tend to think I'm the maiden. Even Reiner thought it and he's had close encounters on our close encounters," she laughed at the memory where Ymir practically chased him away from one of their exhibitionist exploits.

Ymir chuckled fondly. "I'm pretty hyped up for it now though, the wedding."

"Are you?" Krista rolled onto her stomach, resting her head in her palms and watching Ymir. "Have any ideas of what you want included?"

"Use this time to think of something, I guess, I'm not really good with planning-"

Krista glanced at Ymir with a frown.

"I want to be the one to wear the suit." She deadpanned. "And you in the dress."

Ymir stared at her in disbelief. "W-what?"

She never wore a dress in her life, it wasn't her, it wasn't...Ymir-like. She slightly cringed at the thought of it, never believing her soft side was that soft at all, if it every existed.

She spluttered,"W-wouldn't you look prettier in the dress? I mean, you're beautiful enough right now, imagine how you'd look as a princess yourself!"

Krista raised an eyebrow but lowered it with a small smile.

"At first I was joking to see your reaction," but the laugh never came. Her smile grew warm. "Imagine you in a dress, too, Ymir. You have such long legs and the form for the perfect dress. You'd look beautiful in so many. Your dark skin against ivory or white. You'd look beautiful." Krista leaned towards Ymir, kissing her cheek. "We're both girls...who said only one of us was the princess?"

"I'm far from being noble," Ymir admitted, she rolled her eyes. "I'd rather be the one wearings pants, dresses aren't really my thing."

She shook her head.

"I'd wear anything but a dress. Maybe go to the ceremony nude, that'd be interesting."

Krista frowned.

"What if I wanted to see you in a dress?" She asked with honesty. She really did hope that Ymir would wear a dress with her. "What's so scary about a dress, Ymir?"

"It's just...I never really got to wear one," Ymir admitted slowly. "Besides, I wouldn't look good in one even if I tried."

Krista crawled over, bringing Ymir's head to her chest, playing with her hair.

"I think you'd look beautiful, beyond it." She kissed her temple. "You would be my queen that day, Ymir. I want you to be the center of attention, too." She kissed her repeatedly. "Think about it, at least? It's for only one day."

Krista softly stroked the side of her face.

Ymir leaned her head into her touch, loving her affection thoroughly. "I'll try to think."

She glanced down at her body. She was dancing around it, hesitant.

"It's rather broken looking, all these scars, even if I wear one I'd have to cover it all. I prefer not hiding something if it's a part of me."

"I never said you had to hide all your scars. Your body is strong and shows what its been through." She smiled. "I love you the way you are, and it's our day." She kissed her over and over. "Thank you for at least trying to keep an open mind, Ymir."

"I try," Ymir told her.

* * *

Date: October 17 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2000

A burst of cold hit Cali, with the overwhelming heat that lasted for months it felt like the chill finally settled after many years.

By now Ymir's cast at her arm had changed to a strong brace. She was healing rather well, rather quickly; her mind, quite miraculously by Hanji's standards, was recovering at best, keeping her occupied was what gave her the strength. She had slowly eased herself back to drinking as usual, her joy returned as she missed it.

She was back to her near usual self save for the occasional bouts of pain. She was able to return to her apartment- however, there was one thing she kept from everyone, having only thought it was a minor thing.

It was only when she displayed aggression alone that the Drift had changed- her reality was slowly becoming distorted.

At one point, when she looked in the mirror, observing her reflection in it in her room. Krista laid on bed, reading something, she didn't know what, she never bothered with reading. In the mirror she noticed that there was a long line on her abdomen, leading her to be curious about what it was. "Krista, why's there a foot long vertical stitch on my belly?"

Krista put down her book and saw what Ymir was pointing at.

It never occurred to her that they didn't tell her.

"They didn't tell you?" She frowned, standing up. She went and held Ymir from behind. The thought of Ymir and her ability to have children...how it was gone. "They had to remove your ovaries."

She didn't really want to remember those painful weeks. Her hand ghosted over the scars. She held her where the possibility of a different future would have been found-maybe a child. Maybe.

"Does it make you sad?" Her voice alone gave Ymir her answer to her own question.

"...not particularly," Ymir admitted, staring at the line,"am I supposed to? I mean, I never really geared myself to have kids so they were usually the last thing on my mind. Even if I were to have them, I still wouldn't be the one carrying them."

"I don't know," Krista replied. She buried her nose into Ymir's shoulder blade. She could smell her natural scent. "It makes me sad." She withdrew and stood by Ymir in the mirror. "Then again, I doubt you would've been the one to carry. You about killed the doctor and his assistants after a week without your cigarettes."

While the memory was fond she couldn't seem to smile.

Ymir was a little less on the inside. Only in a physical sense. That thought made her sad.

"My liver is shot and my lungs are ashes by this point, I doubt I'm fit for it to begin with," Ymir sighed. "If we're up for it, we could adopt...I wouldn't say now or any time soon, just do it after all this. It'd be...I think, it's be pretty cruel for a kid to lose its parents twice in life."

She slipped a shirt on with less difficulty and ruffled her hair.

She changed the topic, it was too depressing.

"Fuck, it's growing too long...and it gets stuck in the suit sometimes, I don't want to cut it but I hate wearing hair ties."

Krista listened to Ymir's reasoning, it made sense after all. She could only watch her slide out of the topic.

Krista followed, sighing under her breath.

"Are you planning to cut it short?" Krista took the hair into her hands and began braiding it. "I like it a little longer...something more to grab on."

She gave a soft laugh and gently poked Ymir on her foot with her foot.

"Not really short, just enough to feel at the shoulders, or a little less," Ymir chuckled, feeling her fingers weave through her hair. "If you want it longer, it's gonna have to be clipped back or something, can't have it all over the place."

Krista pulled away with Ymir, letting the small braid fall out of her hands. She went to put on proper clothes. She found a pair of jeans.

"Oh, but wouldn't your fans just love it? Come out of Titan and have it messy with sweat!" She stopped sliding on the pants midway, she gave a small chuckle. "Wait, that's me."

She changed out of the shirt of Ymir's she always wore when they were having a lazy day. Once she was changed to something casual, she went back to the mirror to brush her hair. Hers was getting long, too.

"Have you thought about it at all? The dress that is." Krista tried to not pressure Ymir too much, but she was practically craving Ymir in a wedding dress. It'd look beautiful.

And she couldn't help but think of tearing it off of her, too, when they had their night. Lately, that's all she has been thinking about-sex. It had been a long time since her and Ymir did much. She didn't blame Ymir, though, she was recovering.

"You're still on about that?" Ymir asked her, eyes rolling playfully. She laughed under her breath. "...not really sure, I don't really feel like wearing a dress, I'm sorry about that, Krista."

Ymir sounded disappointed. She honestly had been thinking about it, yet she couldn't bring herself to do so. Often times, when walking in the streets herself to run beer runs, she would stop at one bridal shop and stare at the dresses there as though she were drawn to it. Whenever she entered the store, however, she backed out.

Krista sighed. The disappointment was evident, but she would respect Ymir's preference.

"It's what you want to wear, after all," she agreed. The thought of Ymir in a wedding dress remained in her mind though. It was an image she'd secretly cherish. "Speaking of dresses, I have an appointment today. One of the magazines we had that interview for, I forget which one...I should really remember it... wants to pay for the wedding dress if I give them a photo shoot that'll release afterwards."

She went over to her to kiss her on the cheek for a quick good-bye.

"I will be finding my dress today with Nanaba." Krista went to the living room of the apartment, collecting her house keys. "You know her. She's the new one on my old team."

Krista hadn't been on the floor as much. She was told to try and avoid it to help give her skin a 'fresh look' and not dirty herself. She would've went against those terms, but even her own team tried to shoo her away. In the end she was left with little to no choice. Not like she had much time for it anyways since publicity had skyrocketed after the announcement of their engagement. It was almost ridiculous.

Ymir huffed as she went to their bed.

Once the door closed, she went to the headboard of their bed. She sat up on her knees, her hand reaching in and ghosting over wood until she got a hold of plastic. She caught the edge and pull, taking out a binder. Inside it were numerous pictures and piece of cloth she gathered over the years.

She hadn't touched this since her teen years, it was an embarrassing thing. At one point, someone, somewhere down the line, filled her with empty promises that she placed all of her bets on- quite a gullible idiot back then, she snorted at the thought.

She flipped through the leaflets, going across dresses and whatnot, taking samples of cloth she found. It was stupid to have made it back then, she sadly looked over the dresses she had pictures of. She went to the end, past all these sketches she made, to find the photo of herself and one of those girls; she tore it out from its glued background and took a lighter.

The picture burned away, once nearly gone she put it out in her ashtray, another memory gone.

Ymir smiled to herself and nabbed a pencil from her bedside table, sketching away to kill time.

-...-

Krista rubbed her feet and shook her head.

"Not those shoes," she replied. While, yes, they were pretty, they were also a torture contraption within two minutes of walking.

"Mike," Nanaba nodded to her brother, the owner of the bridal shop. He quickly took the shoes and produced another pair. They had been here all day as it was nearing evening. The decision of dresses had long been decided. Mike had already put in the special order.

"I can't wait till this is done," Krista put the new shoes on. Nanaba sat down near her with a small smile.

"Think of your wedding day. It will be done and over with before you know it," she assured. Krista nodded and stood up. She walked around. They weren't comfortable but at least tolerable.

"Ah, what do you think?" Krista went to the mirror to look at the shoes.

"Beautiful," she responded, "you look absolutely beautiful."

Krista shot her a look.

"I meant the shoes," she deadpanned, she raised an eyebrow.

Nanaba smiled. "I know."

Krista rolled her eyes with a soft smile of her own.

"Even Ymir does a better job than that." She went back to the bench and released her feet from their confinements.

"You seem a lot happier than when I met you," she mentioned as Mike took the shoes to put on hold. Only Nanaba and Krista were left.

"You came at a wrong time. Ymir and I were fighting...if I recall. About her telling the commanders something that got me in a little trouble." Krista smoothed over the incident. She didn't want to go in details.

"I see... It must be all better now if you two are getting married." Nanaba leaned back, glancing around at the dresses on display.

"It is, very much so." Krista gave a bubbly grin. "A dream, really."

Nanaba frowned as she examined Krista.

"So it seems." Her smile returned but not as strong.

"I think that's all you needed done, right? My brother has it all ready and on hold for you." She stood up, holding a few bags Krista had from their previous shopping.

"Yeah, thank you. You were a big help," Krista stood and waved at Mike who smiled and went to helping another customer. When they were outside they went about to walking back to Nanaba's car.

"I remember when I first saw you. I thought you looked so out of place. I'm sure you get that, but the more I thought about it the more it seemed right. Especially after talking with you." She said. Krista glanced up at Nanaba and then in front of them a the taller woman briefly joked. "Come a long way from my cute and angry supervisor to soon-to-be-wed celebrity."

"I really do love Ymir. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else in the world than her." Krista didn't look at Nanaba.

The older woman sighed,"I know."

The rest of the ride back to the apartment was in silence. Nanaba only gave a nod when Krista took her bags and waved goodbye. Krista fled to their apartment with a sigh.

She was glad Nanaba understood and finally let it go.

-...-

Ymir had just finished her sketch.

"It looks good," came a voice, familiar and soothing.

Ymir looked up from her work, satisfied but confused. That voice came about every once in a while, it started over a two months ago, back when she would get caught in the Drift. Her eyes fell upon a woman, a mirror image of her, sitting on the foot of the bed- Ilse. Her manifestations appeared from to time; Ymir had been thinking a lot about her.

It just so happen she began concocting figments of her over the past few weeks- first she came as blurs, voices whispering about, then she played at the edge of her vision. Ymir made note to pay attention to her, strongly, until she came into sight and took a complete form.

These hallucinations were almost like an illness, the longer left neglected, the worse they become. By now, Ilse had taken full form...and Ymir didn't mind it.

"Yeah, I made it," Ymir said proudly, smiling, she showed her the binder. Though in reality, she was lifting it up to nobody. "Can't believe it's actually happening."

_"Me neither, Sis,"_ Ilse's voice chuckled, it sounded strong and clear as day, she ran her hand over the page,_"kinda jealous."_

"You were always jealous."

Ilse shrugged it off._ "Stay the same, even in death."_

"You're supposed to be dead anyway. You keep surfacing-"

_"I'm always found in the Drift, y'know. Maybe you're in it right now."_

Ymir shook her head and closed the binder. "I'm in my room, showing you my shit."

_"Good that you're grasping on reality. Had the others come up?"_

Ymir grimaced and shifted around. "Sometimes..."

_"Does Krista know?"_

"I don't think so..."

When the hallucinations began, she was in her kitchen, fetching a beer. She wanted one so badly, she took it and sat down at her couch, sipping absently as Krista went out to do groceries. It was peaceful, quiet, just as she wanted it, but her mind relapsed and she found herself back in her house being yelled at by that one girl.

Finding the memory overwhelming, she lashed out, throwing her beer against the wall and yelling at nothing. By the time the fight escalated, Krista had returned- Ymir made the excuse of merely falling over but it was useless since the bottle had broken. Ymir didn't talk about it, only kept it to herself. She cleaned her mess up and went off to brood at the fire escape.

Ymir hid the binder behind the headboard and leaned back, ignoring the door opening and Krista's voice calling out to her.

_"You ought to tell her soon, she's helped you so far, hasn't she?"_

"I don't want to, it's enough she has to deal with everything going on so far."

_"You're not hiding your drinking or smoking from her, this isn't one of those scenarios-"_ Ilse crawled over to her and flicked her on the forehead. _"-your brain is fucked up, Sis. Imagine yourself; you get into a fight with Krista one day and then you end up stabbing her or something. You've done it before."_

"That was you," Ymir deadpanned, voice sour. "I won't hurt her. Verbally, yes, I'm aware I do that, but not kill her."

_"Ymir, use your head for once, I'm dead and you're alive- we had this discussion before-"_

Ymir quickly retaliated. "Then stop telling me that!"

-...-

Krista heard muffles from their bedroom. She frowned.

It wasn't the first time Ymir was talking to herself. Krista just shrugged it off usually, but this time her voice was angry and direct.

Who was she talking to?

Krista put down the bags on the couch.

"Ymir?" She called out again, heading towards their room. She opened it.

Ymir finally acknowledged that Krista returned, her angered face relaxed and she offered her a weak smile.

Ilse sighed,_"Go to Hanji and have her help you then."_

The more Ymir focused on Krista, the more Ilse faded away as though she were that shadow you'd see in the corner of your eye. Ymir's intensity ebbed away as she scratched the back of her neck. "I'm not talking to anyone, just myself, y'know. Keeps me entertained. Don't worry about it- how'd your appointment go?"

Krista frowned. She could see right through Ymir.

"If you don't want to talk about it just say so. I don't appreciate lies either." She left the bedroom to unpack what she had bought. "Nanaba was a lot of help. She brought me to her brother's bridal shop. It's the upper-end type of deal. He was really nice and I have everything sorted out."

She called as she took out socks and underwear; her old ones kept disappearing, mostly thanks to Ymir.

"Have you just been laying in bed this whole day since I left?" Krista was surprised Ymir didn't get bored enough to leave, but from the sounds of it, she had been talking to whoever for awhile. She wasn't on her cellphone, either. It was on the coffee table. Krista didn't know how to appropriately approach the subject. She didn't know if Ymir failed to heal all the way and needed another check-up.

"I'm a hypocrite, huh?" Ymir muttered to herself.

She looked at the spot where Ilse sat, she had to tell Krista in the end, Ilse- no, her conscience was telling her to do so. May as well get it over with. This wasn't like drinking, this was the Drift. She got up and went to the living room, she sat on the couch and looked up at her.

"Krista...I don't know why, but, I've been hearing voices. After I got out of Titan, I'd get these...flashbacks, Hanji said they're caused due to disconnecting properly from the Drift and Titan. Things play out in my head, just like being in a Jaeger. Things have been getting better, the flashbacks are getting less severe, but...now it's starting to bleed into reality. Either it becomes my reality or it's just there, like people."

Ymir covered her face in her hands, her fingers rubbing her eyes.

"The whole reality thing started a week ago, I was just talking to Ilse. She told me to go to Hanji as soon as I can."

Krista took out a present from her shopping bag and went around the couch. She kept listening to Ymir as she retrieved the brush from the bathroom. She came back and tended to Ymir's messy hair. After combing a few knots, she made a pony tail and fastened it with Ymir's present.

"I thought something was going on," Krista replied, "but I didn't want to force it out...you usually tell me things so I gave you space."

She smiled. The hair piece was what she had hoped for. It went with Ymir's darker skin and hair.

"I'm glad that Ilse, or your memory of her at least, told you something positive...and not to do something you'd regret." She wrapped her arms around Ymir and rested her head on Ymir's. She buried her nose into her hair. "Do you want me to come with you when that happens, or do you want to go alone?"

"You have to come with me, you're my co-pilot, aren't you? This isn't like going up to her and asking if we can possibly have kids, it's more of the Drift, and that's something she knows and we don't, we're just the soldiers," Ymir said, reaching back to touch a clip. She was curious about it. She pulled it off her and saw a red hair-clip lined with a golden yellow around the edges.

Her fingers brushed over the shining surface, it looked highly expensive- she remembered they had the money to afford anything they wanted, she was just a miserly person about it.

"...it's beautiful," Ymir softly told her. "I never got gifts from anyone...I love this."

She turned around and kissed her on the lips.

Krista savored the kiss and withdrew

"...can you put it back?"

"Anything for you," she said, taking the clip, she used her hands to gather the hair back into the ponytail and put the hair piece back. "Whenever you feel comfortable to go, I will." She went around the couch and sat down with her. "Days have been busy."

She leaned against Ymir. Everyone who was a Jaeger pilot were next level celebrities. And what was bigger than next-level celebrities? Their weddings, apparently.

"From what one of my crew members were saying, they run a blog, you know the one that leaks pictures of us lately? Yeah, that one. Well, he said our popularity sky rocketed. We're up in the top five now." She looked up at Ymir. "What do you think of that?"

Ymir smirked. "If they weren't stroking my ego, they're doing it now, this time with lube."

She held her close, that smile dying away.

"I'd prefer we go today, right now. Hanji shouldn't be doing much other than fucking around in her lab."

-...-

Ymir knocked on the door, in a matter of seconds, Hanji appeared, gloved hands covered in Kaiju entrails. Ymir stared at her, nearly forgetting until Hanji spoke to her, breathless,"What brings you two lovebirds here?"

"I have a problem."

Hanji nodded in understanding and opened the door wider for them, guiding them through her mess and to her desk to where she snapped her gloves off. She unabashedly asked,"Had you tried stroking her clit? I've tested it myself and it works wonders."

Krista felt her cheeks turn red at Hanji's commentary.

"You're disgusting," Ymir snorted, trying so hard not to laugh, she shook her head. "I mean, Drifting problems. I keep...losing my reality. At first it started in flashbacks, like a soldier with PTSD-"

"-well, you _are_ a soldier with PTSD-"

"-but now it's getting worse. My memories are kinda...just invading the now, what can we do to make it stop?"

Hanji sat herself down at her chair, she gently pushed a tray of chocolates towards them but, just like everyone, they declined out of fear. Hanji gave a slight frown as she took one and ate it herself. Between bites, she thoughtfully looked up at the ceiling, humming. Ymir started growing impatient, her foot tapped against the floor.

"How severe are they?"

"I'm seeing Ilse in real life."

"Ah, that way then...hm, there is a technique I studied. You place ends of metal rods against the temples of your head, then you shoot an electric pulse- the voltage clears out the memories, like you're deleting files off a computer. You either forget who you are altogether or you end up forgetting your life up to a certain point. I've been toying with the idea if your Drifting bleeds too far into reality- just a safeguard."

Ymir stared at her. "...you're fucking insane, that's not going to do us any good- you'll be short by one Ranger!"

"Seriously, what will help her?" Krista urged. She didn't want to play games now that they were working on Ymir's problem.

"As I said, I plan to erase her memory-"

"Hello, I'm a human being built on years of thoughts and feelings, you can't just treat me like a computer!" Ymir snapped.

Hanji began to smile at this. "But I can. Alright, listen here you two. Before we do anything, both of you will enter the Drift. From there, Ymir's life will bleed into Krista's and vice versa. Now, how well do you know each other? Well, right? How well?"

"Well enough that she knows I'll break your jaw if you let me near electricity."

"Everyone knows that. I mean, you know each other's lives basically. Here's the fun partL Once Ymir's memories have bled into Krista's mind, we commence shock therapy on Ymir, wipe her free and make her a blank slate. After that, we put her back in the Drift with you-" She pointed her finger at Krista. "-and then those memories will be transferred back to you. You'll pick up some of Krista's personality but overall, you should be yourself as long as we immediately do this after wiping your memories. That way it'll all be fresh.

"It'll be like booting you up with back-up files. Kinda like the Cloud for Apple."

Ymir glared at her, this was truly insane. "Apple sucks."

"It's my only option unless you have another route. Krista, your thoughts?"

Krista narrowed her eyes.

"This is crazy!" However, she knew Hanji wasn't joking anymore. She felt her throat go dry as she breathed evenly.

Count to ten.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Krista sighed.

"If this is the only way," she replied slowly.

"And if something goes wrong...or something happens to her, I will personally break your jaw."

Hanji clicked her tongue. "All in the name of science-"

"All in the name of bullshit!" Ymir exclaimed. She paced around, trying to wrap her mind around the situation.. Where was Ilse when you needed her? Goddamn it. She ran her hands through her bangs, Hanji watched her attentively, eyes following closely. "Ugh..."

"Ilse would have been useful in this," Hanji murmured.

"Shut up about her."

Hanji glared this time, her gaze colder than ice, obviously it triggered something in her since that warm air she had was snuffed out. She apparently wasn't fancying the idea either as it would mean she can't Drift with Ymir prior to the examination- she can't see Ilse again. "What do you propose then?"

Ymir continued on, she suddenly stopped. "I...I disconnected from Titan improperly, right?"

"Don't ask me, I didn't fall 100 feet from my machine."

"What if...what if I Drift constantly with Krista? Get control back through repeated actions, exercise my control in reality, will that do anything?"

"It might. It'll take longer than my idea, and Kaiju are occasional events. I don't see why we don't have to try that option. If you practice disconnections, you might build yourself back up to where memories don't bleed into your every day life." Hanji sat up straighter. "You really are Ilse's sister."

Ymir wanted to punch her for a moment, just one more time, but she decided against it, only taking out her pack.

"Don't smoke in here, you'll blow us up, this place is filled with fumes."

"Fuck your fumes, my idea is better."

She stormed out.

Krista watched as Ymir left.

"I'm sorry."

She couldn't put her finger on what had set Hanji off, but she thought it'd be considerate to apologize.

She quickly tailed after Ymir who was strides away.

"Wait," she called out, trying to catch up, frowning. "What is wrong?"

She knew her and Hanji weren't best buds, but it felt like Ymir just lashed out for no reason.

Ymir whirled around. "She...she wants to erase my memories, and she's saying she can reboot me like a computer! We don't know the risk is in that! We're humans, not Jaegers, there's so much risk involved! I Drifted with...how many people? You, Levi, and Ilse, three different people, your lives, mixed with mine. You, you Drifted with two, myself and Levi- who did that guy Drift with? Me, you, Erwin, his friends- it's trading a lot of lives in here- it'll go to my head. If I Drift with all that running around in our heads, I won't come back the same!"

She swung an open palm at Hanji's door.

"And then that whole Ilse thing...I don't know about you, but that woman, she's been staring at me weird lately! It's like she's trying to see me as Ilse or something- if she knows the conditions of what will happen to me if I go into shock therapy, why? Why erase the only thing you have left of someone?"

To Ymir, she didn't want to be rid of Ilse herself.

Krista sighed.

"I already know about the shock therapy thing, Ymir. It is too risky, I would only do it if it was the very last option and things got out of control," she caught up and hugged Ymir. "You don't know how Hanji feels. She had something for Ilse. Maybe it's painful to see her in you. Maybe she wants to see you as her, to feel closer. I really don't know."

She pulled away.

"But you made your choice. We will see how your way of things goes, ok?"

"Alright...also..." She found her way to hold of her anger, she managed to recollect herself when Krista held her. "...she wanted to Drift with me, just to see Ilse one more time. If she does it, she'll be adding one more life to my Drift. I...I don't mind having another person in me because everything I went through, it's who I am. And if she sees the dirty laundry, it's her issue but then it'll be mine if she bleeds her life into mine.

"My way is better, she'll be able to opt in on what she wants...it doesn't make sense to me though, Hanji's smarter than that. If anything, she usually chooses the safe route, I don't get why she suggested the first option if she could have thought of mine."

Krista shook her head.

"She's smart, but sometimes that's not enough," Krista took Ymir's hand, leading her down the hallway.

"Is that something you really want? Someone else in your head?" She was surprised Ymir would let her. She always held Hanji at a distance, but it was strange she'd let her be so close. It almost felt intimate to Krista, but it wasn't her she didn't have to like it either. "I doubt anyone will know what our mad scientist thinks."

Ymir shrugged, she calmed down quickly than she had before. "Ilse spent most of her time cooped up in the lab ever since we got here, I guess I'd like to see the last of her side of life myself."

She brought them to a stop at the bridge area, the second floor in front of Titan, she sat down at the edge to smoke; she usually perched her on better days, and the worst.

"I was offering it to her earlier when we spoke, which is why I don't understand her right now."

Krista frowned.

"Does she like you?" Krista glanced over at Ymir. From what she heard, her and Ilse looked very similar.

"I'm almost a copy of Ilse, people told me," Ymir recalled. "If you saw us together, you wouldn't know who is who since we're near the same age. The only difference is that she's much more brilliant than me. Sure, we went to the same school, but I always fell short of her. I...can't shake the feeling if she does; if it's for aesthetics and my books, likely yes. Personality, not much, I'm not Ilse in that department. Though she had been acting off ever since Ilse died- at times I'd catch her staring for too long."

Krista looked away and back down at the floors below.

"People said you looked a lot like Ilse." She agreed. "Did you ever have feelings for Hanji?"

If Ymir knew there was more than friendliness between them, Krista wasn't liking the idea of the two drifting even more.

"I never eat her chocolates for a reason," Ymir deadpanned as she brought out a cigarette to smoke. "Other than her being my superior, I'd avoid her kind at all costs- they're insane, makes me nervous around them. What makes you think I'd even have a thing for her? I like the intellectuals, not the insane."

Krista mulled the information over. She could see Ymir didn't like her but she wanted verbal confirmation.

"She isn't bad looking," Krista mentioned, "I'm not bad looking. Maybe she's jealous." The thought of her made her a little smug. "You were the last of Ilse. And she was probably closer than some to you. Then I came in out of nowhere." Krista shrugged. "Like I said, our mad scientist will be a mystery."

Krista slipped between Ymir and railing.

"And I'm glad that you never ate her chocolate," Krista sighed, letting Ymir see her jealousy, "or I'd have to find better chocolate to lure you back, wouldn't I?"

"...I hate sweets. Ilse loved them, the fact Hanji presses it on to me should be some sort of indication," she huffed.

She picked up on her jealous streak, she decided to play along with it, considering she kept pressing it.

"Now that I think of it, she was always around the corner after the accident, like she knew where I was. Started popping up all over the Shatterdome except my apartment, thank god- the reason why I have my private quarters here is because Hanji would pop in the old one I had with Ilse. Fucking scary if you ask me. Emotionally, not close, physically...she doesn't know personal space."

Krista wrapped her arms around Ymir's neck, giving a warm scold.

"How dare you be so attractive and have all these girls after you," her voice was dramatic as she kissed Ymir's jaw. "If you keep this up..."

Krista gently bit her lip.

"-I will need to make you mine."

She slipped away from Ymir, smiling. She faced Ymir and began to trail backwards down the hallway.

"Again and again," she called out, giggling and leaving Ymir behind. "Come find me."

Krista disappeared around the corner.

"H-hey!" Ymir called out to her. Her nerves were suddenly fired up when she kissed her jaw, she cursed and went back to where she last saw her, but she couldn't run, she was too weak for it. By the time she got to the corner, she found that Krista was nowhere to be seen; she laughed under her breath, smiling faintly.

If the girl wanted to play games, she may as well. She walked steadily down the hallway, looking left and right from the various other halls that stretched away. Krista knew the work area well, and hiding places were many. Ymir didn't want to ask around, she wouldn't be thinking if she did that.

She traveled here and there, meandering about. She couldn't go fast enough anywhere, but she thought of places where Krista might be. She went up to the highest floor, looking there to start the whole task, then moving down.

"Damn, she knows I can't run."


	15. Chapter 15

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Krista sneaked around Ymir, going along neighboring hallways, smiling when she saw Ymir look in the janitor's closet, and even frowned when Ymir checked low in a tiny crawl space where a child could fit.

Eventually, Ymir was on the top floor. Krista went to a different stairwell and went around the few pillars until Ymir came close.

"...and take you again," she whispered, she wrapped her arms around Ymir's midsection and drew her into the shadows. She kissed her shoulder up to her neck.

Her sex drive had been going wild lately despite her choice to wait.

She couldn't help it as she nibbled and lapped at her neck.

"People catch on when we disappear up here," Krista kissed under her ear, "nobody is going to come up here."

She gently bit down, pressing her own back against the wall in a corner.

"If Hanji does, she knows what she's getting into," Krista pulled away but kept her face close. She gave a small smile. "I'm just your green little monster, aren't I?"

Ymir groaned lowly, the heat rose madly at her scrapping her teeth against her skin. She was starting to get used to surprises, and damn, she was loving this one. She muttered,"Yes you are...with the way you talk about her, do you want her to get into it?" She laughed under her breath. "Nah, you're just jealous."

She knew Krista's libido was high, insanely high.

"Be a down right shame you have to wait...I'm thinking that if I heal slow, you'll have to wait another four months."

Krista growled at Ymir's small joke and went back to her neck, being less considerate. She bit and gave a rough suck, easily leaving a mark.

"It's driving me up the wall," Krista kept her lips against Ymir's neck, kissing and licking at the mark. She wouldn't press any further than kissing and messing around a little. She wanted Ymir to recover fully so she could jump her bones without fearing she broke three and a spleen. "I just want to mess around a bit. You haven't had your hands on me in awhile."

She pressed against Ymir, letting her hands rest on Ymir's hips.

"I miss them. A lot." Need was more of the word.

Damn it, she's really pushing her buttons.

"You're the one who decided it'd be fun to play a game all of a sudden," Ymir teased her, keeping her voice even. "Let's play another game where I drive you up that wall further?"

Krista raised an eyebrow at Ymir. She arched her back and pulled Ymir closer.

"I'm listening," Krista responded with curiosity and desire.

Ymir smirked. "I may not have control of the Drift well, but I have control over myself."

She held her by her waist.

"I won't touch you until our wedding night."

Krista groaned.

"Yeah, that will drive me up the wall even more," she gave a breathy laugh. "The feeling is mutual, then."

Krista's fingers traced Ymir's form. On their wedding night, Ymir would be all hers. Nobody else's. She'd have her whole body to love and bathe in affection.

"You can say you'll be a new woman the next day when we get to it," Krista joked.

"I bet you can't wait," Ymir chuckled. She leaned close this time, lips near her ear. "I bet you miss a lot of things, say for something moving in you."

Krista felt her sex throb at Ymir's words, but her pride knew better.

"And, I think you're excited as well," Krista replied, pressing further into Ymir. "On our night, I will be on top." She smiled. "Pressing inside of you, my hot breath against your skin, and feeling you squirm underneath." She played with the hem of her shirt. "You will come for me. More than once. And I won't stop till you can't anymore."

She squeezed Ymir's hips as if to prove a point.

"I will take you on."

She withdrew her hands and gave a soft laugh.

For once Ymir was intimidated by Krista. For some strange, she loved the idea of being controlled, it was an odd thing to feel, and she loved it. That twisted sense of being dominated, she shuffled about, laughing nervously. "R...really? Kinda hard to believe that but fuck..."

Krista frowned at Ymir, pulling her close by her jean's belt loops.

"Don't doubt it." She said in an even tone before smiling. "You will be my wife after all."

She stood there, stunned, wondering what she was capable of. Krista always had a tendency to perplex her, always. She was anticipating what would happen. "It still shocks me that this is going to happen, being married and all."

Krista puled away from Ymir, deciding to let her be. If she kept at it, she would lose her bet with Ymir.

"Isn't it? Always thought it happened to everyone else, not me," she admitted. She never thought much of the future.

Krista had once thought she'd die before any of this happened. Whether it was for herself or not, it didn't matter. Marriage was never part of the deal, or being in a relationship for that matter.

"Look at us now," she humored.

"I'd never think of it to come out like this, not by a long-shot," Ymir admitted, she reached out to her and pulled her back. She had the urge to just hold her. "Imagine me, of all people, actually getting married...that showed them, haha...ha."

Her mind slowly reeled back, it was happening again, even if Krista was in her arms. She shook her head, breathing deeply, she then buried her face in her hair, taking in her scent. Things like this, it's what she used to long for until someone, somewhere down the line, came in and shattered it- she couldn't comprehend that it was going to happen.

All those lies and deception, it wasn't there with Krista- she fell back one too many times, no one willing to catch her or even help her up, even Ilse was powerless to such things no matter now hard she tried. But Krista, she was there, consistency builds trust as far as she learned from horses; no one had the will to be consistent with her. Even if they did, she found the foundation to be made of sticks, feeble and weak.

She smiled softly against her, finding herself sniffling. Holy shit, she was crying- when was the last time that happened?

It was like she forgotten how to.

"I love you...thank you so much, Krista."

Krista held Ymir back, feeling her heart beat against her ear. Ymir's smell never changed, always something with cigarettes.

"I love you, too," she replied, kissing her shoulder, but the thank you part caught her off guard.

She pulled away enough to see Ymir's amber wet with tears.

"Ymir," she went to wiping away the tears, but there was a smile on Ymir's face. Happy tears.

Krista held Ymir's face, gently pulling her into a soft kiss.

"I love you, and that's not going to change," she softly told her as laced her fingers into her hair, smiling. She rubbed their noses together, feeling some tears smear on her face, too.

Ymir smiled, her chest filling itself with warmth- she felt it all too well, it was genuine and real. She went to kiss her again until the alarms blared throughout the entire Shatterdome, sending everyone into a frenzy. Ymir felt that warmth dissipate, fading away with dread- it replaced itself with fear when the intercom spoke, Erwin's voice came about,"All pilots, report to the bridge, all pilots..."

"Here!? Now!?" Ymir hissed, she grabbed Krista's hand and led her down the stairs- she didn't want to let her go, she had to voice out her protests if they decided to deploy her.

Titan had faced enough repairs and was at a near perfect condition to fight, though Ymir wasn't worried for the Jaeger for once. Eventually they made it to the bridge where Erwin was address the other two pairs of Rangers- Rogue and Colossal. Ymir pushed by the people, shoving away a worker.

Krista squeezed Ymir's hand back as they entered the control room. Immediately, Ymir was on her defense but knew that it wouldn't count for anything

"She's not being deployed," Ymir firmly proclaimed.

Erwin rose his voice against her, speaking as though he didn't hear her protest. "I want Titan and Rogue on the front lines for the offense, Colossal defending the coast until told otherwise- another Category 1 has emerged, codenamed "Minos", just about larger than Drakos- it may border on being a Category 2."

Hanji was upfront as well, much to Ymir's utter displeasure. "The prediction of larger Categories is coming true. My sources say that the algorithm of sizes and frequency of Kaiju appearing will increase, as a result, we need more Jaegers on the battlefield to keep up with the forces. Titan's efforts will do us well here, luckily this Kaiju isn't geared to fly, you will be able to handle the situation better."

"As Hanji said, we need Titan out there. Now is not the time for your insubordination."

Krista felt her stomach plummet. She had to use all of her will to not throw up. Somewhere inside of her, though, was relieved. Happy that Ymir would not be on the battlefield.

Ymir was angered, enraged, she wanted to do something but she knew she was in no shape. She squeezed Krista's hand tighter, behind gritted teeth she spoke heatedly,"Fine, but I man the control room again." Hanji nodded, a silent consent; Ymir gazed about, her eyes fell upon Levi. "And you- I don't even need to tell you what to do."

Levi, as usual, was indifferent. "You don't have the right."

It was a quick meeting, Erwin spoke up once more,"Everyone, get into position. Good hunting out there."

"Ymir," Krista quickly turned towards her, giving a heated kiss. She felt herself melt against her lips, begging to stay by her. She pulled away.

Krista searched Ymir's eyes, but knew that she'd never escape them with a lie.

"Don't be an ass in there, ok?" She gave a very weak smile.

Krista fled down the hallway to put on her suit and eventually pilot the Titan. Without Ymir.

-...-

Ymir grunted and got herself into Titan's main control room for its team. She sat herself where Hanji would usually run the diagnostics- within fifteen minutes the screens lighted up with both pilots locked in place in their positions. She ran her gaze over the vitals, Hanji was standing right beside her, keeping tabs on everything as well.

She thought about what Krista told her, about what was Hanji feeling- she felt guilty about it. She sighed and finally looked up to her. "Look, I'm sorry."

Hanji was crestfallen, though she was slowly returning to herself, that spark was there for a moment, then it ebbed away. She told her,"Forget about it...things happen. Pay attention to the screens, you want her to live, right?"

"...yeah, I do." Ymir monitored their vitals once more, she flipped on the mic. "Titan, you guys ready?"

"I despise waiting, I don't know which is worse, listening to you or Hanji," Levi returned.

"Whatever, connecting pilots through Neural Bridge."

The secondary voice came up. 'Initiating Neural Handshake...'

-...-

Krista heard Ymir's voice. She felt soothed.

Then the Drift came. She let it all flow through, not caring what went by. She only wanted to hear Ymir's voice.

It was over in seconds. She glanced over to Levi and prepared for their march.

"Titan's in synch," Ymir announced- the process of getting them out of the dock took another half hour, and soon they were being shipped out for the Drop off the cost of Long Beach; Kaiju had begun to stick closer to denser cities. From where Titan was, a large, humanoid creature was sloshing through the waters, causing tremors to ripple throughout the coast.

It let out a bellowing sound, almost like a steer groaning. It had the head of a bull, or at least resembled one. Below the neck was a mockery of a man's torso. It was indeed larger than the other Kaiju, it seemed about just perfect height with Rogue, making it the largest Category 1 yet. Ymir clutched the mic.

"Titan, fall back and let Colossal keep it busy; when you have an opening, get at it. It's pretty large but it doesn't look like it's moving any faster than Colossal."

"Rogue, you fall back as well," Erwin's voice came up,"only work as back-up."

Eren returned that response,"Yes, sir."

"Affirmative," Krista responded on the microphone.

She stood and waited for Levi's initiation.

Levi didn't go against Ymir's word, they waited for Colossal step into battle.

"So I hear you two are planning to get married," Levi said, interested.

Krista was surprised to hear him ask question that wasn't work related.

"Once Ymir has recovered," Krista couldn't help but smile a little.

Colossal strode by them, being one of the slowest of the Jaegers.

"You two make the odd couple, yet it makes perfect sense," Levi mused, waiting for the opening. "You two complement one another quite well."

Minos immediately went to engage Colossus in battle. Arms swung against one another, almost like iron clubs- both were slow in movement, just as Ymir predicted it to be. Almost immediately, Levi took the chance as he quickly calculated their movements.

"We'll circle around them get him from behind, Colossal, you heard that?" Levi barked as he set himself in motion.

"Yes, sir!" Came a return.

Levi kept at it, Titan easily flowed through the water, quick. "This is almost like they're making it too easy..."

Krista kept her eye out along the waters.

"I will keep an eye out," she went with Levi's plan as they circled. Levi's compliment threw her for a loop, but she wouldn't question it. It was one of the first, sincere things she heard from him.

In the midst of chaos, when the bullheaded Kaiju locked arms with Colossal, Levi took to activating the back thrusters, propelling them up behind Minos and effectively latching onto its back. Before the Kaiju could react properly, Levi flipped several more switches, ordering out,"Activating Titan's Jaws," as the screeching of metal rang through their ears.

Over Minos's shoulder, they watched as the beast used one of its horns to drive it into the ball-and-socket joint of Colossal, piercing it and rendering it useless. Over the intercom came the screams once more from its pilots. Titan took to placing its metal teeth against the nape of Mino's neck.

"Lenz, Lock It!" Levi shouted, out of the corner he saw Minos's now free arm reach back in an attempt to rip the Jaeger off its back. Levi flipped over a few more switches, using the claws to burrow into the Kaiju's hide, preventing it from pulling them off anytime soon without having them rip its own neck off.

Krista heard screams over the microphone. Unlike before, she didn't lock up in battle. She immediately locked the jaw.

The beast yowled and thrashed as Titan shook and swayed as it attempted to throw them off.

Using its leverage with the arms, Titan fought against the force, pulling and tearing into the flesh relentlessly. Their gears sparked and several pipes broke from this, but eventually, somehow, they successfully ripped the back of the neck off, gruesomely at that. It was almost like the fight was an easy one as Colossal was able to break free without any further damage.

Titan pinned the target down, making sure it stayed dead.

Rogue came by, delivering a series of punches to its head, making sure it stayed dead.

-...-

"Kaiji signature gone, you done well," Ymir said,"Minos is eliminated, bring 'em home."

She sat back, staring at the screen.

"Levi did it so cleanly, it's like he had absolute control over the situation..."

"It's Levi," Hanji relayed to her,"you'd be a fool for expecting less."

-...-

Krista kept looking around as the Kaiju went down.

Was that it? No twists?

She glanced over to Levi with a small smile. She knew why everyone admired him now.

"Glad we have you," she said as they stood over the Kaiju's body.

-...-

He grunted in response, it was a compliment given to him by everyone.

Clean up was swift but the repairs were extensive. From here, plans for Titan's renovations were set in motion once they docked. Ymir stayed in the control room, quiet, as Hanji was going through charts, analyzing the results of the fight. There wasn't much action, no stalling, just a swift kill and a return home- something Ymir wished she could do easily.

"Ay, Hanji?" Ymir asked from her seat as the pilots disconnected.

Hanji didn't look up. "Hm?"

"...do you think that if Ilse was alive, we'd be having high kill counts by now?"

"In truth, I believe so. Not everything you do can be perfect."

"If I'm not as efficient as Levi or Marco, I'm shocked that I'm still here."

"Every pilot is valuable, Ymir. Even the black sheep. You have something they don't, I can't place what, but it's there, and Erwin wants it on the field." Hanji placed the papers down. "The Drift Simulator is ready, I calibrated it specifically for you. If you want, we can start the treatment now."

Ymir finally got up. "Not until Krista is up for it, she's been in there for two hours."

"...can we try Drifting together then?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Research. I feel that if I were to personally do this, I can see what we're up against."

"You want Ilse to walk around in your life too, huh? Hoping my problems will blur into yours." Ymir grimaced. "That's just masochistic if you ask me."

"It's what I want. I won't hold it against you."

"...fine, but keep to your word," Ymir warned her as Krista came through the door, she had finished getting out of her suit. Ymir went to her immediately, embracing her tightly. "You did beautifully out there, way better than I could."

Krista saw there was something going between Ymir and Hanji-their facial expressions were strained smiles.

However, Ymir perked up once she saw her. Her wife-to-be strode across the room and gave her a protective hug. Krista returned it, but gently. Ymir wasn't all patched up yet.

"Levi had control of the situation," she replied, "I only followed."

It wasn't worth being praised for something she had little to do with. She glanced at Hanji from Ymir's arms, wondering what she was talking with Ymir about, but looked away as she withdrew.

"Hanji wants to Drift with me in an hour," Ymir said to her, Hanji had an unreadable expression. "We need someone to ensure our connection is well, I agreed to do it as long as you are controlling it."

Krista frowned and glanced between them.

"Did you think this through enough?" Krista said. She was tired and fresh from the drift. She was sorting through memories she couldn't place if they were hers or Levi's or possibly even Ymir's. She rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to push past the clutter and think of Ymir's statement. It wasn't even a question.

She was at the helm of watching over something she didn't feel comfortable with, again.

"What if this doesn't go well." She went to sit down in a chair. "How is that- Can I talk to you alone? Or the two of you alone?"

Krista didn't want to unload a speech in front of people in the control room.

Ymir nodded without protest, Hanji followed shortly after. They decided to convene in Hanji's lab, alone with themselves except for dozens of Kaiju samples, Ymir sat herself at a chair, her pains were getting to her again; Hanji stood by a table, arms crossed though she was curious about what Krista had to say.

"What is it?" Ymir asked of her.

Krista stood near the cleanest corner, trying to gather her thoughts. The walk to the lab allowed her to finally push down resurfacing memories.

"Ok, so let me just get this straight," she nursed her nose bridge with her two fingers, "Hanji wants to drift with Ymir. For some reason I don't really know."

She breathed.

"Without thinking of the consequences," Krista finally released her nose, "I don't think this is responsible at all. Ymir has been having the Drift leak into reality, making it hard for her, yet Hanji, someone who stands between Ymir and prison, the person who understands what we're going through, who is also a top researcher, wants to endanger her well-being and mental health to do this...and you're just going to let her."

Krista paced around the room, but stopped.

"What will happen if you're fired or taken off your job because you unhinge from the Drift taking over reality? Who's the next in line to watch over me and Ymir? Will they be as considerate and let it slide if Ymir punches someone, or if I do that? Would they stay on our side if we're to be taken off for some reason?"

Krista didn't want to say they were unfit mentally, but she let that thought linger in the conversation.

"The risks of letting Hanji go in the Drift when you're unstable Ymir...it seems like too much of a gamble, and Ymir sucks at gambling."

"Hanji wants to get my little glitch, where reality blends with the Drift. She wants to see Ilse again, and if she wants to do it, it's not my fault. I tried talking her out of it but she's insistent about it," Ymir said, glancing over at Hanji once more. "I know you're eager to see her, but you can Drift with me any time later."

Hanji hesitated with her words.

"You're going crazy, I know of it."

"...you can say that," she curtly told her.

"Krista, I'm not the one advocating it. Even if I think against it, I'm scared the woman would pluck me from bed and do it herself."

"I won't go that far-"

"You will! And asking me for...what the fuck is going on in my head, it's not going to make you a better person, it'll make you worse. It's like asking for a mental disease so that you have validation to say you're fucked in the head!" Ymir suddenly got up, she winced as pain shot through her but she was getting worked up about it. "Get over her, she's dead! I've known her all my life and she's in the Drift all the time with me but you don't see me asking for her to come back!"

"That's because you automatically have it," Hanji said, there was a tinge of bitterness in her voice, Ymir had pushed something in her. "Sure, I known her for under a year, but that's enough time to get something to grow. You and Krista are getting married, it's been less than a year for you two!"

Ymir snorted out a laugh. "You're jealous!"

Something broke in Hanji, something she had been trying to keep a hold of. Her voice rose for once, it had a mingling sense of loss, of pain, things that weren't normally heard of. She cried out,"Yes! And hurt! You look like her! Why isn't it that you went in that Jaeger yourself and died? Why did she have to go and you stayed!?"

"You're not the only one asking that!"

Krista watched as the two were on their feet and yelling. Shots were going back and forth.

"Knock it off, the both of you!"

Krista stood between them, feeling her temper rising with them.

"People die," she yelled, "and nobody can do anything to bring them back. What you see in the drift is what she used to be. How long has it been? Too long. Nobody stays the same."

Krista frowned, morose.

The memory of her grandfather dying kept reappearing. He was the one who kept her mom at bay from beating her. He made her laugh and little, wooden animals made from branches. When they lowered him into the ground, they stripped her from the only happiness and protection she had as a child. She went through years of wishing he was there, but he was gone.

The words that Hanji had wished for, that Ymir was the one who died and not Ilse, stung deeply.

"You want to see Ilse. Have her leak in your life right?"

Krista shot to Hanji.

"When that happens, will that be all you want? Or will you go crazy, hoping you could touch her, feel her again? It won't be enough. You want her alive, not dead. Her haunting you is the same thing-dead. The only difference is you won't be able to control when the thoughts of her come. Are you really ok with that? Let her become something that torments you? Don't you want to remember her happy and smiling and with you instead?"

Krista couldn't understand. She doubt she ever would. She wanted to slap Hanji for even admitting she wished Ymir died, but withheld it.

Krista walked away from the two of them.

The images of Ilse she inherited from Ymir were popping up. Some smiles, looks that resembled Ymir, and sometimes something sad. She didn't know why they wanted to ruin her into a hallucination than the person they knew her as.

"She's right," Ymir firmly concluded, she glared at the scientist, done with her at her little spat. She knew she was crazy, but not selfish, she never imagined that. She was done now, she stormed out of the lab, she didn't want to hear anymore from her.

When the door slammed, Hanji was shaking. All these months of holding it back, it was coming to her, hard, she refused to cry in front of Krista. She merely turned away, crestfallen, she held herself. Brokenly, she quietly told her,"I won't Drift with Ymir until she stabilizes- you two are going for treatment at the end of the week...you're dismissed, Ranger."

-...-

Ymir was outside, her anger still coursing through. She found Reiner crossing her path.

"Ymir, the fuck is up with that look-"

She swung a fist at him but he backed off, quickly.

"Fuck!"

-...-

Krista stood by as Ymir quickly fled the scene. She knew she was angry and was most likely going to bash someone.

However, Hanji stood there.

Krista didn't leave when Hanji dismissed her.

"Have you ever told anyone about you and Ilse?" Krista asked. She knew she might be prodding too deeply, but she also knew that friends didn't leave each other sad. Even if that friend was getting on her nerves lately. "Mad scientist or not, you don't live with just logic."

Krista went around the desk and opened a familiar drawer.

"You have a heart and needs, too." She withdrew a handful of silver wrapped chocolates. "Chocolate?"

Hanji stared at the chocolates, her eyes softening at the sight of them. With a heavy sigh, she managed to recollect herself and took one, slowly unwrapping it, dejected. "Ilse always had chocolate on hand- she said she used to give them to Ymir to calm her down but...after what happened, Ymir always said she hated them."

She ate it slowly.

"I never told anyone because of protocol. Given the circumstances of why she was here, we were supposed to be superior and subordinate; I was the one who reported Ilse, Ilse reported Ymir, as was the agreement. She visited my lab from time to time to tinker with the equipment- she was brilliantly smart, that's what drew me in. We grew close and whatnot, talked to each other, told me how much she wished she could have done more for Ymir- the only time she had a good impact was when she killed that girl, it was in reason too, and I accepted that.

"One night she brought liquor because we finished a deadline on research, we drank away, next thing we knew, we were fine. She was probably the only person who listened to me and my ideas...I miss that."

Krista took a chocolate for herself, sitting on the edge of the desk, feeling it melt in her mouth.

"She was the better half of Ymir, the kind that everyone's going to look back to and smile. To be truthful, Ymir is one of those people will go quiet about or willing to talk smack of. I always saw Ilse as the version that actually cared about people, she had a passion, see? She was a tad bit crazy, always trying new things and testing them out, but only she had the piece of mind to be careful about people- her resolve to overcome morality only comes when Ymir is in danger."

"I always hear of Ilse," she recalled,"no matter where I go, people had good things to say, or I see how she was to them-she was someone everyone depended on." Krista chewed the remainder of the chocolate. "I only saw her from afar on the ground floor. Saw her with Ymir, laughing or saying something while Ymir fumed, never thought much of it, but she was a lot to everyone."

Krista threw the wrapper to the trash can.

"Sometimes with how everyone talks, I feel like she'll come around the corner and introduce herself... I wish I knew her for myself."

Hanji found herself frowning. "You'd love to have meet her...I'd say you'd may have even preferred her over Ymir, though that's my preference. Those two have been through a lot on their end, though Ymir went through worse, she wasn't the favorite in the family and poor Ilse just watched the worst of the world happen to her. One thing she always wanted to do was make-up to her, which was why she enlisted them both. Ymir mentioned one day she wanted in on the Program, Ilse made it possible."

Krista stood back up but didn't look away from her. She went to Hanji, pulling her into a hug, breathing in the smell of Kaiju and something else. She couldn't place her finger on it.

"I won't compare to our brilliant duo, but I'm more than happy to talk about Jaegers. I've been working on them since I got here. I'd even mind to learn a thing or two from the Kaiju." She pulled away, grabbing another chocolate, unwrapping it and forcing it into Hanji's mouth with a smile. "Friends do that, right?"

When Krista hugged her, Hanji feverishly laughed.

"That sounds very fun, though I don't think Ymir would want me hanging around you too much, she gets possessive from Ilse said. I appreciate your thoughtfulness though. Maybe...I could get Ymir to hang with us if we do, Ymir has her moments of brilliance too."

"If you promise me to not abduct my wife from her bed for experiments, I will be fine with that." Krista withdrew from Hanji. "Ymir has nothing to be upset about. The worst thing you could do is lace these chocolate."

She looked at the sweets warily.

"Which I hope you did not," she was joking. Just a bit. Ok maybe not really. She threw the rest of the wrappers away, trying not to think about the fact she might've preferred Ilse. It was a strange notion she'd rather not humor. "I have to go find my Langnar now before she gets herself in trouble. I will see you around."

"See you."

-...-

Ymir had picked a fight with Reiner once more, this time it was in public. It was a rare spectacle as it had been months since she fought him. She rounded him in the face with her fist, ignoring the pain. She had to let some steam out. Reiner groaned and stumbled over, falling back but he was pushed up by the crowd as they gathered.

"Langnar! Braun!" Came a shout. It was Erwin, he easily dispelled the situation, the two Rangers stepped up in attention, Reiner's lip busted. "Now both of you...I don't care who started it, Braun, you know that Langnar is injured."

"She started it, sir!"

"Again. I do not care. Out of my sights, now, I'm letting you off with a warning."

Ymir spat to the ground, her cheek bruised as well. She flipped Reiner off and found Krista. "Oh, hey."

Krista easily found her way to Ymir, hearing the cheers of the crowd. She even saw a few of her old workers siding with Ymir. Loyal as ever.

"Ymir," she addressed her, then she gave Erwin a curt nod before grabbing Ymir by her arm.

Ymir smiled lopsidedly.

"I swear to God," Krista loudly chided, "if you keep this up, I will wrap you in bubble wrap and a helmet. I will confine your hands in fuzzy pillows if I have to...poor Reiner..."

She gave one look over her shoulder. She recalled beating him when she was angry and how he got a broken nose after. Sure, she didn't care too much for him, but he was always the unfortunate one to find the two at the wrong time.

"You've gone and broke his nose again."

Ymir wiped away the blood from her knuckles. "Nah, he just needed facial reconstruction."


	16. Chapter 16

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: October 26 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1200

Hanji had called them up, confirming that their test could take place. She had set them up in an unused room on the far end of the Shatterdome; it was fairly large, void of windows. Two seats sat next to a large piece of machinery, by the looks of it, it was a spare mock-up of the Jaeger's cock-pit. Hanji had her own station a few feet away from them, screens bright and at the ready to monitor them.

"Sit over in one of those, put the headpiece on," Hanji instructed. She pointed at the screen that was placed in front of the chairs. "Once you are in the Drift, neural sensors in your helmets will project a feint image of what you see in the Drift- this will be your Jaeger. As you think, I want you to listen to my orders to produce simple images, as long as you two can create them, you will be fine."

"So it's one of those things they use in medicine, you hook up wires to your brain and you see what your mind is thinking."

Hanji nodded, they went to their respective places.

Krista sat in and prepped herself for Hanji's testing.

She hoped that Ymir's way of healing would work. She didn't want her to hallucinate anymore.

Ymir was already dealing with a world of problems. One less would help. Krista knew it would.

"Ready," she announced to Hanji.

"Initiating Neural Handshake, it'll sting a bit," Hanji warned.

"Sting? Why would it- ah!" Ymir was shot with an electric pulse, she could already tell that this was an older version of the Drift machines, she convulsed for a moment and drew in sharp breaths, soon the pain ebbed away and she was back to her memories, floating aimlessly, her thoughts traveled here and there, showing on the screen was a mess, a muddle of images flashing by.

Krista hissed as she clawed the chair's arms. She could feel the electrical charge stab through her limbs, causing her leg to shake. But just like that she plunged into the familiar, soothing waters of the Drift.

The Drift pulled them in everywhere, nowhere.

"Krista?" Ymir asked timidly.

"Ymir," Krista responded as she waded through her memories. A lot were on the figments named Ilse. Some were random but she focused on Ilse, because that was the reoccurring problem.

A lot of their memories passed by. Ymir found herself thinking of Ilse as well, both their minds drawing out a feint image of her on the screen. Eventually however, almost like it was out of the movie of the Ring, the woman slowly crawled out of it and materialized in front of them, Ymir's eyes were drawn to stare at her.

"Left Hemisphere calibrated, Right Hemisphere calibrated, both of you are in synchronization," Hanji announced, she took careful notes on how long it took for them to reach that point. She clearly spoke out,"Ymir Langnar, on the screen I want you to imagine a set of numbers and letters, A-Z and 0-9, picture your name, date of birth, and social security number."

Ymir nodded, her mind forming letters though it looked like Ilse was the one drawing them out- she turned her back to them and, like she was holding a marker, she drew them out, one by one.

Ilse spoke to her,"I'm glad you're smart enough to get help, idiot." She sighed. "You've grown a lot, hadn't you?"

Once she was done, Hanji went over to them. Ilse turned her head to face her, she smiled softly to her but Hanji ignored her, she checked the screen and approved of it. She then went back to her station.

"Erase that." Ilse wiped her hand on the screen, it became a blank white screen. "Krista Lenz, imagine the same thing, only with your name, date of birth, and social security number."

Krista immediately set to task with Hanji's order. It came easily to her as she closed her eyes and focused on it.

Ilse drew out the last number. Everything was being written in their respective handwriting, not Ilse's.

Hanji went back again, checked Krista's information, and nodded. "You guys are doing well." She stayed this time, seeing that they were stable. Ilse went close to her, watching her, Ymir felt something tug but she tried to ignore it. Hanji jotted something down in her notes. "Alright, I want you two to draw...draw the Jaeger Program's insignia."

"Sure thing," Ilse replied, she popped out her pen once again and started drawing rapidly onto the screen. Within minutes, she finished, the entire thing was a near perfect replica. "C'mon, pick something harder."

"Erase that." Ilse's hand was wiping it away. "Now...draw a Jaeger..."

This went on for an hour, the maximum exposure time for being in the Drift that Hanji would allow. Once they were done, they disconnected properly, something that they were hoping to achieve. It ended with Ymir having an easier grasp on reality. Hanji approached Ymir once more, checking her eyes.

"Anything you feel?" Hanji asked.

"No, I'm good...feels better though."

While Hanji went to look at the other eye, Ilse had disappeared, just like the Drift. "Hm...no abnormalities. You two are free to leave. Same place in three days. Rest up."

-...-

It was late into the night as Krista sat on the couch, drinking coffee and typing up her report to Erwin. This month was riddled with Hanji's experiment to heal Ymir from her hallucinations, but other than that it was clean compared to most.

Ymir was long gone in her sleep. Krista would've been with her if her hormones weren't still raging.

The sounds of the keyboard clicking and clacking filled the otherwise silence of the apartment. Krista sat down her coffee mug on the table and leaned back.

A movement. Krista jolted upwards and looked to the side.

"Ymir?"

Only the lamp was on the end table near the couch. She could see the silhouette of her lover.

"Hey." she gave a small smile, closing the laptop. "I was just abou-"

It wasn't Ymir.

Ilse sauntered over to her- she was dressed similarly to Ymir, though more of a cleaner ragged appearance. She stood at the same height as her, gray eyes kinder than Ymir's, form less heavily build- she was simply tall and lanky; her hair was shorter than Ymir's, it flowed out freely. Though the only difference was that she actually smiled warmly, it was genuine, caring.

She sat herself down in front of her. "You're the Krista I see pervading my sister's memories, eh? Funny to see you with clothes on for once. How're you? I'm Ilse Langnar, former Head of the Design Team for the Los Angeles Shatterdome and once a Ranger." She went into her pockets and pulled out a chocolate kiss. "Chocolate?"

They were right when they said she was a lot like Ymir. She was surprised they weren't twins of some sort. Then again, it wasn't that they looked familiar that was causing her alarm.

"No." She rubbed her eyes, gulping more of her coffee down, but Ilse was still right there.

It was truly like she was there. Not easily distinguished as a hallucination. If Krista didn't know about Ilse, she would've thought a relative of Ymir's magically popped up here.

"No," she held her head in her hands.

"Don't deny that I'm here. I've been watching Ymir's progress over the while, or at least she pretends I do, coping thing," Ilse tried to explain to her, she sat herself right next to her but kept her distance. "Don't panic, I won't hurt you, I'm just here because...you're merging into the Drift. When you ran the test with her, her condition passed on to you. Don't worry, I'm the strongest figment, the others aren't going to come to you because you aren't heavily tied to them as Ymir is to me."

Ilse opened the wrappings and ate her chocolate.

"Nice to talk to someone who can see me, other than Ymir."

Krista tried to ignore Ilse as best as she could, but her presence was hard to brush off.

It was a hallucination. Nothing else. The couch didn't even give way when she sat down.

"I'm practically talking to myself if I talk to you," Krista was quiet, fearing that Ymir would wake up and find out. "Does that mean I took the problem from her, or do we both share you now?"

She glanced over at Ilse. She was calm looking. Ymir always had a tension to her, but Ilse was something else. Grey eyes, gentle, and serene in her position. As if everything was right in the world, except for her sister.

"You guys share me, though the more she learns to control herself, she can control the Drift. I won't go away though," Ilse sighed, she relaxed against the cushions. "I'm just one of those things, soon she'll be able to command when I can and can't appear."

She smiled though.

"Gotta hand it to you, I was always afraid about what'd happen to her after I left. You're doing well, Ymir could be a child sometimes but she's just scared. Think of her like a puppy, haha..."

Krista listened.

It was strange to hear her voice. Ymir's memories of her were very faint. Whenever Ilse opened her mouth only a soft mumur of something would come.

"I already know," she said in regards of Ymir.

She was a child and puppy combined. One minute she's being a brat and not wanting anything to do with anyone then she's crawling into her lap, begging to be held and petted.

Krista smiled at that imagery.

"Hanji misses you a lot," she said, looking at Ilse. The apartment was so quiet.

"I know she does," Ilse softly told her,"I told her I'd be fine in there. I didn't imagine that to happen. Science is a fucked up thing, that's why I loved it. Say, when you see her, give her a bunch of chocolates, would you? And Ymir, give her those too...she hates sweets, but she'll take it if it's her favorite kind, Ferrero Rocher to be exact."

"I don't think that'd be a wise idea," Krista frowned, then sighed,"I don't plan to tell her how I came to figure her favorite chocolate."

If Ymir knew what was going on, she'd probably feel guilty. And Hanji might feel worse about it.

Ilse merely shrugged, then she reached into her pockets and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, she started smoking.

"Y'know, Ymir's got a surprise for you. Behind the headboard is a binder, if you open it, I think you'll cry in surprise...though she's been working hard on it, don't look in there." In life, Ilse was a tease, in death or the Drift, that never changed. "Really, don't.

"A surprise? Why'd you tell me anything at all," Krista frowned. "It better not be like the drawer type of surprise." Krista remembered the first time she looked in there and how she about died from embarrassment. She shook her head with a soft laugh. "God."

"Very far from that," Ilse chuckled. "...there's a bunch of BSDM stuff under her bed, have fun with that knowledge, pretty sure you can dupe her into thinking you were cleaning and you found it. Ymir is smart but she does have her stupid moments."

"BDSM? Like chains and whips?" She was still giggling. That was strange but she didn't put it past Ymir to be into that. She liked it very rough and seemed to become shy like a little girl when Krista became dominant.

'So...what were you typing up in there? Reports on Ymir? Yeah, I did that too. Real boring stuff. Every time she screwed up, I had to run left and right to clean up her stuff. It's been like that since we were kids. Y'know, she electrocuted an entire horse once? It was quite...shocking."

Krista had to hold in her laughter at the stupid joke, but it slipped. She covered her mouth to muffle it. She was always a sucker for stupid puns.

"Mmm," Krista cleared her throat from the laughter that was still bubbling,"yeah. Reports. She's been getting better."

She couldn't help but crack a smile at the dumb joke.

"...I like puns," Ilse deadpanned.

She was halfway through her cigarette.

"But yeah, the BDSM, she's been into that. She has this...really twisted kink of being controlled by someone. As in, she likes being dominated, she won't admit that but if you want to get her squirming, that's the ticket- walked in on her once, pretty interesting set up she had. Overall, just...get her on her knees or something." She shuddered. "Not enough bleach in the world can undo what I've seen that girl do."

Krista gave more giggles at the fact Ilse had walked in on her with another girl. Her jealousy was easing out of her life now that Ymir was soon to be all hers.

"I've had a guess she liked being dominated," she mentioned, "with the way I tease her. I guess we'll see on our wedding night."

Oh.

She had almost forgotten why she was up in the first place. She shifted on the couch, crossing her legs.

"I think we would've been good friends," she smiled. If Ilse did bad puns all the time, Krista would've gravitated towards her instantly. They were just so-

Krista laughed some more.

"I like making friends," Ilse stated,"Ymir is...well, was, she used to be dreadfully shy. She used to stammer and fidget around..."

Her tone grew somber.

"...then she met up with one person, she wasn't the same after that. Just turned into a bitch in the fallout. I kinda miss her being a charmer to people, it was fun teasing her that way. Now she just goes about in people's personal spaces, gets into their faces about things, nice big lovely ego- damn, you have no idea how many times I smacked her for that."

Ilse looked thoughtful for a moment.

"It's good she found someone like you."

"I wish you were still around," Krista looked at the floor. Here she was, talking to a figment of her imagination. If this was what it meant to be mentally unstable it wasn't nearly as bad as they made it seem. "Ymir misses you. Hanji misses you. Sometimes, I feel like I'm only filler for where you used to be. I can't do everything like how you do. Hanji speaks...well, very scientific. I try to keep up but I can't. I know she wishes I was you. And Ymir, I don't say the right things sometimes. I think she also wishes you were around."

She stopped and cleared her throat. The light mood left as she was contemplating why she was even talking to Ilse.

"I doubt I'd even be with Ymir if you were alive, though," she finally said. "She wouldn't have given me the time or day. And I doubt I'd ever get the spot as a Jaeger pilot."

She gave a small smile.

"I wonder if it would've been better for Ymir and Hanji if it was that way."

"One can only dream," Ilse longingly told her. "We'd bag in more kills than anyone, we'd be famous, rich, and so on. I'd be with Hanji, making more weapons and exploiting the Kaiju...then Ymir, even though we'd get out of doing time, she'd actually grow worse. People fawn over those with money and power, Ymir would move on, fall for someone, get hurt, so forth- it's horrible, what those people did to her. Using her, leaving her, all she wanted was someone.

"If you weren't here, she wouldn't be able to trust anyone, she'd be a paranoid mess, and she'd probably opt out in the middle of the next problem she would get herself into."

She reached over to her and patted her on the head.

"Enough was enough when I killed that girl- I couldn't stand watching anyone hurt her. It was enough we had our family to deal with, but for others that she trusted to use her? I hate that. I didn't enjoy taking a life. Don't worry, I can't kill you, I'm dead."

Krista listened to Ilse's response, but still felt a little hopeless. Either way, things would've been with fault.

"I'm not worried about you killing me," she rolled her eyes. She didn't feel the pat on her head at all. Just a figment. Krista had to keep reminding herself. She stood up, packing the laptop under her arm. "Don't show up any other time except when I'm alone."

She might as well try start exerting some rules to test whether it follows rules or not. She went to walk away but something pulled in her stomach.

"I guess...I will be seeing you." She left to the bedroom where Ymir was sleeping.

If Ymir knew...what would she do?

Krista didn't know and she wouldn't.

Ymir couldn't know.

"Good night then, you have better control than Ymir, you'll see me less," Ilse told her, she was gone when Krista turned away from her.

Ymir was still asleep, though she cracked her eye open when she heard the door open. She slowly sat up, she rubbed her eyes, muttering,"Get to bed with me, I'm getting cold."

Krista put the laptop down by her side of the bed. She threw off her shirt till she was only in a sport's bra and shorts. She slid into bed and pulled Ymir close to her, holding her from behind.

"Go back to bed," she kissed her back.

She yawned and turned around, holding her close as she brought them down to lay. She wrapped her arms around her, hugging her like a pillow- she dragged her thigh over and pressing it between Krista's legs. She smirked against her, muttering,"Trying to get comfortable," she her hand went to the small of her back to trace light circles.

Krista tensed when she felt Ymir's leg go between her thighs. It was close but it didn't go any further.

To top it off, her hand was on her lower back, coaxing her to do something about it.

"Comfortable," Krista mocked. She tried her best to not do anything, remembering the bet, but it didn't mean she could punish Ymir for it.

She leaned foward, scraping her teeth against Ymir's pulse point.

"Be good," she sighed and pulled away. Just when she thought she had enough time to cool down.

Half-asleep, she tiredly laughed, though she wasn't stopping.

"I don't feel like being good though." She lightly scrapped her nails along her skin, laughing hard in her head. She shifted her knee a bit harder. "I heard it's possible just to get off while grinding on someone's knee."

Krista shifted, trying to ensure that knee stayed well below its desired target.

"You would know," she recalled their first time together. Ymir rode her well into their second round.

Krista brought Ymir closer to latch back onto her pulse point. Her hands went down to the back of her thighs, squeezing.

"You would also know," she bit down deeply, "that you're being an ass."

"Maybe I do," Ymir murmured, she moved her leg again, this time actually getting to her. She rolled her eyes back, loving her biting along her skin, she smiled again and then pressed her palm against her back, forcing her down harder against her knee. "Oh no, my hand slipped, what ever are you to ever do?"

She made sure Krista couldn't move any further away.

Krista gasped and held her hips from grinding against her leg. She squirmed but Ymir was always the strongest one out of them.

Krista felt the arousal flush against her body.

"Ymir," she quickly flipped them until she was on top of her, still in Ymir's grasp.

Her hand immediately shot between Ymir's legs. She cupped Ymir and roughly rubbed her index and middle up and down where her clothed slit was.

"I thought we were going to wait till our wedding night," she hummed, taking control of the situation. She leaned forward, biting Ymir's bottom lip carefully, daring her to do anything more.

Her heart skipped a beat and her breath hitched up into broke laughter, she playfully nipped at top lip in turn. She pushed the envelope further, wondering if Krista was serious, which she was, but Ymir loved playing with fire. Her knee rubbed harder against her, trying to set her ablaze. She found herself lifting her hips up against her hand, her knee gave way and she placed her leg down.

"You know I hate waiting. The whole thing is set in a month, I don't wanna wait another month."

Krista this time was surprised at Ymir.

She withdrew her teeth and gently sucked on Ymir's bottom lip.

"We came this far, no pun intended," she laughed, but it faded into an unexpected moan when Ymir's leg shifted into her. She could feel Ymir rubbing against her fingers. "I think we should wait."

She quickened the rough rub against Ymir's sex to provoke. She pulled her hand away and glanced down at Ymir.

"It will be worth it," she promised.

She smugly snorted. "Fine."

She leaned up to kiss her again.

* * *

Date: November 30 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 1200

Krista was rubbing her arms, feeling the sting of the faint electricity. It was getting cold, too, but it was also getting closer and closer to their wedding.

They were back in the room for what was hopefully the nearing end of Ymit's treatment, Ymir back to sitting in her chair being hooked to the machine. They had initiated the Drift and already Ilse was back in the room with them. They managed to get through the session without a single problem, and they were dismissed promptly with Hanji commenting,"You really are improving well, Ymir. I think just three more sessions and you should be done."

Ymir nodded, though she had a neutral expression, she was utterly relieved.

"Have the hallucinations been happening lately?"

"Less frequently," Ymir said as she, for a brief moment, looked past Hanji's shoulder to see Ilse waving at her and then disappearing. "Much less. You'll get your time soon."

When she heard the hallucinations were less, Krista smiled and went around to hug Ymir's arm.

"Soon everything will be fine," she lowered her hands to Ymir's and held it.

Ymir held her hand back and led her out onto the floor. "So...is this going to be a big wedding or a small one?"

Krista held onto Ymir as people were growing excited with the coming wedding. The days were closing down.

"The Shatterdome is practically our family," she waved at familiar faces. "I thought we'd let the whole place join in?"

She glanced up at Ymir.

A flash.

She turned to see someone run away with a camera. It wasn't the first time that someone sneaked in to take pictures.

"Yeah, sure," Ymir said distantly.

During the past month she had undergone physical therapy, regaining her strength to an extent. She found herself taking off, giving chase to who took the picture. Her burst of speed surprised their paparazzi, and when she rounded a corner and hurdled over an engine's pump that two crew members were carrying, she sprinted on.

Eventually she caught up to her prey, pinning him down and turning him around.

"Connie, you little shit!" Ymir yelled.

Krista flailed after Ymir, begging mercy for the unknown culprit. Once she caught up, she found it was none one better than their suit support Connie.

"Connie," Krista breathed with a sigh relief that his face wasn't bashed in. "Why don't you just ask?"

"I-I just want to keep people updated!"

"So you're the one who made the blog?!"

He nodded frantically.

"...not bad." She let him up and offered him a hand, he took it, but then she flicked him on the forehead. "For some ungodly reason, my mailbox for the Shatterdome is over flooding with people sending early wedding gifts- did you give that too!?"

"Maybe..."

Krista went over to remove Ymir's hands off of him.

Ymir rolled her eyes, sighing in exasperation. "Good god, Connie."

Krista frowned at learning he was the one who leaked their mailing address.

"Connie, someone can send creepy stuff!" She scolded him before helping him off the ground.

"Tell me about it, we've gotten at least twenty Bad Dragons, that's near two grand worth of toys," Ymir huffed.

He feebly smiled at her, the two of them sighed, they decided to let it go.

"Do you want a better picture?" Krista offered after a moment.

Connie laughed sheepishly. "If that's not much of a problem."

Ymir reached out to Krista, reluctantly wanting to get this over with. They posed, Connie snapped a picture and thanked them, he went off. Ymir shook her head. "How that man got in here, I will never know."

"Sort of cute, who would've guessed." She held Ymir's hand as the woman walked on, getting her cigarettes out. She tried to put on an air of mystery but giggled it off. "Maybe Sasha is involved, too." .

"I feel like going to see the horse, wanna come with?"

"Sure." It wasn't like there was much else to do.

They went out to the docks, the workers made accommodations for her horse to make sure he was comfortable where he was. She pushed aside a gate and walked in, immediately he came over to her and she pat him, smiling warmly. "You're a good boy, huh? Yeah, you're a good boy."

He nickered happily and nibbled on her hair affectionately.

Krista watched from the gate.

Whenever Ymir was near her horse a softer side always came out of her. It was enjoyable to watch from a distance. If she came any closer, she was afraid it'd break the sentiment Ymir was showing.

"He's always happy to see you," she was smiling as she went and strode by Ymir carefully. She was still shy since the last time he was startled and made her fall off the dock.

"Put your hand on his head, he likes that," she told her, she pushed his face away and had him stand quietly.

Krista lifted her hand where Ymir instructed and gently petted him. She watched him closely, uncertain he would be startled.

"He's fine with you," Ymir chuckled,"I'm gonna ride him when we get married."

She led Krista away from him and went to the storage shed where all the equipment was stashed. She saddled him up within minutes and managed to haul herself up onto his back; her injuries were bearable nowadays. She walked him around in his makeshift arena, getting the feel of riding his back relieved so much stress from her.

Krista left to distance herself with the fence. She didn't want to be in Ymir's way, or the horse's most importantly.

"Where to?" She asked.

Ymir was happy up on her horse, riding him to and fro. Krista wondered why she didn't do more often.

Krista smiled, content with just watching.

"Just down the alter or something," Ymir laughed, she got him into a trot and had him doing circles for a bit. She went on like this and, after having done him work, she got off of him and removed the equipment, content with her job. There was something about that animal that she loved, the fact that it was almost like being in the Drift though it couldn't compare.

She left him in his stall and went up to Krista to hold her.

"What plans do you have today?"

She kissed her forehead.

Krista leaned into her embrace when she was done riding her horse.

"I have to go to the appointment with the wedding planner. She's going to be sending out invitations. Choosing the cards, lettering, and even all the way to the format." As boring as it sounded, she was really interested on how much you could really plan for a wedding. At first she thought it wasn't too bad-seating arrangement and dresses. But then, like out of nowhere, all these smaller things tackled her. Color of tablecloth, flowers, cake, cake topper, and even to the silly napkins.

"How about you?" She leaned up, leaving kisses up and down Ymir's jaw.

"Sit around and drink...I got my suit done," Ymir told her, it was just a flat out lie.

"I'm sure you'd look handsome in it." she kissed Ymir on the lips.

When Krista was busy working on Titan, Ymir sneaked off to get her commission done. At the moment, it was near the end of the process, much to her quiet pleasure. She never showed Krista the supposed "suit" she got, and she was thankful she never asked for it.

"This wedding stuff, it's so much, never knew it'd be so detailed with that...often times I think it just happens by itself."

Krista smiled.

"I know, I thought the same, but now I'm the one doing it all." She hinted her displeasure with a slight slap on Ymir's ass. "Don't worry about it." she sincerely laughed. "I'm sure you'd punch the planner for making plans for so many...trivial things. Napkins. Seriously." She shook her head. "I will be back who knows when. I'm sure there's more than just invitations to look at."

She hesitantly withdrew.

"Alright then..." Ymir watched her leave, and when she was gone she made a beeline for the truck. She immediately took off to get at her appointment, and when she arrived, Mika greeted her. "Hey, is it done?"

He nodded to her and led her to the back past all the other dresses, as he did so, he commented,"Your dress was rather unique...very impressive and surprising that you made it. Had you ever thought of taking up dress making?"

Ymir shrugged. "Once, yeah, but I like drawing rather than making."

She walked on, unknowing that Nanaba was there- she never recognized her so she never bothered to hide that she was at the bridal store getting her dress done.

-...-

Krista took a taxi to the place. As soon as she was inside she was ushered to decide 'important' matters of invitations, napkins, table cloth, and different shades of red for the roses.

-...-

Nanaba was helping her brother Mike with customers. There was a substantial rise in customers once they heard of Krista's involvement. Nanaba saw someone in the corner of her eye that wasn't wearing pastels like most girls here. Thinking Krista was nearby, she went over to Ymir.

"Hey." She made her way over to only realize the blonde wasn't anywhere nearby.

She frowned.

"Where's Krista? Aren't you picking up her dress?"

She raised an eyebrow at Ymir.

"Oh," She realized that Ymir might not know who she was. "I am Nanaba, one of Krista's crew members. She might've told you about me?" She gave a bigger smile.

"Um..."

Shit, she knew Krista.

"...sort of," Ymir admitted, she kept on following Mike but Nanaba trailed after her. "Actually, not at all, she never mentioned you. Nice meeting one of her friends."

Mike led her to the fitting room, she sat down and kept her cool. She hoped that the woman didn't tell Krista about the dress, she really hoped not. Else the surprise would be ruined.

Nanaba followed Mike.

"I can take care of her Mike. I know her." She waved her brother off as she took the clipboard with information. She read the measurements and realized it wasn't her dress at all.

It was a custom one.

"Oh."

She frowned, reading more to only realize Krista kept the dress Nanaba helped her pick out after all. Relief immediately went over her.

"Here I thought Krista lied about the dress I helped her pick out," she laughed, going to retrieve Ymir's dress, but there was an emptiness to her laugh. Once she returned it was with the said dress. "I didn't realize you both were wearing one."

She mentioned, giving it to Ymir.

Ymir looked it over as it was placed on a mannequin, she inspected every part of it well, satisfied with the details. As Nanaba spoke, she couldn't help but pick up something about her, something she didn't like. And dawned on her that during the Drift, she remembered knowing Krista's moments with her.

Her eyes glazed with indifference, she spoke calmly as though nothing was known about the woman,"I'd prefer it being a surprise. She's been begging me to wear a dress but I kept saying it was a suit."

She decided it was time she wore it.

"Help me into it, yeah?" Ymir said.

Nanaba nodded.

"I will keep it a secret. I'm sure she'd love it."

Nanaba carefully took the dress off the mannequin and brought it to Ymir.

"She kept talking about. Seeing her all giddy over it makes it hard to say no, right?" She laughed, remembering Krista getting excited. She made sure the dress went on smoothly.

Once it was on, Nanaba gave a nod to Ymir.

"It looks good. Who designed it?" She smiled. "Krista would love it..."

Her voice trailed off before shaking her head.

"You know, since I met her, she never looked happy so happy the day she told me. It must be nice to be getting married."

Her eyes were distant.

"Yeah, that won me over to get this thing."

She slid it on after she wore the specially designed corset for it. She was satisfied with herself that it fit her so well, she loved her handiwork but not the hands that were helping her.

"I designed it myself," she said, taking pride in her complement.

"You did a fantastic job. I'm surprised you weren't a dress designer before."

"Never had the patience to make it." Ymir chuckled, she went on. "Who else wouldn't be so happy to get married? It's a rather big thing in people's lives." She found the dress fitting her well, she walked in front of the mirror, her mouth curled into a slight smile, imagining how Krista would react. "She really would love it...it's her taste after all, all those fantasy books she reads."

Nanaba nodded approvingly.

"Oh, she reads fantasy? I always saw her reading in her downtime. Didn't want to bother her."

"She does," Ymir agreed with her, no more alterations were needed on the dress; overall, it was done.

Nanaba's smile was wavering. It was as if every time she spoke with Ymir she saw her own chances at Krista had left. If she had just asked about her book, maybe it would've been different. "Did you meet Krista before the Jaeger program?"

Nanaba knew the answer, but wanted to hear Ymir's opinion on their meeting. She recalled all the times Krista came down on the floor near tears because of fights or disagreements. Every time she saw her like that the more she felt bitter towards Ymir. The more she felt it was right to comfort her. The only time Krista didn't take kindly to her consoling was when she advised to stop fooling around with Ymir before they became an item. She never saw Krista become so tense till then.

"I was directly assigned to her team on my first day. I still recall getting lost and having Krista lead me back to the floor. It was pretty embarrassing."

Nanaba shook her head.

"When I learned she was the crew's leader, I was pretty surprised. I thought,_ 'a cute girl who's also in charge? This is outrageous'_. But, like I told her, the more I saw her as that the more it felt right. Krista is stubborn and determined enough to be a leader." Nanaba glanced at the wall as if recalling more memories. "She sure loves you."

Her mouth was in a smile but voice was distant with memories of what-ifs.

When it rang in her ears that Nanaba called Krista cute, it immediately set her off. She got the dress off with her help, then went to the stalls to change, she came back out, smoothing out her jacket and tucking her hands in her pockets.

She eyed Nanaba as she was folding her dress.

"Never met her before she became a Ranger, I saw her a couple times before on the work floor, she's always stumbling around, thought of her as a klutz. Other than that, never met her much at all. At first glance I'd thought her as a bumbling idiot, but that's different now."

It was slowly coming back to her, Ilse had worked part time with this woman before- nothing ill was spoken of her; now that she met her in person, she didn't like what she was hearing from her.

Nanaba was busy preparing the dress to be put back in its protective case when Ymir spoke to her. She frowned, not looking up at the dress. It was of expensive material and deserved her undivided attention.

She frowned at Ymir's first opinion on Krista.

"She was always kind to us. I thought she was a wonderful person under the conditions she was given. She came from a rough background, I'm sure you know. It's nice, maybe a little inspiring, to see her come so far from her home town." Nanaba knew she was stepping over some boundaries that she should had not, but hearing Ymir's opinions made her blood boil. Krista was always good to her, making sure she was fed and not under too much strain. "I'm surprised you got with her if that was your first opinion of her."

Nanaba tried to laugh but it came out as a shot instead. She gave Ymir the dress.

"Sorry, that came out a lot ruder than I meant." The apology was shallow as she looked Ymir in the eyes, trying to find reason why Ymir wanted Krista. Not one good thing was said about Krista this whole time.

Why marry someone who cared little about you?

"I'm pretty sure that came out as it meant, just like how I say she was a bumbling idiot."

To Ymir, Nanaba was pressing all of her buttons. When she tread in dark waters about Krista's background, she knew that the woman knew nothing of the girl. Absolutely nothing. What Nanaba saw every day was an illusion, a depressing, false illusion that everyone fell for. Everyone but Ymir. In truth, Ymir was all about provocation.

She thrived off of it.

And seeing someone below her lose the very thing she now had, she couldn't help but kick the dead horse. Ymir held onto her package, happy to have seen how fate was slowly destroying someone.

"Y'know, it's not uncommon for people to speak so fondly of Krista but it's uncommon for them to elevate her like she's above everything. Kind of makes you wonder, eh?"

"She was not ever a bumbling idiot." Nanaba held her temper under control but her eyes were blazing. She saw Ymir's smugness for all it was worth. How could Krista fall for someone who was such a...bitch.

Nanaba saw the trap for what it was. She smiled while looking Ymir in the eyes.

"I hope your dress is satisfactory."

"Oh, it's perfect though not as much as Krista is for me."

She was about to leave the dressing room, but she felt off. She couldn't leave without saying anything till now.

"Y'know," she gave a mock tone,"it's a surprise she wants to marry you. From what I've seen...you're nothing good at all. Just what like everyone says." Nanaba was tired of this Ymir bitch. She turned back around with a glare. "In fact, I don't think you deserve her at all."

Ah, there we go.

Ymir couldn't help but snicker. "I'm not good for anyone because I don't need their opinions to validate who I am. If you had so much as a spine to even breathe the same air as her, we wouldn't be speaking to one another this way. Now...I've been at where you stand now, so I have to applaud you for actually taking action. So good job for you saying I don't deserve her!"

Damn, she was on a roll.

"I suggest you don't mess with me, else you'd know why those people say that."

She smiled, feeling so sadistic and damn, this was better than throwing punches.

Nanaba gritted her teeth at Ymir, but knew she was also known for starting fights. She respected Mike more than a senseless fight. Krista wouldn't want them to fight, she knew she wouldn't.

"Whatever." Nanaba opened the changing room door. She quickly left it without another word and out to the back door. She quickly lit a cigarette and began smoking as she took out her phone.

The anger from earlier was multiplying as she wanted no better than to turn around and punch Ymir.

She found a contact number and quickly dialed it.

The phone rang and went to the voicemail. Nanaba was going to close her phone, but didn't.

She dialed it again and this time the familiar voice picked up.

"Nanaba," her voice was soft, sweet, and kind. It soothed Nanaba hearing, but she wouldn't let Ymir's actions go unnoticed.

"I'm sort of busy right now. Wedding preparations."

A stab through her heart.

"Is there an emergency?"

"I don't think you should marry her, Krista." What a good introduction.

"What?" There was murmuring on the otherside as Krista excused herself from something.

"Nanaba, what are you even saying? I know...I Know you felt something, but...I-"

"Do you know what she really thought of you, Krista? She came up to Mike's and I asked how you guys met, trying to see what she thought of you, and she said you were a bumbling idiot? Does that sound like someone who loves you? I told her you were kind and good to us all on the ground floor, and she laughed! She said you didn't deserve that sort of attention and stuff! Is that really someone you want to marry? Do you even know what else she says?" Nanaba threw her cigarette on the ground, stamping it out.

"Krista, please, listen to me-she doesn't sound like she cares! S-"

"Nanaba. This conversation is over."

_ Click!_

Nanaba stared at her phone. She threw it back in her pocket, running a hand through her hair.

"Fuck!"

-...-

"Miss Lenz," the wedding planner looked at her with a frown.

"Oh. Yes? Sorry," Krista felt herself tremble but forced a smile.

"I don't want to make it a hassle, but we do have limited time. We really need to get through more of these," she presented the napkins and their fabric and folding styles.

"Right," Krista sighed, looking at what was offered.

A bumbling idiot, huh.

Not worthy of praise.

Krista frowned.

-...-

Ymir let out a slight snort in her throat. Oh dear, oh dear. She went up to Mike, gave him the transaction, and then left for her truck. She spotted Nanaba but didn't even bother to stop by, she simply waited for the cars to pass as she lit her cigarette- she then drove off, not thinking much about her after that.

Another day ruined for some poor fuck...hm, when was the last time she did that?

She reflected her days back in high school when she had a quota to fill. Every morning, some stupid mother would drop her child off- Ymir would flip them off for the hell of it and drive on, nearly hitting the other students. Ah, good times.

She arrived at the apartment, Krista wasn't home so she had time to hide her dress away. She then sat down on the couch with some beer and smoked, killing time as usual. After three hours, Krista finally arrived home.

"Hey," Ymir greeted her, looking up.


	17. Chapter 17

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

A/N: Sorry for not updating. Everything will be on hold until I can get wifi at this new uni, I only have enough time to write updates for this fic due to the fic being written previously in an rp.

* * *

Krista went into the apartment and immediately went into the kitchen. Her patience was shot for the day. The wedding planner, despite Krista's protests that 'any' napkin or fork or spoon or stupid bag to hold candies in would do, kept forcing her to choose, saying it was the wedding of the 'century' and could not be overlooked.

She went into the fridge and found Ymir's beer, but that's not what she craved.

She saw vodka in the very back and went to mixing three shots with some juice. She sat at the table, nursing the bitter drink. What Nanaba had said to her along with the incessant amount of texts only drove her further up the wall. Here she was trying to balance a wedding and then reports on Ymir's condition, Ilse being dragged into reality during her down time, and now Nanaba telling her things she really didn't need to hear. Krista felt like she could almost snap.

She didn't say anything to Ymir, trying to remain calm and just relax. She kept her attention on the drink.

Ymir heard her slamming things around, surely Krista was pissed but Ymir remained quiet and shrugged, she focused on the television but then heard the clink of class and the heavy slam of her precious vodka. Damn, weddings must have been highly stressful, she heard advice from Levi to back away at all costs, and she followed that suggestion to the dot.

She quietly sipped, she was buzzed but not yet drunk. One more beer would do the trick.

Ymir yawned and stretched. Her mind reeled back to the bridal store- it occurred to her she saw Nanaba furiously texting.

She really had pushed the buttons indirectly, it was backfiring on her right now but she decided to wait it out.

Krista kept drinking quietly until she was gone. By now, her face was red and her head was becoming fuzzy. She went back into the kitchen to throw her cup away before realizing Ymir didn't even ask her what was wrong.

Krista retrieved the vodka bottle that barely had anything in it now. It was almost gone to begin with. Krista poured the rest in the glass and was going to grab the jui-oh whatever. She left without the juice and brought herself back to the table.

She took a sip and immediately almost gagged it back up.

She kept her mouth closed. She was a bumbling idiot that didn't deserve anything if she recalled. And that Ymir didn't exactly care for her when she was working her a** off to make this wedding work.

Krista glared at the glass and kept drinking till there was nothing left. Now she was seeing the room tilt here and there. Even Ilse was standing nearby.

"No," she barely said under her breath and felt herself slump forward in defeat.

Ymir's reports, keeping that a secret. Oh, and there was Nanaba making hell about what Ymir was saying behind her back. Oh, and the never-ending nightmare of the wedding. On top of Kaiju attacks.

She heard the scrapping of wood against wood from the chair, Ymir finally turned her head to see Krista slumped over. She couldn't tell if she passed out but she knew Krista's drunk state; she couldn't walk properly to save her life. Ymir got up and went to her, slightly staggering, but she was sober enough to operate. She approached her, telling her,"C'mon, let's get you to bed."

Ymir wrapped her arms around her waist and hauled her to her feet, she walked her down the hallway.

When drunk, things slip out. "Did Nanaba talk to you?"

"D-Don't touch me," Krista shrugged Ymir off, stumbling down the hallway. "I-I-I can at-le-least wal'muh'self."

She about fell short but kept staggering to their room. She heard Ymir's voice speak of Nanaba. She rolled her eyes.

"T-talk? S-she f-fu-cking gave me a speech! B-but I don't know what she said." Krista grabbed her bedtime shorts and sports bra.

Oh. Shit.

Three holes in that sports bra.

Which one did her head go in?

She had one in three odds to get it right.

"B-because I'mma bubmb-a-a bumling-bumbling! Hah! Bumbling idiot, remember?" Krista yelled loudly, forgetting of neighboring apartments.

She struggled with slipping out of her clothes till she was naked. She squirmed into her sport's bra and got into her shorts.

"Why."

She stopped, looking at herself.

"I-I am not tired!"

She marched back to the hallway.

"Out of my way!" She cried as she passed Ymir and went back to the living room, huffing on the couch.

She was an idiot. Stupid. Not worth of praise! Doing all this hard work for nothing! Nobody thought she was making the right decision!

Krista pawed away at any stray tears.

"Bumbling idiot, hm?" Ymir followed her around, keeping watch over her. Instead of going onto the same couch, she sat on the on perpendicular. "She asked me on what my opinion was when we first met, and you know I'm truthful- you were a bumbling idiot but that's changed now."

Her mind was too relaxed or slow to lash out at her, she didn't want to.

"S-so you don't even hide it!" Krista gawked. "H-here I am, runnin' around and doin' all this hard work...and-and-and you say I am an idiot!"

Krista fell over on the couch, trying to process everything in her head. Ilse was in the kitchen, or something. She forgot where she was at all.

"S-so Nanan-Naba-s***...Na-na-ba," she spelled out her name, "s'right."

Krista felt tears fall down her face.

"I-I'm just your idiot!" She cried more, sobbing loudly.

Ymir nodded slowly,"You're my idiot, no one else's."

Ilse was standing at the kitchen, shaking her head disapprovingly.

"B-but I don't want to be!" Krista kept bawling into the seat cushion, she whined,"I-I want to be good enough...I-I want to be your wife, bu-but-but not just any! A goot'wife. One that kicks ass. And that you'd neh-never say anything bad!"

Krista sat up, covering her puffy eyes.

"A-am I not good enough? Nanana-Banana-f***!-nanaal-NANABA! NANABA! She said, she said...that you don't th-think highly of me."

She fell back down on the couch, face planting and crying on the soaked couch cushion.

"She doesn't know anything, you've just Drifted with me today," Ymir said, sighing,"that's nothing compared to what she can ever say."

Krista removed her face from the cushion and looked over at Ymir.

Freckles. Freckles everywhere.

"I-I-I" there was no beating that logic, but Krista still felt like crying.

So she did.

"I-I can't stop," she cried more and was feeling her eyes grow weary. "I-I want you t-t-to brag about me! N-not call me an idiot!"

Krista sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Be proud of me, dammit!"

"I am fucking proud of you," Ymir tried to encourage her. "You know I don't have choice words to give at all. If I shouted out praises, you'd have be me shipped off to Hanji to make sure I didn't suffer brain damage."

Ilse was still shaking her head.

"T-tell me when we're together, then," she swallowed more tears down, trying to calm herself. She swayed left but righted herself. "I-I work hard...and-and-and want us to be married...te-tell I'm pretty or something! I don't know!" Krista sniffled. "I-I need pick me ups...or I get lil' sad."

She stood up, swaying, and tried to take a step but fell backwards.

Ymir finally took her chance to approach her. She hugged her when she sat down next to her. She lowered her voice. "Alright, I'll tell you when we're together, and I'll watch my mouth in public." She rubbed her shoulder. "I think...that you're the only one in this world that understands me, who knows me enough to love me...and that's fucking brave of you."

"I-I'm brave," she repeated almost in pride.

Krista felt Ymir's chest against hers. And that felt very nice. But she was still mad...Yet it felt nice.

"I-I love you, you ass," she mumbled, bringing her hands around Ymir and sloppily kissing her neck up to her jawline. "N-now, help me to bed...O-or I-I might jump you."

She stood again, but this time with Ymir's help.

Ymir laughed gently and instead picked her up, taking her to the room to where she settled her on the bed. She undid the clip in her hair and settled it on the table. She cuddled up to her, making sure she laid properly just in case she puked. Once they got comfy, she laid with her in the usual position, her knee settled between her legs.

Curious about what would happen, she merely brushed her knee against her center.

Krista felt like a princess.

Wee!

She felt herself pressed against the bed and soon Ymir became a backpack of cuddles to her. She felt herself drifting, but then something pressed against her sex. She groaned.

Immediately, she sat up, maybe a little too fast, because she rolled clumsily rolled on top of Ymir, maybe pressing an elbow into her ribcage. She rolled her hips against Ymir's and sloppily gave her a kiss, pressing her tongue in. Her hands immediately went for the two prizes- Ymir's chest. She squeezed roughly.

That stirring feeling was coursing her body, intoxicating her faster than those beers. She chuckled when Krista took the initiative and bit the bait, hard. She too ground her pelvis against her center in response, then teased her between breaths,"I thought...wait for the wedding?"

She bit at her lip teasingly, then her hands went to her head, holding her face just an inch above hers.

"How bad do you want this?"

"Ymir," Krista whined loudly. She kept grinding her hips against Ymir's, trying to find that friction she was desiring. She pulled her head away from Ymir, sitting on her hips.

She rubbed their sexes together through her shorts and Ymir's. She took off her sports bra easily and threw it in Ymir's face, laughing.

Ymir ripped the bra off her face and looked up at her, laughing as well, but she grabbed her hips. "Krista, you're drunk, we have next month to do this."

"No, now," she begged, leaning forward and giving another sloppy fast kiss. "I want it noooow."

She slid her mouth down to Ymir's throat, biting down harder than she usual did. She let go and kissed around it. Her body was now laying flush against Ymir's. Her hands went lower-one lifting Ymir's shorts and underwear and the other one seeking her c***. She found it after a few brushes and began to slowly rub.

"Ymir..."

Her hand was slow.

"H-hey!" Ymir exclaimed, having not been touched in months. She bucked her hips up eagerly, finding it instinctual but she tried to control herself. She grabbed her hand and tried to pull it away. Damn, it was getting quickly hot, too hot for her tastes but it was the good kind. She groaned deeply. "I'm serious!"

"So am I," Krista's voice was a hot whisper against her neck.

Her fingers slid lower, pressing in and out of Ymir in a snail's pace. She slid a third, but her pace was agonizingly slow. Teasing.

She rolled her eyes back at the sudden intrusion. She hoped she passed out before she got to the point of where she couldn't stop herself- Ymir hated that Krista knew how to push her buttons, she just hated it. Her mind tried to backtrack to something else to get her thought out of it, but it wasn't working.

"Krista, please, don't," Ymir huffed.

Krista's hand stopped as it was still inside of Ymir.

A soft snore came from the blonde.

"Thank god," Ymir muttered, she slid her hand out. She made a mental note to not tease her again for the rest of the month.

* * *

Date: December 15 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, USA  
Time: 1200

Treatment was going well, Ymir showed drastic signs of improvement. So far, she went an entire week without a single hitch. Hanji then deemed her recovered as best she is. She sat in her usual seat, she suddenly spoke up,"Can we Drift together now?"

Keeping to her word, Ymir tiredly nodded. "I'm ready for it. C'mon."

Krista sat up upon hearing Hanji's request to drift once it was safe. She walked around to where Hanji had the controls and monitors. She was given a brief explanation of what to look for-anything that would turn red and flash.

"Whenever you two are ready," Krista said as she sat herself at the helm of the screens.

Ymir hadn't moved from her spot. Hanji sat down in Krista's seat, prepping herself. She seemed giddy, happy even. It made Ymir feel slightly warm given that she was able to see Ilse again. Once she was done, Krista voiced out,"Initiating Neural Handshake," and a pain radiated through Ymir.

Hanji convulsed for a moment, then stilled herself. Ymir ventured through her life, finding it to be uninteresting. The woman lived a normal life, went to school excelled in her field. She had her moments of isolation, then she saw Ilse. Everything she didn't see of Ilse's life when Hanji came by.

Krista could only watch the monitors. She could see the memories flood through, but with better clarity. She could actually focus on every image that went by without fearing she'd mess up the Drift.

It was like watching a sad love story falling apart.

When she was done, she glanced at Hanji after the Drift. The scientist was crying, though she was smiling. Weakly, hoarsely, she removed her gear as she told Ymir,"Thank you...thank you so much." Her shaking hand went into her pockets to fetch a chocolate. "...take it."

Ymir unstrapped herself and walked over to her, slowly. She took it. "No problem..."

It was gone in a matter of time. She could feel the room's atmosphere weigh heavily. She glanced over to see Ilse in the corner of the room, watching Hanji and Ymir.

She glanced away.

She went to Ymir, bringing a hand to her shoulder and giving a comforting squeeze, but her eyes traveled back to Ilse in the corner. Her eyes were on Hanji.

"I wish..." Hanji muttered amongst the tears. "...I wish I told her I love her."

She slumped out of her seat and fell to the floor on her knees, chocolates still at hand. She clutched them to her chest, her back to them. Ymir could only watch in silence as Ilse strode across the room, she knelt down beside her and kissed her against her temple, almost like a faded memory.

Ilse then wrapped her arms around Hanji, trying to comfort her.

Ymir couldn't stand seeing this, she got up and walked out of the room in silence as Hanji's whimpers escalated- she had been holding it in for so long, she had to let it out.

Krista couldn't make herself move as she stood there.

Ilse was her hallucination. If she left...

Nobody was there for Hanji in reality, but Ilse was there regardless.

Krista went over to Hanji and held her close. How she wished she could Ilse so Hanji could be happy, to see her again, but it wouldn't happen.

"Hanji," she smoothed down her hair, kissing the top of her head. It was all she remembered her grandfather doing to comfort her.

She wanted to say it-Ilse was here! She was holding her, too, right now, trying to make her happy, but that'd only put salt in the wound. And who knows what Hanji would do learning this...

"If Ilse was here...I think she'd love you just as much."

If she could read Ilse's body language right now, she did love her.

Ilse's own image was clinging to her, hand rubbing her back.

Hanji nodded, trying to reassure herself in her grief. She shuddered, trying to recollect herself but she couldn't, not this time. Ilse sighed, she was just as pained, but she didn't speak. It took a while to get Hanji to calm down, and when she did, she gripped the chair for support and pocketed her chocolates.

"...I need to get a refill of Ilse's chocolates," Hanji murmured,"thank you, Krista, you have no idea what this means to me."

She walked out of the room, though there was no bounce in her steps. Ilse stayed there with Krista. "You're doing well to help her, thank you, both you and Ymir...I really wished I told her that I loved her as well, but what can I do? I'm caught in the Drift."

Krista stood still as she watched Hanji leave.

"She needs someone." She responded, feeling that she didn't do enough to help her friend. "Maybe some day, she will see you."

Krista didn't know what else to say. Seeing Hanji like this made her wish she let her drift with Ymir, allowing her to take on the illness.

Krista quietly left the room to trail after Ymir. There was no smile for others to see, but she did catch someone looking up from the ground floor. She went to the railing to see Nanaba looking up from her welding.

Hesitantly, Nanaba waved.

Krista sighed and gave a short wave at Nanaba and left the railing. She was still mad at her, but knew Nanaba only meant well with her intentions.

Krista shortly found Ymir further down the line.

Ymir was quietly smoking, brooding as usual. When Krista stood by her, she huffed out,"That was pretty brutal...Christ."

She took a long, deep drag. Seeing Hanji so broken, she too wished Hanji had taken on that sickening glitch. She saw, she felt, how badly Hanji wanted that- she was willing to throw all sense of logic out just to see Ilse in her life once more. But now Ymir had recovered, there was no way she could attain that.

She ran her hand through her hair.

"...I'd say she'd been better off Drifting with me earlier- woman's got no one in her life, she's all alone. Better to be with the insanity of yourself rather than the maddening silence of being alone. I feel...like shit with the way I'd been treating her." She looked down at the chocolate in her palm. "Ilse always gave these to me."

She unwrapped it and ate it, overcoming the bittersweet taste- instantly she felt better.

Krista stood by Ymir, leaning on the rail out of habit.

"We can't risk that," Krista closed her eyes. "I wish we did let her, but...there's too much at risk if she loses it and is forced to resign...I could possibly lose you, the one that's alive. Better to choose someone alive than dead."

Her words even hurt, but she knew it was the best approach. If she felt too guilty, she might actually let Hanji take it.

Krista leaned into Ymir, feeling her eyes hot with tears.

"Stupid Ilse." She brushed away the tears. "If she just didn't do that...if she just waited, eased into it...if she wasn't so eager." She knew that Ilse, whether she was there or not, probably heard it either way. "She should've known better."

"No one knew, Krista...it's people like her that are the reason we Drift in pairs," Ymir numbly told her,"mistakes are made, we learn from them. But you're right, if there was hindsight, she should have known better. That was the only time she fucked up in life- look at me, I fucked up left and right, I nearly died...then there's Ilse, she fucked up one and it cost her her life. It's unfair...life."

She shook her head.

"She put her life on the line for the world, Hanji knew that, and I knew that. Now that I think of it, Hanji was hurting more than I was when she watched it happen." She shuddered as she reached over to her and pulled her close. "...she'll fight through it, it's Hanji after all."

Krista nodded, able to recover from the impact of what she saw.

Krista held Ymir tightly and leaned up, kissing her repeatedly. The thoughts that if Ymir died, and the fact she was ripped out of the Drift, haunted Krista. Would she have begun to hallucinate Ymir? She had minor damage from being in the Drift alone. Hanji said she was lucky to live at all, especially with such small injuries to show. She could only not now that Hanji was comparing her with Ilse's incident.

"I love you," Krista didn't want to leave Ymir's side. Seeing Hanji's pain, and the constant threat of Kaiju, she was afraid that every moment with Ymir could be her last.

"I love you too," Ymir murmured.

She tossed the wrapping away and distantly looked out at the Jaeger.

"That thing's gonna need improvements soon. If size can't be made up for the bigger Kaiju, we need to make it stronger, faster, everything else. I'd hate to be the one sitting in it now if we ever face a Category 2." She shuddered at the thought of being prey for once. "I never believed in rushed marriages, but knowing how we live, I think it's perfect now."

Krista turned, but didn't release Ymir from her embrace.

"They should be adding the improvements we have made," she said. As if on cue, a large piece of machinery was being lifted to Titan's back. "Oh, look! She's getting some right now!"

Krista watched as it was mounted on the back. Technicians were quickly going to it and beginning the long process of wiring. Sparks were beginning to come out from the mechanics putting fuel lines and what nots together.

"She's going to be even better than before," she gave a mock frown, "with or without a beer dispenser and DDR mat."

She laughed, recalling the designers shaking theirs heads. Some even smiled and chuckled.

"I'm glad that the whole fight over napkins and candies is over. I swear to God, I was close to forcing you in Titan so we could just go over there and break the place. She's been driving me up the wall." Krista shook her head.

"Women," Ymir snorted, shaking her head, she then remembered she was one too. She laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of her neck. "...y'know, I've been thinking of renaming Titan. Kind of as a way to get rid of the bad shit that went down with it, and since you're in my life, I...I think new things are in order. Not sure what to call it though but I want to keep the name Titan itself, just add something else to it. Damn Eren's already taken Rogue, so my list is knocked down a name."

Krista pulled away a little and put her forehead against Ymir's.

"Let me lend you some brain power."

She rubbed their noses together with a small chuckle.

"Don't they record every Kaiju attack?" She asked, looking up into Ymir's refracting amber. "How about we wait to rename it when we see how it fights?" She didn't even consider that they may never be able to name it if things went wrong. "I really want to get in there and see what she can do with all her upgrades."

Krista was just itching to fly in the helm and start it up. Her improvements gave a whole new kit of battle.

"I'm sure Hanji's got some footage stored for her," Ymir said thoughtfully,"after all, Hanji is normally the one to assign code-names to the L.A. Kaiju, she comes up with some bad-ass name somewhere. Damn, it's like naming a kid...well, that Jaeger is my kid."

Krista pulled away from Ymir.

"Maybe...Maybe we should watch some of the videos with our deployments?" Krista suggested. She wouldn't view Avion unless Ymir was ready, though. "I want to see what we did right and wrong...just so we're better prepared next time."

"One thing that's wrong is the fact that killing Kaiju is our way of living," Ymir murmured, grimacing. "If I could, I'd be an engineer designing planes or war machines, though I guess this isn't any different."

"Nobody thought this would happen if you asked them years ago."

Krista spoke as she took Ymir's hand, leading her to Hanji's room. The woman hopefully wouldn't mind if they watched the videos while she was gone.

"I think people have to either be crazy or reckless, or both, to want to go against Kaiju." She frowned. The streets were always in chaos when Kaiju attacks happened. The trance that fear put them in was unbreakable until the Kaiju was exterminated. People often forgot it was almost the same with the pilots, except they learned to move in fear. "I would've just been a dancer in Seattle."

Krista gave a small laugh. She probably would've been worse off than now.

"Maybe going to through college, or maybe finding a place where I felt like I was home."

The thoughts were dark. She shook her head.

"I'd just be nothing."

Ymir shook her head. "You'd be something to others."

There was a shelf full of recording slides, they were almost like large versions of floppy disks though they were designed specifically for recording fights. Vitals of pilots, damage reports on Jaegers, the works were stored there. Ymir took three of these slides and went to Hanji's computer, she slid one in, the first one between herself, Ilse, and Dancer, and then the holographic screens came up.

On the screen, Drakos clashed with Titan, Ymir watched with arms folded over her chest and her thumb in her mouth in anticipation; she bit at her nail whenever she was concentrating.

"Jaws need to respond faster," Ymir noted,"we have too much of a burn waiting for them to activate."

Krista took to sitting into Ymir's lap. She slid her counterpart's spare arm around her waist and watched in anticipation.

"We can have that looked at," she suggested. "Though, I did freeze up, too. The barrel roll kept outplaying us."

As she said that, Titan went down under the ocean with Drakos as ocean sediment and water went spraying everywhere.

"I've asked for the visuals to be upgraded to have heat sensors," Krista said,"that way if we don't see them, we can at least have a monitor that'll help track them down."

She watched as Drakos began to devour its own tail. She cringed.

"That's pretty smart," Ymir muttered as she watched as Titan ripped through the flesh.

She stopped biting her nail to fast forward the fight. Once it was over with, Hanji walked into the lab, a bag of chocolates in hand. Despite being bloodshot, she was smiling widely, she slapped the bag onto her desk and walked over to them.

"What're you two up to?" She asked, curious. Her eyes followed the screen, then Ymir's hand as she reached for the next slide. "That one's Avion." Ymir put it down and exchanged it for Minos. "Still aren't ready to face it?"

"The last thing I need is a relapse."

Krista glanced over to Hanji.

"Don't have popcorn by any chance?" She smiled but looked back at the screen. She ignored the idea of watching Avion."We're trying to see what we did good, and didn't."

Minos was now on screen. It was hardly worth calling a battle. It was done in under thirty minutes.

"What do you think, Hanji? Trying to figure out what we can do-" She caught herself from saying 'to die'.

Krista held Ymir's hand in hers, smoothing the back of it with her thumbs. She hoped Ymir wasn't thinking about Avion.

"I'd say give Titan stronger armor, but just enough to stay light. Regardless of how well its defense is, a Category 2 can take it down at any given moment. You guys would have to avoid getting touched by a Kaiju for the most part," Hanji concluded. She froze the screen. "This was Levi's first fight in Titan and he took that fact up for his advantage. As long as there's a second Jaeger in the field, you guys can hold your own well enough to take them down."

"I still need to ask about Levi for the controls, like for Drifting."

Hanji clucked her tongue. "Got to hand it to him, Levi's damn good at what he does. He can be n asshole but he knows what he's doing."

"...had you ever thought of going into a Jaeger?"

"No, but I thought of seeing a Kaiju up close and personal!"

"Better armor is already being given." Krista said. She remembered the designs for them. Ymir and her had a big debate over what would look better. In the end, Titan's head wasn't modified too much, but the body was given an armor set that replicated what Ymir called a 'MMORPG paladin class'.

"I think we should start practicing more, Ymir." Krista sat up from Ymir's lap.

"We haven't sparred in a long time." She mentioned. Then a mischievous smile came upon her.

"Feel like getting your ass kicked?"

"Hey, hey, hey, don't copulate in my lab!" Hanji teased them.

Ymir flipped her off out of kindness and Hanji stuck out her tongue. She knew Ilse was playful with Hanji, very playful. To see Hanji slowly regain a grasp of herself assured Ymir that there was, hopefully, a chance to see better days.


	18. Chapter 18

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: December 23 2016  
Location: Late Night Live with Hitch, Los Angeles, CA, United States  
Time: 2300

Ymir fidgeted under the collar of her dress shirt, she wished that they were given a heads-up about this but the agent that approached them offered a large sum of money for taking their time. She wasn't one for these sort of things but when presented with the money and the potential sights for making heavy profits off the side with contracts in the future caught her interest. She managed to convince Krista under the guise that it would be a nice break from the planning.

She took to wearing black lacks, then the shirt, and finally a vest- completing that was a bolo tie. She wasn't expecting the cosmetics team to come in and help, but only to powder her face for the lighting- she felt stuffy in what she wore but at least she was getting this over with.

Waiting with Krista, she kissed her temple for a moment behind stage.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to this Friday Night Special. As you know, every week we hold interviews with top celebrities and the hottest items in the country, but this time, we got a special pair with us tonight. With the Pan Pacific Defense Corps defending our coasts, they have been fighting tirelessly..."

The reporter they faced this time was Hitch Dreyse, famed host of the Late Night Live show. Her base of operations was in Los Angeles so Ymir easily agreed to it. After a minute of glorifying the Jaegers, their roll call came up.

"...now, give a warm welcome to our own Californian bred Ymir Langnar, and her co-pilot Krista Lenz!"

Ymir walked out, leading Krista by her arm, they were greeted with cheers from the crowd, Ymir couldn't help but smile coolly, knowing she was having her ego pampered tonight. They sat down at the chairs opposite of Hitch's desk, they faced the cameras.

"This has been up in the news for months, sites and papers, nearly everyone has been talking about your wedding coming up. It must have been quite the trip for you two to find yourself, let alone doing it in your line of field. There has been a burning question about how you two met. Care to share it with us?"

"...we met during a sparring match back in March, she beat me by a point and then we spoke to another afterwards. I picked her as my pilot and things went on from there."

Hitch's smile...Ymir wanted to slap it off her face, but Ymir kept up her facade, knowing that she was representing the Jaeger Program- Erwin would have her ass if she fucked this up.

"Sounds...like a very interesting love story..." Hitch went on, her voice droned out until Ymir listened for questions. "Why did the two of you get into the Jaeger Program to begin with? Anything inspire you? Something pulled you in?"

Krista listened to Hitch's and Ymir's responses to each other. Both were dominant figures in term of speaking. Finding her foothold to join the conversation, Krista smiled, putting a comforting hand on Ymir's thigh.

"When I lived in Seattle, I was near the first attack there. The people I was standing by...some of them died and some ran away in fear. I couldn't move as I watched the Kaiju come up the coast line. All I kept thinking was, 'how will humanity survive?' After that, I couldn't live my life the way I did before. I kept thinking about the Jaeger program-the only thing between us and death. It got to the point where I knew that I had to do it. Who else would if I didn't step it up? So I began training until I found myself in California."

Krista smiled up at Ymir. She knew how to talk to people as well and say the right thing. It was the facade she knew for years.

"I was a team leader in the many groups that work on the Jaegers. One day, my supervisor had me go find Erwin Smith to report difficulties on a Jaeger. For the life of me, I forgot where his office was!"

Krista laughed, inspiring some laughter in the crowd.

"Eventually, I stumble in to see Ymir," Krista gazed affectionately at Ymir, "she was sparring and beating everyone left and right, trying to find a compatible co-pilot. For some reason, she saw me and said,_ 'I want to fight her.'_ Now...You can only imagine my face! I was like_ 'No! I don't think so!'_ but then Smith decides it's ok!"

She laughed more.

"While we fought, I felt something...a deeper connection than I ever had for anyone. And that's how I knew I was at the right place, and how I met Ymir." she gave Ymir a soft kiss on the cheek. The crowd was chattering excitedly.

Ymir smirked, a feint blush formed on her cheek.

"See, to find compatible partners, you have to spar; you form a dialogue and if you just feel that they are suited for you, you just know they're meant for you. It was all by chance she came up to where we were.

"I got into the Program one day after we, my sister and I, left MIT. We messed around with machines, got into drag races up in the Mojave, then one day, Smith came to me and offered us a position. The man literally plucked us up from the desert and put us in the world's first army- you couldn't imagine my sister's face when we got in. I wasn't informed of it myself but things happen, eh?"

Hitch nodded in understanding, she shuffled through her papers.

"Now that you mention your sister, Ilse Langnar...you lost her nearly a year ago, what happened?"

Ymir shifted about uncomfortably, she cleared her throat. "Complications in the machinery. Just an accident that happened, not really the best of things to watch."

"Ah, rumors were flying left and right about what happened." Ymir slightly frowned. "What was she like?"

"A better person than me, to be frank. She was more...active in the fighting, had a strong head on her shoulders. Very smart, one of the best people I knew. But I guess her luck ran out, happens to everyone though."

Hitch went on, quickly leaving the subject of Ilse as it was hitting their nerves rather deeply. "Moving on...about you and Krista, though, what makes you guys as you are together?"

Krista gave a happy giggle.

"Oh, that's hard to answer!"

She joked as the crowd chimed in.

"It really is because I don't know where to start or end..." she let the facade slip as she looked into Ymir's eyes. "I have to say...when I saw Ymir for the first time in the Jaeger suit. I saw her long legs and I just couldn't help but think, _'Oh...Niice.'_"

Krista gave a blush.

"It wasn't hard to see she was beautiful and attractive right away, but the more I got closer to her the more I realized I loved the way her eyes were, all those freckles, and how she was confident. I loved that she kept going despite the obstacles that were set before her. And that she accepted me as a person first. Nobody has done that for me and when I saw she did that...I knew that I was hers."

Krista's eyes were mesmerized by Ymir's. She fondly rubbed Ymir's thigh.

"I'm not surprised I am getting married to her now. I love her with all my heart. I don't think I'd want it any other way."

She looked back to the crowd.

"What about you, Ymir?"

"That's really hard to say, I'm not very good with words, am I right guys?" The men laughed along with her, understanding her pain of trying to talk. "She really is one of a kind, one of those people you only see once in your life. She''s been through life, I've been through life, I'd say it's the Drift that got us together. Krista has been by my side, and she put up with me as a person, that I can't be thankful enough for and...I love her for who she is."

Some of the _'aw'_s rang through the crowds.

"In other things, since you guys are getting hitched, ever think about having kids?"

Ymir found herself smiling, unknowing how to answer that. She brought her hand to her mouth to hide her smile as she laughed, or at least tried to control it.

"I guess we have an answer, Krista? What say you?"

Krista blushed ten different shades of red, looking up at Ymir.

"O-oh!"

She was truly caught of guard. They didn't talk about it since Ymir learned she couldn't bear any.

"Maybe in the future..." Krista gave a nervous laugh. "...kind of soon to be thinking about kids, right, Ymir?"

When she looked up at Ymir as saw the brightness in her eyes and the warmth on her cheeks.

"Definitely in the future," she reconsidered.

Ymir remained quiet, though her eyes were lit with mirth.

Soon enough, the interview ended and they were back stage in one of the dressing rooms, it was there that they were met with a surprise party; Ymir opened the door, saying,"Damn, I thought she would never shut up-OH GOD!"

Sasha and Connie had concocted it out of nowhere, she invited Eren, Mikasa, Bertolt, and even Reiner, Hanji was there was well- they were dressed nicely though Ymir had a feeling that they were up to something. Ymir never expected them to appear, not one bit, she walked in with having confetti tossed at her with a bottle of champagne being popped open by Reiner.

She was handed a tall glass, brushing off the confetti from her sleeves. She laughed,"What gives, you guys!?"

"Well, ya two are gettin' married, right? Thought it be a bit fun to throw a bachelorette party but since ya'll are girls, we'd just have a huge celebration, just all'o us drinkin'!"

Krista jumped in the air at the surprise, almost punching whoever it was in front of her. Confetti was all over and a pop sound of a cork ignited the room into laughter with Krista joining in.

She cringed at the thought of drinking. Last time she drank, she woke up half naked and with a massive migraine. Ymir wouldn't stop laughing either.

"Where we going to drink at?" Krista asked. She figured she could humor a glass or two for everyone.

"We can go to my place," Hanji offered,"it's closest to here and it can fit all of you guys!"

Ymir merely shrugged it off, while her own apartment was large for two people, she didn't favor having so many invade her private space. She raised her glass up once the champagne was poured to everyone's glasses.

"To the lives we lost and to those who we have, to what we face tomorrow and what we have today," Ymir announced, they all raised their respectively and drank, each of them quickly downing their glass. Once done, they congratulated Ymir and Krista for the interview, then shuffled out for their cars.

They drove in silence, Ymir taking her truck and staying behind Hanji's car as they drove down the streets.

"This gotta be interesting," Ymir said as she kept careful eyes on the back of the old Camry. "Hadn't been drinking with everyone in a long while. Think a year or something."

They went on, the radio softly playing a tune that was pleasing. Soon enough, they drove up into the a rich looking place, Bel-Arie to be exact, and when they stopped at a rather large house, surely upper class, Ymir's jaw dropped- right, Hanji came from an affluent family. Both parents were gone but she earned her inheritance and lived well. Ymir stepped out, she had only seen glimpses of this place, and could only look up in awe.

"I'll be damned...much bigger in person."

Krista eye's were wide when she saw Hanji's place.

"Here I thought you were the rich one," she poked at Ymir's ego and laughed, walking to the property's entrance. "Come on, everyone will need your help drinking everything."

Krista made her way inside with everyone. It seems the whole group except Hanji was eying the place in amazement.

"We were well-off, not fucking millionaires," Ymir said, still dumbly staring at everything, from the front lawn to the small botanical garden to the right, a pool, and then a fucking fountain at the front door. She stared at everything, it still couldn't sink in regardless being here before in the Drift.

Hanji escorted them all into the main hall, then to the living room where drinks were laid out in preparation. Son of a bitch, she was geared for this from the start.

Reiner and the guys turned on the television for the noise, it was more of a casual party than bachelorette. Regardless, it was still one as Hanji was off mixing drinks. Ymir sat back in one of the expensive couches, her bolo loose and the top buttons of her shirt undone. She watched as the scientist went on, Hanji told her,"I learned this back in Stanford."

Ymir snorted. "Stanford, damn, woman."

"Lighten up, Ymir, it's a party!" Sasha said as she handed her a beer, but Ymir declined.

"I want whatever she's making, I saw vodka in there."

Krista followed Hanji.

"Stanford?" Krista smiled. "An accomplished woman in and out of the laboratory."

Krista glanced over to see the guys already drinking beer and talking about the Jaegers and new training techniques they picked up. Even Mikasa was giving everyone a pointer where they were lacking.

Ymir listened as Eren bragged about the kills he and Mikasa took on. So far, over the passing eight months he had been gone to support the Alaskan coast, he had taken down three Kaiju. Connie and Sasha were off babbling to themselves about something, Ymir didn't mind them sitting by her.

It was pleasant.

"Do you need any help?" Krista asked as she took a seat nearby.

"Oh, yes, you can help, just set out these glasses her in a row," Hanji said as she vigorously shook the mixer. Ymir watched her carefully, watching her intensely. Once the glass shots were placed side by side, Hanji poured out the drink, just like Ilse had done. She didn't learn this in Stanford, she learned it from her sister. "Hand these out to people, Krista, I need to pour more out."

Ymir was given the shot, it came out in blue, similar to Kaiju Blue. "Ilse loved making these."

Hanji's smile faltered for a moment, then she snatched one up from the tray that Krista had, she held it out to Ymir. "For Ilse."

"For Ilse," Ymir softly returned, they both tipped the bottom up and took it down, the bitter taste wasn't there- it was cool and fruity. "Make some more, then we gotta set up a beer pong."

Krista did as she was told and went to hand the drinks to the guests. Everyone was intrigued at the color. Reiner made a crude joke as people drank, making Sasha almost spit out her drink in laughter.

Krista glanced back to see Hanji and Ymir talking to each other. She smiled and went to busy herself with everyone else.

"I don't think I really had the chance to get to know everyone," Krista sat down with her own drink, sipping at it.

"Except Reiner who had the misfortune of finding me on a bad day," she gave an apologetic smile.

Reiner cringed slightly, he downed it to escape the embarrassment.

"You're a pretty quiet one, huh?" Eren pointed out.

"I've been busy lately," Krista excused herself for the lack of being social.

Eren merely shrugged. "Not much to say about us. During K-Day, we lost our mother, then our father left so then it was just me and Mikasa- we're both from Seattle, same place you were from."

"The Canadians are invading," Connie spoke out, laughing, Sasha flicked his ear.

"I'm from Texas, and then Bertolt's from Florida," Reiner let out.

"Minnesota!" Sasha called out.

Connie spoke in turn,"Good ol' Cali here!"

"Utah, actually," Hanji voiced out last, it wasn't expected from her. "Parents moved out here for expanding their business."

Ymir nodded slowly. The Los Angeles Shatterdome had mostly Americans manning their machines, the rest were paid workers from the minority. She brought her focus back to her shot glass, then reached over for the cup Hanji used, it had a spare amount left of the Blue Shots- she poured one for herself, then one for Hanji.

"Shots, shots, shots," Ymir said, Hanji nodded to her and they both took another hit.

Krista took a bigger drink.

"I've been busy lately," Krista excused herself for the lack of being social.

Everyone was already going onto their second or third drink. Krista was nursing her first one. She didn't feel getting comfortable drunk around everyone.

She glanced back over to Hanji and Ymir.

"Are you guys having a drink contest against each other?" Krista questioned, getting everyone's attention.

Ymir was no longer taking in the Blue Shot, just straight up vodka. She nodded, enthusiastic, as Hanji now took a seat with her at the bar. Connie and Sasha were nursing their beers, laughing and helping them pour out drinks. The party was rather tame and it was more of a session of relaxing and laughing with one another.

Hanji had taken her seat close to Ymir, almost to a point of where their shoulders were touching; they weren't drunk as they were on their third shot but they weren't sober either, just buzzed. Hanji was leaning against Ymir- Ymir didn't protest as the Drift was still lingering in her mind. Ymir tapped Hanji on the wrist.

"Hm?"

"I...I'm not Ilse," Ymir muttered.

Hanji looked up at her, nodded, and then got up. "I'll be in my room, had too much."

They all bade her good-night though Ymir knew she was lying, Hanji was a heavy drinker, nothing like this could get her out of it. She approached Krista, leaned forth, and then murmured into her ear,"Should we check on her?"

Krista felt Ymir's hot breath and nodded. She felt bad if they drank while Hanji moped in her own house.

Krista took Ymir's hand and followed her to wherever Hanji's room was.

It was upstairs on the second floor, the hallway to the right- Hanji had allowed them all to stay and pick a room, regardless, as they would all be drinking tonight. The others cheered at them, jokingly saying that they would have a fun night, Ymir merely rolled her eyes and laughed at them, but once away she let the smile fade.

She staggered a bit, then eventually got to Hanji's door. She opened it, slowly, to see that the woman was sitting in bed on the other side, back facing to them, with an unopened bottle of whiskey sitting at her nightstand. She tipped her head back, she had another bottle to drink from. Ymir led Krista into the room with her, then closed the door.

"Hanji?"

Hanji turned around, looked at them for a moment, then drank again, not saying a word.

"You ok?"

"You're smarter than that, Ymir."

"I guess you're not then."

Krista went around to Hanji's side of the bed and sat by her. Krista still had her drink in her hand. She sipped on it next to Hanji.

"Anything you want to talk about," Krista ventured, glancing over at their mad scientist.

"What more can I say? Ymir knows," Hanji croaked. "But...it's just Ilse. I'm still grieving."

Ymir sighed and took to sitting on the other side of Hanji. "I can't replace her, you know that."

In the Drift, Ymir saw what she didn't have to see. After Ilse had died, Hanji really was setting her attention on Ymir- she kept at a respectful distance when she figured out that Krista came into her life. Just before she could approach Ymir, that chance was gone and she had to move on, caring for her just as she had for Ilse.

It wouldn't escalate into love, just a haunting. Ymir had to pity her more than Nanaba.

"Yeah," Hanji said, she clutched at the neck of the bottle. "I just...I just miss her voice and everything about her."

Ymir felt something burn, she knew it. Oh no...

Krista put a hand on Hanji's thigh and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm always here for you if you want to talk, Hanji." She gave a small smile to her. "And I'm sure Ymir would be here to help, too." She patted her thigh and removed her hand. "You have us...might not be what you want, but we're here."

"You're here," Hanji repeated for herself. She stared at Krista's hand, her gaze fixated on it.

"Hanji..." Ymir warned.

"...sorry," she muttered.

Ymir glanced at Krista, trying to tell her what was going on in the scientist's head but she didn't know if she could get her point across without words. Giving up, she mimicked Krista's comforting gesture, at this, Hanji's attention shifted and she took Ymir's hand, holding it, shaking slightly.

Krista smiled when Ymir to the initiative to comfort Hanji.

"See, we're here," she smiled, wrapping her arm around Hanji's shoulder. She gave her a comforting squeeze.

Ymir didn't feel that these emotions Hanji felt were proper. She shifted her hand back, trying to get it away, but Hanji took it as a different signal. She forced it a tad bit to go higher on her thigh, Ymir realized it and tried to wrench it away. Her force was enough to bring her back, Hanji still held her and fell along with her, she ended up sliding atop her.

Without knowing how it happened, Hanji was looming over her with Krista ending up laying by Ymir.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Ymir let out, slightly reddening from the liquor. She ended tried to move her hands away but it ended up brushing by Hanji's crotch. "C'mon, Hanji."

"Sorry..."

Krista eye's widened when she fell over by Ymir. Hanji was now on top of Ymir. Protectiveness kicked in but not as strong as it should've been.

"What's going on," Krista breathed out. Now, there was something that she didn't know about. She sat up, looking at the two with weary eyes.

"I want-"

"Hanji, you don't want it," Ymir softly told her, she withdrew her hand away from Hanji's legs and tried to roll away from her.

"-her. All I see is her," Hanji babbled, she brought her head down. "You nearly smell like her too, you guys smoke the same brand."

"Benson."

"I know that."

"Why don't you go kiss the end of one then?"

"Krista...can I?" Hanji asked, looking at her.

Krista was still as she sat there, observing what was going on. Ymir was trying to struggle away but Hanji wanted Ymir. She was almost the same as her.

She felt uncomfortable at being asked. Was Hanji drunk?

"I-" she cut herself off. She couldn't talk. She kept glancing between Ymir and Hanji. There was something being unsaid between the two. "I-I need...to step outside."

Krista got up and quickly left the room. She went back downstairs where everyone was. She put on a smile for them, saying she needed to step outside for some fresh air.

Once outside, she went to sit in the garden. She put her face in her hands and took shaky breaths.

It had been a long time since her and Ymir were in the drift together. Hanji and her were the last ones in there. Did...did Ymir and her do something without Krista's knowledge? Thoughts raced by as she kept still, not wanting to know what was going on back in the bedroom.

She didn't want to know.

Count to ten. Inhale. Exhale.

-...-

"Begging and pleading isn't going to get me," Ymir said, frowning, she found herself being able to roll Hanji off of her. She left the brunette on the bed as she got up, she had to go to Krista. "Just go to bed, think."

Hanji nodded but didn't say anything else.

Ymir went downstairs and ventured into the living room to see that they were playing beer pong. She figured Krista went out, and she did, quickly finding her in the garden. Ymir approached her and sat down.

"Hanji's mind is stuck in the Drift, she doesn't know what she wants," Ymir let out as she took out a cigarette and smoked. "I put her to bed."

Krista stiffened when Ymir sat by her, smoking. Krista swatted the smoke away from herself.

"What's going on between you two?" She questioned with an edge. "You two go in the drift...and now you're acting weird around her. You guys are closer, a lot friendlier," Krista put emphasis on the end.

Their wedding party turned out to be a big flop.

"She's the one coming on to me," Ymir defended herself, it was the truth. "In that Drift, I saw it all, and I didn't want that. "I swear, nothing is going on between us. She's trying to get herself together- I don't know what she wants from me, I can't fill in Ilse's spot for her. I have you."

Now that she thought of it, the Drift did make them a tad bit friendlier.

"I'm not the one chasing her. Besides, I think it'll come around her head that she'd end up wanting you too. If her emotions got mixed into me, then mine must have been thrown into her as well. It's a two way street. You know that."

Krista stared hard into Ymir's eyes. She remembered when she couldn't see anything in them, but she was better at finding the truth.  
There wasn't anything but intensity.

Krista sighed, leaning into Ymir.

"This is complicated," she said, closing her eyes.

So the feelings Hanji had for Ymir only intensified.

"We're getting married," she repeated,"and I want to focus on that right now."

Krista couldn't give enough consideration to properly deal with the situation. However, she didn't feel as angry as she knew she should've been.

"I'd rather focus on that too," Ymir murmured, putting out her cig. "Hanji, that crazy fucker. C'mon, let's get back inside and just sleep. I'm not willing to drive home."

Inside, Eren had passed out, along with Bertolt. The rest were just quietly talking to themselves.

She got up and led Krista back upstairs, this time, taking the left and going into a random bedroom. Ymir simply went to the bed and plopped herself onto the sheets, her shirt, slacks, shoes, and vest discarded onto the chair. Without another word, she closed her eyes and lulled herself to sleep.

Krista slid out her dress and put it near Ymir's clothes. She crawled into bed by Ymir, wrapping her arms around her and eventually fell asleep.

Krista always had anxiety when she was in new places. Including Hanji's. She woke up in the middle of the night, untangling herself from Ymir.

The house was quiet.

She sat at the edge of the bed, sighing. With time, she knew the anxiety would lessen. She just had to wait it out.

-...-

Hanji got up, her throat parched. She didn't sleep well at all knowing she fucked up somewhere. She went down the hallway and to the kitchen, everyone had taken to sleeping in the guest rooms, she sighed. Her hands reached for the light and then found that Krista was downstairs, in her kitchen.

She looked like she was searching for something, a glass?

"It's in the cupboard near the fridge," Hanji stated, her sobriety was easing in.

Krista only had Ymir's shirt on. She didn't feel like struggling to put her dress back on. She was trying to quietly find a glass to get water, but the kitchen was so big.

Krista jumped and turned the round, seeing Hanji. She gave a short nod, going to the fridge and opening the cupboard nearby. Low and behold, the elusive cups.

"Thanks," she spoke, filling the glass with water. She took a gulp, but it didn't help. Her anxiety was a little more knowing that Hanji was awake, hopefully sober, and alone with her. She didn't know what to expect.

"I'm...sorry about Ymir," Hanji admitted as she went to get her own cup. She wore only a large shirt, probably Ilse's, it still had the lingering scent of the woman on her, though it was only the cigarettes. She reached up to get her own cup, then went to the sink to get her water as well. She sipped, slowly, watching Krista carefully.

As Ymir predicted, Hanji was seeing Krista differently now. The emotions transferred over, it was one thing Hanji overlooked but was now feeling it.

"When you asked Ymir month ago...whether emotions can shift from one person to another through the Drift, she was right."

Krista froze as she took the cup away from her mouth, looking over at Hanji.

One second she apologized, the next she's confessing about emotions. Krista felt her face turn red.

Nanaba...Hanji...

"I thought so," Krista brought the glass up to fixate her mouth as she thought about it. It would make sense, she assumed. She didn't know Ilse before and when she saw her grave with Ymir she truly felt like she lost someone important. Like her grandfather all over again.

Krista flicked her gaze over to Hanji, bringing the water away from her mouth.

"How're you going to approach this?" She questioned. Her and Ymir were going to be together. Married.

Hanji finished her glass in one go. She wiped her mouth with her wrist and left the glass on the counter. Her eyes shifted up and down Krista' form, already knowing that Ymir appreciated such a body.

"It's...not in my place to intrude, though I've already done so in the Drift. Ymir already knows what's going on in my head, so I figured I don't have to approach her about it. It's almost like a silent stalemate, I had to go to you as you're her priority.

"The Drift is quite changing. You open the door and you let someone in, their door is open as well. If you get my- hm, my drift about this, there are things that can pass over. Again, the emotions, all of it, and Ymir's own for you carried over to me. That part wasn't well expected. Though how did Ymir ever come to you? She didn't, she let you come to her, hence I can't go to you as I done with Ilse."

Krista felt Hanji's eyes on her. She pulled the shirt down a little lower.

Krista listened to Hanji's explanation and couldn't help but feel bad that the feelings were artificially placed in her.

"I see," what else was there to say? Krista drank the rest of her water and went over near Hanji, putting the glass away in the sink. She felt like she'd have to say something. She turned to Hanji and looked up at her, but, again, what was there to say?

Krista walked further away from Hanji, giving the woman space.

"This is a lot to take in, I'm sure you know. I...I'm going to bed, ok?" She glanced at Hanji, trying to muster a smile but it was half spent. She couldn't give Hanji anything that was good enough as an answer. She also wasn't sure how Ymir felt about all of this. They promised to not worry about it till they were married. "Goodnight, Hanji, have sweet dreams."

Krista left the kitchen to go back to the bedroom. She was wide awake as ever, but she didn't want to linger in unknown territory. She slipped back into the room.

Krista wished Ymir was awake to hold her and remind her things got better. That anxiety left when the sun came up.


	19. Chapter 19

I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

* * *

Date: December 31 2016  
Location: Los Angeles Shatterdome, Los Angeles, CA, USA  
Time: 1800

The whole day was dedicated to preparing for the wedding, it had come faster than Krista had anticipated.

Ymir found herself accompanying Krista as they were rushing about, setting up decorations , chairs, and tables at the pier. They were blessed for having clear skies, it would last on into the night. Workers were setting up tables and arranging the whole area of the pier that overlooked the sea. Tailing them both was Hanji as she assisted Krista with the work.

All of the planning and hard work was finally coming together. Every time something was deemed finished she felt more and more weight taken off her shoulders. Thankfully, Hanji was there to help coordinate, too. It felt like a silent apology for the recent awkwardness between them, but it was gladly accepted.

The tension between the three of them increased but Hanji gave them their space as best she could, checking off things that were in order.

"Red and white roses, you really know what I love," Ymir commented as she looked at the flowers that lined the rows of the alter. She wasn't smiling given that there was stress placed on them all. "I can't wait for this to be over, please tell me when it's over."

"It'll be over soon," Hanji reassured Ymir, patting her back.

"Shut up."

She looked at her phone for the time.

"Hanji, that thing."

"Yeah, I know, it's in my office, don't worry."

Krista was suddenly ushered away from Ymir to prepare to put on her dress. The rest was left to the wedding planner who was _'appropriately and fashionably'_ late and took over.

Krista gave one glance to Ymir with a smile and went to the room where the makeup artists and helpers stood by. Once in there, she was immediately sat down and was attacked with brushes.

-...-

Once Krista rounded the corner, Ymir leaned back to double check that she had disappeared, she signaled to Hanji she was gone and the two fled, running along the floor and heading to the lift to get to the third where Hanji's lab was. Once there, Hanji had designated a clear space for the preparation.

Sasha and Mikasa were there, hands full with the make up, immediately Ymir set to stripping down as Hanji went to unravel the dress from its covers. She held it up to show herself, her expression longing; Ymir took a moment to glance at her from behind as she had taken off her bra and shorts for a moment.

"It's rather beautiful in person," Hanji said aloud.

"It really is," Ymir said, but she lost her breath when Sasha fitted her corset on and started tightening it. "Fuck! Are you trying to kill me!?"

"It's a damn corset, what were ya thinkin'?!" Sasha laughed, even Mikasa was smiling as she helped Ymir slide on the garter. Once those were fitted after a near hour's worth of making sure it was all adjusted, Ymir found herself huffing.

"Fuck, I need a smoke!" Ymir exclaimed.

Hanji went to her pants to fish out a pack. "Better do it now or else you'd stain the dress."

Ymir glared at her playfully, then went to light it, she was sitting in a leather seat, one foot crossed over her knee.

Mikasa suddenly took out her phone and snapped a picture. "Something to snap to everyone," she reasoned as Ymir tried to snatch it away. She had already had the black caption box saying:

_ 'Ymir is such a classy bride'_

But Ymir easily took the phone and deleted the snap.

"You little fucker!" Ymir barked.

-...-

Krista idly chatted with the artists who seemed more than happy to work with her. She kept thinking of how Ymir would look. The idea of her waiting for her at the end of the aisle made her stomach excited.

At midnight, they would married. She'd be Krista Langnar.

Krista turned red at the very thought.

-...-

Once they were done with Ymir, she looked at herself in the mirror.

Her dress was white, whiter than snow though that was a rare sight to see. It had a rather long train, though it was the same length as Krista's to ensure she didn't stand out as much. Strapless and adorned with pearled jewels on her chest and torso, it all rippled out to cover her legs over a petticoat.

The rest of it had numerous folds, laces lined the hem and, along her forearms were fishnet lace that trailed out from her white gloves. Hanji stood behind her, the veil at hand, she draped it over her face and looked at her through the mirror.

"Why won't you smile? It's your wedding day," Hanji said quietly.

"It's...it's, I don't know, I'm...I'm pretty ecstatic for this, I don't know how to express it."

Hanji brought her hand to her lips and forced the ends to curl up. "Smile, you look better that way."

-...-

Ymir found herself standing at the alter.

For the pastor they found, it came in the form of a man named Pastor Nick. He seemed fidgety about this as he tried to loosen the collar. Ymir stood there, bouquet in hand- the crowd consisted of the entire Shatterdome and a few of the famous who managed to buy their way in, also a camera crew for a couple news teams.

Lights were installed outside to give them light to see.

"Ugh, where is she?" Ymir murmured, her urge to smoke came up but it disappeared when she saw Krista finally appear from around the corner. "Oh god..."

Krista made her entrance as the crowds whispered of approval. She smiled, standing alone. The music had played on.

Her dress white with a thin veil that draped around her shoulders. A laced corset was shown underneath, leading down to a sleek train following after. It was simple but it complimented Krista's small frame and her natural beauty.

Krista's eyes immediately went to Ymir and she stopped, covering her mouth. The pastor at front gently nodded at her, urging her to continue towards them. Krista felt tears well up in her eyes as she went down to meet Ymir at the altar.

When she was there, she stared up at her with the biggest grin and happy tears.

"You brat," she laughed. She couldn't believe her eyes. "You're so beautiful..."

She couldn't believe it at all.

"I like being an ass," Ymir said to her quietly, smirking.

The music ended, the crowd fell silent.

"Dearly beloved, we have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together..."

Prayers were set in order, the usual speech and interrogation came in, their hands were intertwined properly.

"Into this union Krista Lenz and Ymir Langnar now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not be lawfully wed, speak now, or else forever hold your peace..."

Ymir looked out at the crowd in the corner of her eyes, she directly saw Hanji though she didn't move an inch, she was watching, silent.

Pastor Nick droned on. "I charge you both, here in the presence of God and the witness of this company, that if either of you know any reason why you may not be married lawfully and in accordance with God's Word, do now confess it."

Neither of the two protested.

"Krista Lenz, will you have this man to be your husband; to live together with him in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful unto him as long as you both shall live?"

Krista smiled, brightly, she let out,"I do," amongst her tears.

"Ymir Langnar, will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together with her in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful unto her as long as you both shall live?"

Ymir opened her mouth to speak, she wanted to say it so much, and she was just about to until a distant roar thundered across the waters, hitting them in such force that shook Ymir to her bones.

In response, knowing what it was, she yelled out in response,"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!"

Krista gasped as the air around them became colder. She glanced off the pier onto the sea. The thunderous roar came again and the sea went still as ice crept to the shorelines.

"Ymir!"

She quickly went to her, grabbing her hands, and pulling her away.

"Everyone! Please evacuate!" Krista yelled out as everyone went back to their positions.

Another roar and the whole entirety of the city was loud with screams and sirens.

A bright light flashed through the sky- a beam of ice shards flying into a nearby skyscraper.

"I...is that ice!?" Ymir shouted, she managed to take off her heels and hike her dress up as Erwin approached her from his seat.

"Langnar, Lenz, get to your Jaeger as soon as possible, you're riding with Colossal and Rogue!" He ordered.

Without question, they fled the alter, making a beeline for the lift. From there, Hanji and Sasha followed, frantically undoing the dresses along the way. Hanji's hands flew up and down the clasps of Ymir's dress, her concern about overstepping her boundaries were thrown out the window. Ymir tried to assist her as best she could, anger boiling.

"Motherfucking bitch, coming in to ruin the one day I can wear a dress- see? This is why I don't wear dresses, the fucking apocalypse comes!" Ymir seethed as she got her gloves off. "Fuck!"

"This was all my chance, Ymir," Hanji said as she got to her knees to loosen the corset.

Sasha was making quick work on Krista as well. "Gotta agree with Ymir though."

They rushed to the holding area for their suits, their dresses and undergarments were placed on sterile tables, neatly folded as best as possible. They were nearly nude though the situation demanded that they didn't care. The suits were bolted down and soon Ymir and Krista were running for the hull.

They got themselves in, Hanji's voice ringing through,"Our target's a Category 2, same size as Minos- codenamed- Levi, are you serious!?" There was a pause. "...codenamed Bitch Elsa."

"You're shitting me," Ymir grunted.

"Just an hour to midnight. Get this done, guys."

Krista didn't even know what to comprehend. Adrenaline was rushing through her veins and she was on the verge of a meltdown because of the fact her wedding was practically ruined and that there was a Kaiju that had icy projectiles.

Krista began to nervously laugh even though fear took over it. Then she realized it had been a very long time since Ymir was in a Jaeger with her.

"Ymir." She glanced across Ymir. Make up was still intact. She still looked like a queen to Krista. She roared,"Let's beat the shit out of her for fucking up our day!"

She settled in, ready and pumped up to fight off Bitch Elsa.

_'Initiating Neural Handshake...'_

They were thrust into the Drift, quick and swift, the entire wave crashing into them. The memories slipped by, all those lives Ymir knew mingled with Krista, even Hanji's as they were the freshest. There was no time to discuss those now, their lives were on the line.

Each Jaeger was airlifted several miles out in front of the pier- before them was a creature that resembled a dragon almost, like the ones out of those Buddhist temples- scales were numerous and smooth, no glimmer was there as they were dull. Its mane draped over its neck, blue tendrils illuminated it. The Kaiju's mouth opened widely as the Jaegers were dropped.

"It's going to fire something from its mouth!" Eren warned over the intercom. "Titan, get out of the way!"

Immediately the pair lunged to the right, barreling out in time to avoid the ice that immediately froze the waters by them. Titan got back up to its feet, ready for any more that was to come.

"We need constant movement. Titan, you're the fastest, draw its attention away from the others, do not go in for the kill! The others will try to pin it down!" Hanji instructed.

A female voice came out, one that was familiar,"Colossal, you're the slowest and heaviest, stay behind it at all times."

"Annie, that thing is going to move fast, going anywhere will be useless."

"Then what do you suggest, Langnar?"

"Krista and I will keep it busy, Rogue and Colossal will take the offense."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Understand," Eren voiced out with Reiner.

Krista felt almost happy that the ocean was now covered in a thick sheet of ice. She brought Titan to stand on it-her weight being light enough to move comfortably on it.

"Activating Free Form," Krista said, tapping on the monitor in front of her. The sound of machinery cranking something towards them as Krista looked down to see a large platform coming underneath their feet.

Titan's feet shifted its numerous old and new armor plating until large wheels came from below and locked into place. Titan's distribution of weight changed until it could relax on the wheels. Ymir and her designed the rollerskate-like system in hopes to combat their lack of strength with mobility on land. However, the dragon-like Kaiju made it easy to test their new system.

The mechanics on Krista's and Ymir's feet slid back to reveal a dozens of thin and flexible strands of movement sensitive wires. Krista put her foot down on the platform below and slid it forward. Titan glided across the frozen bay effortlessly as they went in to distract. The speed was phenomenal.

In the midst of the assault of ice, Colossal ended up being frozen in place from the waist down, it busied itself trying to break through but the ice was thick, not like a sheet on a lake. As Rogue and Titan moved about, ice was shot at them, they barely missed it until one took to freezing Rogue's knee. The Jaeger tell, sliding atop the ice and, once down, the Kaiju commenced its onslaught, rendering it helpless.

"Fire the reactor, melt it!" Came Levi's voice. "Titan, its on you!"

"Perfect, we get to save the day," Ymir proudly said as they geared to head towards the Kaiju as it stood atop its new land.

They bolted closer, narrowly missing each beam that came at them.

"I'd expect Reiner to be a wedding crasher, not a literal bitch," Ymir breathed out, her heart was pounding at the incredible speed they were reaching.

The platform underneath them was slick as they raced towards Bitch Elsa. Soon, the Kaiju was whipping its tail around it, trying to make Titan fall back onto its ice beams, but they were too quick.

The Kaiju opened its mouth and in high pitch roar, the ice cracked. Krista yelped as Titan's foot caught hold in one and went flying forward, behind the dragon.

"ACTIVATING TITAN'S RAZORS," Krista shot out as Titan's claws quickly came out mid-air. Titan put its claws down, digging deep and latching on as they quickly caught their ground. The claw acted as a catalyst as Titan quickly caught to the ice, gliding with new unprecedented speed. The claw's leverage made them swing around it like a tether ball on its pole. They launched into the air as the Kaiju went forward to pick off the fallen Jaegers.

They were in mid-air, falling almost in slow motion onto the Kaiju's back.

"YMIR!" Krista signaled for their new weapon-the Goddess's Mantle.

It was all a blur to her but she kept her eyes trained on it, she could feel the heat coursing through her, the kill coming to a close. The best damn rush Ymir felt in ages, she was high off of it, laughing maniacally as she bellowed along the screeching of metal and the thundering roars of the Kaiju below them,"ACTIVATING GODDESS'S MANTLE!"

Titan's impact on the Kaiju sent it crashing down onto the ice, narrowly slamming into Rogue. Krista dug Titan's claws deep into the head of the Kaiju to keep the kill secured. The creature's long body violently squirmed like a snake that had been caught.

Titan's other hand went to the back of its body, reaching near the large vents that protruded. Near them were cylinder-shaped rods. Titan took one into its hand and the air was thick with electrical current as the cylinder came out with rising steam. The night sky glowed in a bright, yellow light as Titan slowly pulled out a concentrated tendril of electricity. It slipped out and crackled against the icy bay, causing the ice to melt where it touched in huffs of steam.

Krista glanced over to Ymir with a smile. That high of the kill-it was something new to Krista, but she could feel it in Ymir, too.

The Goddess's mantle went high into the sky as Titan flicked its wrist joint, making the electricity lash out and snap in a deafening, thunderous roar. It came down, slashing and coiling in covetous licks around the dragon-like Kaiju.

The creature screamed in pain, thrashing violently from the onslaught and jolts to its nerves. Titan bucked and struggled to hang on, but Krista made sure to not let go.

"FINISH IT YMIR!" Krista's voice barely audible over the booming cracks of the whip.

They held on, barely, as Ymir brought the whip crackling down, missing the head several times but eventually it lashed onto it. The surging electrons left burns against the sin, burning it, causing it to screech out in agony.

"SING FOR ME 'LET IT GO' FOR ME, BITCH!" Ymir screeched madly, never ceasing the onslaught. She was rounding her thoughts to the man she killed, her strikes were never hesitant nowadays. "WHY AIN'T YA SINGIN'!?"

Eventually the landed a direct blow to the skull, and she kept going, on and on, until the trashing underneath weakened. Ymir swore it was still alive, she forced the claw out, dislodging it from the neck. She then hooked one end in one hand and then brought it around the neck, wrapping it. She hauled with Krista, hauled until something snapped but she was relentless.

Within minutes, the head was severed off, the Kaiju dead and beheaded. The Mantle was returned to its place, heir work done, Ymir was left panting, the height of the chaos had gone into silence. Titan moved away to stand atop a solid piece of ice, sure that it wouldn't fall to the water.

"Target eliminated, well done," Hanji praised them, they could hear voices erupt from the mic, cheers,"Happy New Years."

"Christ," Ymir gasped out as she dislocated herself from the controls, Krista did the same; they traveled up and out atop the Jaegers head to survey the mess they made. "...hey, Krista, nearly forgot to tell you_ 'I do'_...hell do I fucking do."

The air was freezing without the cover of the city to buffer it. She held onto Ymir.

When Ymir said I do, helicopters came rushing in-most from the Shatterdome and the others from news. All cameras were on them both.

"I DO!" Krista exclaimed to Ymir, staring at her to do the same.

She kissed her, sealing the marriage.

The thrill she felt, the happiness of a kill, it was everything Ymir didn't know she want on a day like this. The new year was here, and so where more victories.

-...-

The other Jaegers managed to finally release their holds within an hour as crews worked to get them apart, though the Rangers were dismissed to commence the celebration; the ceremony was no longer needed at this point. They were back to changing out and going back into their dresses to have the reception, muscles aching but it never bothered them.

They used the work floor as the banquet hall. Ymir and Krista taking their own table at the feet of Titan's holding dock. As they were served, Ymir popped open a bottle of wine, she poured it into her drink and sat down.

"This is...one hell of a wedding," she laughed as she drank, she was near tired but it didn't mater- it was a party after all.

Krista smiled.

"I'd say...took down a wedding and a Kaiju," she gave a small laugh, noticing some weariness in Ymir's antics. Under the table and its concealing cloth, Krista's hand wandered to Ymir's inner-thigh. She leaned over, whispering into Ymir's ear.

"I hope you don't get too tired," she pulled away, giving a very innocent smile. "It'd be a shame...waiting six months and all."

Krista grinned at a few guests who waved at them. Her hand gave a loving squeeze but didn't move.

Ymir blushed furiously, her lips at the rim of the glass- she nearly spat out her drink when she felt Krista's hand drive upward. The party itself was nearing to a close; they danced their song, had speeches made out to them, and gave a moment of silence to fallen comrades; her stomach flipped excitedly

"I...don't think we'll be sleeping at all tonight," Ymir muttered back, she placed the glass down. "C'mon, Hanji will take care of the-"

They watched as Hanji keeled over, drunk.

"-ok, Sasha-"

Sasha was already passed out at the buffet line.

"...Levi."

But Levi was nowhere in sight.

"Erwin?"

Missing.

"Someone. C'mon."

* * *

A/N: You people have no fucking idea how hard it was to write this chapter without laughing, please excuse the shortness, I just (on my part) had a very, very, **very** hard time writing this out and taking it seriously


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